Total Drama: Legends vs. Losers
Episode 1, Part 1
The Revenge of the Revenge of the Island
Author's Note
Welcome to Legends vs. Losers, and thank you for taking the time to boredly peruse my fanfic! I've essentially made this story as a response to Total Dramarama. I've seen a couple episodes and, while I don't think it's terrible, I think I speak for pretty much every Total Drama fan when I say that I would have much preferred an actual competition season. This was a doubly-disappointing whammy due to the fact that Total Drama recently passed its 10th anniversary (well, 11th - but TDI aired a year later in my country, so it's close enough!) and we were getting an unrequested spin-off instead of a proper season. So, I decided to craft what I hoped would feel like a proper 10th anniversary season. I hope you enjoy the first chapter of LvL, and if you like it (or even hate it), please consider leaving a review so I can be constantly improving my writing.
Without further ado, here is Total Drama, Legends vs. Losers!
Fading in from black, the season opened on a shot of Camp Wawanakwa, the famed site of Total Drama Island. It was a serene scene, as birds chirped and the ocean surrounding it sparkled in the sunlight.
"Welcome back," rang a familiar voice, as triumphant music started up, "to Wawanakwa Island - the place where it all began!"
The camera zoomed in to the island's main docks, where a well-groomed man with a blue button-up shirt and thickly-gelled hair smiled at the camera. "It's been a long time since Total Drama aired any new episodes," he stated conversationally, walking down the dock. "Even longer since the first season that started it all - over ten years, in fact! But don't fret, dear audience." The man grinned, wide and gleaming. "I, Chris Maclean, Canada and North Korea's perpetually favorite host, have returned to bring you what your crave - new episodes of Total Drama! That's right - I had to lay low for a few years after getting tangled up in some irritating legal issues - you know, illegal dumping of radioactive waste, continuous endangerment of minors, general crimes against humanity, etcetera, etcetera - but now I'm back due to our producers' prolific and morally ambiguous legal team, and I'm just as eager as you are to see some poor saps battle it out for the big bucks!"
The camera zoomed in to Chris' face. "You may be wondering why I'm standing on this island, due to it sinking in the fifth season. Well don't worry, dear viewers, there is a perfectly good explanation for this." He gave a wide, fake grin. "You see, that island was a stunt double."
The screen flashed white for a split second, and Chris was seen walking across the campground, the mess hall and a cabin behind him. "While time has passed, the rules of the game will remain similar. We'll bring back a gaggle of classic competitors - who aren't yet aware I hid a clause in their original contracts that they'd have to come back for another season, heh heh - who will compete against each other in humiliating challenges -" The scene flashed to Chris standing inside a ramshackle cabin - "sleep in nasty old cabins -" he reappeared at a series of familiar stumps - "ruthlessly vote off their teammates -" one more flash revealed him squatting inside a graffiti-covered outhouse - "and confess their deepest darkest secrets in our classic confessional." He lifted his shirt over his mouth and grimaced. "Which also doesn't smell like it's been cleaned in the last ten years, either!"
One more flash brought him back to his starting location on the docks. "But as this is the tenth anniversary season, we'll be doing something special for it," he smiled. "So sit back, relax, and make sure you have plenty of adult diapers on standby, because you won't want to miss a single moment of Total… Drama…
"Legends Versus Losers!"
(Cut to theme song)
After the theme song's closing riffs, the camera cut back to Chris, still standing with his hands behind his back on the docks. "Man. Having the full minute-long version of the theme song back is satisfying, isn't it?" The host clapped his hands. "But enough with the reminiscing. Let me give you the lowdown. This season, to signify all the great and noble contestants from Total Drama's past, we've forced - er, invited - the roughest, toughest, most high-scoring and well-performing players in Total Drama history to come back and duke it out once more for the gold! Oh, but this isn't just another All-Stars season." Chris wagged his finger playfully at the camera, but then frowned. "Seriously. We got so many fan complaints from the last time we did that, the producers almost shut us down." His grin spontaneously reappeared. "No, in order to counteract all our finale-making power players, we've also invited the suckiest, the lamest, the most awful players and performers that this host has ever seen. And we're gonna pit them against each other in a showdown of total legends versus total losers." He gave a sly aside to the camera. "Bet you can guess who's gonna win each week." He straightened, eyeing a small yacht approaching from the horizon. "But enough formalities. Let's get to introducing our cast. First and foremost, one of our most overexposed, er, classic contesants, and original winner of Total Drama Island - Owen!"
The yacht sped away, leaving behind a sandy-haired man with a shirt bearing a maple leaf and a girth to make sumo wrestlers envious. "Chris! What's happenin'?" the boy cried, hands on his head. "It's awesome to be back!"
"Awesome to have you back, Owen!" Chris raised his hand for a high-five, but instead the original winner yanked him into a rib-cracking embrace.
"Oh, I missed you so much!" Owen buried his face into Chris' chest, nuzzling him lovingly. "I just know this is going to be the greatest season of them all!"
"Owen - lungs - collapsing," Chris choked out, having trouble uttering a single, uh, utterance.
"Oh! Sorry." Owen set Chris on his feet, and gingerly dusted off his chest, grinning sheepishly. Chris glowered, and jabbed his thumb behind him, directing Owen to the far end of the dock. The large man grabbed his luggage and hastily complied.
