Try as she might, she's unable to speak. He places his hand on her cheek, delicate. It unnerves her. One break in the continuum of time and this is what she has. Confusion at who he is now, because she never really knew who he was before.
Fred wanted to, she dreamed of watching him turn into someone, but it fell apart before her-all of their-eyes. Until now. Now Connor was someone beyond anyone's control but his own, and he had chosen to come to her room, out of a whole hotel, her room.
She flicked her eyes up, not knowing how to handle the contact, he had never touched her, not after his return. He had barely looked at her, except when she was with Charles, which he watched with curious eyes. The only love that he had seen, that he remembered.
Her bed is unmade, like everything is. Her dark little heaven at the top of the stairs. His eyes flick around, pushing-and not pushing- his way in. He slips past her and sits on her bed, his head momentarily in his hands before reexamining the room, not missing the spaces in the wall where he can see through the paint to the ravings of someone completely out of her element. Like him.
She doesn't turn around, Connor can see only her back. It's hurts him that she isn't coming to him, helping him. That's what people do, they console him about something they know nothing about.
But Fred knows. They both know it. Connor wonders if she can tell that he can see her never ending pain. He wonders if she can even see it in herself. She had five years in hell, he had eighteen. He was never a slave in his home dimension. No, this was his home dimension.
She finally turned to him, placing herself on the other side of the bed, unsure of what to do with herself. He drops to his knees, his eyes meeting hers, pleading for her to help him. He is lost in this dimension.
His eyes shatter her, they always have. She was the one who was there in that dark alley. It was only Angel, Fred and Darla... and then Connor. This couldn't be happening to her, but the look of loss on his face was too much for her. She remembered it clearly. Saying that she wouldn't wish that feeling on her worst enemy was an understatement. She can't bear to see anyone endure it.
"Please, please..." She speaks the words on his lips. They're both suffering and he is suddenly sorry he came here. He wasn't thinking. He is only hurting her, but he can't leave.
"I- I can change this world for you." His assurance shocks even himself. "I'll kill who you hate. Please, love. Please." She breaks. He watches it in her, he watches her break before him and a sick satisfaction comes to him from knowing he has done that. He hates himself in this moment.
She slips back onto the bed, falling backwards, her hair splaying out beneath her. He stands up, looking down on her frame. He sits on the edge again, looking over her body and at her face. Her eyes are closed, not screwed shut like he expected, but almost as if she were asleep.
"You'll ruin it all." Her words are barely a warning, more of an acceptance of fact. He slides his hands towards her. She wears a thick dress, almost a sweater, as if she was freezing while she got dressed. His hands are beneath her, he remembers watching her at the door. He starts with her back, because that is what he can see when she's breaking his heart.
Most of Fred knows that she is bleeding him empty solely because he's a man. It infuriates her, how he could be one person one day and months later be someone entirely new. It is the experience she wished she had gained from Pylea, but she remained weak while he became strong.
Afterwards, they lie separately under the duvet. Farther apart than they have ever felt. Connor is isolated within himself, this hadn't worked as he had expected it to. Fred silently loathes herself for what she has done. She turns to him, her movement forcing him into reality, he meets her eyes.
She tells him the only thing she can, she tells him she wish he would die. She knows she'll never touch him again, and she knows he won't give up on her, but no. This was one night. One more night in a lifetime of horrors, one more night, but it was a good one.
And she will never forgive herself for that.