A Tribute To Cait Sith
Okay people, who uses Cait Sith here apart from when they have to? Not many people, and I don't blame you. He's worthless until disk 2 but is still overshadowed by Vincent as a magic caster. In disk one Aeris makes him completely useless, Tifa has more damaging limits etc.
But anyway here is a small tribute fic to that white blob with the black cat on top. Warning, contains a lot of fourth wall breaking and general insanity
Disclaimer: All characters and locations belong to Square Enix.
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"Can we walk in a straight line for five minutes without some shitty low level monsters appearing out of no-where?" Cid cursed as a row of Mithril dragons appeared on the chocobo tracks by the Gold Saucer.
"But it's a battle Cid, they're good for you and can be fun." Tifa said, trying to cheer up the foul-mouthed pirate.
"Fun can go fuck itself!" He shouted. A rumbling was heard in the background.
"Now you've done it Cid. Here come the censor bunnies." Cloud stated solemnly, gazing onto the horizon, where a cloud of dust was either growing larger, or heading towards them.
"No! anything but the censor bunnies. I don't want a tooth pick or to only speak in &£$ing symbols!"
"Then try avoiding sentences that revolve around the word 'fuck'."
"No shit."
"…" Cloud sighed as Tifa clasped her gloved hand over Cid's mouth. The dust ball zoomed past them and the dragons and only until it was out of sight did Tifa let him go.
They were about to resume their ATB-based battle with the monsters until Cloud's PHS began to ring. "Cloud Strife speaking."
"Hey Cloud, can I swap for Cid in this battle?" Asked an agonizing Scottish accent.
"What game do you think you're in you stupid ass cat? This isn't FFX." Cid shouted loud enough so that Cait Sith heard it.
"But…"
"Cait Sith, my party has been carefully constructed, each aspect was handpicked by me." Cloud explained.
"So why did you pick Cid and Tifa." Cait Sith asked.
"Erm…" Cloud fumbled for words, whatever happened to not questioning the party leaders decision? "I chose Cid because he's a cursing bad ass?"
"Damn straight." Cid agreed.
"Who doesn't talk about his daughter damn near 24/7." Cloud continued.
"Barret will stop all that when she brings home her fist piece of maths homework…" Tifa sighed.
"And I chose Tifa because she has big b-… because she's aesthetically pleasing." Cloud corrected himself. Tifa blushed and both Cid and Cloud breathed a sigh of relief, they would still be able to have children after this.
"I'm aesthetically pleasing!" Cait Sith said.
"You're a cat with a crown on top of an overweight moogle. Face it Cait Sith. You were an ink blot on Nomura's design papers which the designers mistook for a character."
"Not to mention that you were controlled by Shinra." Tifa stated sternly after successfully turning two of the monsters into dust with a fire spell.
"Look, I redeemed myself by helping you out Tifa and I sacrificed myself to get the black materia. Cloud was the one who messed up then, not me." Cait Sith said defensively.
"And just when we were finished celebrating your demise, Cait Sith 2 comes along. Why do they only revive the crap characters…" Cloud said, sinking in to a depression..
"Oh, now look what you've done Cait Sith. You've turned him emo again." Tifa said, moving over to hug Cloud.
"Do any of you remember about the dragons?!" Cid shouted.
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Cue boss music.
As the party faced off against Hojo on the giant cannon Cloud noticed something was definitely off.
"Cait Sith? What the hell are you doing here? Where's Cid?"
"Ciggie break." Cait Sith said simply.
"Eek! I gave him my only ribbon. We're doomed. Doomed I say!" Cloud shouted, running around like a headless chocobo. Cait Sith however was focusing his mind into a slots reel. It came out as a cat face and as Hojo was about to attack, a hooded figure with a Scythe appeared, and slashed at Hojo. Killing him instantly.
"Wow." Tifa said, staring at Cait Sith.
"I didn't know this game had cheats." Cloud said thoughtfully.
"That's not a cheat, that's my limit break." Cait Sith said, offended that his attack was dubbed a 'cheat'.
"WOOT! Cheats! Let's go revive Zack and Aeris!"
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Ah. There, that should please all the little… wait. This thing still on? Err… review?