Chris overcome his glare when he spotted another boat arriving. "And here's our second contestant," he said, "who's had to live with the knowledge of placing second best for a decade - everyone's favorite goth, Gwen!"
The camera panned over to the fan favorite, who had seen some changes in the past several years. The woman still rocked the goth style, but a little more casually than her teenage self - she donned black jeans with a heavy metallic belt, and a tight black long-sleeved shirt, whose sleeves were a blue-green color to match the dyed strips in her hair. Said hair was much longer, now reaching past her shoulders, and - surprisingly - only had a few blue-green dyed strips, the rest revealing that her natural hair color was a deep reddish-brown. Predictably, she regarded Chris with a deep scowl.
"Gwen," said the host again, sending her a double dose of finger pistols. "Good to have you back."
Gwen wheeled her luggage over to him, looking unimpressed. "I can't believe you were able to use a contract from ten years ago to dupe me into coming back here. I hope you know I had to miss a book tour for this."
"Ah, yes," said Chris, turning back to the camera. "Since her time on the show, our little Gwen has discovered her true love - writing! This past year, she published her first horror novel, to critical acclaim from both reviewers and fans." As he spoke, multiple pictures were superimposed upon the screen - Gwen determinedly scribbling on a sheet of paper by candlelight, posing proudly while holding a thick book titled "The Croak of the Raven," and autographing a copy for a fan in a bookstore, as many more readers awaited their turn.
"I'm not sure how those contracts were even legally binding," said Gwen, crossing her arms as the shot returned to the docks. "You had us sign them when we were minors."
"Hey, think of it as good publicity," said Chris. "You originally got famous from this show, which no doubt helped your book sales. So returning to the game that started it all should please your fans even more!" Gwen just rolled her eyes, and rolled her luggage to the far end of the dock.
"Gwen!" Owen cried, barely containing his excitement. "It's been so long!" He opened his arms for a hug, but froze mid-grab as Gwen held out a hand in front of him.
"Uh-uh. Gently." Looking sheepish, Owen moved in for a gentle hug. Gwen gave another eye roll, but more out of amusement this time, and allowed a small smile as she hugged the big lug.
"And here's one of our most controversial contestants," said Chris as another boat drove past, "a season two finalist and fresh from the big house, Duncan!"
Everyone's favorite and/or least favorite punk smirked, looking largely the same with a green mohawk, spiked collar, and skull-and-crossbones T-shirt.
"Since last starring on Total Drama All-Stars, Duncan has largely been bouncing in and out of various jails, usually winding right back where he started after release due to some petty crime," Chris informed the camera as Duncan approached. "Dude," he said to delinquent-turned-proper-criminal, "what are your thoughts on being back?"
Duncan shrugged nonchalantly. "Hey, you guys paid my bail, so I guess I owe it to you to at least show up. At least here I have a chance at getting rich enough to pay my own bail."
"Well said," nodded Chris, and Duncan walked to the two other contestants. He opened his mouth to speak, but Owen gasped in joy and gave him a bone-crunching hug.
"Duncan! Oh, how I've missed you and the apathetic charisma you so effortlessly exude!"
He placed the criminal back on the dock, who coughed and cracked his back with displeasure. "Yeah, whatever, man." The punk then turned to Gwen, and grinned slyly. "Ah, and Gwen. I'm loving the new look."
Gwen simply scoffed and looked away.
"And let's not forget TDA's other finalist," said Chris as another boat sped past, "B - Beth?!"
Despite wearing a similar style, the woman in front of him bore almost no resemblance to the geeky girl of Total Drama past. Fit, attractive, and confident-looking, the glasses-wearing woman waved cheerfully, her brown hair now tied into a proper ponytail. The other three contestants gasped at her radical change. "Hi-i!" she called. "So nice to see all of you again!"
Chris blinked, and rubbed his eyes. "Beth? Is that actually you?"
Beth giggled as she walked over to him. "Well of course! Who else do you think it could be?" Even her voice sounded different, though she still spoke in the same lilting, sing-songy cadence.
"It's just that you look, so… different!"
Beth chuckled again. "Well what do you expect? It's been ten years!"
A pair of small moles below her left cheek confirmed her true identity to Chris, and the host relaxed. "Well, all right then!" he announced, happy once more though still sounding a tad uncertain. "It looks like our resident geeky girl has really grown into herself!"
A series of pictures were once again superimposed on the screen, showing the new-and-improved Beth happily filling a food trough for a pig, and hugging the snout of a horse. "After growing up on a farm," said Chris' disembodied voice, "Beth discovered the horrors of factory farming, and used her post-TDA fame to start up an animal sanctuary for rescued creatures."
"Oh yeah," said Beth, pumping a fist as the shot cut back to the dock. "And I'm gonna use this million bucks to greatly expand my sanctuary!"
"Hey, well, all right then!" Chris fist-bumped her as she headed to meet the others. Gwen and Owen gave her gentle hugs, and even Duncan gave a smirk and a fist bump to his old friend.
"Looking great, Beth!" smiled Gwen.
"Thanks. Oh, and congratulations on the novel! I read it and it was amazing!"
The camera panned back to Chris. "Moving on to World Tour, let's introduce our next pair of finalists -" he gestured to the approaching boat - "the dreaded Heather and Alejandro!"
Ominous choral music played as the shot showed the two arch-villains approaching on a single boat, both looking mostly the same, with Heather wearing her hair free as she had on TDI. The two dropped onto the dock, not saying a word, simply throwing suspicious glances at the camp, the host, the other contestants, and finally each other, before heading forward.
