All Things in Full Circle
Kurama was dead. Everyone was well aware of this fact and Hiei was no exception, even if he refused to make a spectacle of himself as his team mates did. Kuwabara had begun railing at him the second they had returned to camp; accusing him of being heartless and evil for leaving their friend. If anyone was in denial, Hiei thought, it was that lumbering idiot. And though Yusuke had not said a word to him, it was obvious that he felt the same way Kuwabara did. His silent treatment was even worse than Kuwabara's boisterous condemning. It was unsettling for the short demon to realize that on top of all this, he cared. He knew Kurama had been a dear friend to him, or as dear as one could come, but he had lost friends before and it had never hurt like this. He would never admit it to the others that he was aching inside, and he silently hoped he would never feel this again.
Botan had left the day before, finally composed enough to meet with Kurama's spirit and help it depart. This had left Hiei at the mercy of his other comrades, though he was unconcerned. He could defeat Kuwabara in a heartbeat and Yusuke wouldn't kill him, even if only for Botan's sake. The little voice in the back of the fire demon's head bemoaned that fact and wished that he would. It was thoughts like this that drove him from the camp, and it was thoughts like this that had brought him here.
The rain was coming down heavily, drenching the park grounds around the black figure. Hiei paid little attention to the cold droplets that found their home on him. He walked along, head down; barely noting where he was as his feet shuffled along the path. He had left the concrete walkway some way back and now he was contentedly scuffing the dirt trail of the woodlands with sodden boots. Gazing about half-heartedly without raising his head he took in his surroundings. He was much more adept with branches and the canopied roofs of places like this, but on the forest floor there was a tranquil calm that the rain only added to. The soft sound of water falling through the leaves that could not sustain the weight caused him to glance upwards for a second before returning his eyes to the path at his feet. The sight of the branches had caused the vice-like feeling in his chest to heighten, and invisible talons seemed to rake his chest. For a second he was sure there would be deep red gashes covering his torso, but there was nothing. He rebuked himself for being foolish enough to think there would be. With a soft grunt he shook the thoughts away and continued down the path.
The trees were getting thicker now and the rain was barely dripping through, in some places not at all. The sound of water splashing on the heavy canopy above was lulling the demon in to a false sense of ease. Not that there was any threat nearby, but the second his guard relaxed he found himself thinking of the now departed fox demon. And in the forest, surrounded by the plants Kurama loved so much, there was no where he could turn without some reminder of him. Hiei stifled a huff of agitation and slid into a sitting position at the base of a thick evergreen to let his mind wander without undue distraction. Better to let grief run its course than to dam it up inside and let it fester. However, Hiei was vaguely concerned that hallucinations were not proper grieving.
Kurama leaned back on the trunk of the sakura tree in the park's excuse for a forest. On his face was an expression of exhilaration as he looked up into the leafy bower where Hiei sat, though the smaller demon seemed not to notice. Kurama chuckled and closed his eyes to take a nap, or so Hiei assumed. The red head seemed completely at peace where he was. Hiei, however, did not drop his guard in the slightest.
"Do you ever just relax?" Kurama goaded, his calm and sleep filled demeanor never faltering.
"No," Hiei replied flatly. Kurama sighed and opened his eyes to stare into the distance.
"Hiei," he started after a moment of silence. Hiei grunted in reply and Kurama continued. "Do you see that tree over there? The one with the needles instead of leaves?"
"Of course I do," Hiei retorted. He wasn't blind. What was Kurama getting at?
"It's called a black spruce," Kurama explained, "It only germinates in extreme heat, specifically fire. But it's green all year." The demon paused and sent a fleeting grin up to his shorter companion. "Sort of like you, ne?"
Hiei shook the memory from his head; the barren tree across from him faded from the soft hues of a blooming sakura to the starch white of a wintering birch. With it the vision of a red haired boy went as well, leaving Hiei alone and feeling oddly empty. It worried him that these feelings would not leave and that they were so focused on his fallen comrade. He had always thought tears and emotional display were the breaking point of pain for him. He never knew that such a humiliating display was only the tip of the proverbial ice burg. When Kurama was slain he had gone numb. It was the painful numbness of when your body could no longer cope with the damage done to it and shut down all feeling. He knew this feeling from battle, but he never knew you could feel it in your heart; your mind. Idly he mulled over his odd reactions to said events. If Kurama was his friend, which he was, then it was understandable it would leave an emotional wound. But this mass of feeling he had was something that felt like more than one should feel for a friend, he thought. These feelings were better suited for family or -
Hiei's line of thought broke as a soft sound reached his ears. If it weren't for his heightened senses he doubted he would have heard it at all, being how faint it was even for him. He glanced around to find the source but wasn't able to distinguish the direction of the weak noise. Then a louder sound, a growl, pinpointed a location for him. Looking just to the left of the hibernating tree he had been contemplating earlier he saw a scraggly wild dog poised to attack something. It was a female, and recently delivered from the looks of its belly. If it weren't for the slight movement at its feet and the earlier coo he would have assumed it was hunting, but all these facts together concluded it was a mother and her new born pup. He nearly dismissed the whole scene as a survival instinct, the pup being weak or ill, but the thought never fully formed before another crossed his mind and he found himself rising.
