It has been so long from that day. I just can't believe that it's finally over. The world is free. Everything is back to the way it should have been.
But what for the cost?
I say this for a reason. For you might not understand of the words I am speaking bittersweet of.
My name is Cody Martin. And for a short time, was called Martin Jen. For reason that might take too long to explain, but I am willing to try.
At a young and a very foolish age of a child. I did something, not then but what I think about it now. A stupid choice. And with a price to go with it.
I found this gem. Harmless as it sounds, but I didn't bother looking more into. Even with my brother's kind words, saying I was just doing for the love of our mother. Showing how much we loved her.
Until she started to change. From our hardworking, kindhearted, stressed out mother. Into a monster of an unholy nightmare.
She broke us. But the one who got the worst of it all, was my brother, Zack.
With words of evil and horror. Strikes of pain. That thing would do anything to break him. Anyway to change him into something I didn't think could be true.
And for me, I reach out to help. Doing things that I once thought was the right thing. Even for a short time, Zack was being like an elder brother I thought he was meant to be. And not this . . . mess.
On one fatal day, we were found out. And my brother, I promised to always have his back and taking everything that monster shadowed him with.
This one time, I couldn't. Not alone that is.
A voice. A kind voice that reminded me of a good soul I never thought would be so calming and a blessing. Called out to me. Telling me over and over to break the curse that was cast over mother.
Zack did what he could to keep her away long enough for me to do so.
Smashing the gem was out of the question. For the worry of losing that good soul. I used the next best thing. I bit it.
It shatters in half. A blinding light came and went. As I found my self in a large forest far from my home. Far from my brother.
I didn't think less that I was alone. That voice came with me. Her name from heavens was Premaxillaries. I called her Max, seeing as she became a friend in my time of need.
Along the way, I met Dr. Hasad Jen, a monster hunter of science, in the jungles of Africa, who at the time was searching for a great bird of death. I was glad to met him. There were times, when I knew right away he wished he never found me. But was too good-hearted. Training me to be able to take of myself; when he couldn't be there. Small gestures he did at time overlooked the worst that came.
Max as well. Giving me inner power to find things that went a bump in the night. Without them . . . I be dead.
But it wasn't enough to find Zack. Until one day, I overheard from Dr. Jen, that he was looking for something. Asking many locals as we kept traveling. It was then I knew how to get back home and search for my brother.
It was hard at first to lie to him. Even Max wasn't that helpful at some times, it was something I thought to believe it was guilt she was feeling. At time for how less she could be strong on the will's own. Though, the fragile state some could be in, I can see why losing the gem was a mystery to Dr. Jen when it was a design that he couldn't recall. As long the scales were in favor, who would later on? Despite that, we finally found ourselves on the next shipping dock to America. Max was doing the same as me, righting a wrong.
When on the deep west side of America. I found my father and his band mates, or what was left of them from an attack of mad wolves.
At least I knew, father held on our family photo as a life line to the end. Also finding mother, who was still cursed and to be put to rest. I would have been damn if I let anyone else kill her.
Another thing that was surprising was that, before I knew it. It had been six years. Six long, lead walking, tears falling years.
But seeing that face. Made it all worth it. But what made me break down inside, was when he forgot, who I was.
Daring to even call me a Double Walker.
But I had to hide it. Hide it for the shame I could bring on him. I look to others to find a way to keep the hurt away.
It was found within people I was glad to make friends of my kind.
Tapeworm; a nerd who was mostly found his face in thick books of knowledge.
Mark; a shy and soft-spoken person who I rarely saw around.
Barbara; someone who I met on the first day and hit it off really well.
How I wish, I should have learned better. When that friendship of hers was all a lie. Knowing I should have looked more carefully when she and Max were the same in some way. How Max always went silent when she was near. Protection that came for us both but meant nothing later on. When finding out the truth.
Sisters and keepers of the stone that had change my life for the best and worst.
Over time. Even in this bullshit that was coming at me one after another. I overlooked that I was dying.
Dying you might be asking? And how? When I broke the gem, I ending up swallowing a good amount of it. When that blast hit me by my mouth, it forces its way, slipping through my lips. Sealing Max's and I's fates together. Slowly casing me away from the world. Day by day for those six years, I never once thought about dying.
My brother. Looking for him and bring him back to my side. That was the only thing that was on my mind.
Dr. Jen, bless him. Tried his best to help me. Or at least slow the black shell from covering me.
It hurt to know, that I never got the chance to tell how Zack, I how I really felt. My last words to him were telling our last moment together and ran off like the coward that I was.
The very thought of my brother, thinking belittle of me in any way, hurt too much.
But to die. To be killed by someone who thought he was like something as god. Was not how I wanted to go out.
Being killed by a Lord that could morph into anything at will. Who force his prey to watch his dirty work play out. Toying with them in many ways for the sake of humoring himself. Like it was a game or something.
