Confusion Meets Clarity
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Digimon, any of the characters in this fic, or the song used here – it's 'My Funny Friend and Me' from the Disney film The Emperor's New Groove. Interestingly, the lyrics are by Sting. Much of the dialogue, particularly in bold, is from the series. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the fic! I've never written one centred around Ken before, so feedback would be greatly appreciated
Ken sat at the side of his brother's grave, staring at the engraved letters. He wasn't seeing them, though. His thoughts were elsewhere, and for once they weren't wholly on his brother.
He wanted Sam's advice. He didn't think his brother would know exactly what he was going through, but surely he must have had some idea…
Onii-chan…
In the quiet time of evening
When the stars assume their patterns
And the day has made his journey
The stars were beginning to come out. Ken flopped onto his back in the wet grass by the grave and stared up at the constellations. Lying there, he let his thoughts drift. I need your help… but… you can't help me, can you?
He clenched some grass in his fist, fighting this revelation, but he knew in his heart that he had to accept it, and, reluctantly, he did so, slowly relaxing his grip and letting the blades of grass fall to the ground. He pushed himself up and stood quickly, then, after inclining his head respectfully to his brother's grave, he walked slowly from the graveyard and into the street, deep in thought. His thoughts were no longer with his brother. They were back in the past.
He looked like Sam.
That was the first thought that entered his head as he looked down at his new image. His hair, his glasses… it felt good. There was an ache in his heart where Sam belonged, but looking like this… it seemed to ease it. His life had changed. He was no longer the child who needed protecting, no longer the pathetic baby whose only skill was blowing bubbles. Gentle… no longer.
"This world is mine now."
And we wonder just what happened to the life we knew
Before the world changed
When not a thing I held was true.
And his world had changed again. The Digimon Emperor was no more, and now in spite of the crushing guilt he felt… accepted. He finally had some people who actually cared for him. TK, Kari, Cody, Yolei… Davis.
They had all hated him at first, if indeed they were all capable of hate – Ken could hardly imagine Kari hating someone. But she had thought him cruel. TK had confronted him in his own base, bringing with him the revelation: I guess I'm not as cool as I think I am. Yolei had been furious with him for treating the digimon and the digital world the way he had. Cody… he wasn't sure if Cody had even forgiven him now. Davis had been angry at first, but it had seemed… Davis seemed to understand. Ken almost laughed. He wouldn't have classed Davis as the perceptive type. He supposed it was just because he knew when to follow his gut instinct, though why his instincts had told him that Ken was all right, Ken had no idea.
But you were kind to me
And you reminded me
That the world is not my playground;
There are other things that matter
What is simple needs protecting
"What? Reset the digital world? What are you talking about, Ken?"
TK's voice invaded his thoughts, and it was filled with confusion.
"It's simple," he replied. "I'll just go home and delete all the digital world data of my computer and create a new programme. That way I can create a new digital world – one that doesn't cheat."
"Dude."
He heard Davis step closer to him.
"You can't be serious."
"The digital world is a completely real place, Ken!" Yolei cried. "It's not just something that can be programmed into your computer!"
TK stepped forward too. "We tried to tell you that before, but you thought we were trying to play some kind of a trick on you!"
"Huh…?"
No, that couldn't be true…
Cody sounded angry. "This isn't some kind of video game, Ken. Digimon are real and it's about time you realised what you've been doing."
He turned to face them for the first time since Kimeramon was destroyed. "What?"
"You've been hurting innocent creatures, Ken." Kari didn't sound angry. She sounded… sympathetic. She felt for the digimon, but she also felt for him...
His mind froze. All he could feel was the horrifying realisation. If this is all real, then…
"The digimon were all at the soccer game in the real world. I remember now. You are real, not just computer data. I can't believe I never figured that out…"
"You know, for an evil genius you really are a slow learner, Ken," piped up Demiveemon from Davis' arms.
"And you've constantly been abusing digimon ever since you claimed to be the digimon emperor," Davis agreed.
"I had no idea… what have I done?"
Scenes replayed in his mind, horrible scenes filled with violence and pain… violence and pain that he himself had caused. The dark rings flying, capturing helpless digimon, Gizamon dragging pieces of control spire through a cruel blizzard, his serpentine ebony whip lashing… lashing…
"I thought my dark rings were a stroke of genius. I never realised I was causing pain! I made them work for me tirelessly, never giving them a break, and I was cruel to them beyond imagination!" At this he cried out at last, a cry of misery, fear and utter guilt. "I'm a monster! I can't believe what I've done!"
