Disclaimer: I do not own Ballykissangel or any of it's characters (if I did I doubt series three would have ended in the way it did) nor do I own the song which inspired this fic (If that's what it takes by Celine Dion, the lyrics are in italic and centered). This is my first BallyK fic so sorry if it is rubbish. I have no idea where this came from, as these things do it just sort of happened! Enjoy and feel free to review. x
You're the bravest of hearts, you're the strongest of souls
You're my light in the dark, you're the place I call home
You can say it's all right, but I know that you're breaking up inside
I see it in your eyes
Even you face the night afraid and alone
That's why I'll be there.
Even the sleepy village of Ballykissangel had foreseen the change. The warmth of the sunshine and clear blue sky had been pushed out in favour of thick black clouds which sent down abusive, destructive bolts of lightning in midst of terrifying claps of thunder. Some may have taken this to have been a warning from the man in charge- but not Father Peter Clifford. He really needed to stop addressing himself as Father, as in a matter of a few hours he would be an ordinary man, with a very ordinary job and an extraordinary girlfriend.
Assumpta Fitzgerald was like no other woman he had ever encountered. She was beautiful, funny feisty, forthright and took no prisoners. She was nothing like he was, she didn't even believe in god but then again they do say opposites attract. Ever since he first clapped eyes on her, he knew there was something special about her. The slight crookedness of her smile, they way she could have been ever so sweet and understanding one minute and the next she was unreasonable and irrational. The way she always stood up for what she believed in and was happy to question him about his beliefs to prove her point and of course the fact she was the only one in the parish who really respected him and thought of him as person with as many faults as the next man and not simply a priest. At first he thought these things were God's subtle way of testing his faith but as the days, the months, the years went by, the more constant did she dominated his every thought, while he was awake and while he slept. He soon realised these were in fact signs that he loved her. God never even came into it, except of course this he had placed him slap bang in the middle of a crossroads, after a very long time hesitating on picking a direction, he had finally decided on a route. The only route he could ever see himself making.
When the storm rises up, when the shadows descend
Every beat of my heart, every day without end
Every second I live, that's the promise I make
Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's what it takes
If that's what it takes.
"I love you" he whispered to her over the bar at Fitzgerald's, that night. How he had longed for a long, long time to say those words to her and not be mocked. This was it; they really were going to make this happen.
The Irish beauty mustered an exhilarated sigh in return. Peter had always been a sort of enigma to her. The way he was to his parish and then they way he would behave in front of her and her alone, he was always the same Peter but when he was around her it was as if he was a human being and not someone who was only doing 'God's work'.
"Would you take that thing off before you say things like that" she said huskily, biting her lip as a form of control as she gestured to the dog collar he was still wearing. Up until this very moment she had been doubting their decision, not because there was any doubt over her feelings for him but there were so many other things to consider, Peter's whole life would depend on this. She knew he loved her so much but what if she couldn't love him as much as he needed? Could she accept part responsibility if their relationship didn't work out? Did she really have the right to make him choose between her and the church? "You can't have both" She had told him at the lakeside. What about her marriage? Yes it was over but should she really start something new before the old was officially over? Life was short, she had concluded and it was time to let her heart take the lead.
You can sleep in my arms, you don't have to explain
When your heart's crying out, baby, whisper my name
'Cause I've reached out for you when the thunder is crashing up above
You've given me your love
When your smile's like the sun that shines through the pain
That's why I'll be there.
"I can't help it" he smiled looking into her eyes, like the cat that got the cream. The complicated jigsaw puzzle had finally been put together after several attempts at forcing the wrong pieces together; the right ones had fallen into place naturally, after leaving it well alone for a short time and thinking it through thoroughly.
This was it, for him the hardest part was over, he had chosen and when it came down to it, there wasn't even a choice. He still had his faith and he always would but Assumpta meant much more to him than any vocation could.
