BEFORE someone starts up the torches and pitchforks, I would like to point out that, being published before 1922, We Three Kings is in the public domain, so I AM allowed to have the lyrics here.
*looks about* No mobs so far? Good. My compromise with the Rinoa fans and haters this fic: I won't bash her (though I do hate her), she simply doesn't exist here. It's all about the orphanage siblings and there's simply no room for her.
I trust my readers to be able to figure out that the italics are flash-backs\past happenings, and that the Bolded lyrics count as scene-breaks, and the underlined part near the end is Squall's words.
So Merry Christmas in July!
Selphie shuddered as she stood in the grand ballroom, staring out into the night lit only by the stars and moon in the sky. At her back, happy couples swept around the room in beautiful dances full of grace- and some measure of clumsiness depending on how hard they'd been hitting the eggnog. This was so very her type of event, and she'd been the one to plan it, but she just couldn't bring herself to get into the spirit of things herself. It was too much with all of her riled emotions to let in the holiday joy and just relax enough to give in to a simple dance.
She sighed and laid her hand against the chill glass, letting the music seep into her bones and the cheer sweep around her like a still form in river. So much had changed for everyone in the span of time between two Christmases...
Selphie closed her eyes and let the music carry her away.
We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar.
It had been a thing of miracle- as autonomous as the three Gardens were, that they'd all fallen in line, for him. But then, Selphie had learned to never underestimate Squall.
In his absence, they -those who'd been in the orphanage- had all gathered around to share stories of their missing Commander... their missing brother.
Field
A seemingly hopeless battle: her shoulder had been shredded, blood streaming at an alarming rate, but she'd thrown a half-hearted smile Squall's way when he'd looked at her in concern. He hadn't fallen for it, and his stormy gray eyes had turned icy-blue in an instant and she'd gotten to see his fury for the first time as he gave himself over to his perfectly matched Guardian Force, " 'Ware Shiva." the cold in his voice alone sending chills down her spine before he disappeared into the ether.
In a moment of frozen fury, the grassy, summery area they'd been fighting for their lives upon had turned into a field of snow and frost, her startled gasps coming out in clouds of mist as the ice sculpture that had been their opponent crumbled and Squall phased back into existence before her eyes, stoic and unmoving and so perfectly at home amid the bitter cold.
and fountain,
Zell had spoken with reverence in his voice as he'd never showed for any of their teachers. "You shoulda seen it! I thought we were done for! And then-"
Then, she knew, like the very first time she'd seen it herself. For all that Squall hated being in charge- so he claimed, it was a thing of wonder to see him take control of a situation. Be it someone's SeeD exam or the entirety of Garden.
moor
The man was inhuman; going on without stop, refusing to rest until someone else called for the need to halt. Nothing ever seemed to phase him and Selphie wondered, just momentarily, if he actually needed the food he ate, the water he drank; or if he only did it to make them all feel better...
and mountain,
It was the cliffs around Esther that had brought it into sharp relief for Selphie personally. The desolate land of death they passed through reminded her so much of the person they followed: closed off, impassable. And then she'd ran face-first into the barrier. It was like the impact knocked something into place in her mind; something about protective illusions to keep safe someone's most precious things.
Following yonder star.
Selphie chuckled to herself as the night wind blew outside the windows. Nervous of their tasks, doubtful of their orders, worried about their fellow party members when they'd split up; one thing they had all always been able to count on was trusting Squall to lead them right. Somehow, without anyone realizing it, he'd become the leader of their little group, and even decisions they made as a whole weren't implemented until they'd looked his way and received that cool nod of approval.
Born a king on Bethlehem's plain,
Gold I bring to crown Him again,
President Laguna had joined them sometime after that first month, making endless trips to Balamb Garden in order to learn about his son -and what a shock that was! Squall was practially royalty!- from the only ones who had ever really known him. With Squall so very far out of reach of them all, all they had left of him was each other and the memories they shared; memories which had suddenly become all the more precious and were respected by even their Guardian Forces.