Watching him, rip skin off bone and muscle.
Breaking joins into making the body move like a rag doll.
Shoveling guts and blood onto the floor.
Hallowing the body until nothing was left.
Staples ache the muscles that held the eyes open, leaving nothing but tears shed down untainted skin.
Finally finding what he was looking for and leaving a with a grin. With no care of what he left for others to find.
If crying could happen in the afterlife, I would have run out water to spare.
How long ago was that now? Eight? Nine years?
I have lost track in a world that doesn't seem to age. In a safe fog by great undecidable power to keep it away from praying eyes.
The memories come slowly. As does my ageing.
Thanks to Max, I am healing from the choices that I have made.
And in return, she took away the memories and change the events of that day. The gem's powers I still don't understand, it still leaves me in fear and wonder, but now it is left in darkness. Which is it belongs. Truly, it does. Price of her and sister's solid beings. Along with wills that wouldn't dare fix themselves, leaving most bitter of their outcomes. They are just taken in stride now. In ways worth for it never to happen again. No one remembers of that night. Though, even if she's not around anymore, I won't forget what she did. To keep the balance from breaking, along with her bitter sister in their new home, I thank her only more. Even if I miss her more in layers of Earth that can't be reached by modern man.
Those people who that every man has great willpower is wrong. For those can't remember, but only feel like its mirror effects.
Now living in a young age of seventeen. The memories are becoming harsher then ever. And along with that, taking a toll on my body.
For that no heaven powers can take away from what that madman did. I understand how Frankenstein feels.
I hide it from the outside world in cloaks and robes.
"Cody?"
I hear a voice, glancing from my gloved cover hand to where the voice came from.
Not far in the stony hallway, I see the king.
"Hello, Hasad."
"Are you all right? I didn't see you at the dining table."
"Not hungry." I stated, moving from the large window and heading down the hall.
Hasad not far behind.
On reflex, I fix my face cover when Hasad gets close to me. I know that this saddens him, for he thinks that I don't trust him anymore. Or anyone in that fact.
Even my brother.
"Well if you do. You know where to go." I hear him say as he kept walking ahead of me, the strain of hurt in his tone is not hard to miss. Handling a life not of his own and taking a role he ran from. It took its toll on him and those he knew at times, but there moments I could see the man, D' arcy's told tales of him and his own brother were like. Even in doubt, there was hope in the small of things. Though at times, I still wonder if every iota earned it. Much like the growing mystery of D' arcy, but his lore of being might fall into the realms not meant to be known. That sharp glint in his eyes fall that of a shape-shifting evil within the tombs of the devil. Even offhand, there are things of the unknown, that are just not meant to be understood. And for my sanity, I left it be.
Even now, the thoughts come hounding on me. I need to go rest. Or . . . something!
In deep parts of the castle. I have found a place to relax.
Out of spite, I remove my face cover and gloves. Letting scared hands graze over spine binds of books. Hoping to find something I could just be someone else for just a short moment.
"There is a new ship of books on the far right."
I jump to face D 'arcy. Reshuffling books without a care in the world.
"The official meetings were odd with that Hasad had this look like he just saw the end of world. I thought I come to check on you, making sure you're okay."
"And what? Stick a needle in me if I lied? Why must there be someone to bother me?"
"It was food coloring and water, you little brat. Get over it." D' arcy gave a sigh, pinching his nose ridge out of annoyance before adding. "You-Know-Who wouldn't like that, if we didn't and just let it slip by. Even if we don't at times see eye-to-eye, Cody. We have common things that lessen the sting. Please take note of that."
"Understandable to a point. Though, he worries too much. He's got enough problems as it is. He shouldn't need to worry about this broken ragdoll, nor anyone else for that matter."
He places the last book away, not daring himself to look at me. "Humoring your statement there as that may be only true on some accounts. Doesn't make Hasad role any easier in the end. But Cody, please, heal not only for yourself, but others who care for your well-being. Though personally, your younger years were much more favorable."
I don't speak a word to him, knowing he must have more to say.
"Zack and company will be back from overseas soon. I hope to see you at the welcome home party for him. At least."
I called out. "You know I-"
"Don't like crowds. Yes, I understood that the first time and many afterwards. It's starting to get to me." I could feel the smile on him and I couldn't help but do the same, even if the smile couldn't stretch a far. "You are more of bloodily pain than him. Gits like you really need to shut it and move on."
"If only that could work just as you say it, D' arcy."
He shook his head and started to leave.
The words were such a strain on my lips. "I'll try."
"Don't try. Do."
Weeks have gone by from then on. I am starting to remember more. And out of habit, I draw. Zack has notice that they have gotten better over time. Hanging them on the wall as if a famous person made them for him and gave them a praise as they were.
I wish he would stop that. I know this is his way of dealing with it. It's nice, but then . . . I wish it didn't hurt. This feeling is to be a wonderful feeling. But it turns out to be painful.