"Ah yes, our famous on-again off-again couple," Chris informed the camera, as the two approached. "Since his time on the show, Alejandro has hit it big-time in a professional modeling gig. Heather has also retained her fame - but, as she's mostly famous for being wicked and conniving, she's been unable to find a job anywhere!" Chris held his stomach as he gave a big belly-laugh, and the Japanese woman's eyes shot daggers. "Despite having broken up no less than thirty-four times in the past year alone, Heather keeps having to crawl back to Alejandro because she keeps ending up with no place to live - thus perpetuating the cycle of their constant break-ups, and getting-back-together's!"
"Are you finished?" Alejandro asked.
"Yeah, fine, fine, whatever." Chris waved boredly to the far side of the dock, and the villainous duo walked past him. "Guess being in a relationship where both people are evil and self-centered doesn't work out well. Woulda thought?" he snarked at the camera.
"Probably why you can never get a date," Heather muttered.
"Hey!" Chris shot back.
The two villains stopped a few feet from the other contestants and refused to look at them, ignoring the glares Gwen, Beth, and Duncan were sending their way.
"And we can't forget the third finale-maker of season three," said Chris, "let's give a warm welcome to Cody!"
The camera focused on the man who had most recently leapt onto the dock. While sporting a similar hairstyle to his TDI self, the tech enthusiast now bore more of a hipster aesthetic - dyed black hair, a soul patch, and a pair of earrings now adorned his face, and he wore a nice button-up striped shirt with a pair of indigo jeans. Despite this, he moved down the dock with the same confident strut he had bore on his very first day of the show. "Chris! What's happening?" he asked, slyly pointing at the host. "Excellent to be back."
"And excellent to have you!" The host responded. "How's life been treating you?"
"Oh excellent, most excellent," Cody replied. He fished a photo out of his pocket and eyed it wistfully. "The electronics repair shop Sierra and I opened up has been running smoothly. I get to work with computers as much as I want," he said proudly, "while Sierra keeps the fans happy by blogging about our daily lives, the other contestants, and any other Total Drama gossip." The camera shifted to reveal the photo, a snapshot of Cody and Sierra standing at a counter while various electronic parts hung from the wall behind them: Cody had a screwdriver jammed into what looked like a digital alarm clock, while Sierra joyfully hammered away at her laptop keyboard, her tongue stuck out in determined concentration.
Chris smiled impishly. "So Sierra still giving you trouble, huh? Have you just given up at this point?"
Cody smiled good-naturedly as he shook his head. "Nope! She's actually learned to become a lot more respectful, and so we decided to give it a shot. She's actually an awesome girlfriend once she's learned to respect boundaries, and I haven't regretted it since!" He turned to the camera. "Hi, Sierra! Sorry you can't be here, but I miss ya, babe!"
"All right, all right! Enough mush!" Chris tried to shove Cody out of the frame. Unperturbed, Cody resumed his strut, pointing and winking at the others. "Hey, Heather! Lookin' fine. Owen, my man! Glad to see you again. Duncan," he added stonily, and then said, "B-Beth?"
The farm girl giggled. "Surprised?" They hugged, and then Cody turned to the next contestant, his confident facade immediately slipping. "Oh! Gwen," he said, looking at the ground awkwardly.
"Cody! Hi," Gwen said, with a pained smile, before her eyes also fell to the ground.
"Uh… n-nice to see you again," Cody stated.
Gwen scratched her arm, and then tried to smile again. "Y-yeah. You too." After a second, the two managed a light hug, and then resumed their awkward stances as they tried to look everywhere but at each other.
"And that's a wrap on the original contestants," said Chris. "We now move onto gen two, starting with season four finalist - Lightning!"
The muscular athlete leapt off of his boat, looking unimpressed by his surroundings. The overachiever looked mostly the same as he had in seasons past, though his hair (either by dye or growing out naturally) was once again dark, and his blue jersey had been traded for one that was bright orange - though still had a deep indigo "1" on the front. "Yo, Chris," snapped the athlete, "Why'd we have to come back to this dump of a campground? Lightning is a star athlete, and he deserves star treatment!"
"Ah, yes." Chris smirked. "Sports fans in the audience should be well aware that TD's resident athlete was the star of his college football team, and, in a shocking move, has just recently been accepted onto a professional team! And I see you're already wearing your colors proudly," he added, pulling at the orange jersey.
Lightning swatted Chris' hand away. "Yeah, and Lightning should be sha-practicin' for the upcoming season, not stayin' here with all of these losers!" He gestured to the other contestants, who frowned in synchronicity.
"Hey, think of it this way," said Chris. "You win, and you can buy the entire team." Lightning's eyes widened, and the host added, "Besides, you've always referred to yourself as a winner, yet you've never won a season of Total Drama. Don't you want to prove that you can win anything, and that you're not a 'sha-loser'?"
"Lightning never loses!" The athlete stomped to the far end of the dock and crossed his arms. "And he's gonna prove it to you!" After a moment, he whirled around and stuck his finger in Owen's face, apropros to nothing, and added, "And especially you!" The gesture made the larger man fall into the water in surprise.
"And our winner of Season Four, not to mention the finalists of Season Five," Chris said as the sound of another boat was heard, "the much-maligned friendshop trio, Cameron, Zoey, and Mike!"
