Summary: A crack oneshot born of insomnia, boredom, and certain British band's CD. This deep and moving piece takes a look at why all of the fics in the 'Just My Luck' fandom are not about 'Just My Luck' but rather about McFly. Also featuring a pillow fight.
Disclaimer: I deeply, deeply apologize for writing this; I couldn't help myself! I especially apologize to all the members of McFly. Heh… And also, don't get mad at me if I portray them in a way you don't like. Remember that a) I don't even know the guys and b) this is a crack/parody oneshot written for my own amusement.
A/N: Oh, I am such a hypocrite! I make fun of people writing about real people by writing a fic about real people! I make fun of fics written about McFly and being posted in the 'Just My Luck' fandom by writing a fic about McFly and posting in the 'Just My Luck' fandom! SUCH HYPOCRISY!
Ah, well. All in good fun, I suppose. :)
—Would you review if I asked you twice and begged you pretty please? It would make this author smile:)
"FTW???!! #$#&&?!, MCFLY"
-xXx-
It was just another day in the flat of the British Pop band, McFly. The band's four members weren't doing anything at all today; they just lounged around lazily, yawning occasionally, rarely moving and never speaking. Everything was calm. Everything was quiet. Everything was peaceful.
Yeah, right.
There was a war going on in that flat, man!!
"HEY! What the hell, Harry?! I'm on your side!"
"Doesn't matter, you were in my way!" There was a short pause and then, "DUCK!!"
Dougie Poynter threw himself to the ground at Harry's warning a split second before something bulky and white sailed through the air right where he had been standing a moment before. When the danger had passed, Dougie jumped back to his feet and made a face at his attacker.
"Missed m—" he started, but he never got a chance to finish, because out of nowhere another pillow came down on the top of his head and a triumphant shout came from Tom Fletcher at hitting his target the second time.
"What you were saying, Doug?" he taunted. "Missed you, did I?"
Dougie hurled the pillow in his hand at Tom, but the blonde guitarist dodged and jumped behind the couch, where he crouched out of sight. "Try and hit me now!" he shouted like a three year old, as if he still believed in the "if I can't see them, they can't see me" rule.
Harry Judd, the drummer, exchanged a smile with Dougie, grabbed a nearby pillow and silently crept over to where Tom was 'hiding' and prepared to attack—but just then his plan went all wrong, and he was attacked himself.
"AHA! Take THAT, mate!" The fourth and final member of the band, Danny Jones, had popped up from behind the table where he had been hiding undetected, waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike when Tom lured their opponents over.
Harry turned to face Danny. "Oh, it's on," he said, but again his attack was countered with a blow from behind; Tom had got him when his back was turned.
"Double team!!" Harry accused when Tom and Danny hit him repeatedly from all sides (well, front and back). The poor drummer couldn't get a hit in edgewise. "Dougie, get your arse over here and HELP ME!"
"Hey," came the reply from the bass player, "I'm not on your team anymore, remember you hit me earlier? You know what that means, eh? Revenge!!" And he attacked Harry with his own fluffy, soft pillow…err, I mean, deadly weapon…
After a few moments Harry acknowledged defeat and cried uncle, surrendering to the other three band members who had ganged up on him. The war ended then and they all four flopped down on the couch to catch their breath, still laughing.
"You know something, guys?" Danny said a moment later, raising his head up and looking around at his friends. "I've been thinking…"
"Uh-oh. That's never good."
Danny kicked at Dougie, but was too far away to connect. "Shut up."
Dougie only grinned.
"Anyway," Danny said, continuing with only a single glare at the youngest band member; "like I said, I've been thinking…remember that movie we did a few years back?"
"Yeah…" Tom's tone told Danny he wasn't following. In fact, they were all probably asking themselves what the heck this has to do with anything at all.
"Did you know they have a fandom for it on FanFiction-dot-net?"
Harry sat up a little straighter so he could see Danny's face a little better; his Expression was easy to read. It clearly said: "FTW???!! #$#&&?!, DANNY?!?!"
Okay, so maybe to everyone it's not so easy to read. But worry you not, I just so happen to speak Harry-Expression, and it translates into: "FTW???!! #$#&&?!, DANNY?!?!"
There. That's exactly what he meant.
"You have heard of FanFiction-dot-net, right?" Danny asked when all his band-mates did was look at him with the same Expression as Harry's.
"Duh!!" Tom said. "Everybody that's awesome has heard of FanFiction-dot-net."
Danny nodded and continued, "well, they have a fandom for our movie, Just My Luck, and I got on there the other day to check it out—"
"Why?" Dougie asked.
"Because it's our movie."
"No, I mean why where you on FanFiction-dot-net in the first place?"
"Because I was bored."
"Why?"
"Because there was nothing to do."
"Why?"
"Because I didn't want to write another song."
"Why?"
"Because the world's not ready for a repeat of Danny Jones's The Ladies' Bras."
