"Twelve letter word for 'fear of insects.'" Jervis Tetch had announced, placing the pen behind his ear as he stared down at the crossword before him.
"Acarophobia." Jonathan Crane didn't even look up from the newspaper he had his face buried in.
Jervis studied his pen for a moment, holding it out in front of him, before looking down at the puzzle. He sighed, "I supposed these really are more Edward's specialty, yes?"
"Mm." Answered Jonathan, not even listening.
Jervis began to write in the little boxes, his pen making scratching noises on the rough paper, and then stopped suddenly, tapping the ink filled apparatus as he gazed down at what he had done.
"Doesn't fit."
At this, Jonathan did look up. "What?"
"Doesn't work." Jervis leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms and looking down at the crossword with a puzzled expression.
The look on Jonathan's face could only be describe as something like confused horror, a very silly look for him indeed. He had been..... wrong? But no, he couldn't be wrong! Not about something like this. He snatched the puzzle away from the other man, with an irritated "Gimme that!" He scanned over it, his face falling. It didn't fit after all, they were short one letter. Jonathan scrunched his face up in aggravation once more.
"Humph!" He threw it on the table. "That most certainly was the right answer. It's the puzzle that's wrong!"
Jervis seemed to accept this answer, maybe because it was almost as crazy as he was. He nodded his head, his eyes closed. He picked up his forgotten cup of tea on the table beside him and took a steady sip, taking a while to register how cold it had gotten. "Well," he said finally, "we could make it work."
He heard no sound from his guest across the table, so he picked up the puzzle and pen and got back to work.
"We just need to change this word right here...." He scribbled over a few letters in the boxes connected to the ones that had 'Acarophobia' in them, and replaced them with new letters, so that each new word was now utter nonsense. As a last minute thought, he filled in the twelfth box with a random letter, so it now said 'Acarophobiab.' He thought it sounded much better that way.
Jonathan leaned across the table to get a better look at what Jervis was doing. He frowned. "Yes, but now that word there doesn't work." He pointed to the word 'calico,' noticing how Jervis had drawn a nice picture of a cat next to it.
"Well, we just change that one now..." and he did. Jonathan just scratched his head.
"But the more words you change, the more you'll have to change other..."
"We'll change them all!" Jervis was excited over this flawless idea. Why had he never thought of it? It made crossword puzzles so much more fun. He worked his pen over the other words, brutally mutilating them till they were also utter nonsense. 'Impressionism' became 'Incobwashooba,' and 'New Mexico' transformed into nothing more than a series of Xs and Os.
Jonathan had forgotten about his newspaper, choosing instead to watch the steady and inevitable decay of Jervis's crossword puzzle. Jervis let out a content sigh when he was done, and placed it down on the table. At the last minute, however, he scrutinized it and felt it needed a lot more stars and hearts. Then he drew a fish for good measure.
"Done!"
Jonathan wasn't quite sure what to say, but it seemed to him something should be said:
"Bravo."
Jervis tore the sheet out from the pack of other crossword puzzles yet to be done, and folded it over once. With the sheet in his hand, he got up and searched around in a cabinet; for they were in the kitchen, which is the customary place to have tea and breakfast pastries in the early morning, until he found what he was looking for.
Sitting back down at his chair, he used the stamp he had found to place a beautiful ink heart on one side of the folded paper. He looked over it once more, before handing it to Jonathan nonchalantly.
Maybe it was the hot tea getting to his head, or maybe it was due in part to how early it was, but Jonathan took the folded paper with a seriousness he never thought would have existed for such a nonsensical situation. It was all very bizarre.
"May it bring you years of happiness, joy, superb deals at local businesses, yada yada, blah blah blah, and so forth..." Jervis leaned back in his chair, and moved his hand around in a circle to signify to Jonathan that the list of joys he wished upon him went on and on.
Jonathan got up and placed the crossword on the fridge because he felt that it was the right thing to do, and held it in place by a magnet Jervis owned of two kittens wrestling in the grass. Well, until Jonathan had carved into the poor kittens with a knife not three days ago. He felt it looked better this way.
"Excellent!" He heard the other man exclaim from his spot at the table. "I daresay it looks like it belongs there. Now, what to do with the rest of this dreadfully boring day..."
Something had happened within the last fifteen minutes that made Jonathan's head spin rather uncontrollably, and he almost couldn't believe the next words that fell out of his mouth.
"We shall have a tea party on the ceiling."
Jervis finished off the rest of the sweet liquid in the cup, staring straight ahead of him in a serious and inquisitive manner.
"Sounds like a plan."
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Author's Notes: ' Acarophobia' is the fear of itching, or insects that cause itching,where the crossword was looking for Entomophobia , a general fear of insects. Also, I have no idea where they are, but it's some house. For the purpose of this oneshot, lets say Jervis has a house for some strange reason.