What the hell was I thinking? Surly my father would kill me. Okay, he wouldn't but if he did kill me, my mother would then probably kill him after he killed me and then would probably kill herself because she had nothing else to live for because the two people who she loved more than anything would me dead. Although he'd be angry at me at first and then disappointed and then my Grandfather, when he found out, would kill me. Or, her father would kill me. But no one will be dying because no one will know and no one will know because I won't tell anyone and nothing will ever happen. Shit.
I don't think I'm in love with her, at least I hope I'm not. She's all I ever seem to be thinking about. I can't go near her without making a fool out of myself or without my hands starting to sweat. I can feel my cheeks start to warm up when I hear her talking during class and when I hear her laugh I get butterflies and my heart starts to race when I just as much look at her. I just want to hold her and be with her and make her happy and I haven't been able to eat because where she's always constantly on my mind, she makes my stomach go all funny and I probably wouldn't be able to keep anything down anyway. What was this? I'm not in love, am I? I mean, I'm only fucking 15. That's not normal, is it?
I'm so confused. To make matters worse, she doesn't even know that I exist. I feel like so stupid. I just want to make my feelings for her disappear, but yet at the same time, I kinda like the way she makes me feel. I'd like it even more if she actually acknowledged my existence and so I wouldn't have to spend 95% of my time daydreaming about her. I, Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy am in love, I think, with Rose Weasley who is very beautiful and everything I could ever want but who is forbidden. Her father would kill me if he knew how I felt about his only daughter.
The first time I really did notice her was a couple of months ago. I was in the library studying for potions when she came up to me and asked me if she could borrow one of the books I had stacked up next to me.
I heard her voice, as I have done many of times but this time it was different; it was soft and silky and sent chills down my spine but that was nothing compared to what happened to me when I looked up from my book and to her face; I've seen her face before but not up this close. I mean, I've always known that she had been pretty but up close you can see that in-fact that she is beautiful. I felt my heart stop for about two second and my breath caught in my throat.
She has fiery, shiny, long curly red hair which looked so soft and pretty pale blue eyes which were framed with long thick eyelashes.
If you looked closely, you could see that she had freckles, but you did have to look closely. Her features were soft and her cheeks were red, clashing with her hair but not making her less beautiful.
She looked down at me and smiled, causing her whole face to light up and her eyes to twinkle.
"Uh, yeah, sure. Here take it." I said way too quick and handed the book she wanted to her.
She giggled and took the book and then turned around and walked away without another word.
Since that day only a few months ago, she's been the only thing on my mind. I want to go and speak to her but I have no idea what to say! She's always around her family and I must say, they are quite intimidating.
I see her during meal times in the Great Hall. I admire her from afar and I can honestly say that I feel like such a stalker. I see her during class times, I could go and sit next to her if I really had the guts to do so but I didn't. I see her passing by in the hallways, I always try to catch her eye, hoping she'd look at me so I'd have the chance to smile at her. I see her in the library, sitting alone but I just couldn't just go up to her. I was a complete coward. I am pathetic.
What would I even say to her anyway? I've often thought of writing to my mother and to ask her of what I should do. She would know? Wouldn't she. How would I start the letter off?
Dear Mum,
I am in love with the most beautiful girl who doesn't know that I exist. Please help, what should I do?
Love, Scorpius.
Or I could write my dad.
Dear Dad,
I am in love with a Weasley.
Love, Scorpius
Marvellous.
Yeah, I could see how well that would go. She'd probably cry of happiness over how her little boy is growing up and then the next time that she sees me, she'd squeeze me to death. My Dad wouldn't be happy, at all.
At first glance, you'd probably have to look twice to realise that I am in fact me, not my father. I am pale, I have blond hair which is almost white, his pointed face and the very same grey eyes and I'm also quite tall, like he is. Although we share all the same physical features, we're not the same mentally.
During his teenage years, my father was arrogant and a bully. He also thought he was better than everyone else just because he is a pureblood. In my opinion, blood status shouldn't define who you are. It's just blood, afteral.
Basically, he was a huge prick. I have to admire him though, he has told me about his past, and to be honest, I don't think I would have been able to have gone through what he went through; He is the strongest person who I know. He's also my best friend.
Growing up, he used to tell me of his younger years and how badly he wished that he could go back to change who he was. He said that my mother and him brought him up better than what he was; He also said that he was proud of this fact.
I'm more like my mother really. People who don't know my father now still think that he is the same as what he was when he was younger, and because of this and because I look like him, people try to stay away from me. They worry I am who he was.
My mother, who was Ravenclaw , like me, unlike the rest of her family, is an externally intelligent women. She's also kind and loving and supportive and kept herself to herself outside our family circle, although she dose have quite a lot of friends, she rarely does speak to them. She loves strongly and would do anything in order to protect those she loves. She tends to see goodness in everybody, that's how I reckon she got with my father in the first place; She didn't shun him for his horrible mistakes.
Although she's calm most of the time, if you got on the wrong side of her she would squash you like a bug; she could be very sarcastic and didn't like to admit that she was wrong (even though she hardly was ever) she also had a way of getting what she pleased, she also good be cunning, it's a surprise sometimes that she wasn't sorted into Slytherin during her Hogwarts years.
She was also very beautiful too; with long, dark, thick black hair, small features, piercing green eyes and also herself being pale, made her dark hair and eyes stand out.
I'm not close to my grandparents at all. My mother says that her mother and her can't stand to be in the same room with each other as they clash greatly. Her father is quite but also snobbish. My father and his parents tend to keep distance. My grandfather is still rather prejudiced even after the war and didn't agree with the way I was being raised, causing a lot of heated arguments between my father and his. My grandmother reminds me a lot of my mother; she also loved and would do anything for her family. I wish I saw more of her and was closer to her.
I'm just so confused. Why do I have to be so fucking clueless about how to deal with girls? My mates, although I'm not really close to them, always seem to handle girls well. Different girl every couple of weeks. Do I want that? No. I just want one girl so going to them for advice would probably not work out that well.
Why can't she just like me back? Why can't she just notice me? Why do I feel like I need her so much? Fuck sake. Why is it so hard for me to just go up to her and speak to her? Why do I have to be so much of a fucking twat?
I've never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, don't know how to kiss a girl. She would probably think I'm the biggest joke to ever walk the earth.
don't know how long in chapters this will be, I'm just writing it as it comes. Don't forgot to review to tell me what you think, if you don't review I will think that no one likes me story, causing me not to carry on. If some things don't make sense, or if I've made a mistake please tell me. I'm a new writer, trying to improve.