All characters, dialogue, scenarios and concepts are copyright their respective owners.
Special thanks to The English Professor, Laura Barton, Midnight Raining Down, and Ben Barrett for beta reading! If I didn't credit you, let me know!
To our favorite weeaboo, Trey Parker.
All the events in this work take place after season twelve.
DAY ONE
It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and the laughter of children drifted through the air joyfully….had they not been locked up in South Park Elementary School, the equivalent to prison.
In the school's library sat three young boys, one dressed completely in orange, another with a red and blue poof-ball hat on, and the last boy with a green hat. They were reading from books; studying, as you might call it, but it did't silence their talking all together.
"Man," says Stan. "I can't believe Mrs. Garrison gave us a project to do after making us watch that lame movie about global warming."
"Yeah," laments Kyle. "Why could't we have watched something that dozen't have Kevin Costner?"
Their bickering was cut short as soon as Butters walked up to them waving, carrying a huge stack of papers around excitedly.
"Hey fellas!" he says barely able to contain his excitement. "Did you read the script that Cartman wrote? It's hilarious!"
"What are you talking about?" says Kyle looking at Butters quizzically.
"Oh boy," responds Stan as he and the rest of his friends get up from their seats.
"It better not be anything like that critter Christmas one…," says Kyle with his eyebrows furrowed and a tone of irritation in his voice.
The boys walk over to the other side of the library and see a group of kids gathered around a table where Cartman is sitting. His attire causes him to uncannily resemble Stephen King.
"There you go," says Cartman handing another stack of papers to a student. He then notices the boys. "Ohhh, hey guys."
"What are you up to now, fatass?" asks Kyle.
"Oh, nothing. I'm just about to be launched into stardom as a famous writer."
"How's that?" says Stan.
"Oh you wouldn't understand the complexity of such a plan from a creative genius like me," jeers Cartman.
"Try us, lardtard," pips Kyle.
Cartman rolls his eyes at Kyle as he sighs. "Okay. I was on the Internet when I found this site where you can write stories about your favorite shows and stuff. Then, it hit me when the writers were on strike. If I wrote my own scripts, maybe I could send them out over the internet to the studios and they'd buy them to get their shows back on track!This right here is my first one." He hands Stan another stack of papers.
"Terrance and Phillip in Blowback Mountain?" says Stan reading the title.
"It's a parody based on this gay cowboy movie I saw," continues Cartman, "I figured that the humor would be right up their alley. It's good isn't it?"
Cartman watches the three other boys browse thorough a couple of pages until Stan speaks up.
"Hey, this is actually written well. REALLY well."
"Yeah, there are no errors and lots of detail. Where'd you steal it from?" says Kyle accusingly.
"I'll have you know Kyle that I spent a lot of time researching other shows that people like and making this as original as possible," fires back Cartman. "So go ahead. You won't find anything copied."
"Too bad it's gay," mumbles Kenny.
"Uh, Kenny, duh. Of course it's gay. It's a parody of that cowboy movie. That's what makes it funny."
"I don't think it's all that funny either," says Stan. "It just sounds gay."
"What?"
"Terrance moves the cheeks of his buttocks closer and closer to Phillip's face until it's just inches away. Phillip grins and his eyes widen," says Kyle reading from the script.
"Yeah, so? Then Terrance farts a big fat one right on Phillip!" says Cartman laughing harder than necessary.
The three other boys look at each other.
"Cartman, have you ever considered the idea that maybe YOU'RE gay?" says Kyle.
"Huh?" Cartman responds, growing irritated.
"Well, it's just that…"
"AY!" exclaims Cartman getting up to face Kyle. "I. AM. NOT. GAY! Do I look gay to you?" he tells him while poking him in the chest.
"No, but you did want me to suck your balls one time."
"That was part of a bet! It was for your humiliation!"
"Well," chimes in Stan. "What about that time you took a picture of Butters with his dick in your mouth?"
"It was to make HIM gay!"
"Did't you also milk Ben Affleck?" mumbles Kenny.
"Jennifer Lopez did it!"
"Don't forget when he also joined NAMBLA," Stan says to Kyle.
"Or when he had tea parties or dressed up like Britney Spears," he says back.
"Goddamnit Kyle!" explodes Cartman. "You shut you filthy Jew mouth! You hear? Everything has a rational explanation!"
"Maybe you just think you're straight when deep down you're really, really gay," mumbles Kenny.