The latter two walked forward while holding hands, the scrawny black boy smiling behind them. "Ah, yes," said Chris, "my favorite contestants. Blandy, Blandier, and Blandy-McBlanderson."
The trio narrowed their eyes. "And what's that supposed to mean?" Zoey asked indignantly.
"Well, we got a lot of complaints from viewers that you guys are just too boring to want to watch. Especially after getting so far in the game for two seasons in a row, people just got kind of sick of you."
"Hey! We aren't boring!" cried Mike.
"Yeah!" Cameron agreed. "We do lots of cool things."
Chris smiled slyly. "Oh yeah? Then tell me, what exciting stuff have you guys been up to since the show ended?"
Mike and Zoey repeatedly opened their mouths as if they meant to speak, but kept drawing blanks. "Um… Mm… Uh…"
"…Well, I got a job at a library!" Cameron piped up.
"Like I said," Chris smirked. The three shrugged, and walked over to the other contestants. "And, the finalist to our recent season, let's hear it for Sky!"
The dark-haired gymnast got off of the boat, and began walking down the dock with a neutraul expression on her face. The light-skinned woman looked mostly the same, down to her cream-colored top and feathered earrings, though had grown her hair out much longer, which was currently tied into a poofy ponytail.
As Chris spoke, film clips of Sky's various accomplishments played on the screen: her deflty balancing on a balance beam, crossing a gorge on a narrow plank while holding an eagle's egg and wearing a chicken hat, and standing proudly on a pedestal labeled "1" while donning ice skates and holding a trophy over her head. "Our once aspiring Olympian, Sky has since become an actual Olympian - winning gold in gymnastics, the not-so-rejected-anymore drama run, and even figure skating!"
"WHAT?" an angry voice in the last clip cried, causing Sky and the camera to pan over to her competition. "Silver AGAIN?" A woman in a leotard with jet black hair picked up the nearby judges' table, her face contorted with rage.
"Josee, no!" her male partner cried, but the woman threw the table at the camera, which cut to static before being replaced with a current shot of Chris and Sky on the docks.
"Heck, I'd say Sky is the only contestant who earned more fame from outside the show than in it!" Chris said, as Sky approached. "Sky! How does it feel to be back - and almost as famous as me! Almost," he emphasized with a finger wag.
The woman shrugged good-naturedly. "What can I say? I'm glad to be back. I almost won the million last time, so I bet I have a pretty good shot. And my fans will love it. I just have to remember my mantra: no distractions!" She pounded her fist in her palm with a determined grin.
"Really?" said Chris, eyebrows raised. Sky nodded confidently, and he shrugged. "Whatever, dude. Try as I might, I can't make you hate coming back here." As Sky walked past him, he shielded his eyes with his hands as he looked to the horizon and called, "And rounding out the winner's team, here's everyone's favorite conspiracy-theorizing, zombie-fearing survivalist, and the winner of last season… Shawn!"
The scruffy boy leapt off his boat, looking exactly the same as he had in Pahkitew, before the shot cut once again to photos superimposed on the screen.
"After winning the million," said Chris, "Shawn and his girlfriend Jasmine opened up a flowershop slash cage fightning school in Perth." The first photo showed the couple lovingly tending to flowers, the second them hollering from the sidelines as two young kids beat the stuffing out of each other. "They've also used their fame to start a wilderness survival show, where they show off all their myriad survival skills to their viewing audience." The next two showed Jasmine hanging nervously from a cliff, and Shawn screaming and waving an arm that a purple viper had sunk its fangs into. The scene flashed back to the dock. "So Shawn. Glad to be back?"
"Oh, yeah, very." The survivalist nodded. "My survival skills came in super handy in my last season, and that was on an island that was artificial. So if I performed that well when everything was fake, just think how well off I'll be in the actual wilderness!"
"Good point," Chris said. "But I hope you've prepared yourself for Wawanakwa's resident… zombie population!" He yanked a decaying, grey mask of a zombie out from his back and shoved it into Shawn's face, cackling theatrically. Shawn simply flinched, and then gave Chris an unimpressed look. "Seriously?" asked the host.
"Yeah, I've kind of gotten over my whole zombie thing, with Jasmine's help." The survivalist scratched the back of his neck. "I got caught in a whole zombie phase when I was a teenager, but I've mostly grown past that. I'm still a huge fan of horror movies, though!"
"Oh-kay…" Chris said uncertainly, as Shawn walked past. He and Sky high-fived in greeting.
"Contestants!" Chris announced, staring at the thirteen gathered on the dock. "You are all Total Drama's best of the best. Whether it be your brains -" the camera lingered over Cameron - "your skills -" it shifted to Shawn - "your cunning -" Alejandro and Heather were next - "or… whatever Owen has," the host finished as the shot lingered on the big guy, "You've outperformed and outclassed all forty-something other competitors the show has seen. And this season, you'll be working together. I hereby dub your team… The Wawanakwan Winners!"
A small ding played as the blue emblem of a trophy with the number "1" engraved appeared in the upper corner of the screen.
"And your competish?" Chris turned back to the empty side of the dock, and the sound of another approaching boat. "Why only the most pathetic, poorly-playing, utter losers possible - starting with…" his face fell into a frown, and he finished unenthusiastically, "Ezekiel."
The hoodie-wearing young man wore dark jeans and a blue toque over a mop of scruffy hair. He also had green skin, a nibble taken out of his ear, and a muzzle strapped to his face. The farmhand waved cheerfully as he approached.
