I feel it. I feel the air humming in sudden tension as you approach me with a cheery smile. I smile back. This is our last day together.
You are cheating on her, with me. You know you can't have both of us. So you choose. I know you chose her. Flowing white hair and bright intelligent blue eyes that seem to lure you in. I could never live up to that. You chose her.
I loved you with everything I had and more, and your here to rip that away. You greet me as you engulf me in a hug. I feel your tears landing on my sweater. Then you kiss me, peppering my face with little kisses. This is goodbye. Still i smile.
You tell me that you chose her. Your engaged. I felt like screaming, crying, yelling anything that would take away the pain. Instead I stuff my emotions in a bottle and force a smile. I tell him that i'm proud of him and i understand. He smile gratefully and leaves.
Once i know for sure you long gone i curl up into a ball and scream and cry my heart out. Tears stream down my face as i pour my heart out onto the floor. The cold seeps into my heart freezing it solid. When i'm done i feel nothing. As if all the life had been scraped out of my once bright eyes and replaced with a deadened look, dulling them. James knows. I know it. He doesn't mention it when i force a laugh or sees the scars on the wrist.
But in the security of the library i break down.
I lost you to her….I admit defeat