King forever, ceasing never
Over us all to reign.
Cid sighed over his paperwork, "What do we do?"
Irvine looked over from handing in his latest report, "Send them here, to talk to, or take out, the leader; ignore the forces on the front entirely."
The Headmaster looked up in surprise, "Wh-"
The sharpshooter shrugged as he turned away, "It's what he would do..."
Two months out and it was still a mantra on all their lips: 'That's what Squall would do.' and 'This is what he would have wanted.'
Frankincense to offer have I.
Incense owns a Deity nigh.
Prayer and praising all men raising,
Worship Him, God on high.
It was past midnight. By all accounts, she should be asleep, but sleep was hard to come by these days as despair crept closer like a stalking monster after their hearts. So Selphie had found herself where she had so many nights now already, in the small room in the middle of the dorms that had been converted into- well, Squall would have grimaced at the thought of someone building him a shrine, and that thought alone was almost enough to make her smile.
A rare picture rested on the stand, rare because their intrepid leader almost looked like he had an expression. Out of view of the camera, Seifer had just issued another challenge between the two of them.
Selphie's solemn, pained smile wasn't at all her normal bubbly self as it was lit only by the tiniest of Fires, there and gone with barely a glow left by the two sticks she placed in the small dish of sand as she clasped her hands together, looked up at the gray ceiling, and closed her eyes. 'Please, Hyne... Return him to us. Please, Shiva, protect him and bring him home. Please, whoever's listening out there- please, Squall, please come home.'
The door opened and she heard another enter, dragging her out of her thoughts, "Selphie? Shouldn't you be in bed?"
She turned, her smile brighter for the first time in what felt like weeks, "I could say the same to you, Irvy~ What are you doing up so late?"
His gaze slipped past her, to the altar, and he tilted his head to hide his eyes beneath his hat, "Just... came by to say hi."
Her smile slipped away, "Me, too."
"What's this stuff? Didn't see that there the last time I was here."
She turned around to stare at the smoldering sticks, feeling Irvine a comforting presence at her shoulder, "Fujin told me about it once: it's called incense. From what I gather, it helps prayers reach their... well, it helps."
Irvine lowered his head for a minute, and she could almost make out the silent words on his lips, not so very different from her own desperate pleas. Then the sniper looked at her again, "I think you're right: it helps."
Selphie couldn't take it anymore: the feeling of loneliness that pressed harder in the dark of night, and grabbed Irvine's hand as he turned to leave, dredging up one more smile, "Come on: let's see if we can get a little more sleep if we try together."
They left their wishes burning to heaven on the altar behind them and headed off together. Many more would be up in the night to leave their own wishes. Squall had saved them all, multiple times; had led them, had earned the respect and admiration of all of Garden, and there wasn't a single SeeD or Cadet didn't pray for his safe return.
O star of wonder, star of night,
Star with royal beauty bright,
Westward leading, still proceeding,
Guide us to thy perfect Light.
She shook, holding onto his arm the night before it all happened, and because it was Selphie, because they were all siblings here and they were once again all they had to lean on, Squall let her. But she was surprised when he pulled her closer, "Selphie? You're shaking."
"I am?" she was. She let out a slightly hysterical laugh, "I'm... I'm really scared, Squall." the fact that she had not called him by his nickname was a show of how serious she was, and looking around in the dim light, she saw her same fear reflected in every pair of eyes staring back at her.
Irvine, Quistis, Zell; none of them were exempt from it: their coming final battle in this war, and they might not all make it back. It wasn't dying that even scared her, not really; like all of them, she was Garden, they knew at any time they might not come back from a mission. What scared Selphie the most was the thought of making it back- when one or more of the others didn't. She could handle pain and battle and death, but losing her siblings after they'd been separated for so long? When she'd only just got them back? That thought terrified her. And she couldn't just put it aside; they were about to face the world's greatest threat, what were their odds of all coming through that alive?
