a/n long time huh? anyway. this is actually something that's pretty old. I just found it and finished it. Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. Hope you enjoy it. I really like how it turned out. Well, except the end. But I would really like your feedback.
In Love.
The dark of the night enveloped her and the cold November wind bit into her flesh. She was standing on the balcony of the apartment that she had shared with him ever since they had left school.
Him: James Potter. Wizard extraordinaire and her best friend for as long as she could remember. Sure they had had their fall outs—what with him constantly playing pranks and asking her out, and her having to scold him and reject him. There was still an undeniable bond between the two through their whole rocky love-hate relationship.
They were both fresh out of Hogwarts and both interning at the Ministry of Magic. She chuckled at the thought. James didn't even need to. He was practically guaranteed a job, just like Siris and Remus. His parents were, after all, two of the most affluent people in the wizarding world. Not to mention two of the richest as well. So why would he give up his wealth and put off his job? It was for her. Or so he said. She still didn't know why he bothered.
"You'll be all alone, Lily-flower. I'm not going to let you do that. And since you so adamantly want to pursue your career without the help of anyone, the least you can accept from me is my proposal to be your flat-mate." He had said to her. "Come on it'll be loads of fun. Just like Hogwarts all over again, right?" Then he laughed his smooth silky laugh and all her defenses came crumbling down to her toes.
She pulled her robe around herself and inhaled sharply. Why was she so easily persuaded by him?! By Merlin, if it was the last thing she ever learned to do, it would be to stand her ground whenever James Potter laughed! She hung her head ever so slightly and stared out at the lights of the town. It was a lovely night for a stroll. The sky was clear and the light of the moon cast a creamy glow on everything that it touched. She sipped slightly from her cup of warm cider that had long since gone cold. It was her favorite thing to do on cold nights. To sit outside and drink cider and chat with someone, preferably him.
"Pull yourself together Evans." She muttered angrily to herself. "Since when have you been so dependent on …" she sighed. It was no use. She was in far deeper than she wished to be and yet it was the most elating feeling in the world. She felt her best and her worst when he was near and it confounded her to no end but she welcomed it and she didn't know why. He was always calling her names and making fun of her "extremely Irish" looks, as he put it. He was always getting her into trouble, and he was always—well always getting her out of it as well. He was there for her when she needed him and there even if she didn't.
She felt compelled to succeed—do be much more than she ever thought she could be, just so he would smile at her and clap her back with a congratulatory laugh. She felt weak at her knees, dizzy with happiness, and drunk of emotions every time he spoke! She was so utterly disgusted with herself for being like that. But she couldn't very well control her body now that it had seemed to get a mind of it own.
She was in love with him. She was in love with him for no logical reason, and she hated it.
Her ears picked up the sound of the door creaking open. She set her glass on the table nearby and felt her body stiffen and release into a wave of shivers.
"Hey." She heard his voice call to her from only a few steps behind her. He had found her. But of course he had found her. He knew that she would be here. He knew her like the back of his hand.
"Hey." She said to him as he stood next to her and took a swig of her drink.
"What are you doing out here?" he already knew the answer. She knew he did.
"I just felt like getting some air. It always gets too stuffy in there." That was a flat out lie. It was just as chilly inside as it was outside—their heater was broken and she was too scared to light the fire place. She knew he knew that she was lying.
He sipped noisily out of her cup and made an unflattering grunt. She chuckled a little but still didn't look at him. "This is just as frigid as the arctic!" he exclaimed. Not one of his best comparisons, but it got the message across. She flat out laughed at that. Not a loud laugh, but louder than her last one.
"Well that's what you get for drinking from my cup!" she smiled. "Besides, you don't even like cider."
"Yes well, I thought I'd give it a try and see why you're always raving about the bloody stuff."
"I'm guessing it wasn't up to your standards then?" she said that with a hint of sarcasm that she couldn't help but let out.
"No, it wasn't." he seemed a little miffed that she was teasing him, but took it good naturedly. "I'd prefer a good Butter beer over that any day. Or even hot chocolate for that matter. Say, do we have any left? I feel like having a cup." He rattled off as he shrugged off his coat and was about to turn inside when he felt her shiver. He turned around just in time to watch her compose herself before another wave of shivers hit her. "Lils are you alright?"
She was taken aback by his question. Then she realized that she was silly for looking too deep into his query. Of course he was concerned, he was her friend. It was what friends did. They worried about each other. "Yes, don't worry. I…I'm fine. Just a little cold." She faltered through her sentence as she felt his warm hand touch hers.
"A little cold! You must be out of you're mind! You're freezing!" and before she knew it he had shrugged off his coat completely and was about to drape it around her shoulders. "Here, you'll feel warmer."
"No! No, really I'm, fine." She was shocked at her own reply. "Really, and put your coat back on, you'll catch your death out here!" She was angry that he was concerned about her. She was angry that it made her feel special, and she was angry that he didn't know what it was doing to her.
