Author's Note:
I like to think that 'with grace' has lots of different meanings within this story.
So! I've always had this idea of writing about Nasuada and Murtagh's interactions during their time in Tronjheim. Based on how they speak about each other during Eragon and the beginning of Eldest, they must have had something going on, right? To my complete surprise, and elation, CP wrote scenes in Inheritance while Nasuada is held prisoner! Eee!
This flits between being canon-verse and AU, as I try to stick to the timeline written in Eragon. Many liberties are taken with the events, as well as Nasuada's thoughts. It's a shame we don't know much about her before Eldest, but I like to think of her constantly trying to please her father but wanting to prove how skilled she is in battle. She is hesitant when it comes to the Varden's politics, but has planned for her father's death. Nasuada has rarely had the opportunity to travel outside Farthen Dûr and I also like to think that Jörmundur is like a second father to her. It pretty much follows the same verse my Inheritance story is written in, as a small part of the first meeting passage is italicized at the beginning.
And writing this has consoled my Nasuada/Murtagh-shipping heart... slowly...
I hope you enjoy!
~Lucy
As Nasuada made her way down to the prison in Tronjheim, she considered what she was going to say to this Murtagh. Was she going to be able to hold a conversation with a stranger, much less a stranger who wasn't welcomed in her world? Could her words be enough to get him to speak? Nasuada wasn't entirely sure, but the opportunity arrived to meet him at last. And even if she didn't get to talk to him, it was enough that she got to see him.
"Good evening, Murtagh," Nasuada said politely, looking between the bars at their prisoner. He peered up at her, somewhat startled she could tell. She curtsied. "I don't agree with my father's decision to put you here. Not that he'd agree to let me visit you either, but I don't really believe that that's very fair," she added, when Murtagh remained silent.
There was an awkward silence before Nasuada spoke up again. This moment had come at last and there was no way she was going to let it slip through her fingers. Murtagh was misunderstood and judged all his life, so maybe if she showed compassion and understanding, to the best of her ability, she might get him to at least not distrust the Varden and her father.
"I hope you don't mind if I stay," she said at last, fixing the hem of her dress as she sat down along the edge of the bars. "Sometimes it gets lonely. Everyone talks politics nowadays and it's all too much."
Nasuada wasn't afraid of war. She was afraid that her father and his advisors would continue to treat her like a fragile doll. It was lovely that they cared for her, but she was seventeen and extremely skilled with her bow.
"My name is Nasuada, Ajihad's daughter. I never knew my mother. My father said she was as beautiful as the moon. I was raised in the Varden all my life, secluded from the rest of the world. The maps I've pored over are the only window to the outside world of Alagaësia. Someday I'd rather like to see what's outside the Varden boundaries, but for now I am content. The people need my father and I."
She wrung her hands. It felt nice to vocalize her feelings, rather than having her journals filled to the brim with her emotions.
"You have a right to be angry. These bars haven't seen prisoners in a long, long time. The Varden is a well-hidden secret, perhaps not anymore, but it is a miracle you were able to rescue the elf Arya. We are eternally grateful. I know that you are also responsible for helping Eragon and Saphira, which is noble indeed. It is a pity my father cannot see that. But I realize that his fear is rational in these dark times, and with Urgals knocking down our door, he is acting out of prudence. Even so, I don't think you would have accompanied Eragon here if you were working with Galbatorix."
More silence. Her well-constructed thoughts became rambles and he probably thought she was a fool for sitting on the ground and wringing her hands.
"I wish we could have met under different circumstances. The bars that separate us are unfitting and distasteful. However, I am glad we met. I will make Ajihad see the error of his ways and hopefully change your situation."
Hastening footsteps caused Nasuada to stand up as quickly as she could manage. One of the guards of the prison held a rolled up summons in his right hand. He bowed when he came into view of Nasuada.
"Lady Nasuada, Ajihad requests your presence," the guard said, handing it to her.
She bit her lip. Nasuada looked back toward Murtagh before dismissing herself with another curtsy. "I promise to return, Murtagh. I know how lonely it can get."
-x-
Angry, tense voices could be heard from the other side of the door. Nasuada lingered outside to eavesdrop on the current conversation. She heard Jörmundur's voice rise above the rest, declaring that Ajihad must begin battle preparations. Eragon, Saphira, and Murtagh's arrival had lured the Urgals to their safe haven. Galbatorix would send his army swiftly to crush them.
The rising tension in the arguments prompted Nasuada to answer her father's summons. Ajihad and the Council all stared at her while she entered.
