Untitled crap

Discllaimer: I own Bert, who is not a self rip off of me, The Bert. He is entirly fictional and stuff, so hes not real. I dont own futurama, Fox, or any of the the fox stuff or shows and whatnot

December 31, 1999 11:01 PM

Bert sighed as he opened a can of beer, he closed his eyes. "Underage my ass" He thought, taking in a large gulp of beer. He sat there for a moment, then picked up the TV remote.

Bert was 15 and a half, he was a basic nobody. One, maybe two friends, he failed at school, girls, car, video games, putting it in a short, he failed at life. But, he could never kill himself. His parents were big religious nuts, I mean big. The kind of people who are like, "GO TO BED OR GOD WILL SEND HIS HEAVENLY MINIONS TO DESTROY YOU!" Like that... Well, Bert just sat there in his small, 2 room apartment, his parents forced him out when they saw him watching a PG-13 movie when he was 14.

Someone knocked at the door, Bert didn't even move, " Who is it?"

A voice answered, somewhat familier, "A delivery for...Whosyo Mama? Aw crap, nevermind and have a nice day."
Bert sprang to the door, "If its pizza, I'll take it. heres 20 bucks- hey! Your that Fry guy!"

Fry laughed, "So, I see the school has made a legend of me?"

Bert shook his head, "No, your remembered as the worst student in 10 years, theres a big banner saying 'you don't want to end up like this guy'."

"Shit! I hated that school anyways, well, I bet you aren't doing much better!" Fry retorted.

"Meh, when I leave there will be a 'Worst Guy since Philip Fry-

"Hehe, that rhymes"

"But not as bad"

"Hey man, that hurts you know!"

Bert leaned against the doorway, "Nnnnope"

"Take the damn pizza and give me the 20 bucks."

Bert took the pizza and handed him the money, "Have a nice New Year." He sat down and looked at the clock, it just turned 11:11. "Might as well make a wish..."

Fry arrived back at Panuccis Pizza and started playing the arcade game Monkey Fracas Jr. A kid walked up and asked him how to play, Fry started giving a narration, the kid seemed un interested.

"Until a big monkey starts throwing barells at you-" Cue dying noise" Crap"

The kid stared at him, "You suck!"

Panucci called Fry up and sent him off on an order.

Click

Bert snickered as he hung up the phone, "IC Wiener, hehe..." He sat down then remembered where he sent Fry.

"The cyrogeni- i dunno, but oh shit! That dude threatened to kill me if I sent another pizza boy there as a joke! What was his name again...oh yeah, Al Gore! I wonder who he is anyway..."

Bert sped out the apartment, a woman in the hallway glanced at him and muttered something like, 'freak'. Bert didn't care, heck, he didn't care about fry either, he just didn't want to get into trouble again.

Fry knocked at the door, "Hello, is anybody here?"

The door opened. Fry shrugged to himself and realised who he was delivering to, he sighed and sat down. Bert ran in sweating and gasping for air.

Fry looked up, "what?"

"You have to get out of here, I sent the IC Wiener joke to Panucci's, and the dude who owns this joint said he'd kill me if I sent another fake delivery here!"

Fry just raised an eyebrow and opened his beer, "Look, I'm here, its New Years Eve 2000, and I don't want to walk back and experience the new millenium on a sidewalk, relax- hey! Now I can't enjoy New Years at Panucci's!"

Bert shrugged and laughed. Fry stood up and started to choke him. "I'll kill you!"

"Gaaak!"

Bert picked up a chair and started hitting Fry who stumbled back, he hit one of the freezing tubes.

"Ouch! Hey, what the?!" Bert exclaimed as Fry charged foward and opened the tube, Bert tumbled in and Fry shut it.

"Hehe, now, back to beer! Horay!"

December 31, 2999 10 AM- 27 minutes before Fry arrives.

The timer counted down, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, DING! Bert fell out to the ground, coughing. He sat up, rubbing his head, the light flicked off as a man walked in. Bert looked up, "And you are?"

"Welcome to the World of Tomarrow!"

Bert raised an eyebrow, "Aight wierdo, now what do I do here in the 'future'?"

The man flicked the lights back on and pushed his glasses back in place, "Go down the hall and its the third door on your left, take your time..."

Bert stood up and looked around the room, he walked around and saw a blimp, he couldn't belive his eyes, "Happy...New Years...3000?!?! Everyone I know is dead! wow, for some reason I'm not as sad as I probably should be...ah, whutev.'

He walked out of the room and went into the room, he saw a purple haired female facing the woman. He smirked, "She kinda ho-"

She turned around.

"Hooo-gak!"

"Hi, my names Leela, yada yada, welcome to the new world."

"Whats with the e-"

"If you want to live, don't finish that sentence."

Bert shut up and tried to change the subject. "So...Leela, How 'bout them bears?"

"The who now?"

"Um, a football team?"

Leela sighed, shaker her head as she looked back out the window. "Peh, Inferior from the stupid age, it figures..."

"Whats that?"

"Um, I was looking over some, old...files...yeah."
"Lets continue..." Bert said walking to the desk and sitting the the Victim chair. "Hey, Leela?"

"Yes?"

"Why does this chair say, victim?"

"No reason, Now, lets see what your career is...Well, your a-"

Berts face slowly changed, then faster, his mouth turned into a huge smile, he tried not to laugh. "PORNOGRAPHY DIRECTOR! SWEET! WHOO!"
"Oh! Oops, I forgot to to clear the data from the last person, ok...Well, it appears your a delivery boy."

Berts face changed again, but it went in the opposite way. "No way...aw shit! I won't accept it, I'll try to get myself fired-"

Leela inturrupted. "From a cannon into the sun."
"Yes, from a cannon into the sun...WHAT!?!?"

She stood up, "Since you don't want to take the job, I'm gonna go call the cannon squad."

Bert shot up from his chair, knocking it over in the process, he darted to the door and blocked it.

Leela stopped and tapped her foot, "Look kid, the only phone is right down the hall. I'll either get past you the easy way, or the hard way, or the somewhat easy but still moderatly hard way."

Bert held his ground, "You won't get past me! Big nose!"

Leela frowned, "Nobody insults my nose... HYA!"

She unleashed a kick at Bert, who duck and ran out the door, she took out her wrist watch and dialed the police and went back to the window just as Fry came walking through the door.