"So. Ezekiel," said Chris, his cheery demeanor returning. "How have things been for you since you were last seen on the show?"
"Oh, great, eh!" The boy replied. "I know I may not look too good, but I'm way better than I used to be, eh! The obedience classes have been working like a charm!"
The other contestants were looking quite perplexed. Shawn's eyes widened considerably.
"Right. And, uh, are you sure that your being here won't pose a threat to our lives?" Chris asked.
"No worries, eh! The only remnants of the old me is that sometimes I'll have little outbursts -" He suddenly let out an inhuman snarl, and then looked down in shame. "Um, like that, eh."
"Well I'm cool with it." Chris gestured to his right, and the prairie boy walked to stand by the other contestants, giving a hopeful wave. Some of the friendlier contestants, such as Beth, Owen, and Zoey waved back. When Ezekiel looked forward again, Shawn eyed him suspiciously and took a step away.
"Owen and Gwen were the top two placers of TDI," Chris continued, "while their bottom two counterparts were Ezekiel, and…" He dramatically gestured to the approaching boat. "Eva!"
The ominous choral music started up again as Eva arrived. The weightlifter leapt to the dock, her duffel bag clinking with what could only be dumbbells. She looked largely the same, though had a large, black dragon tattoo on her left arm, the tail of which curled around her bicep, disappeared under her top, and re-emerged with a snarling head at her shoulder. Scowling (unsurprisingly), she walked toward the others.
"Eva!" Chris repeated. "After her embarrassing performances on Total Drama, Eva has started somewhat of a name for herself in the fitness industry. She's had a fairly sucessful career as a personal trainer, and unless I'm mistaken, has plans to open her own gym in the future, correct?" He turned to the weightlifter, but she ignored his questions as she jammed her face into his.
"Just what do you think you're pulling," she snarled, rage obviously broiling just beneath the surface, "forcing us to come back here? The show was ten years ago! And I was barely on it! Just as I had finally put it behind me." This last growl was tinged with the slightest hint of remorse.
Chris pulled on his shirt collar and sweated nervously. "H-hey, what can I say? That's how contracts work, right?" He whimpered as Eva grabbed his shirt and yanked their faces even closer. She forced him to stare into her eyes, which seemed to be tinged red, until the host shut his own and took a deep gulp.
The wordless threat sufficiently delivered, the weightlifter released him and marched over to the others. She was greeted by a few snickers and thumbs-up, and even a "Nice job, dude," courtesy of Duncan, all of which she ignored.
"Sheesh," said Chris, straightening his clothing. "And moving on to the losers of our second season - Geoff and Bridgette!"
The camera cut to the approaching boat, where the surfer couple stood with their arms around each other, beaming. Bridgette looked the same as she had on Total Drama, and while Geoff was the same physically, he had changed his outfit to now better match his lover's, with a baby blue open shirt and blue-and-white striped shorts. Surprisingly, the blonde man was also missing his trademark hat, though he still donned his necklace and bracelet.
A montage of Geoff and Bridgette being voted out on TDA, hosting various Aftermath shows, and the former winning The Ridonculous Race with Brody were played over Chris' narration. "Despite being beloved by fans, hosting the Total Drama Aftermaths, and recently winning it big on our sister show, Geoff and Bridgette are still being placed among the losers for their early vote-out in Season Two."
The film changed to brand new clips, showing a now blue-shirted Geoff laughing as he was swarmed by happy-looking kids in what appeared to be a classroom environment. "The two used Geoff's Ridonculous winnings to open up a surf school." The scene again shifted to show clips of Bridgette riding a massive wave, and then posing proudly for cameras while donning various medals around her neck. "Meanwhile, Bridgette has gone on to win several surf championships around the world, and her reputation as one of the greatest surfers of her generation is growing."
The scene flashed back to the docks, as Chris widened his eyes and shook his head. "Wait! No no no no -"
He was cut off as Geoff raced over and swept him into a hug rivaling that of Owen's. "Dude! It's so awesome to see you again, man!"
Bridgette walked over and crossed her arms, smiling lightly. "Well, I don't know if I'd call it awesome, but even I have to admit it's bit nostalgic to be back at the place we first met."
Geoff dropped Chris, who gasped for air, and slapped a hand to his forehead. "Dude! How could I forget? This is, like, totally the perfect spot for our tenth anniversary!" He suddenly swept up his girlfriend in a loving kiss, who squeaked in surprise at first, but then melted into it. He then gently set her down, yelled "Ah! And it's so great to see all you dudes again!" and rushed to the far end of the dock, leaving a dreamy-looking Bridgette next to a hacking and coughing Chris. The surfer guy began hugging all the other contestants, including a protesting Heather and a surprised-looking Alejandro.
"See, this is why we didn't star him too much in latter seasons," Chris complained. "He brings too much positivity to this show. I wanna see people suffering, not enjoying themselves!"
Bridgette shrugged, smiling lightly. "And that's why you'll never quite be as popular as Geoff," she said as she walked past him.
"Hey! I'm totally popular!" the host whined.
Bridgette joined the others, greeting and hugging her old friends like Gwen and Beth. Owen and Geoff were both attempting to give each other the strongest embrace possible, and Bridgette clapped her hands in front of them, noticing they were turning blue. "All right, boys, that's enough."
The two men released each other and fell to the wood. "Wow, dude," Owen wheezed, "your hugs have gotten nearly as good as mine since the last time we saw each other."
