Disclaimer: I don't own anything that's familiar.
More Than This
Her whole life had been one disappointment after another. If it wasn't her father, it was another man in her life. If she were being honest with herself, she would say that on some level their attraction was real but she wasn't being honest. She learned a long time ago that the only thing honesty did is hurt you. Besides, Mossad officers aren't known for being honest. She thought, no, she knew that opening up to someone would end up with the same result. The only thing that would come out of it would be a broken heart. And she'd been broken-hearted and wounded too many times. Maybe that's why she built up walls so high that no one could break them down. It wasn't like anybody really bothered trying to dent them, anyway. Maybe that's why she would run and hide under her tough girl act because it was safer and there was a lot less chance of her being hurt, if no one could get through.
His whole life had been one disaster after enough. He knew what he was doing was wrong, that he shouldn't be taking advantage of her like that but she didn't have many complaints. If he were being honest with himself, he would say that he was scared. He would say that all of the one night stands, the jokes, and the immaturity were just a façade because on the inside, he was scared. Scared of what exactly, he wasn't quite sure but it wasn't like he was going to dwell on why. No, he wasn't even going to think about that because he didn't want to be honest, not to anybody, especially not to himself.
They could say that what was happening wasn't real, that all of their nights together couldn't possibly be more than just hook ups but that would be a lie. Maybe not a complete lie but neither one of them wanted to acknowledge that.
The first time was after Jennifer Sheppard died, it affected them more than they cared to admit. The second time was sometime after he'd gotten her back from Somalia. It was rough and wrong but they needed to feel something, anything. After that, it became a regular occurrence after a stressful day, which in their line of work was quite common. It was always raw and pure. Sometimes it was mixed with desire, lust or need. It was all of the things that they couldn't express but needed to. It was all of their darkest and most helpless moments. They never talked about what they were doing out loud; it was one of their many unspoken rules. To them it almost seemed like a game, a game where they knew the rules but broke every single one of them just because they could.
They both silently promised that that every time would be their last, but they were drawn to each other. She never stayed the night and if he woke up to find himself tangled in her sheets, she would already be gone. They always felt a pang of guilt, but they were powerless to stop themselves. Yeah, they were powerless, dysfunctional, damaged people with scars and battle wounds. And maybe what they were doing wasn't right but it sure as hell, didn't feeling wrong either.
AN: Extremely loosely based on 'One More Night' by Maroon 5. This is my first attempt at writing NCIS. So, please be gentle. Anyways, thanks for reading.