"Well, it's hard to argue with you there, Ken. You've done some pretty horrible stuff," TK murmured.
"The important thing is you've realised what you've done and it's not too late to make a fresh start," Kari said kindly.
He did not hear her. "What have I done?" He burst into sobs that racked his body, ripping off his gloves, his cloak, his glasses… even his hair returned to normal. No longer the Digimon Emperor, just a boy appalled by himself and the atrocities he had committed, sobbing and tearful on the sand.
My illusions all would shatter
But you stayed in my corner
The only world I knew was upside-down
And now the world and me
Will know you carried me
You see the patterns in the big sky
Those constellations look like you and I
Ken looked upwards as he walked, seeing before him the stars sparkling in the night sky, like tiny bubbles floating far away. The constellations were all there – the Pleiades, the Plough, Virgo, Ursa Major… he loved to look at them now. He had scorned them before, but now he appreciated the simple beauty and peace that they radiated.
He loved to see the stars of the digital world too, because they were so different to what he was used to. There wasn't a bear, or a swan, or any of the others… there were angels, and swords, and even landscapes… and somewhere, a small grouping of stars that looked like two people with their arms round one another.
"Ken?"
He turned to see Davis wandering towards him, rubbing his eyes.
"What are you doing still up? It's past midnight!"
"I'm sorry. I couldn't sleep." He didn't take his eyes off the stars.
Davis came to his side, and said:
"Are you worried about Arukenimon and Mummymon?"
"I… guess that's it." Honestly, he didn't want to sleep because of the nightmares. Nightmares about a boy with an ebony-coloured whip.
"We'll beat 'em, Ken. We're the digidestined, it's what we do."
"Hm."
Davis crossed his hands behind his head and looked up. "You like the stars?"
"They're just so… calming, I suppose."
"Yeah, I know what you mean. You know the constellations?"
"Yes, but they're all different here."
"Huh." Davis scanned the sky, and then grabbed his arm. "Hey, look."
"What is it?"
"Check that one out."
He followed the pointing finger and saw a small cluster of stars. "What about it?"
"Don't you think…" Davis suddenly seemed embarrassed, but he continued. "Well, it sorta looks like… well, two people. Don't you think?"
He looked again. Davis was right. It looked like two people with their arms around one another's shoulders. He paused, and glanced at Davis, whose gaze was now fixed firmly on the stars, a hint of redness on his cheeks. He wondered if he was the only one who thought that one of the people seemed to have spiky hair, and the other to have a straight bob.
We could be lost
We could refuse to try
But to have made it through in the dark night
Who would those lucky guys turn out to be
But that unusual blend
Of my funny friend and me?
I'm not as clever as I thought I was
I'm not the boy I used to be
Because you showed me something different
You showed me something pure
I always seemed so certain
But I was really never sure
But you stayed
And you called my name
When others would have walked out on a lousy game
It had all started the day he had done badly on the maths test…
He walked alone, thoughts drifting through his mind. He was slipping, no longer the 'boy genius' that everyone had dubbed him. He just… didn't care any more. They're right, I have given up. I can't focus any more. I've got a lot on my mind. No-one understands…
"Ken!"
"Huh?" He looked up at the sound of a friendly voice and was shocked to see Davis walking towards him, a smile on his face. Why was he here?
"Hey!"
They ended up by the river, just next to the bridge that crossed it. He picked up a stone and weighed it in his hand. He could feel Davis' gaze on him, but he wasn't quite sure how to react. What did Davis want from him?
Abruptly, he threw the stone, causing big ripples to spread out across the water. As he threw, he spoke. "So what brings you all the way out here? Did you come to remind me that I've been a bad boy?" Couldn't they just leave him alone now?
"C'mon, Ken. You've done some pretty rotten things but you're not an evil person."
He was surprised at this analogy. "I'm not?"
"No. The person who designed the school's lunch menu? Now that's an evil person."
Davis laughed at his own joke, but he didn't respond to it.
"That was a joke, Ken."
"Sorry. I haven't been in a laughing mood lately."
"That's OK," Davis replied readily. He paused, and then said: "Look, I have an idea. Why don't you come with me? You can meet my friends and tell them you're sorry."