All he wanted to do was hold her and protect her- to be with her was all he needed and never before had an urge been so strong. He was going to love her in the way in which she deserved. In the way Leo never could. Leo, another obstacle in the saga that was getting further away. Peter was reassured that dealing with him and Father Mac would be okay as he and Assumpta would do it together, like the way they would spend the rest of their lives, until they were old and grey.
When the storm rises up, when the shadows descend
Every beat of my heart, every day without end
I will stand like a rock, I will bend till I break
Till there's no more to give, if that's what it takes
I will risk everything, I will fight, I will bleed
I will lay down my life, if that's what you need
Every second I live, that's the promise I make
Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's what it takes.
She looked at him for a split second; she was just as smitten as he was. Of course if she had it her way they would keep their newly formed relationship a secret for a bit- just until they found their feet but of course with the village being at the heart of her pub and Peter's parish that was nigh on impossible. Besides she was sure from the looks her regulars had been giving her during the food festival that they already knew. She actually didn't care, all she cared about was Peter, being loved by him in the way Leo never could have loved her. He was the first person who didn't see her as a publican but as a person, a human being with faults but she could tell by the way he looked at her, by the way he inhaled her scent as they embraced that he saw the goodness in her too, even when nobody else could. He had told her by the lake he could never get her out of his head and the truth was he was always etched into her brain and he always would be. Inside her there was a fire burning, deep within, fuelled solely by lust and passion, the overwhelming desire to have what she shouldn't, had overcome her and now, in its place she felt the urging need to take the forbidden and turn it into a possibility. Now she had him, Assumpta Fitzgerald was never going to let Peter Clifford go.
Through the wind and the rain, through the smoke and the fire
When the fear rises up, when the waves ever higher
I will lay down my heart, my body, my soul
I will hold on all night and never let go
Every second I live, that's the promise I make
Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's what it takes.
That dark, dark night in which Ballykissangel was buried under, the rain severally bounced off the pavement in a feeble protest of that night's events. The thunder mourned the loss of Assumpta Fitzgerald, along with the rest of the village and Father Peter Clifford. The bolts of electricity from the sky lit up the area surrounding Fitzgerald's bar as some way of an apology for what had gone on but it wasn't enough.
The hub of frantic people outside half in shock, half shrieking with grief crowded outside the building made Peter feel claustrophobic and sick. The hoards of bodies crowding around him, asking him if he was okay and they couldn't believe what had happened made him angry at first. Until the paramedics brought out his beautiful Assumpta, everything around him became pixelated and distorted apart from the stretcher carrying the lifeless body of the only woman he had ever loved.
He had made a silent vow after he awkwardly confessed his feelings for her in the Egan's kitchen that he would keep her safe. If any danger was to come her way he would jump in front of her and trade places with her, he would do anything and everything in his power to protect her.
Fighting for air he silently cursed himself, he had broken his promise, he broke both his promises, the only two he had ever made her, in the matter of minutes they were broken and so was he. Why did he give her the last rites? He had betrayed her and her faith, or rather lack of, he risked betraying his own beliefs for her and he would have done it all again. Except if he could turn back the clock he would ensure Assumpta was still alive. People had told him he did the right thing by reading them personally for both Assumpta and himself but Peter couldn't breathe, the act of his betrayal was suffocating him. His act in that cruel, tragic moment questioned his love for Assumpta by going against her to get Father Mac out of that cold cellar for Assumpta's sake. It had caused a voice inside his head to declare that his choice must mean that he didn't love her as strongly as he had believed.
Looking out into the deep murky water, he wished it would swallow him up so he could join her and be with her forever, just as Peter had promised he would.
He picked up a stone with sharp, uneven edges and violently tossed it into the liquid. He couldn't think of anything else to do. He wanted to feel numb forever, as a pathetic act of penance for letting her down "I love you Assumpta." Cried Peter, his voice broke as the letters of her name reluctantly spluttered out of his dry mouth.
He had no idea what the future held for him now but it sure wasn't in BallyK. All he knew was his love for Assumpta Fitzgerald was real and deep and that would never stop, so long as he had breath in his body.
Je t'aime encore.