Hiei walked silently beside the red headed demon as they strolled casually through a small glade. They ambled on in genial silence, content just to be together in some form other than battle. The peace was broken when they passed a dead kitten, apparently ripped a part by another creature and very young; possibly even newborn. Hiei paid no mind, a dead animal was a dead animal - probably a deserving one at that, but Kurama had sorrowfully manipulated a nearby patch of pod bearing grass to grow over it in a mock burial.
"You're odd, Kurama," Hiei stated, again continuing their walk.
"Why do you say that?" Kurama replied gently. His tone of voice implied he already knew, but was not going to be the one to broach the topic.
"It was weak," the fire demon snorted, "obviously killed at birth by the mother. It deserves no sympathy for being feeble."
"All babies are feeble, Hiei," Kurama remonstrated gently. "And there was nothing wrong with that poor kitten."
"Hn."
Kurama sighed minutely and let a tiny frown edge his features before he continued. "Animals and demons aren't like humans," he explained, receiving a nasty glare from the shorter demon.
"I know that, fool," he snapped. Kurama ignored it.
"Humans feel attached to their offspring and will always love them," Kurama continued. "Demons and animals have no feelings for their young."
"What are you getting at, Kurama?" Hiei scowled at his friend. This conversation made no sense to him, but he felt it should. That worried him most. Kurama turned a patient and knowing smile at him before looking forward again.
"Only that weakness isn't the sole reason to dispose of young," the red head stated. "Sometimes the mother will kill merely because it dislikes the color of the fur, or something equally trivial." At this point he shot a sideways glance at the shorter demon. "Like an aversion to the gender."
Hiei's movement startled the mother, who made one rushed swipe at the newborn and left to protect the others. He berated himself even as he moved forward; he should not interfere or even care for a sickly animal's life. But the memory of Kurama's words moved him on. If worst came to worst, he decided, he would just kill it himself. But just as Kurama had implied once about slain infants in the animal and demon worlds, some deaths had no reason; just as his had not.
He found the infant floundering about, softly mewling. Its face was covered in blood, but it didn't look like enough to be fatal. Gently lowering himself to one knee Hiei slowly extended his hand, so as not to startle it or the mother if it was still in the vicinity. When it showed no signs of noticing his hand the fire demon frowned and scrutinized the small frame. Upon closer inspection it was obvious why the poor thing had failed to notice him; it was too young to open its eyes yet, and one was caked in blood. Hiei guessed it was no more than a day old at best and slowly he moved his hand forward, so the young pup's front paws were beginning to rise up his fingertips. It made no move to pull away; instead it slowly crawled on wobbly legs into the palm of his hand. The short demon pulled his now occupied hand back to him and stood, the pup securely nestled to his chest and already calming down. A small smile played across his lips that would have terrified any of his companions if they were to see; except maybe Kurama.
Stopping abruptly, Hiei remembered where he was. Kurama was dead, and his team mates…what in the three worlds was he thinking? What would they do if they ever found out about the pup? What if the wounds were fatal? Would they blame its death on him as well? He could already hear them antagonizing him for it and the thought brought a grimace to his face. He contemplated just leaving the little thing in the woods and letting nature kill it in due time, but something held him back. Finally he decided his course of action and headed back to camp, infant in hand. Curse what they thought or said; this was for Kurama. For his mind this small little thing in his hand was a way to mourn the loss his friend and honor the memory of one whose heart went out to its type.
The rainwas still coming down in torrents when Hiei neared the encampment. Before reaching the actual structure where they were sleeping he drew his cloak more firmly around his arm and adjusted it. He may have decided the pup was worth his efforts so far, but that didn't mean he wanted the others to find out about it. When he was sure his new charge was safely concealed he moved forward into the broken building that served as their refuge. Kuwabara snarled when he saw him, but the fire demon ignored him. Yusuke seemed to be completely disregarding him and the action was mutual as he passed by to his makeshift room. Pushing the fabric that served as a door back into place he relaxed a little and opened his sodden cloak to reveal a peacefully sleeping pup. Now that he was in a less shifty light, though, he found that there was something out of place about the little creature. He was unable to pinpoint what about the newborn was wrong under the blood and dirt caked all over its tiny body, but he had no doubt he would uncover the discrepancy under closer and cleaner inspection.
