Sacrifice
It's been twelve hours.
V stared at the door with empty eyes. It's been twelve hours and she had not woken up.
Ever since their escape all he ever knew of her was her liveliness. Her voice was warm and kind. The deep brown of her eyes showed no malice... just love and joy and humour. She was not the one to hide, her face showing a range of emotions from... from bright smiles to heart-wrenching worry. That was all he knew of her. For five days she was his world and he wanted to keep her safe. He didn't want to leave her side, standing by when they wheeled her from the operating theatre to her room. Seeing her pale skin, her lifeless face... it was enough to make him want to tear himself apart.
He deserved to be in that room. To be on that bed. The one fighting for their life should be him. Not her. Never her. She didn't deserve this. Any of it. He should have protected her better. That was the job he took, wasn't it? Because she was innocent, pure, and everything was his fault... he wanted to protect her. He made it his duty. If he could at least keep her safe and unharmed, then—
But he couldn't even do that. He couldn't even do something so simple. His strength was not enough. He couldn't keep her from harm. He was not enough. God, he couldn't do it for the RFA, for Saeran, for Rika… how dare he delude himself into believing he could do it for her? Now her blood was on his hands too. He didn't deserve this life. He didn't deserve to live.
"V."
He didn't answer. A cup of coffee then crossed his vision. Finally, he looked up and saw Jumin's passive face. He took the cup with a sigh. He didn't even deserve such kindness from his friends—people whom he proclaimed to love and yet lied to in the same breath. "Thank you."
"You are welcome." Jumin sat beside him. "Any news?"
"No."
"I see." Jumin sipped his coffee. "Do not lose faith. She will awaken soon."
"She shouldn't be unconscious at all." V opened the lid of the cup and stared into the coffee. The liquid was dark… like her blood that night. His skin crawled at the memory and he replaced the lid. Thick and metallic in scent, there was so much of it. It poured out of her and stained his hands, her dress, and the dried dirt path. The scene replayed like a broken record in his mind: the knife, Rika coming at him, a blur of blue, and MC… collapsing on him. He gritted his teeth and bowed his head. Her faint voice and stuttering words echoed in a loop in his mind. It should have been him. That knife was meant for him.
"Blaming yourself will not help."
"But it is my fault, Jumin," V said, voice low. "All of it. She saved me. She's been saving me."
"Yes."
"And it nearly killed her. My life has no worth—none. It doesn't deserve saving."
"Jihyun… please don't say such things."
"But it's true." Tears stung the back of his eyes. God, he had no right to cry over this. MC was the one in the hospital; she was the one suffering an injury. If anybody deserved to cry it was her. "It would have been fine if it was me in there because I'm worth nothing."
"Jihyun—"
"But she saved me." The tears seeped from the corner of his eyes and down his cheeks. At first it was one after another; the next second it became a continuous stream that he couldn't stop. His shoulders shook as the force of his grief and pain crashed over him in overwhelming waves. "S-she gave my life value. S-she thought it was worth s-saving me."
"It is worth saving, Jihyun." Jumin's hand was heavy on his shoulder.
"It's not. It's value I d-don't deserve." He wiped at his eyes, but the tears wouldn't stop. "I couldn't p-protect you and the RFA. Now I f-failed to protect her."
"But you did protect her." He squeezed V's shoulder. "She's alive because of you."
"Then why is she in a hospital bed and not me?" V demanded, finally looking at Jumin. His friend's expression was no longer passive. Concern was clear on his face, dark eyes at a loss of what to answer. "I'm supposed to be the only one! The only one! She's supposed to be safe! She was supposed to be…" he bowed his head again as the tears completely took over. This couldn't be the end for her—it just couldn't. She had to wake up.
She had to—God, please wake her up.
Or else he would never forgive himself.
Notes:
1. You can find more lovely Jihyun/MC creations at the jihyunmcweek blog.
2. I always think about this. Like if MC had been stabbed instead of V... would he still let Rika go? If Rika had been apprehended early, would Saeran have been saved? Or would MC getting stabbed mean that V would just descend further in his guilt and shame? Personally, I feel like people would have survived if MC was stabbed instead, but at the same time I also feel like V wouldn't have recovered like he did. I don't know. It's just interesting.
And that's it! Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed. As always, feedback is appreciated!