It took the shock of Squall putting his arm around her to pull her out of her mental spiral of terror and realize she was shaking even worse than before, and that she'd said all that out loud. She looked up at the taller brunet questioningly, "Squall?"
Those far-seeing eyes were on the night sky above them. The others' faces were tight, even Zell was unnaturally still as they all took in the very real possibility that they wouldn't be coming back; unable to put it to the back of their minds anymore when it had been given voice. Until Squall's voice caught their attention. Squall, who spoke as little as possible because 'he wasn't good with words or emotions', "Do you remember when we were little; the night when Matron took us out to the beach in the summer and showed us the stars?"
She frowned as the memory prodded at her like an unscratched itch, "I... think so."
"It was after Sis left, and you saw how... upset, I was. You started crying about the rest of us being taken away from each other; got Zell started, too, and had Quistis sniffling."
She let out a watery giggle as Zell blushed and Quistis looked away, Irvine grinning, "Yeah, she took us out on the beach that night, and..." she frowned as she tried to wrest the remainder of the memory from the foggy depths of her mind.
Squall pointed up into the darkness with his free arm, "She showed us that line of stars right there, and said-"
" 'As long as those stars shine, you will never be further than a heartbeat away from each other.'"
The faintest smile twitched at the edge of Squall's lips, "We're going into dangerous territory. We might not all come back. Those of us that do, keep a weather eye on the sky; and at any time you doubt, look for those brightly shining stars."
They had all picked out their own as children, and somehow, Squall had wound up with the brightest one in the bunch- the brightest one in the sky. Seifer, she thought, might have forced him to that, saying that Squall was such a pipsqueak that the blonde needed a bright marker to follow him by if he ever got lost like Sis.
Myrrh is mine: its bitter perfume
Breathes a life of gathering gloom.
It crashed down around them all. So close, but not enough. The smell alone was almost enough to make one sick: the mix of burnt flesh and charred stone, ash and blood, the nose-numbing scent of a winter wind overlaid with the distinct tang of ozone from all the lightning that had split the air.
Selphie fell to her knees after the endless stream of battles took the last she had to give. Irvine was barely breathing next to her, Quisty laid out flat on her back several feet away. Zell was working through his obvious pain and exhaustion, constantly trading places with Squall as the last two of them worked towards their goal. There wasn't even a spare second to cast a Cure or throw a Phoenix Down for their fallen siblings without being taken out themselves.
If she were honest, Squall and Zell were the only things standing between the rest of them and certain death. Selphie would get up if she could, honest, but after the- Hyne, she'd lost count of the battles they'd fought against the Sorceress in this timeless place. Three, four? More? Too many. Too many to keep track of, too many to deal with. Holding out as long as they had was pure luck and some measure of pure, unyielding stubbornness. She could do nothing more than watch as her brothers killed themselves to keep the rest of them breathing.
Sorrowing, sighing, bleeding, dying,
Sealed in the stone-cold tomb.
'Move.' She ordered, her body unable to obey her. But it had to! Because if she didn't move, if she didn't get there, then Zell... 'Move!'
And then came the sickening sound of flesh giving way, but it wasn't Zell, and Selphie and the tattooed teen shouted as they were both hit with the blood-splatter, the burningly warm liquid scalding in the numbing cold of this place that was the next thing to a frozen hell.
"SQUALL!" It came from all of them as once: little more than a whisper from Irvine next to her, a ragged moan from Quistis, as horrified shriek from Selphie herself, and pained shout from Zell.
Those stormy gray eyes slid over all of them, flickered from face to face as he pushed himself to his feet, his entire side slick with his own blood, and pushed his body past its limits as he went into Limit Break, for them.
In a flash of bright light, it was over, and Selphie wasn't sure if she should be relieved or terrified as her most precious people disappeared before her eyes, Squall's gray orbs slipping closed as his body fell, already fading, and she screamed.
O star of wonder, star of night,
Stoic Squall, seemingly emotionless, but always there for them.
