Disclaimer: Any and all Glee characters mentioned within this fiction are owned by Ryan Murphy and the people at FOX and I lay no claim to them. Oh yeah they're also owned by themselves, as actors. Go figure that one. This is purely a fictional piece of writing, and should be treated as such.
Important Note: I have sat back and watched the way this fandom reacts to the fictions that are written and how some of you can be downright fanatical in your hatred of the characters and the stories written. This story will not please everyone and I'm well aware of that, but if you do not have anything constructive to say in your review and you just want to review to spread hatred, you need to just not review. I won't tolerate bullshit on my story, review numbers going up or not. You either like it, and review, you either hate it and don't, or you review just to give me a heads up of constructive criticism which I am more then appreciative of. Either way thank you in advance for giving this story a try.
Summary:Tragedy strikes for one of the members of New Directions, while leaving another member questioning everything he once knew to be true about himself and the people around him.
Authors Note: You are going to need to expand your imagination big time for this story. It is extremely AU. It will make more sense what I mean as I go along here, but trust me when I say extremely AU. Keep an open mind if you decide to take a chance on this fiction. There are canon moments but they are scattered so you must look at this story as pretty much non canon. Thank you. In other news, this one's for the Berry to my Hummel. That's all that matters.
Something has been happening to me lately. Something that try as I might, I just can't explain.
From the outside looking in, you would think my life is perfect. I go to a fantastic high school, one that I'm student body president of. I've got really great friends, A Glee club that I'm proud to be a part of as we prepare for Regionals. I'm preparing myself for graduation and what life will bring for me once that's over.
Oh yeah, I'm also an out of the closet gay guy. It's just always who I've been and until now I've never had a reason to question it.
I've crushed on many a different guy since I came out, but no one really clicked with me or understood me until him. Kurt Hummel. It didn't happen right away the way it does with the majority of the world, mainly because of my fear of screwing it up, but once it did, I believed it to be forever.
When he moved to New York last year, at my intense prodding I might add, I thought that love would carry us through and it would all work out because of the fact that we loved each other so deeply. What I didn't expect was the separation anxiety and the toll that it would take on me; on us.
I cheated on Kurt while he was in New York. He was busy with his internship with Vogue, and we were spending less and less time together. Our Skype chats had become almost non existent, talking on the phone even more unheard of and I had just about given up. I knew that when he went to New York that it was going to take some dedication making it work but as the time passed, it just felt like we were being torn farther and farther apart. Life had gotten in the way of our relationship and I made a very tragic but also very human mistake.
Before I told Kurt how I really felt two years before, I did always have a fear that no matter what relationship I ended up in, that I would somehow fail and screw it all up. When I did what I did to Kurt and essentially to our relationship, I had proven myself right. I guess I'd be the perfect specimen for a therapist's chair but I let my own fears get the better of me.
If I could go back, would I do the same thing, make the same moves as I did then? I can honestly say that I know I wouldn't because I've seen the fallout, I've lived through the pain of it, both Kurt's and my own and I wouldn't want anyone, myself included to ever feel that way again.
So my life is anything but perfect. It's filled with happiness, tragedy, a little bit of magic, thanks to the people that I've had in my life for the past few years. It's held laughter and tears, and a whole lot of musical breakdowns. I'm sure the world is filled with people whose lives are worse off then my own but for me, the way I am perceived by the world is not even close to how I really am.
My crush on Sam is well documented. I sang countless times in the glee club, where the songs were directed in part at him and at what I had been missing since the gavel had fallen on Kurt and I. Sam represented everything I wanted, and everything I thought I could have. Deserved to have. So where most people have rebounds, the crush on him became mine. The fact that he was completely heterosexual meant little to me. All I knew at the time was that the way I felt when I was crushing on him sure beat the way I felt without Kurt in my life the way he had been.
When Sam spoke to me that night, accepting the way I felt about him even though the feelings weren't reciprocated it changed something within me. I felt like it was alright to be me and to feel the things that I did and that if Sam could accept it and look past it then maybe there was hope for me yet. Maybe I could finally accept myself. The new me. The me without Kurt.
Something happened three weeks ago that turned my life upside down. Everything that I thought I knew, I just didn't anymore and every day since it's had me questioning what I believed to be true. If I thought I could accept myself after Sam, well now I had to learn to accept myself all over again. Even if that meant admitting to myself and the rest of the world that maybe I wasn't what I said I was after all. Maybe I was something different.
All I know is that in the first time in what feels like forever, I don't feel so alone, so broken anymore, and I would give anything to make sure that I never feel that way again. Even if it means that I, Blaine Anderson, finally admit to being something different.
What happened three weeks ago? Well that's the day I met her.
Yes, Her.