"Thanks, man," Geoff managed. "It's an honor hearing that from you."
The shot shifted back to Chris. "The players first booted out from Season Three were Ezekiel and Duncan, who are both already here. So, moving on to Season Four, we're bringing back a contestant so obscure that I actually had to double-check her name before she arrived. Please welcome - Lacy! Er…" Chris quickly checked a note written on the back of his hand. "Staci!"
The plump brunette leapt onto the dock with a suitcase as pink as her clothing, looking exactly the same as she had the last time she had been on the show. "Omigosh, I am, like, so excited to back. Thank you so, so much for a second shot on the show, Chris."
"Hey, don't thank me!" Chris said. "It was the producer's idea! I, personally, probably wouldn't have let you back on."
The chatterbox continued as if she hadn't heard this. "Yah, I'm totally going to rock this season. I've been preparing my spirit, mind, and body ever since the last time I was on. I don't like to brag, but I'm probably the strongest one here."
The other contestants were mostly looking at her with raised eyebrows, but Owen pinched the flab on his bicep and agreed, "Yeah, probably."
"And our next contestant," Chris said as Staci walked past, "she's a paparazzi panderer turned Hollywood horror movie star, it's everyone's favorite mutant monstrosity, Dakota!"
The next boat arrived slowly and was sitting low in the water, seemingly struggling to stay afloat. A ten foot-tall, orange-skinned, reptilian mutant stood on the stern, waving gleefully while bearing a toothy smile.
Several gasps were elicited from the other contestants. "You're seriously letting her back on the show?" exclaimed Duncan.
"It was the producer's idea," said Chris, with his usual bland smile. "Though I can't say I'm complaining. This is gonna be awesome!" He chuckled.
"Hi Chris! Dakota so happy to be back -" the girl started as she stepped onto the dock, but the entire right side collapsed, dropping her into the ocean and evoking a mild look of surprise from the host. She popped her head out of the water, her usually-spiky green hair plastered over her face, and coughed. "Dakota okay!" She smiled at the camera.
"Great. Then do you mind getting over there and not destroying any more of our dock?" Chris said with a frown, jamming his thumb in the direction of the others. Dakota nodded happily and swam to the far side of the planks, pulling herself up and next to her peers. She didn't notice the several cautious looks she was getting, nor the groaning of the wood beneath her feet. "Hi, guys!" she waved happily, getting a few wary waves in response from the friendlier contestants.
"Our next player," Chris said as another boat pulled up to the significantly-shortened dock, "is both a classic and beloved contestant, but is being placed on the loser team due to her poor performance in Total Drama All-Stars. One of Canada's most famous professional models, Lindsay!"
"Hi-i!" the blonde rang out, towing a pink rolling suitcase behind her. Despite being a professional model, the friendly airhead wore the same outfit she had on TDI, with a blue bandana, red top, and tall leather boots. "Omigosh, I'm so happy to be here! Have we met before?" she asked, peering at Chris. "You look sooo familiar."
"Uh, yeah. I'm Chris. The host of Total Drama? I tortured you for four seasons?"
The blonde simply looked more and more confused. "You know, I've heard of Total Drama, but I'm not sure I was ever on it. I'm pretty sure I'd remember something like that."
Chris pinched the bridge of his nose, but then said with his usual enthusiasm, "Well today's your lucky day, because you've been selected to star on the next season!"
Lindsay gasped, shocked. "Really? Oh yay, this is great! I've always wanted to be a TV star!" She grabbed her luggage and raced to the other end of the dock, leaving Chris to stare after her in disbelief.
"Lindsay! I'm so happy we're going to be competing with each other again!" Beth cried.
Lindsay gasped, this time in joy. "Beth! It's so good to see you again!" The two old friends embraced.
"Wow, she actually remembered you," said Gwen with a cool smile.
"Oh, and it's good to see you again too, Edmund," Lindsay said to her. Gwen's smile promptly faded.
The next boat came and went, leaving a large black man with an enormous amount of hair. "And here's Beardo!" said Chris, as the other man regarded him with a relaxed smile. While he looked the same physically, Beardo donned nicer-looking clothes than he had in his Pahkitew debut, wearing a professional-looking button-up shirt and dark jeans. "Wearing some nice new digs, I see - looking professional for your new radio job, I presume?"
"Yeah, man, you know it," the hairy guy said, bumping fists with the host. "I feel like I finally can put my talents to good use."
"Beardo has gotten a radio DJ job since his time on the show, where he's gotten to use his title 'The Human Soundboard' in a literal manner," Chris said as an aside to the camera. He turned back to the taller man. "So how does it feel to be back on the show?"
Beardo shrugged good-naturedly. "I'm excited. I dealt with a lot of shyness and social awkwardness as a teenager. I feel a lot more confident and I think I can handle the game better now. And I'm ready to bring home the cheddar!" He let out a classical 'cha-ching' noise as he walked down the dock.
"And our other Pahkitew loser," said Chris, after watching Beardo go, "Leonard!"
Another black boy, this time in what appeared to be a ramshackle green wizard's costume, stepped off the newest boat. "Ah," he said, peering confidently out at the campground. "A whole new land to test my numerous powers with. If only Tammy were here to experience this with me!"
"Yeah," said Chris, frowning slightly at the camera. "Again, not my idea."