"You wished to speak to me, father?" Nasuada asked.
"I do. Council, if you'll excuse us," Ajihad replied. "We'll discuss this further at another time."
The Council did not disobey. They bowed low and exited. Ajihad sat behind his desk and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Nasuada, I believe I have forbidden you from seeing the prisoner. You've already gotten him a better cell, what more do you want?" he said at last.
"Father, his name is Murtagh. And that cell is no better! He is like a caged animal with the bars!" Nasuada exclaimed.
"He is an animal. Morzan was no human. He was beyond an animal."
"But Murtagh is not Morzan! Murtagh is Murtagh. Why do you judge him based on his heritage?"
"He refused to be probed. I cannot take any chances, Nasuada."
"I implore you, father, just give him the nicest cell we have in Tronjheim. He has shown no ill toward us, so please, just grant me that."
Ajihad sighed. "Fine, Nasuada. I will grant the orders to have him moved. But mind you, I still do not trust him."
"That is enough. Thank you, father."
She kissed his cheek before she left. He called after her as she stepped over the threshold. Nasuada turned back toward him. "Yes, father?"
"Nasuada, I wish for you to not see Murtagh. Not until he can be trusted. Maybe even then I will forbid you from seeing him. You should greet Eragon, however. And give him this message."
She recited his message back and was dismissed once again. Nasuada hardly disobeyed her father, but she found this cause to be acceptable. A promise was a promise! Even if Murtagh had not spoken a word, she was more than content.
-x-
Ajihad's new orders had reached Tronjheim by the time Nasuada was fitted into her most beautiful dress and the mass of braids atop her head were intricately woven. She was pleased with the news, and since she was resolved to go, she hurried off before the sun rose too high. Nasuada was instructed to give Eragon a message, and honestly, found the prospect of a dragon rider and its dragon in their city quite amazing. They were only as vivid as her imagination.
The guards let her pass once she arrived at Murtagh's new cell. It had a window, a bed, and all the reading material he could want and more. She found this to be curious indeed. The heavy door closed behind her.
"Hello, Murtagh," Nasuada said, meeting his glance. He was lying on the bed, examining one of the scrolls. Murtagh had decidedly found Nasuada more interesting. "I do hope the new arrangements are better. Ajihad was adamant about having you locked up but I didn't see why you had to stay in such squalor."
Having this intimate space without the intrusion of bars made Nasuada more aware of his physical stature. His fierce, grey eyes followed her every move, her every mannerism, and his stoic, indifferent face made her unsure of what he thought of her possible intrusion.
"I don't want to trouble you, but I did promise I would visit you, so, I have. If you should need anything, just send along word and I'll try my best to have it fulfilled."
Nasuada was about to leave his cell but she heard the scroll hit the floor. Murtagh was now sitting up, crossing his muscled arms across his chest. He continued to look at her with that same stoic face of his.
"What?" she asked, bemused. "I was about to leave."
"I don't understand," Murtagh said at last.
His voice was different from what she imagined. Lower in pitch, very calm, assured, and actually quite lovely. Was that how her father was able to recognize him, aside from his trademark scar? His voice was like that of Morzan's own?
"Understand what?"
"I don't understand why you're being so nice to me."
"I thought I already told you."
"Helping Eragon and the elf? No, that doesn't warrant such kindness. The elf had to help us find the exact location."
Nasuada swore his left eyebrow lifted. "An incredible feat, nonetheless. I should ask you why you think so poorly of yourself."
"Now you're changing the subject."
"It's for a good reason."
"I'll give you the truth if you offer the truth as well. A fair exchange, don't you think?"
"Are you jesting?"
"I would never jest."
She studied his face, or tried to, but he didn't give anything away. As far as she was concerned, Murtagh had no reason to lie and now that he was speaking to her, Nasuada felt that he was simply curious.
"Fine. Well, the truth is, I know the Varden, the Council, and my father. We are guarded, passionate, and careful people. When an outsider, especially one with suspicious origins, comes to us, it takes tremendous trust to welcome them. Your arrival has spread all through Farthen Dûr and Tronjheim. You refused The Twins' probe and you claim no sides in this war. When you refused it, Murtagh, you opened yourself to being treated like an outcast and criminal. I wish it weren't so, but as I said, it is these dark times that make us worried. However, I have a lot more faith in you. We do not choose our destinies or parents. Ajihad is jaded, but that does not mean you deserve such treatment."
Murtagh did not answer right away. She shifted uncomfortably, unsure if she had overstayed her welcome. He again surprised her.
