Author's Notes: Don't know where this is going, but I need an outlet. Set after Kyoto Arc. HisokaxTsuzuki hints. Written in Tsu's POV. Tell me what you think. All reviews accepted, but no flames unless used for lighting pants on fire because someone's lying.

Tsuzuki: YamiHaruko doesn't owe Yami no Matsuei or its characters!

YamiHaruko: Heh, we'll see about that. I'll get you eventually, Tsu….

Tsuzuki: -nervous laugh- Will there be pie?

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"The more extreme and the more expressed the passion is, the more unbearable life seems without it. It reminds us that if the passion dies or is denied, we are partly dead." - John Boorman

Fireflies Are Always There, Aren't They?

I feel sorry for you. But I'm also envious.

As I sit here staring at you from across the office, I can only wonder what it must be like to forever be trapped in your youth. It must be difficult, I think, having to deal with racing hormones the rest of eternity. Heh, I can't help but laugh a little at the circumstance though.

But I envy your situation, Hisoka. There is simplicity to children, a sense of innocence we adults generally lose at some point during maturity. I just can't seem to understand though. More often than not, you act much more grown up than I do. Why is that?

Well…I know that answer. How could you not after undergoing what both your parents and Muraki had put you through? It's tragic really, that you had to grow up so fast, that you were unable to experience a real childhood. I understand, though. I suffered greatly through my own, but the fireflies, they were always there, weren't they?

But Hisoka, even after all you have endured you are still a child. You still have a pure innocence to you that was never tainted, not even by Muraki. Unlike this monster before you, this pathetic excuse for a human and a partner, there is glinting stardust in your gorgeous emerald gems, and it's something Muraki can never take away. No one can or ever will take away the firefly-sparkle in your eyes. It'll always be there. For eternity.

It's late now, and I can see the light of the moon reflecting onto the window pane. I sigh and lean back in my chair. It squeaks obnoxiously like fingernails on a chalkboard. Hisoka doesn't even flinch at the sound, his eyes distant as he focuses on writing the report from our last case. A young woman, a newlywed, was killed suddenly in a car accident a week ago. She refused to pass on until she gave her husband a proper goodbye. With a little of our help, she was able to see him one last time after he had finally fallen asleep. I can remember it vividly. She said nothing to her husband as she placed a chaste kiss on his lips. He murmured something incoherently while his hand reached upward for her, and we watched as she took his hand and brushed her fingers over his cheek with a fondness I can't possibly describe. She then turned back to us saying, "I am ready now," with tears, bittersweet ones, I imagine, brimming her soft, blue eyes. "He understands. He knows I will wait for him."

It was a deep tenderness and understanding that I have encountered several times in my work as a guardian of death, but each time it always stirs something up within me. And though I had at first felt much sympathy for Hotaru-chan, I was relieved and also happy to see that she could pass on without worry. And I was satisfied to know they would reunite one day.

Deciding to ignore the paperwork piling up on my desk, I got up and stretched my cramped legs and shoulders. I don't know how Hisoka manages to continue working so diligintly in such a position. I can't bear being hunched over doing paperwork for hours, hell, I can hardly stand being in this office at all. I would much rather be out enjoying the weather. The cherry blossoms are finally in bloom, but they always seem to make me feel a little sad-

"I know you're not done, Tsuzuki. It's already late, and I want to get out of here before morning. Sit down and finish your work before Tatsumi cuts your pay. Again." Hisoka threatened suddenly, breaking me from my thoughts. His emphasis on his last word made me stick my tongue out at him. He's still a child, I tell myself, no matter how much older he acts.

"But Soka!" I replied, drawing out the vowels of his name with the best whining voice I had. "Look how nice out it is this evening! Can't we at least take a break?" I begged, pulling on my partner's blue, long-sleeve shirt. "You know I can't sit here too long!"

He made a funny noise in the back of his throat and rolled those beautiful eyes I loved so much. "You always have excuses, don't you?" Wait, I swear I heard a smile in his voice just then. Hm…must have been my imagination. "I'm not doing your work again." Yes, definitely my imagination. Hisoka's still a kid, but he would never show it if he can help it; he has too much pride for that.

I pouted, puppy ears drooping as my eyes found a spot on the floor. "I know that; I just want you to take a break with me." I admitted quietly, and when I looked back up at him, I thought I saw his cheeks turn red, but he turned his head away before I could confirm it.

"Fine. But only for a few minutes." He mumbled, still staring at the wall while reaching for his jacket. I bounced up happily, hugging his arm before running toward the door.

"Come on! I know just where to go!"

We walked in casual silence once we were outside. It was nice, in my opinion. In the endless evening breeze of cherry petals, it seemed as though we were in a different world, one that allowed all worry and sorrow and pain to simply slip away into the darkness and be carried away with the wind.

It was comfortable, I decided. Both serene and quiet, and I caught a glimpse of a small smile on Hisoka's lips. I found myself smiling as well when I glanced at him. Here was my purpose of living, my entire reason of existence. Kurosaki Hisoka, the partner who saved this wretched, unworthy life, and the child whom I exist for, only for. I catch my fingers twitching outward for his hand and snap them back quickly. He turns his head to look at me with a puzzled look. Damn, he must have sensed my slight anxiety. "What's with you?" he asks.