He stared at her wide eyed for a moment, and slowly, his voice melted into a laugh that he could not hold back. Soon enough he was laughing at her and she was even more frustrated than before. "Catch my death indeed!" he scoffed, "Says the girl in the bathrobe!" he chuckled now and she felt the color rise to her cheeks when she realized her stupidity.
He stepped behind her and put his heavy coat around her shoulders. It fell right past her knees, but made her feel oh so much warmer. The real surprise, however, came when he wrapped his hands around her waist and let his head rest in the crook of her neck. She could feel her heart racing as she struggled to keep herself focused, but alas, her body won over her mind and she leaned into his embrace.
She breathed in and his musky scent set fire to all of her senses. "I like your cologne." She muttered almost as an afterthought
"Well, I know." he whispered softly, his breath warm against her neck. "You bought it for me remember." He smiled and she smiled too.
She felt him breathe in and then from a distance she heard him ask: "You showered?"
"About an hour ago." She replied with a soft nod.
"Cinnamon and Strawberry?" he asked, trying to guess her bath oil.
"Humm" she nodded in response. "Is it any good?"
"It smells delicious." His voice came from somewhere deep in his chest and seemed to have dropped an octave. She felt the reverberations on her back and pressed ever so slightly into him. She felt his lips on her neck as they moved lightly, caressing her skin.
She was too caught up to panic, but a small part of her mind knew that she had to stop it no matter how much she wanted him to never stop. What if he was drunk? What if she wasn't able to stop him later? It would just become too messy a situation and he would hate himself for it. And she couldn't stand to be the cause of any sort of pain to him.
"H... how was your date?" she chocked out. She couldn't help the pang of guilt that surged through her as she felt his lips stop.
His reaction wasn't what she had expected at all. He didn't move. He didn't pull away and he didn't loosen his hold on her. He just smiled, and she felt him smile. "It was alright." He said conversationally.
She wanted to kick her self for what she was about to say. "Was she nice?"
"She was alright. She wasn't much of a talker though, unlike someone else I know." She knew he meant her. Merlin knew that there were very few times when she could be found at a loss for words. This just happened to be one of those times. She smelt his breath: cider and mint. So he wasn't drunk after all.
"What did you do then?" she felt a little more relaxed.
"Nothing. I took her to dinner. We ate. She might have said something about The Three Witches or some other band, I can't remember. I wasn't really paying attention." She laughed at that. "Then I drove her back, said good-night and came home."
"Oh, come on! It couldn't have been that boring!" she wouldn't admit it but she was ecstatic that he hadn't had a good time.
"Well lets just say that I'm probably not going to see her ever again." He chuckled, his head still in the crook of her neck.
"Well, most first dates are rocky. Who knows? You might like her if you give her another try." She wanted desperately for him to not listen to her. Then she felt him lift his head off of her shoulder.
"You know," he said, as if he was considering something. "I've only really enjoyed one first date."
She turned around and looked up at him. He was still holding onto her, but he let her swing herself and settle comfortably against him. "Oh, really?" she eyed him skeptically.
"Yeah," he answered, still considering something. "I had an awesome time. She was witty and funny. I really liked her too…one of the few first dates I really wanted to work out well."
"Oh…" she felt her heart ache. She didn't know if it was for him or for herself. "That great, huh?"
"Yeah," he said with a sigh, "But the girl never wanted to continue anything with me. So that was the end of that."
She could sense the hurt in his voice and was angry for him. "Well then, she's stupid. You're an amazing person, and she doesn't know what she's missing out on." She felt satisfied with herself for standing up for him, but she felt his eyes on her.
Indeed he was looking at her, his eyes shining with mirth. He smiled coyly and regarded her with his head tilted a little as he watched her eyes widen in realization. The girl that had rejected him was her! He was talking about her! Suddenly she didn't know what to do, all she knew was that she had to leave.
"I…I have to go. I have…I'm sleepy." She whispered not wanting to look up at him.
"Really?" now he was the one giving her a skeptical look.
"Don't look at me like that." She said, exasperatedly. Then he laughed: that same smooth laugh that got her into this mess in the first place.
"You know Lily. You're absolutely fascinating!" he regarded her again, his eyes piercing through her own.
"I don't know what you mean." She felt oddly like an animal on display at a zoo.
"You try so hard to fight things that you really don't need to fight at all, and I can't for the life of me say why." He pulled her in closer and lowered his head and dropped his voice.
Her eyes went wide. He knew! "I don't—"
"Yes you do Lils." He cut her off. He chuckled at how flustered she looked. "I won't ever hurt you. You know I wouldn't."
"That's not it." She found her voice, even if it did crack a little.
"Then what is it?"
"How…how could you…still…after…it's been so long." She struggled. "I just, I can't."
