Her Silence, My Speech.
Budapest is where it all began. 2 years ago I bought the infamous Black widow to SHIELD. 2 years ago we could kill each other just by a glance but then it all changed when Budapest happened. The mission we were assigned was tough and hence SHIELD had sent its most capable agents, me and Natasha. And what a mission it was, I mean being outnumbered by fifty and running out of ammunition, and just when all hope is lost we pull out with victory on our side. It can't really be called victory but as sure as hell felt like it. When we reached our safe house, bruised and battered and extremely exhausted I noticed Tasha clutching her sides. On further inspection after much opposition I had her agreed on me patching her up. We had never really even touched each other before this. So that's where it all started, we went as nothing more than partners and came back as friends. Oh, and if you are wondering about her injury, It was nothing more than a bullet wound. I know a bullet wound is a big deal but something like that is normal in the SHIELD world.
We had many questioning glances thrown our way when we came back to the HQ, why? I guess it was because of the small smile on my face and a gleam in her eyes. You could notice that shine in her eyes every time she was even slightly happy, not that I notice her eyes that much. If she catches you staring at her, you better run and fast, because she will catch you and it isn't going to be good. God, I am rambling again but she has that effect on people. Anyway as I was saying, our new found friendship was just the beginning of many adventures to come. Days came and days went and before you know it we celebrated our third year anniversary as partners together. A lot has changed in these three little years. She smiles more, even though only to me but a smile is a smile. I am more social now, yup that could definitely be said. Before her the only person I talked to would be Phil or Fury, occasionally Hill but only for mission requirements. And look at us now all smiley and social. Yeah things were going great.
The sun shone bright and clear on our third year anniversary, the first year we actually celebrated it. It was just the kind of day I was hoping for. Stretching out of my bed, a small blue box caught my attention. Trudging over to the box I noticed it was actually a gift box. Natasha. Wow, this was special; I mean come on the Black Widow actually getting her partner in crime the Hawkeye a gift. Yeah, it's special in its own little way. Speaking of the gift, I tore off the blue wrapping paper. It held a small box within it with the word ROLEX clearly printed across it. I can't even begin to think about how on sweet earth could she give me a Rolex. I opened the box and all of my doubts were cleared, she bought me a Submariner, the watch of my dreams, the one I hadn't stopped rambling about since forever. Along with the watch there was a small note. 'I hope this is what you wanted. It better be.' A classic Natasha note. I glanced down my new submariner, it was eight thirty; decided to get ready I quickly jumped in and out of the shower, dressed in a pair of faded blue jeans and a white shirt also not to mention the watch. Strapping the watch around my wrist I felt something strange on the reverse side of its dial, I turned it over and what do you know there was a perfectly engraved hawk on it carrying an arrow in its beak. This, I have no idea why, tugged the corners of my lips into a small smile. I was almost out of my room on my way to meet Nat, when I remembered that I nearly forgot her present. I went back in, grabbed her present and walked out again. I knocked on her door thrice before she opened it, a similar smile on her face. Believe it or not this smile of hers was not so rare, at least not to me, however it was very small. You would miss it if you didn't notice it carefully. I walked in her room, scanned around it out of habit and only then did I notice how beautiful she looked. She wore nothing special just a pair of black skinny jeans and a simple flow-y green blue top, as I said nothing special but the way she carried herself in it was amazing. She noticed the gift in my hand, raised her eyebrow in a way only she does and glanced at me. I handed her the gift but said nothing. Words really didn't need to be exchanged between us sometimes, our eyes said it all. She tore the wrapping paper off in a similar manner like I had earlier, opened the box, eyes widened a looked up. I guess awestruck was the word I could use to describe her. I must honestly admit I was scared whether she would like it or not but now taking her facial expression in respect it was safe to say that she indeed liked it. It was a small charm bracelet, from a small store on the out skirts of the city. Nothing fancy, just a silver bracelet. I got it because she wanted to capture some of the few happy memories she had in SHIELD, so I thought maybe she could use a charm bracelet where she could hang a new charm for every pleasurable memory she had. Cliché, I agree but absolutely worth it. It even had a small arrow charm attached to it. Our eyes already had spoken the unsaid words but as to put it to words, we both mouthed a thank you together. The rest of the day was more or less like any other. Breakfast, lunch followed by a movie and dinner and all that jazz. And just like that our day was over. Once it was well over midnight we sat on the roof of SHIELD HQ with two cups of coffee by our sides while our legs dangled of the edge of the parapet and our eyes glancing skywards pretending to be awestruck by the sight of a million stars although the night sky was completely bare. She was the first who opened up the topic. Confided me in all the things that she hadn't to anyone before, things which were well in the past yet their scars were as fresh as it had happened yesterday. We took turns in telling the nightmares of our past and fears for our future. And when there was nothing left to say, she broke the silence by telling that she trusted me, gave me a one sided hug and called it a night.