Play dumb, Asato! I laugh curiously with a grin, my heart racing a beat faster than normal. Please don't notice! "Hm? What do you mean by that?" I question as innocently as I can manage. He stares hard into my eyes a moment and I can feel my face heat up a little. He must have noticed that too, because he suddenly turns away and stalks forward a few paces ahead of me, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket. "H-hey! Wait up!" I stammer, stumbling slightly out of clumsiness to catch up with him.

"It's getting late. The chief is going to want that paperwork in." I heard him say from in front of me. "I don't want to be stuck here all night, so I'm going back. You should too, before you go into debt."

Ouch, harsh. He's over exaggerating, though; Tatsumi wouldn't really take away all of my salary, right?… Damn, yes he would. I let out a sigh before yawning again and stretching up my hands to the falling petals. It's like snow in spring. "Come on, Soka, just a few more minutes? It's too sad to waste such a beautiful night indoors doing boring stuff!" I try to reason.

He stops walking finally and turns around to look at me. In that moment, our eyes locked with a force I can't explain. Amethyst and emerald, shining in the moonlight. Part of me wanted to look away from the uncomfortable gaze, like when you meet a stranger on the sidewalk and you don't know if you should greet them or just keep walking, but the other part of me wanted to stay lost in his eyes. Besides, Hisoka is not a stranger, and after a long pause I suddenly found myself moving toward him with an abrupt desire. I noticed the way his eyes changed, from deep wonderment to shock, and perhaps fear, but I selfishly ignored that one.

Before I knew what I was doing he was in my arms. He squeaked in surprise, his face red in embarrassment. So cute. "T-tsuzuki! W-what do you think you're-"

My turn to cut him off.

Very gently, very carefully, so not to startle him more than I had, I pressed my lips longing to his. It was awkward feeling at first, Hisoka having no idea how to react to my sudden forward gesture. And for a moment, my heart leapt with joy when I felt his lips respond back against my own, but merely a second later, my hope came crashing down when he viciously pushed me away, shaking and glaring. I've never seen his face so red before, but I suddenly couldn't tell if it was from embarrassment or anger. I quickly decided both.

"W-why did y-you do that?!" Hisoka yelled, his eyes hard on mine. It was then that I noticed…the firefly shine of his eyes, I sighed in relief, was still there. At least I didn't take that away from him.

Instinctively, I took a step forward and whispered his name, reaching out for him, but he only flinched away. "I-I hate you, Asato!"

Watching his small back disappear into the darkness seemed more like a dream than reality as the cherry blossom petals drifted slowly around me. They seemed to hold an illumination of their in the dark. The night around me echoed Hisoka's words. I finally dropped my hand from where I was still reaching out for him, praying that what had just happened was a dream. No, a nightmare. That I would wake up tomorrow morning and this entire thing never happened. I was sure my heart had shattered into a million pieces in that moment though. How…how could he… I am more than aware I am undeserving of his compassion, of his strength, of his forgiveness, but that does not stop me from wanting it, needing it. I don't understand. He only uses my first name when he's really upset with me, but… How can he ask me to live only for him…how can he give me that purpose and simply push me away so certainly. Hisoka…

The say unrequited love is the worst punishment to be given to any creature. I understand that better than anyone else. I know I don't deserve him, but haven't I suffered enough? Loving someone so deeply only to realize that they do not love you back is a pain deeper than any physical wound. I fall to the ground, lifting my hands back up to the sky of twirling petals and dancing fireflies. The blossoms always did make me feel a little sad. I do not understand; what am I to you? Something? Anything? Or nothing? How much longer do I have to wait, Hisoka? How much more pain will I have to endure before you know?

My face is wet and my eyes are red and stinging from all the tears. There's only so many tears I can shed. There's only so much I can take before I break down completely. You can't force someone to fall in love with you. No matter how hard you try, unfortunately you sometimes can't break through their walls, and Hisoka…he has such a strong defense in his mind and around his heart. Is it even possible to break through? Will you ever again show me the emotions you had for me in Kyoto? Please…I need to know, what do you feel with me? Hisoka…you really are a child on the inside, aren't you? Do you think in time you will ever grow up enough to have the same strong feelings for me that I have for you? I love you, Soka, but do you think one day you will be able to love me back? Will you allow me to live for you? To love you?Because the same way it isn't possible to force someone into love, it also isn't possible for you to stop those feelings.

Soon after, even when my tears refused to stop, a green-shining firefly suddenly hovered in front of my face. I stared at it for a good minute before I felt my lips curl into a tiny smile and lifted my finger out toward it so it could rest there. "The fireflies…you're always here, aren't you?" I feel sorry for you, for me. For us. But…I'm also envious. It must be so simple to be a firefly.

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End. Not sure if I'm going to continue, or leave it as a oneshot, so some comments and advice about that would be helpful. Got ideas? I'll gladly listen! I appreciate you reading and I hope you enjoyed! Just click over at your left and leave me a real quick review, ne? Thanks!

By the way, the name Hotaru means "firefly" in Japanese.