Open House Chapter 1. The Pitch
Disclaimer: These characters belong to Joss Whedon, WB and Mutant Enemy, and were made flesh by the actors that gave them life. I borrow them here out of reverence, with respect and for fun, not profit. Joss rocks!
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The silence spoke volumes: nobody shared Lorne's enthusiasm for the plan. "Hey, com'on guys! A bit of support here people!" Lorne threw his arms out imploringly, looking round at his ex-Angel Investigations colleagues gathered in the eponymous champion's office. "This will really put us on the map."
"We're already on the map," moaned Wesley, wearily, "Including the 'Murder, Madness and Mayhem: Dark Secrets of LA' tour maps. What we need is a low profile, not more questionable exposure."
"Questionable? Hey, my friend, haven't you heard, 'all publicity is good publicity'?" Lorne enthused.
Angel cut in, "Wes is right Lorne. We need to keep our heads down for a bit. When the public hear about us they just think 'lawyers to the mob'." Then, seeing that Gunn was about to protest, he added, somewhat abashed, "No offence," and shrugged slightly in Gunn's direction.
"But that's just the point Angel Cake," Lorne continued unrelentingly, "this is our opportunity to show them the other side of Wolfram & Hart; the caring, fluffy side that fights evil and protects the hopeless, erm, helpless."
"Oh." All eyes turned to Fred as she drew in a sharp breath and continued, "Yes, I see what Lorne means. We can show the public how we've changed. Kinda like a big glitzy walking advert for the 'new' us."
"I don't like it, Angel," Gunn began. "Too many things to go wrong. Our clients come to us because we're discrete. You know, the whole 'client confidentiality' bit?" he stressed in an exasperated tone. "Can't say they'd be too thrilled to let us air their dirty linen in public."
"No-one has to 'air' anything, 'less they're wanting to, if course," Lorne argued. "Perry Mason here can run a workshop on how we ensure privacy for our clients. You know: the office soundproofing; the enchanted file room; the anti-seer demons. You don't get that from the public defender's office!"
Angel sighed. "Lorne, I really don't think this is a good idea. I know this is LA but do people really want to attend an open day in a law firm in their spare time?"
"Well, it's got to beat golf!" offered Wesley. Conceding nods from everyone.
Lorne tried again, "Look, Angel Cheeks, we need to get our message over. Wolfram & Hart has changed. We're the good guys now. It's a feel-good story that people want to hear. It's an epic with grit, pathos, integrity, heroics. The screenplay would get James Cameron salivating. I'm telling you Angel, this has the potential to really get this gig buzzin'!"
Lorne's enthusiasm was infectious (but then so was the Black Death).
"Yeah", Gunn was nodding, "I could get one of our senior lawyers to give a talk on our legal successes. Could even persuade a few of our grateful clients to come and mingle over the cheese and biscuits."
Lorne held up his hands in horror, "No offence chum, but I was kinda aiming for an Atticus Finch image, not Judge Jefferies!"
"Sweet guy, the judge," mused Angel dreamily. Then, hearing a universal intake of breath, he added testily, "He got a lot of bad press!"
He scowled at the raised eyebrows around him, "Hey! Darla knew him! He was always good to his mum."
There was a brief, embarrassed silence while each of his co-workers wrestled with the image of Darla, Angel's erstwhile mate, having had some form of relationship (the nature of which they hesitated to speculate) with the 'Hanging Judge', infamous for his 'bloody assizes'.
Lorne tried again, "I guess what I'm saying guys, is that we need to be careful about which bits of Wolfram & Hart we throw the spotlight on. Probably anything that happened here before we came on board is best left in the wings. We want our new programme to be centre stage, to show this is a whole new production, with a new director and fresh cast." He inclined his head to indicate Angel and then the rest of his colleagues.
"Makes sense," conceded Wesley. "And I would certainly welcome the opportunity to show fellow academics around our research library. We have some particularly fine examples of early Sumerian ceremonial parchments, not seen outside of museums and private collections, which I feel would be of singular interest to scholars of Mesopotamian ritual practises and …."
"Hey," interrupted Fred enthusiastically, much to the relief of all in the room but Wesley, "I could do guided tours round the lab! We've got a fabulous new spectral spectrometer which will really wow them."
"That's the spirit, pumpkin," Lorne said warmly, though he doubted anyone on this planet, well, any planet really, would actually be wowed by a spectral whatever, Fred excluded, of course.
Lorne continued, pressing home his advantage, "So it's agreed? Wolfram & Hart will hold an Open House to raise their profile as the champion's law firm?"
Angel scanned the eager faces that had turned to him expectantly. "Aw, okay," he relented, against his better judgement, "but it had better not turn into a pantomime. Oh, and have the mystic mind-cleansers standing by on the day, just in case we need to wipe the memory of any traumatised guest if anything goes wrong."
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"Bloody hell!" stormed Spike. "You want me to what?" He began pacing the room, his black leather duster whipping about his legs menacingly as he turned abruptly back to Angel. "I'm a bloody tour guide now? Bugger me, Angel," (he winced inwardly at the memory) "I don't even work here!"
Angel's furrowed brow furrowed some more. "Look, Spike, while you make use of Wolfram & Hart's facilities, it won't hurt you to make yourself useful around here. It's just one day."
"Just one day? I don't see that timescale is relevant. You could just as well say the Titanic hit the iceberg that did for her, for just 12 seconds. Doesn't minimise the catastrophe any."
"This isn't going to be a catastrophe, Spike. Particularly with you to manage our visitors and ensure they see everything they want to while they're here." Angel tried to sound encouraging.
"Yes Spike," Fred agreed, "you really have great people skills and I know our guests would love the chance to meet with you and hear some of your fascinating tales."
Angel had asked Fred to join him as he felt he needed an ally and Fred had developed a rapport with Spike when she had tried to help him with his non-corporeality issue. And he figured Spike would be less likely to try to hit him if Fred was there, now that he was corporeal again and back to full vampire strength.
"Yeah, I'm good with people, for a vampire like," conceded Spike, "but I still don't see why I have to be part of the 'Wolfram & Hart Show'?"
"Spike, you may not work here officially," sighed Angel, "but not a day goes by without you popping up here somewhere trying to wheedle information, or steal something, or bum cigarettes off of someone."
"Hey," protested Spike, "I don't steal!"
"Oh, please," Angel rolled his eyes, "don't think I don't know who drinks the blood from my thermos in the staff room fridge."
Fred visibly shuddered.
"And," Angel went on, "I bet your place is full of Wolfram & Hart towels from the washroom, and as for stationery…." ('Tight arse', thought Spike.)
"Look" cut in Spike, "I don't steal! I might liberate a few things from time to time, but I'm not admitting anything, okay? And liberating things from an evil law firm's gotta be good, right? Oh, and just so's you know, the blood: that's down to that queer little guy in turtle-necks from Accounting."
"He's a vampire?" Angel asked incredulously.
"Fledgling," confirmed Spike with a nod, "still new to the game, not sure if he knows what his fangs are for." Both Spike and Angel rolled their eyes.
"Hey you guys, can we get back to the Open House?" Fred tried to get the meeting back on track and away from the visions of bloodsucking that were now pervading her mind.
Spike and Angel both sighed and turned back to Fred.
"Ok," agreed Spike, remembering what Fred had said about his people skills, "I'll do it. But on one condition!"
Angel groaned. "What is it?"
"I want the black Viper in lieu of payment for the day!"