It could be said without a mistake that our anniversary was where our relationship as friends took flight, spending our days off in each other's company and likes and dislikes. People took notice but didn't mind, none wishing to have their limbs amputated by either of us. There was this place about a mile and a half from HQ, a café going by the name which always escapes me so we just called it 'Our Regular'. It was a small comfy looking coffee house with an open mike session, you know where one can sign up for the day and sing no matter who you are and where from. We usually would spend our Saturday afternoon's there if we were lucky enough to have the day off. And every time we were there, I could always sense Nat's wish to go up there and sing, of course she never allowed her stubborn little self to do it. "Hey Nat, why don't you go up and sing?" She noticed that I called her Nat and raised an eyebrow in question but smiled anyway. She, I knew, would never go up there and sing no matter how much you convinced her. So instead of pushing her to the stage like I was planning to, I led by example. Signed my name up, grabbed a guitar and surprised the one person who could never be surprised. The song of my choice was from the country genre, I thought it gave a good soothing contrast to our fast hectic life. I end the song with a smirk towards Nat who, I must admit, looked absolutely stunned even if only for a second before she pulled her mask back on. And with that we headed back to headquarters.
We crossed the line between friends and friends with benefit, six months later, while on a mission in Egypt. I was posing as a merchant looking for the top notch artillery while she was a belly dancer in the bar we were to deal. Oh man that girl knows how to move her hips. I could bet every man in the room was swooning over her, heck I was having a difficult time keeping focus. Finally my prayer was granted and we completed our mission when Nat lured him to a room and finished the job. I knew exactly how the night was going to end if she was willing to go with my thoughts as well. And just as planned, the tension between us became too much and gave in. It was rough, tough, and hard and nothing like one would dream. It was us. No words of love, affection or anything like that, just us breathing, moaning and groaning. That night we slept wrapped in one another's embrace, enjoying the comfort of having someone beside you. The sun dawned on us like any other morning, the events of last night unspoken of but never forgotten. Though nothing changed between us because of that night something was definitely different. Open could be the word, I mean we became more comfortable around each other if not more close.
This then became our ritual; we would blow off steam and relax in the same way after every mission. And the more we did it the softer she became towards me and me to her. I guess we became more protective and possessive. We both knew there was something more to us then just being friends but I wasn't ready to put that into words and I knew neither was she. So we carried on whatever it was that we were. Saturday afternoon's spend in 'Our Regular'place, me singing and she would watch silently as I strummed the guitar.
It was September, if I am not wrong that she named our relation, complicated and she was right, it was complicated. It was like we were silently committed to one another. It wasn't love, she said, maybe it's just having something to hold on to, someone to trust and someone to have your back.
I realized just how long we had been alone, that it was comforting to have someone to relate to, share and accept to. Though we weren't actually dating, we never planned on dating anyone else. Well except the occasional flirting with the girl with the girl who served us coffee at 'Our Regular'place. Carmen her name was.
Soon Christmas came and Christmas went, both of us were busy with our mission. Don't know why but SHIELD just decides to send us on solo mission during any festive occasion. So yeah, we end up greeting each other over the phone, hearing her voice just makes things feel better, knowing she too is in just as a sucky mission as I am in. Christmas was the same. I bet Fury works just to kill us. I came back earlier than expected from the mission, I guess about four days after Christmas, 29th December. I guess I would be celebrating New Year alone again. Not that we had the time to ever actually celebrate it. I walked in to my living quarter, physically soar but mentally glad nonetheless, hoping maybe Natasha would be able to make it home early. I was about to make a bee line to the shower when the huge box on my bed captured my attention. I didn't even have to double guess about it, it would obviously be from Natasha. How does even manage to send me a present in the middle of her mission. I opened the long box to find a perfect, metal bodied, feather light bow, and state of the art and new on the market. To be frank about it, she always out does me in the gifting department. Man, I forgot to get her a present. I was just about to bang my head on the wall for my stupidity when I noticed a small note hanging from my new bow. And ironically it read 'Don't beat yourself up for forgetting about my present, which I believe you did. You could however make it up to me by dinner-N'. I swear only she could make me feel guilty and happy at the same time.