He was taken aback. "But why? They hate me."
"They don't hate you, Ken. They just don't understand you. I know you're sorry for what you've done, but they don't."
He laughed mirthlessly. "What makes you so special?"
"I never said I was special. I just think you're better than you're giving yourself credit for."
He looked down at his distorted reflection. "I'm not sure…"
"Look, the digital world's been pretty freaky lately. We need your help. After all, you're one of us digidestined!"
"Huh?"
He looked up in astonishment. "Me? A digidestined?"
"That's right." Davis grinned at him. "Just one big happy family!"
"I… don't know."
He turned away from Davis.
"Thanks, Davis. I appreciate you being honest with me but it just won't work. I can't join you."
"What? What do you mean?" He could hear the stunned tone of the boy's voice, and sighed. Davis was so naïve.
"I just can't. Sorry."
Why did he care? Out of all the people in the world, why was it only him who seemed to understand?
And look who made it through
But your funny friend and you
You see the patterns in the big sky
Those constellations look like you and I
That tiny planet and the bigger guy
I don't know whether I should laugh or cry
As he neared his destination, Ken crossed the river, and froze suddenly. He knew now, seeing the place where Davis had first asked him to join them all those weeks ago. He understood. And, quite strangely for him, Ken burst out laughing. Leaning against the edge of the bridge, he laughed and laughed, until he felt the tears prick the corners of his eyes. A man walking his dog reached the bridge, and hurriedly skirted to the other side, avoiding the madman laughing himself stupid. Ken could just see tomorrow's headlines: Boy genius finally cracks! But he didn't care.
Just like the patterns in the big sky
We'll be together 'til the end this time
Don't know the answer or the reason why
We'll stick together 'til the day we die
Ken stepped up to the door and rang the bell. He realised as he waited there that he was nervous. His heart was thudding and his breath was getting quicker. He fought it, willing his breath to slow before –
"Oh! Hey, Ken."
If I have to do this all a second time
I won't complain or make a fuss
Who would the angels send
But that unlikely blend
Of these two funny friends?
"I hope I'm not intruding," Ken murmured.
"No… no, not at all," Davis replied, looking at his guest in surprise. "Uh, come in."
Ken stepped inside, and smiled. Jun had obviously been busy, because there were pink and red hearts everywhere. As they entered the kitchen, Jun herself popped up from the sofa, beaming and clutching yet another string of hearts. "Oh, hi, Ken!" she trilled. "Happy Valentine's Day!"
Ken returned the grin. "Hi, Jun. Happy Valentine's Day."
There was a muffled groan from the couch, and Jun glanced back. "We have visitors! Come on, be polite!"
Spiky blond hair and dark blue eyes appeared above the back of the sofa. "Hey, Ken," they mumbled.
Ken gaped, and, trying very hard not to laugh, managed a, "Hey, Matt."
Davis rolled his eyes. "C'mon, let's go."
As he followed Davis, Ken glanced back at Matt, who mouthed 'Help me'. That was too much, and laughing, Ken carried on, ignoring Matt's pleading eyes. Sorry, Matt I have problems of my own tonight.
They went into Davis' room.
Davis stretched. "That's better. I never get a moment's peace with her around!"
Ken chuckled. "How did Matt get roped into helping Jun?"
"I have no idea! I got home from school and here he was!"
The two of them laughed, sharing the joke, and then Ken said:
"You're not doing anything tonight?"
"Nah… well, Kari's out with T.S. …"
"Oh. I see."
"No… I don't really care."
Ken looked up sharply. He sounded serious, not like he was trying to convince himself.
"Well, I, uh… I was gonna send her this." Davis held up a huge flamboyant card, with the words 'Be mine!' on in garish lettering. "But, uh, I was writing it, and then I just thought… I just… I realised I don't care any more." He met Ken's gaze. His face was red.
Ken shrugged, looked down, and said, as nonchalantly as possible, "Well, I'm free tonight, and the others are all busy… would you like to rent a movie or something? After all, we don't have dates… we have nothing better to do… I mean…"
"Yeah. Let's."
Their eyes met, as did their smiles.
"Happy Valentine's Day, Davis."
"Yeah. Happy Valentine's Day, Ken."
That's us.
A/N: I don't know if they celebrate Val's day in Japan, but what the heck. I took the title from the blurb of 'Boy Meets Boy' by David Levithan, because it seemed perfect.