"So Bones" Jim Kirk asked as he sat down for lunch with his senior staff. "What are you doing for shore leave?"
"Well" Leonard Horatio "Bones" McCoy said "I'm planning on getting away from you for a while" with a smirk for good measure
"Nice one bones! Now seriously, we" Here Jim motioned at everyone sitting at the table "Thought we could all spend it together! And since we all have absolutely no plans other than that, we are going to leave it up to your good judgment on where to go"
"You're serious?" Bones asked staring at everyone
"Deadly, Len." Nyota Uhura said
"Well I was planning on going home and spending time with my buddies from school…" Bones said
"Great! Ve vill go vith you!" Chekov said bouncing in his seat
"Only if you're sure" Bones said
"Couldn't be more sure!" Scotty said
"Great." Bones muttered under his breath It's gunna be a long two weeks
One week later
"C'mon Bones!" Jim whined from his seat on the McCoy family's porch "WE haven't gone into the city once! And we haven't met your buddies either!"
"There is a very good" Bones started
"Len. Stop kidding yourself! You are just procrastinating on us meeting your friends! So we are going to have lunch in the city. You are welcome to join us if you want" Nyota said before making her way to the hovercar, the rest of them following behind.
Watching them drive off, McCoy mumbled under his breath about no good kids and their tiny attention spans. But 5 minutes later he was taking out his old school bicycle and starting towards the city. Still grumbling of course.
He found them a half hour later at the Life Café where he and his friends hung out every day.
Walking in he managed to find them at a table in the back.
"Well, look who decided to show up."Sulu said with a grin
"Are you all idots? How did you expect me to catch up with you all in that damn hovercar? I mean, really! You are all infants! Do you even know how to drive the thing? You were speeding like crazy! And another thing" McCoy ranted until he was interrupted by a voice behind him.
"Leo? Is that you man?" Everybody turned to face the speaker, a black man in a long trench coat holding what appeared to be a cigarette.
"Collins? Well I'll be damned!" McCoy said moving to hug the man
"Hey guys! Look who I found!" Collins said turning to the group behind him.
The senior staff of the Enterprise watched confusedly as their CMO was hugged and kissed by a multitude of people.
"Who are your friends Sweetie?" a large woman asked as she wrapped her arms around McCoy.
"Oh! Everyone, meet Jim, Nyota, Scotty, Sulu, Pavel, and..." McCoy
"S'chn!" A smaller girl squealed rushing to hug him
"No way!" McCoy said grinning at Spock "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I was uncertain as to what your response would be Leo" Spock said causing the crew to gape at him.
"Wait! What the hell is this?" Jim asked
"Well, remember how I told you there was an exchange student at my school who was from Vulcan?" At their nods McCoy continued "Well, we only ever knew his first name, S'chn and we lost contact after he moved back. He played Roger in our production of Rent but I had no Idea that Spock was S'chn!"
"I say this calls for a celebration!" The large girl from before said. "I'll get the music set up!" She flounced off.
"Just watch this guys! You all wanted to hear us sing again? You're gonna hear us sing!" McCoy said an walked over to where the group had pushed multiple tables together before they heard the music start and a man started singing
BENNY
You make fun - yet I'm the one
Attempting to do some good
Or do you really want a neighborhood
Where people piss on your
Stoop every night?
Bohemia, Bohemia's
A fallacy in your head
This is Calcutta,
Bohemia is dead
MCCOY
Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes
COLLINS & SPOCK
Dies irae - dies illa, Kyrie eleison
Yitgadal v'yitkadash
MCCOY
Here she lies, no one knew her worth
The late great daughter of Mother Earth
On these nights when we
Celebrate the birth
In that little town of Bethlehem
We raise our glass - you bet your ass to -
La vie Boheme
ALL
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
MCCOY
To days of inspiration
Playing hookey, making
Something out of nothing
The need to express-
To communicate,
To going against the grain,
Going insane, going mad
To loving tension, no pension
To more than one dimension,
To starving for attention,
Hating convention, hating pretension
Not to mention of course,
Hating dear old Mom and Dad
To riding your bike,
Midday past the three-piece suits
To fruits - to no absolutes-
To Absolut - to choice-
To the Village Voice-
To any passing fad
To being an us for once ... instead of a them!
ALL
La vie Boheme, La vie Boheme
MR. GREY
Ahhemm
MAUREEN
Hey Mister - she's my sister
WAITER
So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad
Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter
And one pasta with meatless balls
SPOCK
Eww
COLLINS
It tastes the same
MIMI
If you close your eyes
WAITER
And thirteen orders of fries
Is that it here?
ALL
Wine and beer!
