Author's Note: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. If I did, Hughes would still be alive and Ed and Winry would have been dating by now. Now, on with chapter uno!

Chapter One

Seasickness, Lies, and Drowning

How much longer until we get to that damn island?" asked Ed.

"Brother, why are you so impatient today?" asked Al.

"I'm sick of this boat trip, and I mean literally." The two brothers were on a ship that was heading towards an island called Paradise Island. They were planning to have a nice, quiet summer vacation there, away from all the noise. However, when they got on the ship, it turned out that all of the other Fullmetal Alchemist characters (both dead and alive) were also heading toward the island for a vacation. As soon as the ship left the dock, things got a little crazy. Hughes was annoying the crap out of everyone with his latest pictures of Elicia (the captain of the ship almost hit a rock because Hughes shoved one of his pictures into the captain's face), Havoc tried to get himself a girlfriend by complimenting some of the women's bodies (he got thrown overboard five times already for that), Armstrong was showing off his muscles (again), and poor Edo was feeling seasick.

"Brother, you know that Dr. Marcoh is also on this ship," said Al. "maybe you should go see him."

"I'm fine, Al," said Ed stubbornly. "I'm not gonna throw up." At that moment, Envy appeared behind the brothers.

"Hey, Ed," said Envy, who was smiling evilly. "I got a present for you." He shoved a glass of milk in front of Ed's face. Seeing the milk, Ed turned green and threw up into the ocean.

"Brother!" exclaimed Al while Envy was laughing his head off. Meanwhile, the Devil's Nest gang was down at the ship's bar. Greed was surrounded by a bunch of young women, who were listening to a story he was telling.

"So I said to him, 'Hey! If you don't stop insulting my sister, you're gonna be in a world of hurt!' and he just laughed! Can you believe it? So we started fighting. He was tough, all right, but his auto-mail arm and leg was no match for me! In just five minutes, I beaten him into a bloody pulp and he never insulted my sister again. And he calls himself a State Alchemist!"

"Wow, Greed that was so brave of you!" said one of the women.

"I'm surprised you weren't sent to jail for beating up a State Alchemist," said another one.

"Heh, when the military found out, they were too scared to arrest me," said Greed cheerfully. Martel, who was next to them the whole time, started talking.

"Greed, that never happened! Ed didn't insult your sister because you don't have one! The fight lasted longer than five minutes and you were the one that got beaten up!" The women stared at Martel and looked back at Greed.

"Is this true?" They were glaring at Greed the same way a dog glares at an intruder. Greed gulped.

"Well, uh...I made some of it up." One minute later, Greed was lying on the floor, withering in pain. Who knew angry women could be so strong? Greed thought painfully. They can even break my shield!

Meanwhile, back at the ranch (what ranch?), Ed had gotten a little better after throwing up.

"Wait until I get my hands on that palm tree," mumbled Ed while clutching his stomach. Al just sighed. "I told you you've should've seen Dr. Marcoh, Ed." Al looked out into the ocean. "Ed, look!" Al cried out suddenly. Ed looked up and saw an island. "It's Paradise Island! We're nearly there!"

"Hallelujah!" shouted Ed. "I can finally get off of this Godforsaken ship! Paradise Island, here I come!" He jumped into the water.

"Ed, wait!" shouted Al, but it was too late.

"HELP! I'M DROWNING!" Ed had become so overjoyed when he saw the island, that he forgot that the ship hadn't reached the shore and that his auto-mail limbs would drag him down deeper into the water. Hawkeye, who overheard Ed's cry for help, jumped into the water to rescue him. Somewhere in the shadows, a certain green haired homunculus was laughing his head off (again).

Author's Note: That's it! That's chapter one! Flames and reviews are welcomed! Oh, and I got the part where Greed tells the women that Ed insulted his sister from "Drake and Josh." It was the episode where Eric accidentally punches Drake and tells everyone that he punched him because Drake was insulting his sister. Anyway, chapter two is coming soon, so please be patient! Oh, and I'm not Spanish. I used the word "uno" just for fun.