"Why?"
"Because I don't want to make our fans laugh so hard they die."
"Why?"
"Because then we wouldn't have any fans."
"Why?"
"Because they would all be dead."
"Why?"
"Because they laughed too hard."
"Why?"
"Because they thought my song was funny."
"Why?"
"Because they find humour in stupid things? I don't know, okay?"
"Why?"
"I don't know WHY! Stop asking me that!"
"Why?"
"Because!!"
"Wh—"
"Okay, I think that's enough now!!" Tom said loudly, so that both Danny and Dougie stopped talking and look over at him. "You're done," Tom said, sounding very much like the boss.
"Why?" Dougie asked, smirking.
Tom narrowed his eyes. "Because you're making this story way too long with all the one liners. The author's getting annoyed."
Dougie, Danny, and Harry all exchanged a glance and looked back at Tom with identical Expressions on their faces. You know the one.
"FTW???!! #$#&&?!, TOM?!?!"
And you all know what THAT means.
"What the hell, Tom?" Harry asked a moment later after they had finished eyeing him with the Expression. "What does that even mean?! 'This story' and 'the author'!! Are we in a story?!!?!" he demanded. "Are we CHARACTERS in a sodding STORY?!"
Tom didn't know. He had no idea why he had even said that.
"SEE!!" Danny said, "that's what I've been trying to tell you! When I got online and looked at the Just My Luck fandom the other day, they were NO stories for the actual movie! They were all about US!!"
Tom blinked, like he didn't really understand. "Us?" He said it like a question. Danny nodded.
"Us," Danny repeated, one guitarist to the other.
"Us." Tom didn't say it like a question this time; he said it more like he was trying to wrap his mind around it.
"Us," Danny clarified, sounding annoyed.
"Us," Tom said yet again, and before Danny could get really, really frustrated at this mimicking game, he continued on, "you mean, like, us? McFly? Me, you, Harry and Dougie?"
"YES, Tom," said Danny, exasperated. "That's what us means."
"Okay. Just checking."
Harry looked very, very amused and said, fighting to hide a smirk, "let's just be clear on this," he said, most likely mocking poor Tom, "the Just My Luck fandom doesn't actually have any stories about Just My Luck? They're all about McFly?"
"YES!!!!" Danny shouted, impatient.
Harry nodded his head. "Gotcha."
Dougie hummed thoughtfully. "It's kinda weird, y'know?" he said. "Being written about in a story like that. It's not like we're fictional characters. We're real people!"
"I know," Danny agreed, "it's weird to think that there are people out there writing about us, kind of like they're controlling everything we say, think and do."
Tom shuddered.
"Creepy," he said.
The other three "mmm-hmm"-ed in agreement.
"I think it's funny nobody actually writes about the movie. Why don't they write about—write about—er, write about—" Harry was incapable of finishing the sentence, because he couldn't even remember the other people's names. "You know who I mean," he said, "those characters played by Chris Pine and Lindsay Lohan."
"Who?" Dougie asked.
"Chris Pine. Lindsay Lohan. You know, the STARS of the movie that we only had SUPPORTING roles in?"
"Never heard of them before in my life."
Harry got that Expression on his face.
"FTW???!! #$#&&?!, DOUGIE"
"Did you pay attention to ANYTHING about the movie OTHER than the fact that WE were in it?" Harry demanded.
"Meh." Dougie made a waving motion with his hand.
Harry threw his hands up in the air as if he were incredibly frustrated. This put Dougie on the defensive side.
"Hey!! You don't know the names of their characters either!!"
Harry paled. "So!?"
"I think their names were Jake and Ashley," Tom said before a fight could break out. "Either that or Johnny and Vanessa. Or maybe it was Will and Elizabeth…"
"No, I think their names were Jack and Kate," Danny said unhelpfully. "Or Charlie and Claire. But Desmond and Penny sound familiar as well…."
"Oh, who CARES?!" Dougie exclaimed, and then answered his own question: "obviously, no one! They don't write about them anyway. They write about us instead."
"But WHY?!" Harry said. "Why do they write about us?!"
There was a short silence. Then:
"It's because we're amazing," Dougie said simply, as if this were the most obvious thing in the world. He might as well have just shouted "DUH!!!" in Harry's face. "They write about us because we're way more amazing than…those other people…"
Everyone shook their head at Dougie's huge show of ego. (But you want to know a secret? I think they all were silently agreeing with Dougie, because they knew it was true.)
There was yet another silence. There seemed to be a lot of silences. But that doesn't matter. What matters is what happened after the ending of this silence: Tom had just gotten a thought, cautiously, he spoke up.
"Hey, Dan?"
"Hmm?"
"Did you read any of the stories with us in them?" Tom almost sounded afraid of what he might hear. Dougie and Harry leaned in closer to better hear Danny's answer for themselves.
