Author's Note: This was originally written for my cousins, who appear in this story as the characters Mariel and Meiko. The characters Nicole and Nami are based on me and my sister. For obvious reasons, I did not use our real names.
Disclaimer: I am not Japanese; therefore it is highly unlikely that I own the rights to Fullmetal Alchemist.
Scar leaned against the wall of the Cheese N Tomatoes Cafe, scowling at anyone who dared to look in his direction. The idea hadn't seemed so bad when Miles first suggested it to him; now it appeared a complete waste of time. Miles hadn't even given him that much information about who was supposed to meet him.
"There's someone who would really like to speak with you," he had said cryptically. "She'll meet you at the Cheese N Tomatoes Cafe tomorrow." Scar had heard a rumor that some interviewer from Central was planning to do a report on the rebuilding of Ishbal. If this mysterious person turned out to be the interviewer, he could use it as a chance to create greater support for his cause among the Amestrians. With that thought in mind, he had arrived at the cafe and now... Scar's naturally surly expression turned downright deadly. Why hadn't this person bothered to set a more specific time than "tomorrow"? Why was she taking so long to show up? Why the he-
"SCAAAARRR!" What appeared to be a May-sized child slammed into him with the force of a bomb and the unrestrained joy of a puppy.
"SCARSCARSCARIT'SREALLYYOUILOVEYOUSOMUCHYOU'RESOAWESOMEHII'MMEIKOBYTHEWAYSCAR!" With difficulty, Scar disentangled himself from the girl and held her at arm's length away from him, using his left hand to avoid accidentally deconstructing her.
"Are you the person who arranged to meet me here?" Scar asked.
"UH-HUH. I'M MEIKO AND I LOVE YOU!"
By this point, the few bystanders who hadn't been scared off by Scar earlier were edging away cautiously.
"Can you please stop shouting?" Scar demanded.
"Uh-huh," Meiko answered promptly in a barely audible whisper. Scar let go of her. She immediately latched onto him in a hug so tight it was almost painful. Scar considered his options. Spending the day with a crazy young girl was not what he had planned on, but she was clearly obsessed with him for some reason, and it seemed cruel to just send her away. Besides, a kid like this definitely needed adult supervision.
"Okay," said Scar slowly. "Would you like to order something from the cafe or-"
"Yeah! I reserved seats for us yesterday. Let's go!" Meiko dragged him into the cafe, ordered something at the counter, then dragged him to a table in the corner. Scar looked around suspiciously, wondering if this was some elaborate assassination plan. None of the customers appeared to be threats, so he sat down and tried to listen to the stream of near-gibberish coming from Meiko's mouth.
"Nicole, Nami, and Mariel don't think you're awesome like I do, they think Riza Hawkeye is the best character, but I think you're the bestest because you can grab someone's head and go like BOOM and their heads blow up!"
"I don't really do that anymore," said Scar uncomfortably. Who was this kid? He had automatically assumed she was Amestrian, but that didn't seem quite right. She could be part Xingese, he supposed.
"That's okay, you're always amazing, even when you're not blowing up people's heads. I tried to copy the tattoo on your arm, but it didn't really work." She showed him the scribbles covering her right arm.
"Are you here with your parents?" Scar asked. Maybe they could provide some explanation of her behavior.
"Uh-uh. It's just me, Nami, Mariel and Nicole," said Meiko cheerfully.
"And who are they?"
"My cousins! Well, Mariel's my sister; Nicole and Nami are my cousins. Hey, our food's here!"
A waiter with squinty eyes and a mustache approached them, balancing a tray loaded with cheese and tomatoes. He set the food on their table, then retreated with a stiff little bow. Scar watched him go, frowning. There was definitely something familiar about that waiter. He looked almost like... Come to think of it, that mustache did look pretty fake... Meiko distracted Scar by devouring her food with the noise and enthusiasm of a starving chimera.
"Did you order anything besides tomatoes and cheese?" Scar asked. Meiko stared at him in surprise.
"That's all they serve here! That's why it's called the Cheese N Tomatoes Cafe!" she said, the words coming out muffled by food. Scar wasn't really hungry, but he ate a few cherry tomatoes to be polite. Meiko eyed a lumpy piece of bright yellow cheese suspiciously.