"The Malevolent Maclean." Leonard said these words with spite, narrowing his eyes. "My bitter nemesis. I will not allow another defeat as I did last time!"
"Dude. Don't you work at, like, a trading card store or something? What's with the wizard act?"
"My profession is of no concern to you," Leonard said, crossing his arms. "Simply know this, wretched host: I will prevail against the forces of darkness and obtain the fabled treasure, and there's nothing you can do to stop me!"
"You mean you'll win the million dollars?" Chris asked, perplexed.
"Well, yeah, if you want to make it sound boring," said the LARPer with a shrug.
"Just get over there," Chris said, and the wizard-wannabe complied. After he passed, the host regained his composure and turned to the camera. "In order to balance out the teams, this last handful of contestants weren't necessarily among the first voted out, but still had poor luck and performances during their run on the show, allowing me to give them the title of 'honorary loser.' Of course, all these contestants are losers in my book!" He gave a wide, dopey grin toward the mass of players, as if expecting a laugh. Many glared but none dignified him with a response. After several seconds of silence, Chris turned back to the camera as if nothing had happened. "For the first of our final four players, here's… Tyler!"
"Yeah! Whoo! To the ext-reeeme!" The shot panned to the right, to reveal Tyler being towed via waterskis by his boat, exactly as he had on his first day. This time, however, the sporto stuck the landing without incident, flinging the skis into the air and landing with a confident pose in front of Chris.
"Wa-how! Tyler! You actually stuck the landing this time!" The host clapped.
"You know it, dude! I've been practicing my sports and physical fitness ever since the last time, and I've honed my athletic skills to levels like never before!" The red jock was interrupted when the skis fell back onto his head, knocking him to the planks with a groan.
"I can tell," Chris smirked. "But then again, if that's true, why have you had such bad luck getting onto a professional sports team, like the gossip says? Rumor has it the closest job your dad has managed to get you was a salesperson at an athletic store, despite him being such a high-ranking sports announcer."
"Hey, why's that gotta be a bad thing?" Tyler jumped to his feet. "I love my job! It helps me get people as pumped about sports as I am!"
"Good to hear!" Chris smiled. "And it just happens that we've gotten our hands on some exclusive footage of you at your day job." Tyler blanched.
The footage shifted to a montage of Tyler, dressed in a mock referee's uniform and inside a large store filled with sporting goods, as the jaunty whistling theme once used for the Aftermath's "That's Gonna Leave a Mark" segment played in the background.
"Excuse me, sir," a woman holding the hand of a child asked in the first clip, "can you grab that ball for my son?" She pointed at a rubber ball, in a mesh cage with many others.
"No problemo, ma'am!" Tyler grabbed the rope cage, opening a gap large enough for a ball to get through, but tripped and brought the entire container crashing down, balls bouncing everywhere.
"Wuh - woah, no - waah!" Tyler stepped on the balls and struggled to keep his balance, flailing his arms and careening across the salesfloor as the mom and child watched in shock. Finally, Tyler crashed into a shelf, which created a domino effect as it fell into the next shelf, and so on. Customers screamed and ran for their lives as the entire interior of the warehouse was demolished, and then, after the dust had settled, spontaneously caught on fire.
The second clip showed a large truck labeled 'Mick's Sporting Stuff' backing up to a garage on the side of the store, Tyler at the wheel. Two burly men stood under the garage, gesturing for the sporto to back up, and then brake.
"Time to unload all this awesome new sports equipment!" Tyler said, jamming a button on the dashboard.
The two men frantically waved at this. "No, Tyler, wait, slowly -" But the back of the truck flung open, burying them in a mound of athletic goods.
"Whoops. My bad, guys!" said Tyler, as the pile caught fire.
The third and final clip showed a pair of hairy arms brusquely shove Tyler into a men's bathroom, looking bitter as he held a mop and bucket. "Now clean up in there and quit destroying my store!" snarled his offscreen boss.
"All right, all right, sheesh." Tyler dipped his mop into the bucket, but when lifting it, shattered a light with the broomhandle and simultaneously lit its wooden end on fire. The athlete screamed and rushed over to a sink to douse the flame, but instead succeeded in lighting the sink on fire, which within seconds had spread to the entire room, causing a still-screaming Tyler to flee.
The shot cut back to Chris and Tyler at the docks, the latter of which was looking very embarrassed. "Rumor has it the only reason you still have a job at all is because of your dad's high-ranking contacts in the sports industry," said Chris with relish. "So all this considered, I'd say you're a pretty good fit for the losers' team."
"Yeah, well, just you wait," said Tyler with his usual vigor, jamming a finger in Chris' chest. "This so-called loser is gonna win this entire competition! Whoo!" He ran over to the others, and gasped in disbelief upon seeing Sky, who looked a tad surprised at this. "Sky! You're in this competition?"
"Y-yes," she said, unsure. "Tyler, right?"
"Yeah - sorry! I'm a huge fan! After starring on Total Drama and then winning gold so many times in the Olympics, you've kind of become my hero!"
"Oh. Well, then thank you!" Sky shook the eager man's hand. "I'm happy that we're competing together!"
Tyler then let out an even louder gasp, startling Sky yet again. "Lindsay! You're in this season, too?" He rushed over to the blonde, who he had just spotted. "This is awesome! Why didn't you tell me, babe?"
The model, however, looked just as unsure as Sky had. "Umm… sorry… who are you again?"
