Swung

'We often wonder if someone says they love us, why would they hurt us, Love is beautiful, patient and kind, Love should never hurt, but should always be expressed and most importantly ..It should be felt.' - Rashida Rowe

Olivia was standing at her open locker, rummaging through it to sort out the clothes she needed to take home to wash when the locker room door open and someone shuffled through. The person paused in the entrance and Olivia glanced over her shoulder to see Elliot standing there watching her. Her gaze swept over his form and she shoots him a tiny lip lift in greeting as she tucks a loose bang behind her ear. He doesn't return the gesture, just continues to stare at her, studying her as if it's the first time he's seen her in a while. Elliot closes the door behind him, his back falling against it with a thud as he crosses his arms over his chest. He huffs out a breath and lets his eyes drop to the floor for a fleeting second before looking back at her.

Olivia's lip straightened and her eyebrow raised a fraction in question, but she doesn't verbalise it. Instead she stands in front of her locker, to uphold some privacy. She turns her attention to the open duffle on the bench. Her body bends forward to shove the sweater she's holding in there. Just as she's closing the zip she can see him stalk towards her out of the top of her eyes.

Elliot stops opposite her, leaving the bench between them. Olivia rises, straightening her spine. She meets his gaze again. He's still staring at her and Olivia tries to hide the natural embarrassment the scrutiny causes. Part of her wants to turn away, but is compelled by his gaze to stay exactly where she is. His expression is soft, weary, and apologetic. He looks exhausted after what he's been through. But Olivia feels the adoration there too, the thanks for hauling his ass out of the mess he made with his family.

Kathy had been furious with him, probably still was. When she had answered the phone to the irate woman Olivia all but begged Kathy to let her handle it. Kathy almost didn't agree, harshly muttering how Olivia could come get the suitcase she packed for Elliot. Olivia knew the other woman, his wife, hated having to come to her in desperation to fix something that wasn't hers to fix. Olivia asked again, cutting her ramblings off with an authoritative tone which she usually saved for interrogations. A long silence followed and eventually Kathy relented, albeit reluctantly.

Olivia had been annoyed at Elliot too, was tempted to walk away from him herself when she had found him in the crib. For years she had watched Elliot talking to victims, his compassion and understanding flowing out of him. It was one the things which she admired about him the most, made her proud to work with him. It frustrated her when he seemingly showed no compassion when his daughter was falling apart. Until she found him in the crib and he looked up at her, his blue eyes wide and lost, his unspoken plea to help him, to drag him through it because he had no idea how to make it right.

She had done it. Because he needed her to. If Olivia hadn't then he would have lost his family once and for all.

"You went to see my mother," Elliot stated.

She can hear the question there too. Elliot was confused and he's trying to understand how she had succeeded when he couldn't.

'It was the only option I had.'

"I did," Olivia replied with a quick bob of her head. "She's nice." She tucked her hands in her pockets when his eyes narrow at her, almost as if wondering if she meant something else by it. But she would never do that, not with her own mother's history.

After a moment Elliot releases the breath he's been holding and he lifts a hand the pinch his nose. Olivia watches him, understanding his frustration. For years he stayed silent while she let slip snippets from her own dysfunctional upbringing. A place inside her heart twitched when she found out about his mother. Feelings of annoyance, anguish, and betrayal set in by the time she reached the crib. It amplified by the time she walked away from him, only to be shattered when she met the woman herself.

Olivia's empathy for Elliot deepened as she listened to Bernie describe his turbulent childhood. It reminded her of her childhood. Olivia had her fair share of stories from when her mother was drunk. Neither of their mothers was predictable, ruled by illness which was beyond their control. While Olivia had to deal with her mother on her own, Elliot had his father, who wasn't the most dependable or forthcoming person. He grew up with uncertainty from both sides of his family and the explosive reaction they made together.

In hindsight, Olivia shouldn't have been surprised by Elliot's silence. He was as private as she was, but there was part of Olivia that felt deceived because she had trusted him enough with her secrets and he never shared any of his own. Olivia thought she knew him, thinking the pain about his past stemmed from his relationship with his father. Now Olivia knew it was his mother too.

'If he hated you, he would cut you out of his life.'

Bernie had asked her not to tell Elliot she had talked to Kathleen. Olivia understood why, but Elliot needed to know this wasn't down to just her. Elliot didn't hate his mother; he was protecting himself and the family he had made for himself. He'd spent so long worrying about becoming like his mother, when he had taken on the bull-headed stubbornness, aggression of his father. Elliot was a good man but he had to fight to reign in his temper. He was afraid of repeating the mistakes both of them made. After years of watching what she drank, Olivia could understand that.

Elliot sighed and looked away uncomfortably. He was anxious and she couldn't get a proper read on him. He could start yelling at her for going to see Bernie or he could…

"Thank you," he grinds out. It releases something in him and his hand drops from his face. He sighs again and shakes his head. "I don't say it often enough, and I probably won't say it for a long time but I want you to know I appreciate what you've done for me. What you do for me."

Eliot finally met her eyes again. He's worried again, not about his family, but about her. He's worried this has disrupted the status quo, revealed too much. He needs her to tell him it hasn't.

"It's okay Elliot," she tries to brush it off, hamper the significance of his words. Olivia looks away briefly but her attention is caught by the pink flush creeping up the side of his neck, just peeking out from under his collar.

"No it's not," Elliot says gruffly. "I can't begin to…"

"We're partners Elliot," Olivia interrupts emphatically. "I only did what you would've done for me." She shifts her body slightly when his eyes narrow and he nods, silently agreeing with her. She ignores the tiny spark of realisation in his eyes, the wistful yet futile hope there.

She doesn't want to question why he's here with her rather than at home with Kathleen. Elliot's body goes slack and his arms drop to his side. His forearms tense and Olivia looks at his face again. She glad for the bench between them because she's sure he would hug her if it wasn't there, just like he had almost a year ago when his youngest was brought into the world. She wasn't sure if she could deal with that again.

"Go home Elliot, your family needs you now." Olivia says it softly and not without feeling. She says it because it's what he needs her to do.

Elliot nods slowly, reluctant to leave her but indebted for her dismissal. He's about to step away when he pins her with his compassionate stare. "I'm here when you need me."

"I know." She smiles sadly and he returns the gesture this time. She wonders how one smile can be full of hope and regret.

Elliot turns, takes half a step before he squints at her. Not at her exactly, just over her shoulder to her open locker. Something akin to annoyance flutters across his expression but he sighs and it's gone. She knows he's seen the grainy image tucked into the door of her locker. Olivia tries to look as innocent as possible as he silently looks to her for an explanation.

"You're not the only who thanked me," Olivia said with a shrug. She makes no move to cover the newly acquired photo. "And before you think about destroying it, it's not the original so I can get more," she says teasingly with a smile, daring him to try.

'Maybe God remembered how cute you were as a carrot.'

Elliot surprises her by quirking an eyebrow at her. "Fair enough," he says, allowing her to keep her reward. "All I ask is that you take it home. Munch'll spot it and we'll never here the end of it."

"Okay," she agrees with a laugh as Elliot makes his way to the door.

His hand is on the door handle when he looks over his shoulder. "Liv," he says to get her attention.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

She can't hold back the blush this time and she bobs her head shyly to acknowledge it. "Goodnight Elliot."