It's Been Awhile

It's been five years since you've seen her. You never thought your friendship would ever go stale, but it did. You know exactly how it happened and didn't do a damn thing about it. She left for MIT and you left to pursue your dreams. You both did try to keep your friendship, but you realized that instead of supporting her you resented her for telling you a part of her life you thought you deserved, and should only belong to you. You can't blame her for finding people who liked her and wanted to be with her. You were and still are that person.

So she told you her stories, her adventures, her dreams. She told you how she met this guy who's smart and understands and believes in her. Your heart dropped and smashed into little pieces while you pretended to be happy for her. Little by little she told you how she was starting to fall for him and little by little you died. Then one day she told you how happy she was. They were officially together and you officially died inside.

You started avoiding her calls and started texting her less. She was relentless at first, even when you wouldn't respond she'd text you regardless. She would tell you how she got an A+ in one of her midterms and how her teacher complimented her for her great work. You were so proud though quiet about it. Then finally after three months of one sided conversations she too lessened her communication with you. You don't know whether to feel relieved or be sad.

You keep tabs on her through Facebook. There you learned how much she really did belong in MIT. She's so much more confident and at home, something you never saw in her, in McKinley.

You meet someone at work. Coyote Ugly isn't really a great place to meet anyone, but you see her and can't help but be mesmerized. She's incredibly beautiful with her long brown hair and pouty lips and bubbly personality. You never thought you'd ever fall in love again but that night you did. You fell for Audrey.

You ask her out for coffee and she gladly accepts. As you get to know her, you fall deeper for her. She tells you she's studying at NYU to be a doctor. You learn that she's incredibly smart and hardworking and loyal to her family. You keep dating and after three months, you officially ask her to be yours and she says yes. You've never been more relieved and content.

You tell her about your dreams of becoming famous. You tell her you want to be a successful entertainer. She smiles at you and slightly encourages your pipe dreams. She's not trying to be controlling but she does remind you about reality. In the real world, people need a stable home, a stable income, a stable job to keep a stable life. After a year of auditioning for every possible role, she gives you an ultimatum. One more year and if you get nothing, you go back to school and aim for something more reachable. That year came and went, and you went back to school to become a professional.

You studied law. You never thought you'd like it but you end up loving it. Sure it took every bit of your time trying to study for exams and tests, but the power you felt from just speaking gave you the biggest rush. You loved the attention and the feeling of everyone listening to you and it's no wonder you became one of the best lawyers New York City has ever seen.

You and Audrey become this power couple. You both become so inebriated by this image of perfection that you forget who you once were. You get caught up at work but it's okay because she does as well. It becomes so bad that you both forget your anniversaries.

She cheats on you, and you don't know how to feel about it. You want to be shocked and hurt and mad but honestly, you kind of think you deserve it. You've known for a while that you two haven't been together for a really long time and didn't do anything about it. You got scared and you let that feeling consume you till there was nothing left in you.

You both eventually come to terms that the feelings you both had had dissipated and broke up. It was amicable and now you don't know what to do with yourself. You burry yourself with work and bring in so much money it's all you ever thought about.

You become reckless. You drink, party, dabble in drugs and have lots of sex. Your feelings become so dull that you don't even realize how angry and sad you are, until you actually stared at yourself in your bathroom mirror, two models waiting for you in your bed. You hate yourself so much; you punch the mirror that reflected your face. Blood trickling in your hands, you tell the girls to leave and you take a drive that would leave you in the hospital for months.

You wake up from the hospital and the first thing you see is your mom crying, and kissing your hand, avoiding all the wires attached to you, telling you how lucky you are to be alive, and how stupid you were for driving so recklessly. You cry and apologize to your family and things become so blurry and you're still so weak, the last thing you see is blonde hair and a hand that pushes your hair behind your ear with a smell that reminds you all the good things you've ever had in high school.