MIMI & ANGEL
To hand-crafted beers
Made in local breweries
To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese
To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo
To Huevos Rancheros and Maya Angelou
MAUREEN & COLLINS
Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion
Creation, vacation
MCCOY
Mucho masturbation
MAUREEN & COLLINS
Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new
COLLINS
To Sontag
ANGEL
To Sondheim
FOUR GIRLS
To anything taboo
COLLINS & SPOCK
Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage,
COLLINS
Lenny Bruce
SPOCK
Langston Hughes
MAUREEN
To the stage
BOHEMIANS
To Uta. To Buddha. Pablo Neruda, too.
MCCOY & MIMI
Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow
To blow off Auntie Em
ALL
La vie Boheme
MR. GREY
Sisters?
MAUREEN & JOANNE
We're close
ANGELS & COLLINS
Brothers!
ALL
Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens,
Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men,
Pee Wee Herman
German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein
Antoniotti, Bertolucci, Kurosawa
Carmina Burana
To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy
Vaclav Havel - The Sex Pistols, ABC
To no shame - never playing the Fame Game
COLLINS
To marijuana
ALL
To sodomy, it's between God and me
To S & M
BENNY
Waiter ... Waiter ... Waiter ... Waiter!
ALL
La vie Boheme
COLLINS
In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon
will commence immediately following dinner ...
Maureen Johnson, just
back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the eleventh street lot, will perform Native American tribal chants backwards through her recorder,
while accompanying herself on the electric
cello - which she has never studied.
SPOCK
And Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary
about his inability to hold an erection
on the high holy days.
MCCOY
And Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap,
will perform her famous lawn chair-handcuff dance
to the sounds of iced tea being stirred.
BENNY
Your new boyfriend doesn't know about us.
MIMI
There's nothing to know
BENNY
Don't you think that we should discuss...
MIMI
It was three months ago.
BENNY
He doesn't act like he's with you.
MIMI
We're taking it slow.
BENNY
Where is he now?
MIMI
He's right... Hmm, where'd he go?
MCCOY
And Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song.
(SPOCK plays a solo)
That doesn't remind us of "Musetta's Waltz!"
COLLINS
Angel Dumott Schunard will model the latest fall fashions
from Paris while accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub.
ANGEL
And Collins will recount his exploits as anarchist -
including the tale of the successful reprogramming of the M.I.T.
virtual reality equipment to self-destruct, as it broadcasts the words:
ALL
"Actual reality - Act Up - Fight AIDS"
MIMI
Excuse me - did I do something wrong?
I get invited - then ignored all night long
SPOCK
I've been trying - I'm not lying
No one's perfect. I've got baggage
MIMI
Life's too short, babe, time is flying
I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine
SPOCK
I should tell you
MIMI
I got baggage too
SPOCK
I should tell you
SPOCK & MIMI
Baggage
ALL
Wine and beer!
They all stopped for a minute before the music started again
All
Yea!
To Dance
Mimi
No Way To Make A Living, massochisms,
Pain, Perfection,
Muscle Spasm, Chiropractors, Short-
Careers, Eating Disorders
All
Film
MCCOY
Adventure, Tedium, No Family, Boring
Locations,
Dark Rooms, Perfect Faces, Egos,
Money, Hollywood And Sleaze
All
Music
Angel
Food Of Love, Emotion, Mathematics,
Isolation,
Rhythm, power, feeling, Harmony,
And Heavy Competition
All
Anarchy
Collins & maureen
Revolution, Justice, Screaming For
Solutions,
Forcing Changes, Risk, And Danger
Making Noise And Making Pleas
All
To Faggots, Lezzies, Dykes, Cross
Dressers Too
Maureen
To Me
MCCOY
To Me
Collins & angel
To Me
All
To You, And You And You, You And You
To People living With, Living With,
Living With
Not Dying From Disease
Let He Among Us Without Sin
Be The First To Condemn
La Vie Boheme
La Vie Boheme
La Vie Boheme
MCCOY
Anyone Out Of The
Mainstream
Is Anyone In The
Mainstream?
Anyone Alive - With A
S** Drive
Tear Down The Wall
Aren't We All
The Opposite Of War
Isn't Peace...
It's Creation
All
La Vie Boheme
La Vie Boheme
La Vie Boheme
La Vie Boheme
ALL
Viva la vie boheme!
"That was so COOL!" Jim said standing up and clapping hard. McCoy and Spock shared a look before pulling up another table and having the senior staff join them.
It was a couple weeks later and McCoy was back in his sickbay, going over inventory.
"You seem awfully chipper, doctor. Are you okay?" Nurse Chapal asked walking by
"Yeah Christine, I'm just fine. I just had a awesome shore leave is all" McCoy said
"May I ask what happened?"
"La Vie Boheme darling, La Vie Boheme"