She came back from the mission on third January. I know New Year is now two days old but it still feels new to me, now that I have some company. And true to my word I made up to her by taking to her for dinner. It was big, fancy restaurant, the kind where people are always too serious in formal suits and tie, dim lights and excellent not to mention expensive choice of wine from around the world. Between you and I SHIELD practically pays you a gold mine. Anyway I started my habit of rambling, back to the topic. I chose this restaurant with the thought that it may make her feel special; knowing she never had a reason to before. She was a bit hesitant at first but then something passed through the scary mind of hers and I could see the mischief in her eyes. Not wasting a second more than necessary she dragged me inside, flirted with the waiter to find us a seat when none when available, sat down and contemplated on what to other. By this time I had caught on to her act and happily played along. When the waiter came to take our order we nearly killed him with frustration ordering everything we knew would never be available her. I mean cheese pizza in a bloody five star restaurant. I swear only our minds could work like this. Finally after fifteen minutes we settled for something the waiter was thankful was on the menu. The dim, silent ambience of the restaurant was a bit too heavy for such a lovely evening like this when the music was so slow and a few couples were waltzing around the pristine marble dance floor. Natasha heavily stomped her stiletto clad foot on the ground and that was the sign that she had enough of this act. She sneakily went behind the stereo system, jiggled with some records and soon an upbeat dance number played on. She hurriedly came back to our table and pulled me on to the dance floor. The couples who had been waltzing were completely taken by surprise but welcomed the change anyway. Natasha's stilettoes were long gone and we began dancing to the fast beat song. And just when we were getting comfortable with the other couples and music died half way in to the song. Our waiter was now on his nerve ends. I gave Nat a quick glance which exchanged a lot in our own way, she smiled, grabbed my hand a soon we were running out for the door, passing our bill on the main desk to the door. By the time we had made it out of the restaurant, Natasha was laughing wildly, something she rarely did, in fact this was the first time she laughed so freely in front of me. We ran around the corner of the restaurant and then slowed down to a slow walk. "Okay, I am never taking you to another five star restaurant ever again" I said breathlessly, while laughing at the same time. Man, I loved to fool around at times like this, it's like we are teenagers again; something we never had. We had crossed another block when I realized we had forgotten our coats in the restaurant and Nat didn't even had shoes on. "Aren't you feeling cold?" I asked, smoke coming out of my mouth. Her answer was simple and expected. "I am Russian; this practically is summer for us." So I made a note to myself, Russians don't even feel cold when the others freeze. Great.
Time flied pass us quite quickly. Another two years had gone by. She was called on a solo mission, to go under cover as Natalie Rush man to Stark Industries, while I was stationed at Mexico supervising the tesseract. Natasha would have called it guarding the tesseract but clearly I was keeping eye on it. Hawk eye does not guard anything. Guards guard things. Things weren't any fun from there. As we all know the whole Loki incident took place, I was played like a harp by him, and attacked god knows how many agents plus tried to kill Nat. Well that was that until she gave me a cognitive recalibration which is just a fancy word for concussion. To say I was furious at Loki would be just as true as the sky is blue with a dash of understatement. But being who we are we prepared ourselves to climb the steep way up hill to victory once again. Loki was defeated and peace was restored back on earth yada yada yada. And I wasn't able to put an arrow through his eye, but I am back and that's all I care about. Well that and Natasha.
Tony decided to make Stark tower the Avengers tower. I guess it has a ring to it. He asked all of us to move in. We all did, me and Natasha, with the hope that maybe this is it, maybe this finally is a place called home. Natasha would never admit it but she really liked the idea of having someone else there for her other than me and Phil. I was happy and I could tell she was too. The members of the Avengers fit together as good as peanut butter and jelly, personally not my favorite but I really just wanted to say it. Anyway life was as good as it could be if not better. Sundays was movie night, Monday's breakfast for dinner, Tuesday to Thursday work, work, work and Friday to Saturday was what we called spontaneous days for the many unplanned fun we had out of nowhere. Slowly the feeling of us, the avengers, being a time bomb crept away and was replaced by a feeling of having like-minded people with you. Of course there were many exception like Tony with his sarcasm, Cap and his virgin mind, Bruce with his science and finally Thor with is hilarious misunderstandings about Earth. While there yet remained Pepper, me and Natasha with our exception, but it isn't as weird or bone tickling as the others.