You open your eyes again and you think you're in heaven. You see Brittany with her head down holding your hand. She looks exhausted so you let her sleep. The doctor comes in and you tell her to keep it down so that the sleeping girl beside you doesn't wake up. The doctor tells you again how lucky you are to be alive and tells you that you've been in a comma for the past three weeks. She informs you about your health and that you'll have to stay in the hospital for quite some time because of the injuries your body obtained from the car crash. You thank the doctor and watch her leave. You turn the TV on and watch a bit of Ellen while holding on to Brittany's hand.

She rumbles awake while you try to stifle your laugh as Ellen plays an iPad game with that girl from Big Bang Theory. You feel a difference in the grip on your hands and you look to your left and see tears in Brittany's eyes. You tell her to stop crying and she hugs you. She gave you a hug so fierce, uncalculated and soft that you don't realize your crying now too. She whispers to your ear how much she misses you and how she's so mad at you and how much she wants her best friend back. God you hate that word.

The moment she lets go of you, the door opens and you see your parents crying and rushing to touch you. They tell you how relieved they were that you're okay. You tell them not to worry and that you still have eight lives left. They don't look amused and neither does Brittany. Your mom tells you that you're not allowed to drive cars, bikes, jet skis, anything with a motor really. You hold her hand and reassure her that you are going to be fine and she shouldn't worry. You're mom tells you that she always worries, and you look to the blonde girl next to your mom. You know for a fact that she's thinking the same thing.

When your mom and Brittany leave to buy some food, you have a heart to heart talk with your dad. You tell him how sorry you are to disappoint him. He tells you that you are his daughter and that you could never disappoint him but he does ask you the inevitable. You just tell him life got too fast and you got caught without a seatbelt, literally. He didn't look amused and you confess how you lost Audrey and got too caught up in the money, in girls, and in alcohol. He holds your hand and you've never felt safer.

After the hospital releases you, you stay with your parents in Lima. Brittany wanted to come with but you told her that she has to get back to her life in Boston and that she can't keep her fiancé just waiting. So she leaves but promises you that she will come back.

She comes back two weeks after leaving. She does nothing but take care of your every need. She changes your bandages, cooks you food, helps you change clothes, and prepares your bath. Everything you need, but don't want her to do. It's too painful. It reminds you of everything you can't have so you try to push her away. But Brittany has always been Brittany. She takes everything you throw at her and takes care of you anyway.

You ask her when she's getting married, because you're a martyr and sometimes a dumbass, okay yes, most of the time. She tells you they haven't decided yet. You suggest a spring wedding and tell her she's beautiful all the time, but nothing beats her blonde hair flowing freely in the wind and her golden skin just reflecting off the sun. She gives you this knowing look and whispers the word stop. You apologize and ask her to bring you to your room so you can sleep. You don't sleep at all that night.

You finally meet the lucky man after you take your successful first step in rehab. You couldn't wait to show Brittany all the hard work you've done and show her that your legs are becoming stronger. You come home after your mom picks you up and see a man sitting on your couch. He introduces himself to you, and you shake his hands, its firm and commanding. You look at Brittany and she does nothing but look down.

He asks you how your feeling and you tell him you're getting better. Your mom tries to cut in to tell the good news about you walking, but you cut her off. You ask him what he does for a living, his hobbies, and all the required questions you thought you should ask to see whether or not he's good enough for Brittany. You're impressed. He's an engineer, cool, calm, collected, and can carry a conversation without being disrespectful. Essentially, everything you're not. You figured you've lost the battle before when you let her get away from you to MIT, but after meeting this guy, you've definitely lost the war.

You ask him when they would be going back to Boston. He tells you he bought them both tickets to leave next weekend. Brittany just looks at him confused and she was about to tell you that she's not leaving but you beat her to it. You tell him that that's good, and you apologize for taking so much of her time away from him. Without looking at Brittany, you ask your mom to bring you to your room so you can go to sleep. For a second time, you don't get a wink of sleep.

You don't let Brittany see you again, before she goes back to Boston with her fiancé. In fact, you don't come out of your room at all. When she finally leaves, you're determined to work harder and finally get better. You just want to go back to New York and burry yourself in work and forget everything.

