Full disclosure, I haven't watched TWD in a long time. So a lot of things are... vague. And we're pretending there's no Richonne (NOT because I don't like them, because I do, but I didn't want to waste time clearing that up to make room for Brick.)
But I did read about Rick's "last" episode. About how some of the people most important to him popped up. And I couldn't help but think about if Beth were one of them. Beth, offering him a choice. Beth, offering him hope, even in death. So here it is...
"Hi there."
Rick sat up, and instinctively touched his hand to his rib, where the pole had gone through. Whether or not the wound was still there however, took a back seat to the girl before his eyes.
She was just as he remembered.
"Beth?" he asked, as he struggled to his feet. She smiled slyly at him, as he tried to take her in. Blonde hair thrown back in a haphazard ponytail, threaded with a braid. She looked just as she had the last time he saw her. Yellow polo, and a gray sweater. And, a large red stain on her forehead.
He swallowed.
"Long time no see, Rick Grimes." She crossed her arms at him, like she was put out that it had taken him so long to get here. He stepped forward, out of control of his movements, and pulled her to him, with tears in his eyes.
This girl was his dream. She always had been. Since the moment he saw her, something inside of him had connected to her. It had only grown with time. Her optimism, her support. She took his burdens, when she was drowning in her own. She listened, she loved. She loved him, even when, especially when, he had hated himself.
But of course, life doesn't care about love. Life doesn't care about finding a little corner of peace. Life takes, and punishes. So it was never the right time- there was always a reason it couldn't happen. She was too young, Lori had just died, no one was safe. He knew, though. He knew it every night she talked with him before taking Judith. He knew when she would smile at him from across the cafeteria. He knew when she would press a small kiss to his cheek, as a thank you for some nothing he had done. He knew he loved her, and anything after that was an excuse he made because he knew he could never deserve her.
And of course, life turns dreams into nightmares. Just when he found her again, had torn apart Georgia trying to find her, she was gone. She was gone, and he had never even told her how he felt.
Of course, he knew Beth knew. The way she looked at him told him he was an open book to her. And he knew, like the bastard he was, she was waiting for him to get his shit together.
It hadn't happened in time.
He hated himself for that.
"'M sorry, Beth." He sighed, releasing her.
She shrugged, an exaggerated movement that looked ridiculous on her small frame. "So many things that statement could apply to, and I'm not interested in hearing it for any of them."
She reached up, tucking an errant curl behind his ear. "Just happy to see you."
"Beth?" he asked, enjoying the sound of her name again.
She hummed inquisitively in response. "Where am I?"
She laughed, a sound that rang like music in his ears. "What, you don't recognize Grady Memorial?"
Rick frowned, glaring at the building. The memories of one of the worst days of his life came flooding back to him. The worst moments. The high of pressing a kiss to her forehead, of finally having her back safely with them. She had been right there. Right there in his arms. Then she turned, and she was gone. Lost, forever.
Or, perhaps not. His fingers slid up the rough fabric of her sweater, and then across the velvet skin of her neck. She gasped, and his fingers stilled. He was prepared to mumble an apology, but the way her lips parted more than distracted him. Her eyes fluttered open and pleaded for something he wasn't about to deny. He kissed her softly, almost chastely, overwhelmed by the simple feeling of their lips pressed together.
"You're not real." He mumbled, as their foreheads pressed together. Her hands reached up to cup his face, and her thumb swiped away a tear he didn't know was there.
"Feels pretty real to me."
The statement jarred Rick, as he wondered just how she was seeing him. He tried to recall how he ended up here. He remembered the damned horse. He remembered the pole. The rest was a bit of a blur.
Was he…?
"You don't have to be." Her voice was small, somehow echoing around him. He didn't bother questioning how she knew the question he hadn't voiced out loud, much less the answer.
Reality set in quickly on Rick. "Shit Beth, I've got to get back. So much has happened since you left. There was a war, and a really terrible excuse for a human being, and now we have all this other crap…"
She had let go of him, and was stepping backwards away from him. His arms had never felt so cold and empty. She shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself.
"You can't fix everything yourself, Rick. Who takes care of you now that I'm gone?"
He blinked at her slowly. He racked his brain for an appropriate answer. Everything was a team effort of course, but everything always had, and would, fall on his shoulders. Every decision or indecision was brought to him, and generally fought against regardless of his solution. Even when Carl had died, he was still the one who had to plan everything. To make the world keep turning, even when his had come to a screeching halt.
She just nodded sadly.
He opened his mouth to get defensive. To tell her she had no idea what he had lost. To tell her he HAD to be the leader, because who else would step up? That these people NEEDED him. But the words were ashes in his mouth. Being a hero had only lost him the only things that had ever mattered to him. Hell, being a hero meant he was standing here in the afterlife.
"You've gotta figure it out, Rick." She fiddled with the edge of her ponytail, twirling it around her finger, and he noticed the break in her voice at the end of the sentence.
He looked at her. This woman, who was everything he had ever wanted. Who offered him some peace, at last. Was he really willing to let the pressure, that had been crushing him, aging him, to be more important than finally, finally being with her?
Rick exhaled roughly. "I'm tired of being needed. I'm ready to feel wanted."
He held his breath as he watched her stand and cross to him. She had questions in her eyes, that he doesn't know if he's strong enough to answer. But god, she is beautiful. Dancer's lines, and bright eyes. She's looking at him like he's the answer, and it's almost too much.
But then, she's there, reaching for him, drawing him to her. Rick said nothing, as she reached up to cup his cheek. He leaned into her touch, and pressed a light kiss to her palm.
"Feels too perfect." He admitted.
Beth pointed to the stain of blood on her head, and frowned. "Not that perfect."
He nodded in agreement, a twin frown on his features. "Some heaven."
"I just wanted you to recognize me." Beth reached up, and tapped his nose lovingly, and the scene around them changed.
Rick looked around in awe, at a wide open field of long grass, and a warm sun beating down on them. He could hear the faint trickle of a creek somewhere in the distance, and the call of a bird soaring overhead. More than that, however, was the sight in front of him. Beth's wounds had disappeared, leaving nothing but creamy skin. She wore a sundress that would have been what she would have worn, if it were not totally impractical for a zombie apocalypse. She was an angel, a goddess, and he would worship her.
"Can I stay here?" she smiled sadly at him. Her fingers traced his beard, gliding over his lips.
Her response was whispered, so softly he strained to hear. " You know what staying means. Are you sure you want to?"
He looked at her, the sun shining through her blonde waves. She clung to his shirt, her eyes afraid to meet his. The air was fresh, the moment peaceful. Yes, he wanted to stay. It was all he wanted.
He reached forward, his fingers gently cupping her chin, lifting her eyes to meet his, blue on blue. He smiled at her, and watched as her face bloomed, eyes lighting up, pink lips parting into a smile.
Rick chose to be dead and with Beth, than alive and without. God, I'm a sappy romantic. I miss these two. It always just made sense to me, when there was never any reason for it too. Thank you for reading my sappiness.
