"And then there's the Butterfly"
"Find me here, speak to me
I want to feel you, I need to hear you
You are the light that's leading me to the place
Where I find peace again."*
- Everything-
Lifehouse
3289 minutes.
197,340 seconds.
592,020 staccato beats from a racing, struggling heart that eventually gave way to silence.
Though I could hear every facet of every sound in the room, though I could feel every touch, the words would not come. The only sounds I seemed capable of were barbaric moans of pain.
My teeth ground together until I feared they would disintegrate from the pressure. Every inch of muscle throughout my body clenched, tightening around my bones. I found myself holding my breath, hoping the lack of oxygen would extinguish the blaze, or at very least keep me from screaming.
I curled into myself, there on my bed, for days. My knees drawn into my chest like an infant, nails digging into my own palms. Though Charlie pleaded with Bella to leave, she stayed by my side for the duration, vowing to be there for it all.
Silently I pleaded for death. I hoped that it would be too much, the thirst, the scent of my blood in the room. That she would snap and end it all and blackness would prevail, quieting the raging wildfire inside my chest. I counted the seconds, the minutes, the breaths.
Then, coolness at my back. Bella. Wrapped around me like a survival blanket. She sang softly near my ear and I focused on the notes, counting the meter, playing the chords in my head. Anything to distract my thoughts from the desperate need for any end to this.
She stroked the length of my arms and beneath her hands my muscles would ease ever so slightly. An ice cube fighting a wildfire. Her fingers ran through my hair and my neck would release the tension there, her scent enveloping me in a wash of calm. Then, as quickly as it had dissipated, it would return in full force. Those tiny windows of peace carried me through, even if the returning pain seemed to be stronger than previous - as if the universe had to make up for lost time.
Her fingers would touch my face, carrying me through her feelings, her memories of the days that mattered most. I wanted to touch her hand, to hold her tightly, to love her in return. But it was all I could do to simply get through 3,289 minutes. 197,340 seconds. And a final, quiet, dead, thump.
"My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you
This fire rising through my being
Burning I'm not used to seeing you
I'm still alive
I'm still alive
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing
My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place
The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you
I'm still alive,
I'm still alive,
We're still alive.
And I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing."**
As my heart constricted for the last time, I involuntarily sucked air into my lungs. It felt like drowning and being born in the same instant. The pain stopped. Entirely. Like a light was switched off.
Bella noticed. Her breathing ceased in a gasp, her body stiffened beside me. She froze like an ice sculpture, awaiting what was next.
I exhaled slowly, testing my lungs. Then again, inhaling deeply. On my tongue I could taste all that was Bella around me. Cinnamon, sugar, vanilla, apples, cloves, sugar and spice. Like Christmas.
I tried to swallow her scent, the taste of her air. Nothing to swallow, like cotton mouth and a hangover. My tongue felt thick, sticky in my mouth, lacking lubrication. My throat burned, a metallic taste deep inside as if it was bleeding from thirst.
My eyes peeled back and for the first time, with perfect clarity, I saw my wife.
-x-
I couldn't move. I wasn't quite certain how he was going to react.
I didn't breathe.
I didn't blink.
I watched his eyes search quickly, taking in the room from where he laid. His new eyes. Dark.
Patience, Bella.
Music played at almost a silent volume in the background, though, he would now hear it clear as day.
My mind was racing two million miles a minute and yet, everything was in slow motion. I wanted to know that he was okay. But I knew better than to push.
He was stronger than me, and even if he didn't understand yet, he was thirsty and could be prone to swift changes in his mood.
Do you hate me? Do you remember who we are? Together?
So many things and I couldn't stop them from dancing inside. My fingers twitched and his eyes darted quickly to their movement.
"Edward?"
"Have you forgotten all I know and all we had?
You saw me mourning my love for you
And touched my hand, I knew you loved me then
I believe in you
I'll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you to live to breathe, you're taking over me"***
In awe, I stared at Bella for what felt like a lifetime. Her eyes were filled with concern as she searched mine for answers. I tried again in vain to swallow against the parched heat in my throat.