"Shouldn't you distrust me, my Lady?" Murtagh asked.
"You may address me as Nasuada," she said. "And maybe I should."
Was Murtagh… laughing? The dark chuckle that escaped his lips counted as laughter in her books. Was it directed at her? Should she be offended?
"Don't be offended, Nasuada," Murtagh said, returning to his former composure. "I just find it hard to believe that anyone would trust me. Besides Eragon, I suppose."
"I am not. And that self-pitying and low self-worth is emerging again, which is the object of your truth-telling."
"Do you think I like falling under my father's shadow constantly, just because of my namesake? Judging me before they even speak to me? Even Galbatorix thought I would follow into my father's footsteps."
"No, certainly not."
Silence fell between them. Nasuada turned to go, knowing that her father would soon find out about her disobedience if she stayed any longer.
"I should go, Murtagh."
"Nasuada?"
"Yes?"
"Will you be seeing Eragon soon?"
"I am instructed to relay a message to Eragon. Do you wish to speak to him?"
Murtagh was trying not to show his eagerness. "I do," he said simply.
Nasuada curtsied. "My father will visit you at some point today, and once I receive word, I will tell Eragon of your desire. You also wish to make a favorable impression on my father, yes?"
"I wish nothing less. So, he did not instruct you to visit me?"
"I am guilty of disobedience. Did I not tell you yesterday? You will see that Ajihad is reasonable, Murtagh."
"I hope so."
A smile worked its way through her pursed lips. "If all goes well, we shall meet again. Goodbye for now, Murtagh."
"I look forward to it, Nasuada."
His fierce, grey eyes were softer now and his half-smile betrayed his usual stoic expression. She left without another word. Her next errand was to dine for breakfast. The last thing she heard was Murtagh yelling for one of the guards to bring him another scroll to read. Nasuada smiled to herself.
-x-
Ajihad sent word to Nasuada during breakfast that she and Eragon were permitted to see Murtagh freely. She was extremely pleased at the news and immediately set off to recite her father's message to the new Rider. And to, of course, hint that Eragon should visit Murtagh.
-x-
Whether the guilt bothered her or she fell back on habit, the news of the new Rider and the Urgals had kept Ajihad and the Council quite busy, in turn making her quite busy too. She relayed messages and did whatever tasks her father wanted her to help with. It meant that she would not be able to see Murtagh, but she hoped that Eragon had wanted to.
When she was finally released from her duties, Nasuada went directly to her room. There, she polished her armor and prepped her bow for battle. She felt the impending battle in her bones – if Galbatorix was smart, he'd crushed the Varden and Eragon while he had the inside information and servant to do so. It was only a matter of time before they arrived.
-x-
The next day proved even more eventful for Nasuada and the rest of the Varden. A lone dwarf was able to warn the Varden of the Urgals' plan of attack – they were using the tunnel systems under Farthen Dûr – and it was extremely imperative for Ajihad to strategize efficiently. Since Nasuada was not allowed to discuss battle plans, she made it a point to finish her own battle preparations.
When she received the orders for her to go with the rest of the women and children of Farthen Dûr, she took them gracefully. Nasuada was no stranger to this sort of treatment and had planned to sneak out with the rest of the archers when her father wasn't looking. Unfortunately, that meant that she was not able to visit Murtagh either.
Assimilating into the Varden's archers later that day was an easy feat. Waiting for the Urgals was more difficult, as her muscles began to ache, but once the battle began, the adrenaline pulsing through her veins made her feel powerful.
She lost count of how many Urgals she killed.
-x-
The battle raged on. All seemed hopeless when the number of arrows began to dwindle, and when they finally did run out, Nasuada had to resort to using the jeweled dagger on her hip. Fortunately, Eragon was able to vanquish the Shade Durza and end the battle soon after. It was incredible how the Urgals instantly turned on each other. She was on the opposite side of the field when it happened, which might have been for the best after all.
The Urgals that survived the initial confusion and onslaught began to flee toward the way they first came into Tronjheim. They continued to fight anyone who got in their way. Many of the Varden's best fighters went after them, perhaps prompted by her father's orders.
Nasuada salvaged a decent amount of arrows (those that had missed the mark and others that were embedded in the enemy) and tested her luck by attempting to throw herself in the foray of Urgals and fighters. Three fell with arrows in their chests and she sidestepped one that swung for her head. It died with an arrow in its neck. She fared well with her bow, but without a secondary, sturdy weapon, Nasuada became overwhelmed.