Star with royal beauty bright,
Pretty enough to be a girl, strong enough to kick your ass for saying it.
Westward leading, still proceeding,
Their leader, the Commander of SeeD, their protector, their savior.
Guide us to thy perfect Light.
Selphie fell to her knees in the hallway, where Irvine found her later, "Hey, there, what's this, now?"
Arms crossed across her body, biting into opposite biceps hard enough to leave bruises, she hadn't been able to push down the sorrow any longer and let it run from her eyes, "He's gone!"
Strong bands -Irvine's arms- wrapped around her, "Come on, Selph. Look outside, his star's still a'shinin'. It's Christmas Eve; this really the time to be givin' up hope? What 'bout that grand ball ya been plannin'?"
Distractions, all of it, and she'd finished the final preparations that morning. She'd been distracting herself from her pain with all the prep, but she didn't have that to use as a crutch anymore. She didn't answer, letting herself lean into Irvine and cry. She didn't protest as he coaxed her up and stared walking her in the general direction of her room.
Glorious now behold Him arise,
Irvine's breath hitched at her back, "Selph, how would you feel about an early Christmas present?"
She shrugged, "Doesn't matter."
"Trust me, Sephie, this is one yer gonna wanna see. Look out the window."
Listlessly, she picked up her head and glanced outside, her breath freezing in her lungs. 'Squall...' She didn't trust her eyes, but her heart was kicking too hard against her ribcage to be lying to her. "Oh, Hyne..."
Before she knew it, she was racing through the halls with Irvine less than a step behind her, both of them exiting Garden without any loss in speed, not caring that they weren't dressed for the near-zero cold as they sped over the snow and crashed into the two bodies that went down under them with matching pained groans. "Squally!" Selphie didn't care that she was crushing Squall -and quite possibly further irritating the injuries on him and Seifer- didn't care why Seifer was there with Squall in the first place or why they both looked beat to hell, or why Squall had been helping the blonde hobble back. All that mattered is that he- they, were here! It wasn't thirty seconds later that Zell and Quistis joined the dogpile.
King and God and Sacrifice.
The students and faculty gathered around them all, and shocking absolutely everyone there, Squall looked over at Seifer and smiled, "Told you we'd make it back."
Instead of sniping back and starting an argument like every other time anyone had seen, Seifer just shook his head, "Alright, you win that one."
Before the shock wore off and the Cadets and SeeDs could bury Squall under a mountain of praise and adulation he likely wouldn't have understood the reason for, Cid dragged him and Seifer off -with the other four tagging along, of course; they weren't about to let their errant brothers out of their sight now that they'd found them- and even Laguna following after.
There was some awkwardness as they all refused to leave, shuffling around the Headmaster's office until everyone was seated somewhat comfortably. Then they got to watch Squall take Cid apart for even suggesting Seifer be handed over to- well, anyone. "He wasn't responsible for his actions."
"Now, Squall, I understand that you may be under some stress, but-"
The brunet's eyes turned frosty in that 'ware Shiva' way, "Being forced to become Commander for a mercenary army at the age of seventeen is 'stressful'. Being tortured in a prison for two days is 'stressful'. Facing down a sorceress with the belief you're about to die is 'stressful'. You do not know the meaning of the word 'stressful', so kindly don't presume to know the 'stress' I may be feeling. I'll lay this out as absolutely clearly as I possibly can. As Commander of SeeD, I order you to declare Seifer Almasy innocent of all his actions during the Second Sorceress War and refer all complaints directly to me. I did not drag us both out of the Lunatic Pandora to lose him to politicians. If that is all, we'll retire to the infirmary for the time-being."
Alleluia, alleluia!
For all that the fuss was deafening and Seifer couldn't wander the halls without distrustful looks, all of Garden was too grateful for Squall being back, too ingrained in trusting his decisions to lead them to the best possible outcome in an awful situation to doubt him now. And Seifer quickly gained points when everyone saw just how implicitly their Commander trusted him, letting the blonde beam and all but using him for a shield against the uncomfortable gratitude and awe shown towards him.