In my peripheral I could see fragments of light splayed out across the room from behind curtains. I heard every note, every breath, every slip of a finger across the guitar string in the music playing on the stereo. There were birds flying overhead outside, waves flowing lazily onto the rocks. And yet my eyes were fixed to hers, unable to look away. Stunned by the sheer gorgeousness of this creature before me, I sat in disbelief for some time. Her finger twitched and mine shot out to touch it, to twist our fingers together the way we always had. I had no time to even consider the movement. In less than a blink it was there. My eyes quickly widened, startled by the sensation of her skin against mine.
The current still ran between us, now stronger than ever. Her cool, firm hand now felt delicate and warm in mine. We were even. Her eyes were nearly coal black, specks of amber glitter floating deep within them.
"Bella," my voice flowed from my mouth, unrecognizably velvet and smooth. There were no breaks or cracks, no uncertainty. It was like mercury, rolling off my tongue. A slight smile played upon her lips.
Her lips. Her perfect, curved lips shimmering with iridescent light, moist and beckoning.
It flooded back, every moment of Bella in my life before the searing pain brought blackness to my thoughts. The way it felt to kiss her, to hold her in my arms, to feel her surround every inch of me. And I wanted more. The thirst deep inside my throat was warring with the thirst for my perfect wife.
"I remember hearts that beat
I remember you and me
Tangled in hotel sheets
You wore me out, wore me out.
I remember honey lips and words so true
I remember nonstop earthquake dreams of you
Coming on fast like good dreams do
All night long"****
I pulled her toward me, remembering the warnings of strength. She furrowed her brow, uncertain, and the corner of my mouth pulled back into a crooked grin.
"I love you," I whispered in my new liquid voice, sliding my other hand into the back of her hair, pulling her closer.
"Still can feel you kiss me love
Still can see your eyes like diamonds
Memories are strong enough
To come on and drive me wild
Come on and drive me wild"
His fingers burrowed and twisted into my hair, I stilled as his breath washed over my lips.
Wow.
Everything the same, but amplified.
The words left me in a silent whisper, without thought, "You smell really good."
I was still hesitant as his lips met mine. He was soft. Warm.
Slowly I lifted my hands to his face, resting them lightly over his jaw. He shifted quickly, pulling me closer.
My lips parted to his, his grip tighter.
I didn't want to ever stop and he was mine, forever, but my ribs were being crushed. He needed to ease up.
I pushed gently on his shoulders, pulling back.I smiled softly.
"You're very strong." I watched his eyes focusing on everything around us. My hand went back to his face. My fingers sliding over his cheek. "It's very different, isn't it?" I smiled when he nodded. His hair was a wreck. A delicious crazy mess and though I wanted nothing more than to stay with him, like this, I knew the burn. I hadn't been out in days. I was half excited to get him out, and half scared shitless.
He would definitely be able to take me out if he wanted to. I was going to have to just rely on faith with this one. I could call Charlie, but I really wanted to do this with Edward on my own. I had already worked out a plan to get him out of the house and into the treeline as fast as possible. I would take the same path that I did on our wedding day.
I glanced down at his bare chest. I stood and grabbed a shirt and was back to him in half a second.
"Here." I smiled handing him the black shirt. "Lets fix that burn. You game?"
-x-
I hummed against her lips, "Mhmm, very... different," I answered slowly, still getting acclimated to the sound of my own voice. The sensation of her fingers against my skin was no longer a burst of wintergreen. Instead it left a path of heat, warmth, igniting desire with every touch.
Once again I was going to have to let Bella take the lead for her own safety. But it was much more difficult to remain in control. My muscles vibrated, twitching with restraint. Part of me knew that in an instant I would be capable of overpowering anything in my path. And I didn't want that to ever be Bella.
I cocked a brow and replied with a devilish grin. "Oh, I'm game," I countered, slipping the shirt over my head. I held out my hand to her, letting her lead the way.
A/N
Welcome back. We hope enjoy the second half.
QofH and MW
* Lifehouse- Everything
** Flyleaf - All Around Me
*** Evanescence - Taking Over Me
**** Matt Nathanson - Still