"Hmmm... Looks kinda like a cheesy fungus." She licked it, then declared "Nope, it's not cheesy fungus," and ate it so quickly she appeared to swallow it whole.
"So," said Scar, "Who's coming to pick you up?"
"Mariel, Nami, and Nicole, I guess. They said they'd come by to make sure I hadn't hugged you to death after they finished hanging out with Riza," Meiko said with a shrug.
What kind of connections must these people have, Scar wondered, if they could casually arrange meetings not only with him, but with members of the Amestrian military?
"What is your purpose in speaking to me?" Scar asked.
"Huh?" was Meiko's witty response.
"What do you want from me?"
"I wanna hang out with you 'cause you're awesome! More awesome than cheese, tomatoes, and brown llamas combined!" Scar tried a different tact.
"Did someone send you to talk with me?"
"Uh-huh. I sent myself!" Scar reverted to his I'm-going-to-blow-up-your-head expression.
"A child of your age who can set up a meeting with someone like me must have some affiliations with a high-ranking official. There's no reason for you personally to want to see me, so they must have sent you-"
"NOOO!" Meiko's eyes overflowed with anime-style tears. "I LOVE YOU! HOW COULD I NOT WANT TO SEE SOMEONE AS SUPERDUPER AWESOMELY AMAZING AS YOU?"
"Is there a problem?" The waiter had returned and was now watching them with bemused interest. Before Scar could say "No," Meiko looked up at the waiter, abruptly stopped crying, and gasped.
"LIN! YOU HAVE SUCH AWESOME FASHION SENSE!"
"Shh!" Lin hissed, looking around the cafe nervously. "I don't want anyone to know I'm here."
Lin Yao! No wonder he had seemed familiar, Scar thought. But what was the emperor of Xing doing here?
"Hey..." Meiko's eyes narrowed. "Why do you have a mustache?"
"Oh, that? It's just part of my disguise. But wait a moment- am I already so famous that you could just recognize me that easily?"
"Scar is famouser than you; I just know you 'cause of your fashion sense. Did Ed draw the mustache on you like he did on Mustang in the final Brotherhood episode?" Meiko demanded.
"Ed drew a mustache on him?" Lin snickered. "I'd have loved to see that. I just picked this up at a store on the way here from Xing."
"We should continue this conversation outside," Scar said abruptly. "People are starting to watch us."
"So what?" Lin replied casually. Scar gave him a threatening look and Lin raised his hands in surrender.
"Okay, we'll go outside." Meiko went into Gluttony-mode to finish off the food and bolted after Lin and Scar. An evil thought entered her twisted brain, and she shot a sneaky look at Lin.
"Heeey Lin?" she asked.
"What?" he responded. Using all of her romantic subtlety and finesse, Meiko asked "Did you and Lan Fan get together yet?" Scar stared at her incredulously. What was the girl thinking, asking the emperor of Xing a personal question like that? Lin demonstrated his impressive self-control by dropping the food tray he had been holding onto his foot. Meiko laughed maniacally while Lin used some of the favorite swear words of a certain vertically challenged alchemist. Scar watched them impassively. When Lin finished swearing, he forced a smile onto his face and said, "Lan Fan? What are you talking about?"
"Did you two get together and have kids?" Meiko repeated impatiently.
"I'm sixteen! Do you think I've had kids yet?"
"You might have!" Scar decided it was time to change the topic before Meiko made any more statements like that.
"Emperor Lin," he said formally. "Why are you here and not fulfilling your duties in Xing?"
"Oh, well," Lin answered, glaring at Meiko. "It gets really boring spending all your time in a stuffy court trying to organize everything from what crops are going to be planted to the settlement of old feuds between clans. I decided that I needed a break, so I disguised myself and came back to Amestris pretending to be an immigrant in search of a job. I'll go back eventually, I just want a few more days to relax."
"I bet Lan Fan's mad at you," Meiko giggled.
"Probably," Lin agreed. Scar's day was not looking good. Now he had to deal with Emperor Lin shirking his duties in addition to the crazed Meiko.
"Don't you think you should return to Xing soon?" he asked. "Your people need someone to guide them."
"They can manage a little while longer without me," said Lin dismissively.
"Young Lord!" Everyone spun around to stare at the roof, where the voice had come from.
"Oh great," Lin groaned. "She found me."