Dropping his wet mantle on the floor carelessly he moved towards the side wall. A small puddle of water had formed in a pile of stone, making an impromptu basin of the cold rain water. Still holding the small creature in one hand he reached for the only piece of cloth he could find and dipped it into the gathered condensation. Warming it with his rei he sat on the semblance of a bed and began to clean the little thing while it continued to sleep in his hand; softly loosening and removing the matted blood on its face first.
The wound was not nearly as bad as the amount of blood had implied and Hiei was relieved. Aside from the wounds inflicted by the mother it was a perfectly healthy newborn. He continued to wipe away the grime on its muzzle and to clean the cuts on the side of the face. He noticed that the facial structure was overly long for a puppy, however, and looking over its body he noted what it was somewhat small as well. This could be because of malnutrition though, or the pup might even be a runt.
The wound had stopped bleeding and the puppy's face was cleaned before he moved on to wash its back with the rag. The pups muzzle was a soft white fur that faded into a grayed white just before its eyes. By the crest of its head a spattering of red flecks had joined in to make an odd medley of color that, while not unattractive, were not the best suited for each other. Slowly as the fur on its back and sides came clean the same red flecked coloring was revealed to cover its entire body except the tip of its tail, which was a pure black. Finishing its back and sides much faster than its face because of the lack of clotted blood, Hiei flipped the small thing over in his hand and cradled it on its back so he could finish grooming it. The baby's chest and stomach came clean easily, both revealing the same pure white as the tail and muzzle. The pup's legs continued the same flecked white as the back and sides until they faded to white just as the paw began.
Hiei stood outside the encampment for a moment, trying to decide which direction he would go to find food for the pup. He was certain that infants drank milk, but where was he to get that? He silently weighed his options and ticked off his sources in his mind. Kuwabara and Yusuke were obviously ruled out on default. Neither one of them would have any interest in the pup's well-being as much as getting it away from him. That took Keiko out of the picture as well; she was utterly useless at keeping anything from Yusuke, and he doubted he could convince her to even listen to what he had to say. Genkai would never stop teasing him if he asked her, and Botan was just an idiot. Shizuru might be of help, but somehow he doubted her knowledge of babies. This left Yukina, and he was loathe to ask her. He did not want to get her involved, nor did he want her to think oddly of him for asking such strange questions.
Admitting defeat he pulled his little bundle closer for security and flitted into the treetops. While he feared no attack, he would rather not risk dropping the baby and ruining its already miserable life. The pup seemed not to be in the least bit frightened of the inhuman speed at which it traveled and it snuggled peacefully against his palm. The warm weight in his hand was an interesting sensation, but the fire demon noted that it was not unpleasant. It only took a second for him to adjust to not having use of his arm and then he barely even noticed the bundle he held.
Shortly he arrived at the edge of the temple grounds and he warily slipped out of the trees. He did not have to look for his sister for long; she was sitting outside the main shrine crying. The tinkling of her tears hitting the wooden porch was like a sad litany to which her little sobs were a welcome chorus. She never seemed to notice him coming closer, but Genkai seemed had; coming out of the main house to eye him carefully and nodding a greeting before turning back into the house at his plaintive wish. This was hard enough for him to do alone, it would be unthinkable with an audience. Coming up beside her he knelt on one knee so he could be at eye level with her.
"Yukina," he called softly. Her head bolted out of her hands at the sound of his voice and she turned bewildered eyes on him. Her eyes were puffy and blood shot and her nose was red; a testament to how long she had been mourning along with the sizeable pile of tear gems scattered at her feet.
"Hiei," she breathed in acknowledgement of him. From the look in her eyes Hiei assumed that the others had told her of his apparent guilt. Ever the innocent and pure hearted girl, the knowledge seemed not to change her opinion of Hiei and she lunged into his arms in tears once more. "Oh, Hiei," she choked between sobs.
His first thought was for the pup, sleeping in his palm. While his sister maybe be as light as he was, she would still probably crush it with her forward thrust and he quickly fixed the problem by thrusting his occupied hand away from his body and off to the side. Yukina crashed into his solid chest with all of her might and the pup let out a soft yelp at being jostled so abruptly. Hiei thought little of it, but Yukina's cries stopped almost instantly; little hiccups and sniffles being the only remnants as she pulled away to look in his hand.
"Hiei, where did you get that?" she asked. Gently she pulled the hand to her and observed the newly awakened infant.