"That must be it," concludes Stan. "Do you have dreams of Matt Damon or George Clooney?" The three boys start to laugh.
"ALRIGHT! That's it!" Cartman says picking up his materials off the table. "Fuck you Stan! Fuck you Kenny! And fuck you Kyle, you stupid kike!" He flips each one of them off. "This showing is over!"
"Yep, he's gay," says Kyle after Cartman leaves.
"They say not admitting to having thoughts is always a sign," says Stan starting back to their table.
"Those assholes," starts Cartman leaving the library. "I'm not a fag…am I?"
Elsewhere near South Park, a meeting has begun inside the map room of the Super Adventure Club's mansion…
"Fellow members," begins the leader of the SAC as he stands in front of the huge world map. "After many months of fine-tuning and reprogramming, it is with great pleasure that I reintroduce you to our latest member, Chef!"
A figure walks up revealing to be the old cafeteria chef. He walks over, standing next to the leader. One could almost hear remix of the Imperial March playing. "Hello everyone," He said.
The other members of the SAC give him a welcoming applause.
"Why don't you have a seat over there, Chef," begins the leader again, as Chef moves out of view.
"Now then, it's time to plan our next adventure." He says tuning towards the map. "I was thinking that since the polar ice caps won't exist much longer, so we should go and visit the Eskimos at-"
Suddenly outside, a blinding beam of light crashes down on the SAC mansion sending out a shock wave of energy.
"What the fuck?" says the leader confused.
The roof starts to collapse as several members are crushed under debris. The leader is now bathed in the beam of light. Defying gravity, he starts to float upward and scrambles to get back down.
"SOMEBODY HELP ME!"
The leader floats high above the mansion into the sky
"Oh God! Please I'm sorry-"
"SILENCE!" an unseen deep voice bellows out from the clouds.
"Ahhh! Who—who's there?" The leader leans back to look up and sees a bright circle like an eye in the clouds.
"YOU ARE THE KEEPER OF MY SCRIPTURE, YES?"
"Wh—what scripture?" says the leader timidly.
"THE SCRIPTURE WHICH SPEAKS OF IMMORTALITY FROM THE MARLOCS. YOU HAVE IT, DO YOU NOT?"
"Immortality? Marlocs? How do you know about that?"
"I AM THE RULER OF BETHOS. I HAVE TRAVELED THE UNIVERSE IN SEARCH OF THOSE WHO GIVE ME POWER."
"The Ruler of Bethos? I--I thought you were just something made up, so I'd have an excuse to have sex with children!" He confessed.
"I AM VERY REAL. AND I AM TELLING YOU THAT I AM SOON COMING TO YOUR MISERABLE SPECK OF A PLANET SO I MAY GATHER MORE STRENGTH."
"Um, okay?" The leader asked, confused. "But why tell me?"
"I REQUIRE A BEING TO PREPARE FOR MY ARRIVAL BY GATHERING THOSE WHICH CONTAIN THE POWER I SEEK."
"I see. However, your offer seems highly dubious. How am I supposed to do this?"
"I WILL PROVIDE YOU WITH A NEW FORM AND A SMALL PORTION OF MY OWN POWER. IT WILL ALLOW YOU TO BUILD AN ARMY TO ASSIST YOU IN YOUR TASK."
"And?"
"AND NOTHING! YOU WILL BELONG TO ME…"
"Sorry, pal. But where I come from, we believe in freedom!"
"HMM…PERHAPS I MISJUDGED YOU," speaks the ruler as the beam of light turns red. "PROCEED ON YOUR WAY TO OBLIVION."
"NO, NO! I accept your terms! I ACCEPT!" says the leader as he crosses his arms over his face, relaxing when the beam of light turns green.
"EXCELLENT…"
The leader becomes frozen like a statue as he lights up in an aurora of violet. A grid of violet washes over him, causing him to become transparent. A series of horizontal lines of the same color rises up around him. The process reverses itself with the leader having a different silhouette.
"BEHOLD…"
What fate awaits the leader of the SAC? Is Cartman really gay? Remember to review and visit the forum and Devblog (Developmental Blog) to share your thoughts and ideas! The more people who do, the more likely it is I'll keep writing. I'm still kinda hung up on a motif, though. I have no ideas for what they'll look like in their Chibinger forms. Nor do I really have any ideas for vehicles or monsters. I don't even know how the leader will turn out. So I REALLY need some help there. Also, any people who can correctly identify all the references will get special consideration! Ciao!