Dirty Crime
Written by Tim Haight and Paul Kuo (not really)
Disclaimer: Dirty Crime does not have much to do with the X-Files, but Gillian Anderson might be naked sometimes in real life.
There was a disquieting feeling in the air when Johnny Mountain went onto his back porch to light a cigarette. Johnny was not a smoker; he had quit 2 months before and had made a nightly ritual out of lighting his Marlboros, 4 at a time, then tossing them into his gothic birdbath. His face was left unshaven for weeks, yet his beard was a cool, black stubble that gave him romantic charm. Looking out into the Hollywood Hills, Johnny felt a bit queasy, this after 14 shots of Bacardi Sunrise straight out of his medicine cabinet. Johnny was cool like that. Nevertheless, he noticed something peculiar about the nightscape, but he couldn't pinpoint what exactly struck him as odd.
At the bottom of the hill was the drug store, Bob's Cove. Bob's Cove was a common hangout for wishy-washy actors and cruel teenagers, mostly during the night hours. Inside the place, two dirty looking men stood behind a paying customer. Once the customer left, the two dirty men reached into their brown paper bags and pulled out deadly guns.
"Freeze!" yelled one of the men, "This is a stick-up!"
The clerk behind the counter, of Asian decent, quickly opened the cash registrar and shuffled out the money as fast as he could.
"Chop Suey!" the other man exclaimed. The two men laughed and then put on burglar masks to conceal their identity. "Business as usual, partner" the first man said.
A few moments later, the two men fled the store, and the Asian man called the cops. However, because his telephone was missing a 9 key, he had to resort to the services of an old friend.
"Two dirty men did what?" Johnny said, in utter disbelief. "Is everyone alright?"
"Nobody was hurt," the Asian guy said. "I feel a storm coming. Call me back later."
"Bob!" Johnny screamed, but he had hung up the phone. Johnny recalled a similar incident 15 years ago at another drug store, where two dirty men gunned down his brother Chris. Johnny's black heart and equally black lungs resembled a coal factory, as he slammed the door behind him and ran to get his car keys. Suddenly, the lights went out, and Johnny was in the dark. There was a knocking at his door.
"Who could that be?" Johnny said, with fear. The lights came back on, and his dog was hiding in a corner. Johnny looked through his keyhole, but could not make out the shadowy figure on the outside. So then, he opened the door.
"I've got dead presidents in my bag" a dirty voice had spoken. Johnny rubbed his eyes and made out his two friends, Curtis and Roy.
"Nice work, guys" Johnny said, beginning to laugh, "if only my brother were still here to share the wealth!"
The three men walked onto Johnny's back porch, each holding a glass of Bacardi Sunrise.
"What are we going to do with all this money?" Curtis said, lighting up a cigarette.
"Wanna order a pizza?" Johnny said, with a smile on his face
"Ok," said Roy. Ten Minutes later, the three men ordered a pizza and shortly thereafter, they ate the pizza.
The End.
Written by Tim Haight and Paul Kuo (not really)
Disclaimer: Dirty Crime does not have much to do with the X-Files, but Gillian Anderson might be naked sometimes in real life.
There was a disquieting feeling in the air when Johnny Mountain went onto his back porch to light a cigarette. Johnny was not a smoker; he had quit 2 months before and had made a nightly ritual out of lighting his Marlboros, 4 at a time, then tossing them into his gothic birdbath. His face was left unshaven for weeks, yet his beard was a cool, black stubble that gave him romantic charm. Looking out into the Hollywood Hills, Johnny felt a bit queasy, this after 14 shots of Bacardi Sunrise straight out of his medicine cabinet. Johnny was cool like that. Nevertheless, he noticed something peculiar about the nightscape, but he couldn't pinpoint what exactly struck him as odd.
At the bottom of the hill was the drug store, Bob's Cove. Bob's Cove was a common hangout for wishy-washy actors and cruel teenagers, mostly during the night hours. Inside the place, two dirty looking men stood behind a paying customer. Once the customer left, the two dirty men reached into their brown paper bags and pulled out deadly guns.
"Freeze!" yelled one of the men, "This is a stick-up!"
The clerk behind the counter, of Asian decent, quickly opened the cash registrar and shuffled out the money as fast as he could.
"Chop Suey!" the other man exclaimed. The two men laughed and then put on burglar masks to conceal their identity. "Business as usual, partner" the first man said.
A few moments later, the two men fled the store, and the Asian man called the cops. However, because his telephone was missing a 9 key, he had to resort to the services of an old friend.
"Two dirty men did what?" Johnny said, in utter disbelief. "Is everyone alright?"
"Nobody was hurt," the Asian guy said. "I feel a storm coming. Call me back later."
"Bob!" Johnny screamed, but he had hung up the phone. Johnny recalled a similar incident 15 years ago at another drug store, where two dirty men gunned down his brother Chris. Johnny's black heart and equally black lungs resembled a coal factory, as he slammed the door behind him and ran to get his car keys. Suddenly, the lights went out, and Johnny was in the dark. There was a knocking at his door.
"Who could that be?" Johnny said, with fear. The lights came back on, and his dog was hiding in a corner. Johnny looked through his keyhole, but could not make out the shadowy figure on the outside. So then, he opened the door.
"I've got dead presidents in my bag" a dirty voice had spoken. Johnny rubbed his eyes and made out his two friends, Curtis and Roy.
"Nice work, guys" Johnny said, beginning to laugh, "if only my brother were still here to share the wealth!"
The three men walked onto Johnny's back porch, each holding a glass of Bacardi Sunrise.
"What are we going to do with all this money?" Curtis said, lighting up a cigarette.
"Wanna order a pizza?" Johnny said, with a smile on his face
"Ok," said Roy. Ten Minutes later, the three men ordered a pizza and shortly thereafter, they ate the pizza.
The End.