But it was a long time before Danny was able to answer. He closed his eyes as if trying to block out a very, very bad memory. Finally, very, very softly (it was lucky they had leaned in close), Danny whispered:
"Yes."
"And?" Harry prompted his friend: though he, like Tom, looked wary of the answer.
"I don't want to talk about it."
Immediately, they straightened away from him, as if he had some horrible contagious disease. Dougie was the first one to speak. "Ooooooooooooooh. Ou-ch. That bad, huh?"
"Worse, Dougie. WORSE."
The members of McFly all shuddered at the same time.
Danny didn't need to go into details of the stories featuring themselves. Just judging by his actions they knew what awful horrors were in them. Were they all bad? Perhaps not. But some of them, certainly, were; these were the ones Danny spoke of.
"I don't know though," Harry began uncertainly, "should we feel flattered that they write about us? Or very, very disturbed?"
"I think it's cool," Dougie said. "It means they like us!!"
"Ye-ah, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut," said Danny, drawing the word out for longer than what should be considered humanely possible, "it's also very, very weird. THINK ABOUT IT!!"
"True, true…"
Tom put on his thoughtful face. "It's just so hard to believe no one EVER writes about Will and Elizabeth!!" he said.
"Jack and Kate," Danny corrected.
"I thought you said it was Johnny and Vanessa?!" Harry said.
"No, no, it's Jake and Ashley," Tom decided. "And if it's not really, then it is now! Because you know something? Nobody ever writes about them anyway!!"
"YEAH!!" Dougie cheered. "Because they're boring and lame and we're NOT!!"
"Dougie?"
"Yeah, Harry?"
"Do you even know who those people are?"
"Ehh…" Dougie paused a moment to think about it, then guessed: "People in our movie who weren't as cool as us and who don't ever get written about because they have the lame parts in the movie while we have the best parts??!!"
"They were the bloody main characters!!" Harry shouted, though of course he secretly did agree with Dougie.
"Pfft," Dougie said, doing that wave motion with his hand again. "Whatever. You know everyone only saw the movie 'cause we were in it."
"Maybe in England, yes," Danny said, "but you know nobody in America knows who we are, right?"
"A sad but true fact," Tom agreed, looking devastated.
"Maybe if we just GOOOOOO to America, people there would know who we are!!!" Dougie shouted. "THEN our merchandise would be available over there and we could go on American talk shows so American people wouldn't have to watch us on the Internet ALL THE TIME!!"
Danny and Tom looked stunned. "It's okay, mate," Danny said soothingly. "It's not like we have fans in America anyway."
"NOOOOOOO!! NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Harry suddenly shouted in despair. "YOU'RE WRONG!! SOME people in America know who are!! The author of this story knows we are!!! And so does her friend!! THEY LIKE US!!"
Tom, Dougie, and Danny all looked at him with the Expression.
"FTW???!! #$#&&?!, HARRY"
"WHAT THE—WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!" Tom asked in a shouting voice.
Harry was quite for a long, long time. "I don't even know," he said quietly.
"UGH!!" Danny turned his head as if he couldn't stand these people that were actually his very best friends. "Can you believe us?" he said suddenly. "We just wasted all this time having this COMPLETELY POINTLESS conversation and now it's almost over and we haven't really solved ANYTHING!!"
"We where trying to solve something?" Dougie asked. "Wow. I never knew."
"Well, if not solve anything, then at least reach some sort of conclusion about people writing about us and not the Just My Luck movie."
"We concluded that we were way more amazing then them," Dougie reminded him.
"But mostly we just wasted a lot time," Danny replied.
"So?"
"Good point. I just feel bad for the readers who have wasted god knows how many minutes of their life on this story!!"
For the second time that night, Danny found himself on the receiving end of the Expression.
"FTW???!! #$#&&?!, DANNY?!?!"
"AGAIN WITH IMPLYING THAT WE'RE IN A STORY!!" Harry shouted. "WHY do people keep saying we're in a STORY?!?! ARE WE CHARACTERS IN A STORY?!!"
No one knew.
Dougie sighed at the way the past however-many minutes of his life had passed. "This is lame," he commented, "and you guys are so weird!!"
"You're one to talk." Harry cocked his eyebrow at Dougie in the way that translated into (remember, I speak Harry-Expression!): "What you gonna say to THAT, huh?! What you gonna do NOW?!"
In response, Dougie grabbed the nearest pillow and hurled it at Harry. He missed however and hit Tom instead. Tom reacted by throwing a pillow at Dougie and hitting both Dougie and Danny, as they were sitting right next to each other. Which means that Danny of course had to grab a pillow and throw it back at Tom; but Tom dodged and it instead hit Harry.
Upon getting hit with another pillow (do you remember his terrible defeat earlier?) Harry jumped to his feet and snatched up his own pillow. He smiled widely at the three men sitting motionless in front of him.
"Do you know what this means?" he asked. Then, not waiting for them to answer, he said, "not ONLY does this mean war… It also means… REVENGE!!"