Beth elbowed her friend as Tyler looked distraught. "Lindsay! That's Tyler!… Your boyfriend?" she added, as Lindsay still looked confused.
"Oh! Tyler… Hi?" She gave him a weak, half-hearted hug, but Tyler and Beth just looked perplexed.
The camera cut back to Chris. "Our next loser performed poorly in the contest and in her home life, but gets a unique chance to come back without the other half of her not-so-dynamic duo. Please welcome our tormented twin, Samey!"
"The Good Twin" walked off the boat, looking much the same, though had swapped her old high school cheer outfit for a blue tank top and pink shorts. She closed her eyes and took a deep, calming breath before turning to Chris. "Chris, as my sister is no longer here, I'd like to request that this season, you call me by my actual name, Sammy."
Chris chuckled darkly. "You really want to hear my answer to that?"
Sammy crossed her arms, her furrowing brow revealing that she was getting upset but trying to remain calm. "I moved away from my family a while ago. I've gone to college, made friends, had a life away from Amy. I've even applied to join the cheerleading squad of a professional sports team, a job which Amy will have nothing to do with. I have my own identity now, and I'd appreciate if you'd recognize that."
Chris ruffled her hair. "Aw, Samey, you're adorable!"
Looking miffed, Sammy chose to bite back a response and instead walked to join the other contestants. Shawn and Sky exchanged a friendly wave with her, and Sky put a comforting hand on the blonde's shoulder. "Just ignore him. You know whatever Chris says is not worth taking to heart. Oh, and congrats on the application! I hope you get the job." Sammy gave her a small smile in response.
"And last and… most probably least," said Chris, "our perpetual BFF's, Katie and Sadie!"
The two gal pals were dropped off by the last boat. They looked fairly similar to their teenage selves, though had grown out their hair into longer, shoulder-length pigtails, and their clothing's pink-and-white color scheme had been swapped for more fashionable pink-and-black outfits.
"Omigosh, Sadie, can you believe we're finally getting another chance?" asked Katie. "It's been so long."
"I know, right?" the larger Oriental girl replied. "And even better, we both get to go on together!" The two girls clasped hands and squealed. "EEEE!"
"Katie and Sadie have graduated from fashion school since the last season, and have since started up their own fashion boutique," Chris narrated.
"Yeah, and it's going totally well," said Sadie. "We've made thousands of dollars so far! Though, all on only one line of clothing." She sighed.
"Yeah, turns out people just wanted our old outfits that we wore on TDI, since we were best known for that show," said Katie. "So we've literally sold no other outfits besides replicas of those." More excitedly, she turned to the camera and gestured to what she was wearing. "So that's why we're wearing these to show off our new line! Come on, people, buy something else! Please!"
"Okay, enough self-promotion." Chris shoved them towards the others with a frown, and then regained his composure. "Losers! You have proven yourselves to be the worst of the worst, the utter dregs of reality TV everywhere. And yet, here you are, starring again on the greatest reality TV show of all time."
"The Ridonculous Race?" asked Geoff.
"Cake Boss?" inquired Staci.
"What? No!" Chris shook his head. "Total Drama! The show that you're on right now!"
"Eh, it's okay," said Mike.
"I've seen better," Eva growled.
Chris shook his head again. "Whatever! You, thirteen newbies, I dub your team… The Loathsome Losers!"
A fart sound effect played, and a green icon bearing a thumbs down appeared in the upper right hand corner of the screen. The Losers exchanged a few uncertain glances, but did not react outside of this.
Maclean turned back toward the cameras. "It's winners versus weaklings in this special tenth anniversary season! So stay tuned, for the rest of the exciting premiere episode, of Total… Drama…
"Legends Versus Losers!"
"Yeah!" Dakota spontaneously jumped in excitement, causing the dock, her castmates, and the host to collapse into the water.
Wawanakwan Winners
Alejandro - The Manipulative Charmer
Beth - The Quirky Animal Lover
Cameron - The Bookish Genius
Cody - The Tech Geek
Duncan - The Criminal
Gwen - The Horror Writer
Heather - The Schemer
Lightning - The Athletic Overachiever
Mike - The Introspective
Owen - The Overenthusiast
Shawn - The Survivalist
Sky - The Olympian
Zoey - The Only Child
Loathsome Losers
Beardo - The Human Soundboard
Bridgette - The Soul Surfer
Dakota - The Mutant Fame-Mongerer
Eva - The Body Builder
Ezekiel - The Farmhand
Geoff - The Party Lover
Katie - The BFF
Leonard - The LARPer
Lindsay - The Model
Sadie - The Other BFF
Sammy - The Tormented Twin
Staci - The Chatterbox
Tyler - The Accident-Prone Athlete
I hope you enjoyed the first chapter! If you read this far, please consider leaving a review.
As many of the characters are now in their mid-twenties, I thought some of them needed mild redesigns. Some of these were because their teenagery designs didn't really work for their new age group (Beth, Cody), some were for story reasons (I doubted Sammy would still be wearing her high school cheer outfit as a twenty-something), and some were just because I felt like it (Geoff, Eva). Beth's design was inspired by "Older Beth TDI Wallpaper" by Matoonz on Deviantart, while Gwen's (and to a degree Katie and Sadie's) was inspired by the Youtube vid "TDI Cast 10 Years Later" by pandaexpresslover33.
Also, I hoped you found the Jacques and Josee cameo entertaining! Chapter 2 will be coming soon.