Eventually, you start walking again. Months after that, you start running. You feel physically stronger, so you go against the advice of your doctor and parents and move back to New York. Your talk to your old boss and he gladly takes you back in his firm. You burry yourself with work and slowly climb your way back to the top again.

You're passed out in your bed after coming back to your condo from a grueling day at work. There's a faint knock on your door but you don't hear it till a second more firm knock comes through. You open your eyes, get up and drag yourself to the door. You check the peep hole, and like getting splashed with a bucket of ice water, you are suddenly so alert. You open the door and one word comes out of your mouth. Brittany.

You were so shocked at the fact that she's in New York, you barely see the bags and luggage's she has. You tell her to come in and help her with her belongings. She sits in your couch and takes in her surroundings. You know she's confused. You have no pictures all around the house nor do you anything that resembles life in your condo. You know, you kept it that way because you are barely home anyways.

You ask her if she's hungry and that you can order her Chinese. There's no food in your fridge and you only really have yogurt and water. She says she's fine for now and starts asking about you. She's selfless like that. You tell her that you are fine and busy with work that's why you couldn't really talk to her. She says she understands but you know she knows that your excuse was a cop out. Then she drops a bomb on you. They broke up.

You don't really know what to say, so you don't say anything at all. She says she needs a place to stay, and you gladly tell her that you have a spare room in your condo. She looks slightly disappointed, as if she wanted you to make her stay in your bedroom instead.

You're stuck. You keep coming home late but you find that Brittany is waiting for you with home cooked meals. She asked you about your day at work and you come up with short, unsatisfying answers. You keep her at arm's length.

Every night you come home, she does the same thing. She makes you home cooked meals and ask about your day. You notice the changes Brittany imprints to your condo. She's put up some pictures, your fridge actually has food and there's a fat cat lingering to the side of your couch. The place actually feels homey. You get so scared you mess things up. You ask her when she'll move out and find her own place.

She looks disappointed, and you avoid her gaze. She tells you that she found a job in the city. She's an aerospace engineer at a startup company. You're in awe. Holy crap! Brittany's an engineer. You get so caught up. You don't catch yourself hugging her. Her smell is so intoxicating and you slowly let go but she doesn't let go of you. You slowly open your eyes and she's so close. She's staring at your eyes then your lips and then your eyes again. She grazes your lips and you do nothing. She kisses you again and this time firmer. You start kissing back. Your mind tells you to stop but every fiber of your being tells you to keep going. So you do. You bring her to your bedroom and have a night you both will never forget.

She kisses you awake in the morning, you can't really help but kiss her back. You open your eyes and find breakfast in bed. She cooked pancakes with orange juice. You don't really know what's happening but the next thing you notice is a fork full of pancake coming into contact with your mouth. You open your mouth as she feeds you. Damn you've never had a more delicious pancake in your life.

You two avoid the conversation that's bound to happen. All you really know is that when you come home there's food, the house is clean and you're happy.

You surprise her one day. You come home early from work. You do some grocery shopping and prepare her favorite dish. It's a disaster, flour everywhere in the kitchen. The food is burnt and there's some weird boiling thingy on the stove. When did you forget cooking? Is that even possible?

Brittany comes home and sees you spazzing out. She takes the spatula from your hands, takes the frying pan to the sink, turned off the stove and turned on the ventilation. She asked you what the hell you were trying to do. You let her know about your magnificent plan of a date and how you butchered it, literally. Then she's suddenly smiling at you and you realized you just said the word date. You were about to correct your mistake when she takes two steps invading your privacy. She grabs your face and kisses you senseless. You do it in the kitchen twice and have another three rounds in your room.

You're exhausted, but you realize she hasn't eaten yet and neither have you. You both decide to walk to the local diner. You take a seat opposite her. She looks happy and content and you're sure you look the same. She takes your hand and brings it to the middle of the table and leaves it there. You decide to be playful and put a table cloth on top of your hands. She bites her bottom lip and uses her other hand and does a come hither motion and you do just that and kiss her in the middle of the table. The waiter arrives and you order for her and for yourself. And like two lovesick highschoolers, you eat with one hand while the other holding each other's hands.