Hot breath pricked the back of her neck. When she whipped around, she stared into the face of the wide-eyed Urgal hovering over her. The hand-and-a-half sword protruding from its stomach had saved her life. The body sagged over to reveal Murtagh looking thoroughly disgusted at the now-dead Urgal.
"Thanks!" Nasuada exclaimed, clutching her bow tighter.
Murtagh nodded at her gratitude. A Urgal suddenly charged toward their direction, prompting her to string an arrow and release it so it sailed over Murtagh's left shoulder, embedding itself into its neck. Murtagh raised his sword defensively and saw the Urgal collapse forward.
"Nice aim, my Lady," he said. He didn't look surprised.
There was a lull in Urgal attacks. Murtagh sheathed his hand-and-a-half sword and walked over to a pile of corpses, searching for something amongst the bodies. He picked up a short sword, examining the blade first, and hacked through the air as if to test its worth. The following shrug convinced her that the sword had passed his test. Murtagh held out the handle for her to take.
"If you are remaining to fight, you must take the sword," he said.
Nasuada shook her head. "I am not confident with a sword."
He looked exasperated. "Nasuada, please. You told me that your father was a reasonable man, and as such, I am trying to win his favor. Did you not hear of my release? Since I am trying to persuade him of my good intentions, I am not going to let his only daughter die out on the battlefield."
Nasuada wanted to protest but Murtagh kept speaking.
"I don't doubt your ability or your courage, but using a bow is not practical at this time. The sword will do you better at close range. Please, take it."
His logic was reasonable. Nasuada took the sword apprehensively, and much to her delight, it was light enough for her to wield. While it was true she preferred her bow, Ajihad would not have let her practice archery without sparring with swords too.
"Good intentions or not, encouraging me to stay would be a terrible idea," Nasuada replied, with a great sigh. "I've disobeyed my father again."
Murtagh shook his head. "Oh, Nasuada. You're making it quite impossible for me to talk to you."
Nasuada frowned. "Well, you should make a better impression on Ajihad first."
"As you wish."
Murtagh sprinted off toward the straggling Urgals, whose only means of retreat meant heading back to the tunnels. Ajihad would probably want to collapse the tunnels as quickly as possible. But for now, Nasuada tread carefully with her sword and avoided being seen by the Council and her father.
-x-
Nasuada was able to lay low for two days. Ajihad was too consumed with the victory and his plans to inquire about her whereabouts. Eragon had recently awoken and the Varden fighters had healed, including Murtagh, who had been knocked on the head by a passing Urgal. Staying among the people in Tronjheim had yielded interesting gossip: favor of Murtagh was growing, though very slowly, and Eragon had instantly become a legend. Eragon Shadeslayer. It was an honorable title.
The repercussions of the battle left the weeping women and children of their fallen relatives in despair and the dwarfs in intense anger over the shattering of the Isidar Mithrim. She lent a hand to those women while she waited for news from the Council.
Murtagh was waiting for her by the dining hall when she had done all she could. Nasuada would have walked right by him if he hadn't appeared out of the shadows. His head was wrapped with a fresh bandage and a bow was hanging off his right shoulder. He looked prepared for another war.
"You're not intending to leave, are you?" Nasuada asked.
"Ajihad has outlined a mission. I've decided to accompany him, along with The Twins. I'll return within a few days time. Maybe even sooner," Murtagh replied.
"Did he personally invite you?"
"I volunteered. It makes for a good impression, you know."
"Indeed. Well, be safe, Murtagh. I'll await your return."
Murtagh reached out for her arm. "Nasuada, you can't get rid of me that easily."
"I thought you have to go on your mission?"
"Not yet."
Nasuada pursed her lips. "All right. Are you any good with that bow?"
She motioned toward the bow on his shoulder. Murtagh shrugged it off and let her examine it more closely.
"I thought so, until you shot that Urgal on the battlefield."
"You flatter me, truly. Is it made of yew?"
Murtagh nodded. "It was a gift, as I recall."
Nasuada handed it back. "Well, it's beautiful."
He positioned it back on his shoulder. "You might have to teach me a few things when I get back. Your form was flawless."
"Kind words. We'll see when you return."
His fierce, grey eyes were watching her closely again. "I must inquire… you mentioned politics before, like you purposely exclude yourself from it. Why?" he asked, carefully.
Nasuada narrowed her eyebrows in thought. Strange he should pick such a topic, but it confirmed how she thought he was observing her closely on their first meeting.
"I don't approve entirely of the Council," she said tersely.
"Any reason?" he pursued.