The castle was in a rush. A boat was coming from the north. Zack and the others were back. And yet, I failed to do what D' arcy wanted me to do.
"What a horrible I turned to be."
"Whoever told you that, should be lucky I haven't found them."
Zack.
I turn from the picture to the door and smile. Even if he couldn't see it.
"Welcome home."
He moved closer to me and kissed my cloth covered forehead.
"Thank you. What are you painting?"
"Something from the void." Looking back the picture, reaching out to smooth out some rough edges.
"Stanislav told me that place is where the birth of the world is. Did you see anything like that?"
"I'm not sure. How is old One Arm Stan?" I started out with, using the fusain to stroke out more lines.
He chuckles before replying. "Don't let him hear that name, even if true, you know how he is."
Silence after laughter stilled in place, only for him to speak again. I feel his hands slowly removing the cloth hiding my torn self. Coping and facing reality were still far our reach. But damned for the chances we tried. Failing along the way but it was something. Much like that place. It said everything of unsaid emotions.
"Cody?"
"It was cold." Airy the reply was, as I was filling large white areas into a light gray or black shade.
"I heard nothing but my breathing." Using my sleeve as a replacement rubber.
I feel his arms around me, seeing that I was shaking.
"Hush. You're okay now. You're here."
I only nodded, not taking in the lone tear falling down my face.
His lips kiss it away and left when someone was calling for him. Leaving me be, to do my thing. And that was some time ago until things were coming into place. And a new cold spike in me, filled what the void took away.
I am not sure how much longer I can or even could hold out from that fact, thinking of it now. For the past three years up to now, while having this island be our new home. I have known Zack's feelings. But I don't think I can return it. Not like how I am now.
Again. Disparaging me, of whom I am. I just can't. I can't face him like this.
For that. My feeling will never surface at all or again and hoping that he'll grow tired of waiting and find someone better. Well, not without my say, but still.
I do love him. More than anything. But there isn't much I can give him. A brother is the best I can do for now.
After finishing the picture and leaving the room. The need to be near close people is starting to take a toll on me.
Walking near Hasad's study was near, when I heard voices that hours of drawing took me away from. I welcomed them even though my steps falter when nearing them.
"He's closing off again."
"I can't do anything about that, Zack. He's your brother."
"I know . . . but . . . "
"This is something that is out of my hands. I'm a king not a god. Don't confuse the two now. I don't need anymore trouble."
D' arcy gave a sigh before saying. "Forgive him, Zack. The last few weeks haven't been so kind. I'm sure you should know too . . . the drawings your brother did."
"You think the reason he's like this, is because he, might know?"
Hasad nor D' arcy didn't say word back, but they actions did something from how Zack groan in worry and something might have been fear. If the clench in my heart had anything to add on that, then yes, maybe so.
"If he did. Wouldn't he be mad or something? You said he was a book smart lad, brain over anything." D' arcy stated bluntly.
Zack's words were something of the past, not the now in ways they hurt. "His love for books does wonder, for better or worst. You know as we stand now and the past I like to . . . not be that. Besides, Cody never thought rage solved anything."
"Words of a good heart." Hasad added, while the rustled paper of documents he must had to look over, bothered him some.
"Yeah." Zack's words sounding only close to a whisper.
Don't sound so broken there, Zack. You're face when I remember that man was more than enough to prove of how you felt.
You were angry.
Hurt.
Sad.
Confused.
I know Zack, I know how these scars make you feel. Don't think I am that dumb not to see it.
"Those memoires were harsh as they were for you, too. Give him time."
"That's all I have now, Hasad. Don't act like I don't know that. Until he caves, until then. I'll wait."
You really a stubborn person, Zack. You really are. Yet, I can't help but smile for it. For when I know you're my stubborn person to the bitter end.
If you're really going to wait Zack. Then hold out for this heart and soul think they are ready. If I held out to find you for six years of my life that I will never get back. Then I that hard head of yours can do the same.
When my growth is done and all the memories are back where they are needed to be. Then we'll talk about this future that you seem to have planed out for us.
"Like I said before, Cody, you, two are the thickest."
I turn to face D' arcy and shrugged.
If being thick-headed is bad. Then there should have been things I couldn't let go of. Yet, I did.
Because I waited it out and held my head up-high. Knowing that it would be all worth it in the end.
But I don't think I need someone like Hasad or D' arcy or even Stanislav to tell me otherwise. All I need is my brother, who was there for me from the start. I just don't what side of my brother I am missing. Nor what he is asking for as well. It's all so confusing and hurting so much. I just don't know what to do anymore, but let time work out what we can't. Or is it just me, thinking that?
"Cody?"
"Zack is only going to be dying for this long over-due wait that isn't mine to say. I don't think so, anyway. Have a good day, D' arcy." And left it at that, seeing in a short from now. Our futures are waiting for us to get a move on.
The End.