Months pass, and you two live life like a couple. You come home and hug and kiss her. You tell her you missed her and she does the same. She starts sleeping in your room and leaves clothes in your closet. So it comes as a surprise, when she tells you she found a place. You put on your façade and tell her to let you know if she needs help moving. She looks at you with disappointment. You don't come home at all the next day.

You start spending all your days at work again. You come home and don't eat. You don't want her to leave you, you don't think you can live with that heartache again, so you start coming home drunk.

She definitely notices the change and starts confronting you. You brush her off and head straight to your room, but before you can shut the door and lock it. She stops the door with her foot and pry's it open. You're way too intoxicated to stop it and the next thing you know she's yelling all over the place. You bring yourself in the corner next to your closet. You sit on the ground, close your eyes and bring your hands to close your ears. It's what you used to do as a child whenever your parents fought. You just sit there and cry.

She takes your hands away from your ear. You take your hand back and shake your head no. She takes your hands again and brings you closer to her. She whispers I'm sorry over and over again until you hear it. You open your eyes and move your face in front of her. You beg her to stay. You tell her you love her and let her know you'll do everything you can to keep her happy. You pass out and you don't hear the part where she says she loves you and she's not going anywhere and that she's sorry.

You wake up with blonde hair splayed all over your face. She's next to you, clinging to your body as if her life depended on it. You try to move out of bed without waking her up but with the way she's gripping you it's impossible. She wakes up because of your movements. You tell her she has to let you go so you can use the bathroom. She notices the fact that you don't look at her, so she tells you to come right back to bed after. You leave the house after you use the bathroom.

You take a walk to a nearby coffee shop. You just need some time before the inevitable happens and Brittany leaves you again. Your name gets called and you take your coffee and walk back home. You don't realize that the barista put her name and number on the cup.

You come home and Brittany is there waiting on the couch. She asks you where you went and you avoid the question instead you let her know if she wants some of your coffee, since she doesn't like to drink too much caffeine. She takes your cup and sees the number on the cup. She starts laughing and asked you if you had fun flirting with the barista. She slams the coffee on the table and you're eyes bug out of confusion.

She starts yelling how she keeps putting herself out there for you. She cooks for you, takes care of you, come home to you but you keep leading her on. She gets so mad she starts throwing the couch pillows at you and after that she goes to your bedroom and grabs your pillows and starts throwing that too, basically, every fluffy thing she can get her hands on.

You put your arms around her and start apologizing. She puts up a fight and tries to pry your arms off of her but you don't budge, and just keep apologizing. You don't really know what you're apologizing about but its Brittany so you do it any way. She tells you to bring her to the coffee shop you went to so she can throw the damn coffee at her face. Then it hits you, she's jealous. What the hell! Brittany is jealous. You realize how much of an idiot you really are. Brittany keeps talking about how much she's going to beat the shit out of that girl, and you're not allowed to cheat on her, and you're not allowed to break her heart. You don't know how to stop her from yelling, so you just grab her face and starts kissing her.

She pushes you away and slaps you in the face. You're shocked for a second because Brittany never turns to violence but now she's starting to yell again. You tell her to shut up the fuck up! Grab her face again and kiss her like nothing more precious ever existed. When she's finally calm, you let go of her lips and tell her she's the only girl in your life. She finally hears what you say, this time it's her turn to kiss you. You continue what you were doing in the bedroom. You realize you really got to control your libido so you two can finally talk things out. It's Brittany though, you never say no to sex with Brittany, ever!

After a satiating three hour rounds in the bedroom, you wake up and this time you are determined to do things right. You nudge her awake with your nose. She slowly opens her eyes. You apologize for every wrong thing you've ever done. You apologize for being a spazz, for breaking up with her in high school, for letting your friendship go, for never thanking her for taking care of you when you needed her. You tell her you love her and that you don't want to spend your life regretting anymore. You want her. You want all of her, so you ask her to spend the rest of her life with you. You promise to be the best person for her. You promise that she'll come home to home cooked meals too. You promise that you'll love her forever and that you'll never let her go again. She says yes on one condition. You never go back to that coffee shop ever again.