TO BE PERFECT
Author's Note:
I don't put this fanfic up for praise but for suggestions. I read a lot of romance fanfics, I constantly have Kuririn and Juuachigou on my mind, but when it comes to writing emotionally, I'm not the best, I lose track of what I'm trying to get across. I'd like people read my story and review it, tell me the good and bad. Thanks.
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She looked out the window into the crystal clear night, her senses immune to the humming of the sea and the glitter of the stars. Her mind was racing. She fidgeted uncomfortably in her chair, taking a deep breath.
"Juuachigou?" A shy voice beckoned as the door of the bedroom was gently opened, filling the dark room with a warm light. Without saying a word, Juuachigou's emotions were clear as the ocean waves to her loving husband, as he carefully closed the door behind him. He walked over, gently placing a hand on her shoulder. "Is it about the baby?" Juuachigou let out another deep breath, one coarse and stifled, as if holding back something.
"I don't want her..." Came the sharp response, yet low and muffled.
"Juuachi..." The pain in Kuririn's voice was unmistakable. Juuachigou let out a cry of remorse.
"I want her! But I don't..." The woman's words were slow and full of pain and conflict. Kuririn removed his hand from her shoulder and seated himself on the bed beside her, looking at her with compassionate eyes of concern. "...I don't want her to be...to be like me..." As if ashamed, Juuachigou buried her face in her hands.
Kuririn let out a small gasp but bit his lip, nervous as to what to say to console his tormented wife. He knew she had doubts about her child, their child, but never did they come out like this. His expression became serious, his fists clenched tightly on the bed sheets beside him. "Juuachigou...I can't lie to you. I don't..." Kuririn's words were consumed in mixed emotions. He paused. "...I don't know what your reasons are for feeling this way and there's no way I could possibly understand what you've been through to make you think this way...and I won't pretend but still..." He reached over and placed his hands gently on hers. He stopped mid-sentence, not sure what to say but continued with soft tone of reassurance. "...let me help you."
Juuachigou raised her face from her hands but looked away, back out the open window. She could feel it though, her husband's gaze, looking at her with sadness and worry, waiting for her to respond. Juuachigou stood up, so abruptly that the chair she had been sitting on fell over backwards, on the floor. Kuririn gasped as he too stood up, then taking a step towards his wife.
How she wanted to collapse into his arms, to have him hold her, to protect her. She longed to be with him now and yet, he seemed so far away, so out of reach. "Or maybe I'm the one whose out of reach." She thought to herself in a cruel tone.
"I'm...I'm sorry." She gasped, looking over at Kuririn with large, shocked eyes. "For not understanding." Juuachigou looked away again.
"I'm an Android."
"I know that."
"No...you don't."
Kuririn was caught off guard by this abrupt statement, confused, unsure.
"You look at me as human. You love me, you care for me. You wouldn't do that for an Android." Juuachigou placed her hand on her stomach. "I don't want her to feel what I feel, to be so unsure of her place. I don't want people to look at her with discontent, with their cold eyes of hate and disapproval." Tears began to form at the corners of her eyes but for once she made no effort at concealing them. "I want her to be perfect...but people wanted me to perfect...I wanted to be perfect..." She looked down at her hands in disgust. "...and look what I've become!" She cried angrily as the tears flowed freely down her cheeks. She suddenly felt a warm hand caress her face, whipping away the tears every so gently. She the hand slide down to her shoulder as it pulled her close. She looked over at Kuririn who embraced her in a hug, pulling her head to rest on his.
"You are perfect..." He placed a hand on Juuachigou's stomach. "...and she will be perfect because she's ours..." What he said seemed to make much sense in Juuachigou's mind, yet still she was confused. She had felt so sure of what she thought, now she didn't even get it. "Perfection isn't evil, Juuachigou. If you love somebody, then that's what makes them perfect, not for everyone, but for you and that's all that matters." She raised her head and looked him in the eyes as he smiled. "You were afraid weren't you?"
Juuachigou gasped in surprise.
"You were afraid that because she's your daughter, she would have to go through what you had gone through. Afraid she would regret having you as a parent more then she would love you..." He held her close. "I felt the same way."
"What?"
"I thought she would go through what I'd been through, teasing, feeling left behind, not being as good as everybody else...and that somehow, it would be my fault."
"That's stupid."
Kuririn laughed, his laughter seemed like a burst of light, radiating throughout the room and lighting everything at once as if the room's whole mood had changed. "Yeah, I guess it kinda was stupid. You just always seemed so sure of everything, in a way I was jealous and afraid I was thinking the wrong way."
"You were the one always acting so sure." Juuachigou replied with a smile as she sat up.
"Me?"
"Yes you. Always so cheerful and optimistic. Always having some way of putting my fears to rest and proving me wrong, always finding that small ray of hope in an situation."
"So..." Kuririn smiled again, replying jokingly, "If I act more unsure, then you'll feel better?"
"Well then I suppose that would mean I'd have to act more unsure as well."
"Okay, then we'll both act scared and depressed and worried!" Kuririn said cheerfully! Juuachigou gave him a calm, loving smile as she leaned towards him.
"Why is it you always get me into these kinds of conversations?"
"Hey, nobody's perfect." He said with a smirk.
"Yes they are..." she replied coyly as she wrapped her arms around Kuririn's neck and pressed her lips against his.
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