"They're very much set in their ways. Dangerous ways."
Leadership of the Varden faction allured the most power-hungry. Self-serving reasons would dominate the need of the people. She shuddered at the thought.
"As for you, Murtagh, you neither support the Varden nor Galbatorix's regime. In such a war, don't you think it's imperative to choose a side? To fight for what you believe is right?"
Another one of Murtagh's dark chuckles. "The fact of the matter is, my Lady, I believe that neither serves any greater good."
When he saw Nasuada's bemused countenance, he continued. "It would be easier to explain if I told you about Galbatorix. He told me about his plan. His methods are flawed but his vision is incredible. The only reason I do not submit to the Varden is that I don't share the philosophy of destroying what he built, or rather, plans to build."
"That's unfortunate. What is Galbatorix like?"
"A cruel, charismatic man."
Murtagh's thoughts on politics had certainly altered her perspective. Growing up in the Varden all her life had made its impact in her daily life: fear Galbatorix, fight his power, and destroy the evil Empire. Murtagh may have bought into his charisma, but he had the sense to know what a madman the King could be.
"What are your plans when you return?"
"I haven't decided."
"You dislike the Varden's stance on the war."
"I need more time to decide."
"It would be proper to tell me what Galbatorix envisions for the future. All my life, I've never known any different. Don't you find his oppression unfair? His justification for murder? For all those that stand in his way?"
"Nasuada, I don't agree with what he's done or what he continues to do. I like his plan for the Empire. There is an important difference."
"What is this plan, then? If you find it more favorable than the Varden's cause, it must be something to consider."
"Sorry, but you can't drag me into the middle of this, Nasuada."
Nasuada crossed her arms over her chest. It was hardly like she was requesting him to hand over Galbatorix's battle plans. Not that it was hard to guess anyway.
"Understood. You should consider staying, I think. We can provide you shelter and food for the rest of your tenure, as well as that archery practice."
"I've considered it already, it's just that I need to discover what I want to do. And whether or not I want to leave Eragon yet. Or you."
Nasuada was unsure how to reply. "I suspect the tunnels will keep you occupied for a number of days, so you may take as much time as you need to decide. You'll always have a friend here."
A powerful rage reverberated throughout Tronjheim, so it seemed. Ajihad was a few levels above the dining area but his anger was as clear as day. "NASUADA!"
She scrunched up her nose. Her father must have found out that she stayed behind and fought for the Varden. Nasuada had been careful enough to escape notice of the Council and anyone else that might report to him, so she thought.
"I didn't tell him," Murtagh said, noticing her look.
She sighed. "He was going to find out sooner or later. Let him find me."
"He's just worried about you."
Nasuada pulled a face. "It's tiresome to keep trying to prove myself to him."
"I would agree."
"You've done well, Murtagh. Even the people speak highly of you now."
"I should only hope I don't disappoint them."
"I have faith in you."
"You're the only one who does."
Such pain racked his usual calm, assured voice that Nasuada felt compelled to console him in whatever way she could. Compassion and understanding had worked when she first met him, and despite her strict manners, found herself reaching for the side of his cheek. Her touch lingered for a few seconds before she wrapped her arms around his torso. Murtagh, she guessed, was thrown off by her sudden affection.
He coughed. "Bad timing," he muttered, spinning Nasuada around gently. Orik had snuck up on them, glaring disapprovingly at their display.
"Yes, Orik?" Nasuada asked coolly, smoothing her dress.
"Ajihad requests your presence, Lady Nasuada. He expects you to meet him at his office. And Murtagh, he will meet you at the designated area soon."
Orik remained. Nasuada took it that her father didn't want her wandering off, so the dwarf would be her escort. She gave Murtagh a half-hearted smile before dismissing herself with a curtsey.
"Goodbye, Murtagh," she said. "Be careful."
"Nasuada… thank you."
Orik questioned her out of earshot. "What do you think of him?"
She pondered his question. "He is an invaluable ally, should he choose our side."
"Will he?"
"Only Murtagh knows the answer."
-x-
She later found herself constantly thinking about this moment and how she should have said a lot more to Murtagh before he left.
-x-
Jörmundur had been the one to tell her about her father's death and Murtagh and The Twins' probable deaths. Sadness overwhelmed her. Her only close family member was gone, as well as the friend she had made. Nasuada still had her people, the Council, and all the others, but she never felt more alone. And worse of all, she had to play into the politics of the Varden.
Oh, Murtagh she thought, her eyes heavy with exhaustion. I hope I have the same strength to prove myself to the Varden.