"What are you saying?"
"I love you!" she said. "I love you." She repeated with a little more conviction. "There I said it. I love you and I know that it probably doesn't mean a thing to you, but I just didn't want to spoil anything. I don't need you to feel sorry for me, and I don't need—." She stopped when she felt his finger on her lips.
"You think I was joking in school?" he sounded hurt but didn't show it.
"We were young, and it was just a joke, wasn't it?" she looked embarrassed but determined. "Jut a way to get me to go out with you. I swear I didn't mean to fall in love with you. It just happened. And I've been trying really hard to get over it. I really care about you; I don't want to spoil anything." She sniffed.
"Lily. You're missing the point." He smiled sadly. "I've always been in love with you." Her eyes snapped up. "I wasn't joking when I told you that I loved you. I would never have joked about something like that."
"You…" she looked up at him her vision clouding over with tears.
"I would never." he wiped a tear as it rolled down her cheek. "And to tell you the truth, I don't think I'm quite over you yet either." He laughed slightly and leaned in. "You really are fascinating you know that." His lips taunted her as he brushed them to hers. She closed her eyes but the kiss never came. "You are special to me. I need you to know that."
"You've told me before a million times." She said annoyed that he hadn't kissed her.
"But I want you to believe me." He neared her lips again. "You think that I'm saying that to make you feel better don't you?"
"Why else would you say something like that?" she was hurt now. She didn't know what to believe or if she wanted to believe anything at all. How could he love her? It was improbable. How could he love her and still go out with other women. With a pang she realized that his most recent date had been her idea. "I don't need you to feel sorry for me. I am perfectly capable of taking care of my own life and my own love life!" she was angry again. Her temper flaring, but she never let go of him.
"Merlin Lily, you are so stubborn." He was exasperated with her. "You think you know everything but you don't. You don't know the first thing about yourself! How can you look love in the eye and say that it isn't real. Tell me that?"
"Well then I suppose I am a downright mess!" she chocked out. She was angry with him. She was furious with him. She wanted nothing better than to blame this whole thing on him and be over with it. But she couldn't. She couldn't do a thing like that, not when it was her fault to begin with.
"I suppose you are." He was still holding onto her, and he hadn't loosened his grip on her either. "You… you are angry… angry... with me. Angry with me for being in… for… for loving you?!"
"No! That's not it!" she was so confused and angry and irritated and happy all at once that she didn't know which emotion to concentrate on.
"Then what is it?" he tilted her chin so he could look into her eyes. "Tell me, please."
"I …I don't want to spoil anything…" she answered lamely. He knew that she couldn't get a coherent sentence together when he looked at her like that. And if he didn't, then he should have known.
"Spoil anything?" he smiled a bit. "Lily, things are far beyond spoilt right now. I need to know."
"What?" she was still staring at him. His handsome face, his ocean-deep eyes, his lips. He smiled and she felt herself being drawn to him again. She vaguely realized that she had stopped arguing with him. She knew that she was being stubborn, she just couldn't help it. She had been hurt so much in the past that she had given up on the hope of anything good happening to her, and James Potter loving her was by far the most glorious thing that had ever happened to her. So glorious in fact that she did not believe it. She could not believe it and she didn't want to believe it. What if this was just a dream? She would wake up and find him with someone else and that would just rip her heart to shreds. She couldn't allow that to happen. She had protected herself for this long.
"Do you really love me?" he looked to vulnerable; his eyes wide and searching and his tone uncertain and hopeful. His lips twitched a little into a nervous smirk. She knew that smirk so well. She had seen it so many times before: every time he had asked her out. She loved that smirk; it had always made her a little happier when she saw it.
"Do you?" she asked him back. She felt guilty for being so guarded, especially when he was being so open. She pulled away from him and looked at the floor. "I know that you don't James. I'm not going to let myself hope for nothing and I—"
But he didn't let her finish. He held her chin with one hand and his other palm spanned her back. He pressed his chest as close to hers as physics would allow and leaned his head ever so slightly to the side. He was so close to her; touching her. All this was too much for Lily to process, and she barely realized that James Potter was, in fact, kissing her.
He laughed a little into the kiss and she smiled and squeezed her arms around his neck. They broke apart gently and she looked up at him; breathless. "I've wanted that for so long…"
"I've wanted that for much longer." He leaned in for another. "I adore you Evans." His voice was raw and his eyes were shining.
"And I'm crazy about you Potter." She laughed a giddy laugh that she felt silly for but was too happy to care.
"So." He looked at her as they swayed together to detached music from a nearby restraunt. "What now?"
The End
a/n so. how was it. I thought it was good. Took me way too long to write it though. Especially the last bit. That's why its a little spastic. anyway. tell me what you thought about it. I don't really think that i want to continue it. Just because I'll just never get around to finishing it. Lol.