Sounds through the earth and skies.
After getting a quick -but thorough; Hyne, probably the most thorough she'd ever done- check-up by Dr. Kadowaki, Squall was forced by the blonde that didn't leave his side to take a bow for his adoring public. All of Balamb Garden and its guests roared their happiness and approval at the 'Lion of Balamb's' return so that it nearly shook the entire Garden as a whole. Squall -and Seifer- had not left his room for the rest of the day.
O star of wonder, star of night,
Squall let out a relieved sigh as he sat on the railing and looked out into the night, spotting his star shining bright in the sky above, right next to-
"So, you still haven't told me how that meeting went."
Squall looked over at the tall blonde, tilting his head and the start of a smile at his lips, "I am, by popular demand-"
"Cid 'demanded' of the man who saved his wife, the world, and the Knight Errant?"
"It sounds more dignified than 'begged and pleaded on his knees'."
"Ah, now that I can believe."
He smirked at Seifer, "So by mass begging, I'm still technically the SeeD Commander, but by my demand, I'm inactive."
Seifer snorted, "Yeah, I can see that going over well."
Squall frowned, "It didn't. But..."
The blonde moved in close, arms going around him to share warmth, "But...?"
Star with royal beauty bright,
"No."
"No?"
"That's what I said: no." he shook his head, "You're asking for a leader, for a... a Headmaster, essentially. I won't be that. I won't spend the rest of my life behind a desk, controlling other people's lives."
"Squall, you're the Commander."
"You only need a commander when you're going to war. I've fought my war, Cid. I've done my duty. I've never turned away from my responsibilities, but I'm not going to live the rest of my life as if it's not my own. I fought for everyone else like you all wanted, I just got done fighting for myself about Seifer. I'm tired of fighting. It's time I got some rest."
"Y-you're... what? What are you going to do?"
"...Maybe I'll take a vacation. Visit my father. But I'm not ruling Garden." the Headmaster looked horrified, and he couldn't hold in his smirk, "You want a good Headmaster, give the job to Xu. I'm not falling off the world, just taking a break from it."
Cid indulged in a few moments' more self-pity before straightening, "Squall, I don't begrudge you your peace; more than anyone else, you've earned it. You've earned whatever we can give you... Seifer, for example. But, I need to know..."
Squall had already spun on his heels to leave, but paused to look back over his shoulder, "If there's another war, if I'm needed, I'll be in touch."
Cid let out a final-sounding sigh behind him, "Any final words of wisdom for those of us left to fend for ourselves, then?"
He considered for just a moment, "Yes-"
Westward leading, still proceeding,
Seifer let out a small hum, "Ready to go?"
Squall smiled at him, "Yeah. Made Selphie's party; left the others' gifts for them on that-"
"Obnoxious?"
"-frivolous tree." he looked over to where the car they'd requested earlier waited, "Laguna's waiting."
Seifer slung an arm around his waist as they headed out, "How long do you wanna bet it takes the rest of them to catch up with us?"
He answered with a smirk, "Considering Raijin and Fu are already waiting for us?"
Seifer shook his head with a laugh, "Merry Christmas Squall."
The brunet looked up at him, then leaned further into his touch, "Yeah... it is."
Guide us to thy perfect Light
Selphie looked down at the card she'd snatched from the tree before the allotted time, her present from Squall, and she was fairly certain there'd be three others waiting in the boughs.
Let your light shine. Live your life.
She looked up as Irvine came over, "Care for a dance?"
Selphie cast one final look out the window, watching the two retreating figures, before turning on her boyfriend with a smile, "Yup! Not too long, though, I want to get a head start on our trip in the morning~!"
Irvine blinked, "We're taking a trip?"
"Yep!" at his confused look, she patted his arm as she clung to his side, "Don't worry, Irvy, just trust me and follow the stars."