It was a Saturday, the spontaneous day two, and naturally Tony announced it as a beach day after 6pm when the sun was just half an hour away from saying goodbye until tomorrow. The idea was more welcomed than I had originally anticipated it to be. Seems to me, Tony had already packed the miscellaneous items that we would need on the beach into his car and all that remained was for us to get dressed. Being as fast as we are it could have taken all us nearly two minutes to dress at tops. We reached our destination in another five minutes, where the golden sands were secluded and the sky was tainted in purple and the last shades of oranges. The sun itself seemed like a semi fireball drowning into the sea. By the time the sun had finally been submerged in to the deep blue, a hammock was tied between the two palm trees, our towels lay forgotten on the sand and a bonfire had been lit. The whole thing had this unexplainable ambience to it, something that just made you relax and carefree. I guess it could be called the type of atmosphere where you wish there was some rocking background music playing that exactly represented you mood. Well we weren't completely sans music, if you consider the sound of the waves that accompanied the strumming guitar in my hands and the sweet chorus that we all sang in, music at all. By 9 pm I had retired as the guitarist while Bruce claimed it. Pepper and Tony swayed around the bonfire and Natasha and I decided to do the same after much compellation from Pepper. The 10 bottles of alcohol we had bought had now been half emptied by the modest Cap and the ever so shy Bruce. I think it says enough and the rest is left to the imagination. And by any chance the imagination train is rusted, the hangover they had the following day would surely tell everything.
It was the peak of autumn and destiny decided to test us gain because having an alien invasion on earth was cherry pie. The events that followed started off all too ordinarily: Natasha was assigned a solo operation, the mission would take approximately five days and the procedure was a simple get in, get the files and get out kind of thing. Location: Estonia. She packed her bags, strapped her boots and walked out like she had done innumerable times. Five days if could imagine were actually easy, if not consider the fact we had been separated for more than five months on end. Five months are agony, five days are hard nonetheless. Day one went easy, day two was incomplete, day three restless, day four ended with anticipation and day five broke my heart. She had been compromised, kidnapped and her location unknown. Just call it perfect.
How in the world of candy clouds and unicorn land does Shield not know her location? Really, I mean we work in the best company of Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division and they have no idea whatsoever about my partners whereabouts. And Natasha, how dare she even think about getting compromised in my absence not to mention on a solo operation. There is sure going to be hell showering on SHIELD courtesy Clint into Fury's office, my anger was brighter than the radiant sun that may rise tomorrow if I haven't destroyed the world until then. I asked a simple question: How long? I wasn't expecting an answer, rather just a freaky raised eyebrow but just to give me another surprise within two hours he did reply. Natasha has been off the radar since day three and this one eyed eagle called my boss decides to tell me now when I have almost destroyed base by just barging in. SHIELD's board of freaking director has already called her a disposable agent. If there are two words in the whole of the wide universe that don't go together are Natasha and a disposable agent. God, don't they recognize that she is SHEILD's best agent ever, one eyed Fury sees it better than them and if they can't help me then it's time to go old school.
The Avengers tower was at risk of breaking down when I told them about Natasha's situation and SHIELD'S accidental incapability to help. Well the tower wasn't at risk of breaking down, it had already been shattered with an upset Pepper, angry Thor, Cap, a slightly green and an indifferent Tony. Well, he was indifferent until one of the fine lines on his forehead crunched up to make that face he does when he gets a genius idea. Before anyone Pepper could exclaim a cry, worrying for her only female friend in the whole expanse of the tower, the man of iron as called by Thor had already pulled out his computers, flicking away his digits on the screen until he gave up three hours later. Nothing, we could find nothing about her or her whereabouts. Heck, I don't even know where to begin looking for her, I was assured by now that she was nowhere near Estonia because if she was she could have contacted us in the blink of an eye when she sensed the danger not to mention she would burn down the whole place or either just chop of their limbs one by one all with a smile on her face. No, this was beyond serious.
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