"Hn," he grunted. He had no desire to attempt explaining it to her, or anyone. Yukina seemed to accept his monosyllabic answer all the same and turned her attention back to the pup. The small animal happily ignored her in favor of snuggling up in the fire demon's hand. She observed it closely for a few minutes, examining it from every angle possible without disturbing its slumber before speaking to the spiky haired demon again.
"Where did you find this?" she queried interestedly.
"In the woods," he replied, offering the least amount of information possible without being overly rude to his sister. Yukina nodded, reading between the lines.
"It's a runt," she informed him. "The mother probably tried to kill it, poor kit. You must have startled it when it went in for the kill. The fatal swipe looks skewed and rushed." Hiei affirmed that she was correct with a tilt of his head.
"I believe it's a dog pup," he corrected. "The paws are too wide for a fox kit, and the tail is out of proportion."
"Yes," she argued patiently, shooting him a glance that spoke volumes, "but look at the muzzle. I've never seen a dog with a facial structure like that." She paused for a moment in thought before adding gently: "Although there is one breed in the Makai…" Hiei gave a curt shake of his head to dismiss the thought. They were both aware that it was a Ningenkai animal; his sister had only been giving him an escape route, even if a bad one.
"It's a fox," he surrendered. "Now what do I do with it?"
"Feed it," Yukina said matter-of-factly. She gave him no time to snap a reply before continuing. "Normal milk won't work. And I doubt you'll find any new mothers willing to take it on. I'll ask Genkai to go into town and buy some kitten formula for you, alright?" Hiei glared at her.
"I don't want anyone knowing," he warned.
"That's alright," she replied easily, "I'll say it's for me. I found a litter in the woods and the mother hasn't come back for a few days. Will that do?" Hiei nodded and flitted off to nestle in on a low hanging branch of a nearby tree. Yukina saw this and frowned. "It will take some time to get," she warned, to which he grunted. Yukina had a sneaky feeling there was something she missing. "How long has it been since it's eaten?"
"It hasn't."
That was her missing piece. Quickly she hurried into the main house to get Genkai and send her on her mission. Of course Genkai was no simpleton; she had most definitely felt Hiei's presence and would suspect, if not know, that the formula was for the fire demon and not her. She hoped Genkai would refrain from asking awkward questions, and prayed she would have the tact not to bring it up around the flighty figure waiting outside. Genkai usually knew when to contain herself, but like many of the spirit detectives who frequented her house she could rarely pass up an opportunity to agitate the short demon.
Genkai did suspect, but said nothing as she left for the required item. Yukina was glad for this and quickly went back out to the yard to keep the other demon occupied until the formula made it back. She found him still in the tree, watching the now awake newborn in his hand suckle his pinky vigorously. She was shocked to find him completely at ease with the small kit's actions, and suspected a smile might even have been ghosting his features before she returned. There was something about smiles that stayed behind even after the act was done, no matter how small or brief it was. Something else seemed off with the picture and she knew immediately what it was.
"You're feeding it rei?" she said.
"It accepts it readily," Hiei affirmed. "It will make it stronger in the future."
"You're not going to make it fight are you," she worried. Hiei's head shot up to stare at her before he continued.
"It will never be strong enough to fight," he retorted flatly, "only to defend if need be." The kit bit him hard, and moved away from its mock nipple. Yukina was startled when she saw no response from the fire demon. Hiei did not react in any way to the slight attack, already in his mask to keep his true reasons for what he did away from those who would not understand; which was, coincidentally, everybody.
In truth he did want the kit to be strong so it could defend or fight as it needed, but he never wanted it to truly need to for any life or death reason. He had, through the current turn of events, decided he never wanted more people he cared for to be killed, but he did not want to coddle or shelter it either. In retrospect, it worried him that after only a few hours he already was developing a connection with the baby fox. He was dragged out of his thoughts by Yukina's voice bellow him, trying to start conversation.
"So what are you going to name it?" she asked. Silly; they had no idea what gender it was or even if it would survive yet and she wanted him to name it. As if reading his mind she amended herself. "Not an official name," she assured, "because we won't know the gender for a few weeks, but a nickname or something more personal. So it will know you above others."
Hiei thought about it for a moment. The silent process was disturbed by a small sneeze like noise from the kit and he checked himself just in time to stop from smiling. "Kitsu," he answered lightly. Yukina thought it very unimaginative, but kept the thought to herself. Goodness knew he had probably never named anything in his life and she certainly did not want to make him feel bad. Besides, the name would fade away when an official name was given, she was sure.
"Kitsu is a sweet name," she assured him with a smile. She sat quietly with him and the momentarily sated fox kit, her sorrow at the loss of Kurama softened by the nearness of Hiei and this new life he was beginning to nurture. They sat like that in amiable silence until Genkai returned.