His eye's began to adjust. What looked like a street soon became clear he was back home on Mindoir Noticing his hands were bound and on his knees he realized he had been captured.
The deafening noise of a chant only saying a name that was unclear echoed though the now destroyed colony. Josh looked to see he father before him, On his knees also. Broken battered and bruised what was once a strong proud man hand been reduced to a ruin.
Their eyes locked Josh heard words coming from his mouth but they were disoriented and muted. A man appeared face blurred as if not meant to been seen went behind his father. The chants became louder and louder.
A word escaped his mouth. Still unclear it was hard for him not knowing his fathers last words. Time began to slow as the knife plunged in to his throat going from ear to ear. A roar escaped Josh's mouth.
"NOOOO!" He rose from his bed dripping and covered in sweat. His chest was beating at a pace as if he had just ran a marathon.
"It's okay it's okay I'm here." Miranda was right at his side. Smoothing his drench back with her hand she waited for him to calm. Silence filed the bedroom of the cabin in the resort the were staying at.
"Sorry" Was all he could say still out of breath. He began to run his hand through his short blonde hair as he struggled to catch his breath.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. Your here with me and I could not be happier no matter what. Do you want to talk about it?" She said as she wrapped her arms around his chest. She tried to make eye contact but his hands were covering his face in anger, frustration and depression.
"Whats there to talk about. Every night is the same I see him dying in front of me helpless to do anything!" With a long sigh Josh through his legs of the bed and went to the bathroom.
Miranda got out of the bed and placed a hand on the bathroom door. She just wanted to help Josh by taking all the nightmares away. He had been through so much and helped so many people including her he deserves peace.
He began to run a shower placing both hands adjacent on the sink he stared into the mirror. You did everything you could. Did I? Yes you did! His hands began to clench at the sink. All his anger fear and other emotions that seemed clouded to described were flooding out of him.
He stopped the shower and opened the bathroom door deciding it was not what he needed. As opened the door Miranda staggering onto him from leaning on it.
"I..uh..sorry it's just.." As she finished her sentence Josh just kissed her. The pair stood and shared one an others love for each other while the planets moon shone on them both and illuminated Miranda as if she were a god send and to Shepard she was.
After minute or so of kissing Josh broke off.
"Thank you for helping me. I know it's hard you don't want to spend your shore leave looking after me. I.. sorry." He began to walk when Miranda grabbed his hand and placed hers on each of his cheeks.
"Don't talk as if you're not worth nothing. I love you and I want to help you anyway I can. please don't shut me out."
Josh could see a single tear escape Miranda's piercing sapphire eyes. He caught it with his thumb and rested his forehead on hers.
"I remember a time when it was you pushing me away I'm glad that changed." A small smile formed around Miranda's lips. "I'm not trying to push you away. After being alone for so long you get used to dealing with your problems by yourself. I guess me and you know that better than anyone." Miranda thought to herself. You can say that again."Now though I have you and I couldn't be happier. I need to take a walk I'll be back later."
"A walk at this hour if your going then I'm coming too." she said as she followed him into the living room.
The living room had windows surrounding its entire area exposing the small forest surrounding the cabin. The kitchen was joined with the living room and had a dining table in it were the couple would often share breakfast. Josh stooped as they made their way through.
"No please I need to be alone." He said as he threw on some cloths
Miranda stood still and felt as if she was not wanted. Ever since being with Shepard she had become more open with her emotions. A trait he was happy he could expose. Usually it would be Miranda needing help from him however since he had awoken from his injury's Shepard has become more vulnerable and in need of aid. This is something he did not like showing. He believed it was a weakness and would not want Miranda to seem him like it but she would and being as stubborn as him would try her best to help.
"I just need a bit of space when I get back will talk. I feel a bit trapped and need to run of the frustration I'm feeling now. Please understand I love that want to help me really I do! I just got to do this okay?"
"Okay I will be right here when you get back." Miranda said as she sat on one of the living room arm chairs legs crossed along with her arms. She knew that pushing him now was not the right thing to do. He would tell her what was going on in his own time. Shepard knelt on one knee and reached for her hand to which she took.
"Miri I can't tell how long I have wanted us to be together. To have peace in my life is idea I never believed possible. That was until I met you. I know you know all my history but I would like to tell what really happened if you want?"
Miranda sat up and pulled Josh in for a long passionate kiss. Just to solidify how much he meant to her. Three years ago Miranda never would have thought it possible to have found someone she could be so open to. After Shepard's constant visits and sincere words she began to have emotions for the Commander but would try her best to suppress them. As time went on and the suicide mission became dire and dire she finally gave in to her emotions which to this day she is happy for doing.
"Whenever your ready I may not be the best with for advice but I'll what ever I can to help you get through this."
"I think you being her is more than enough for me." In some shorts and N7 t-shirt. Josh left the cabin and went for a jog around the lake that seemed to draped around the cabin and its many tree's surrounding the area.
Miranda decided to go over reports on Earths condition. Repairs seemed to be going well for both the planet and the relays. It had been three months since the end of the war Shepard had asked Hackett to pardon Miranda which Hackett agreed too. Although Miranda did even more she offered assistance with Earth. However with the relays being out of action Hackett gave him and the Normandy's crew shore leave. Miranda found a suitable place for her and Josh to stay and relax for a couple of months.
Yet just like the war Shepard had obligations to attend to. He wanted to thank many people for their efforts and sacrifices that was a duty and an honor which Miranda loved about him. Also attending ceremonies which included his own as well as funerals really took its toll on him.
Miranda could see how draining it was to be awarded so much when he did not want it. Josh never felt special just another soldier in another war. However the Council made him their poster boy of the Galaxy. Every where he went he would see vids, ads and bulletins of how Commander Shepard saved the Galaxy.
It infuriated him so many gave so much to defend their planets, families and home yet there he was getting all the credit. He asked her often why he was so important. Miranda didn't really have an answer for why they believed he was so special. But she told him why he was so special to her. This always cheered him up but the question would always eat away at him.
Jogging for over fifteen minutes now Josh was thinking also about the months past. The question began to arise again. One day something made him realize just what was really going on.
A small boy ran up to Josh and hugged him. He was taken back a bit. The boy said thank you to him for bring back his father he looked up and seen a man with his arm around his wife.
Looking at the man Josh seen himself in away. This man without a moment's hesitation would die for his wife and child much to how he would for Miranda. He saluted to Shepard and said. Sir thank you very much. Because of you I can see my son grow up and be with my wife again. Josh shook his hand and said. No thank you. If it were not for men like you that held the line and defended are of us would be here today. I didn't bring you back to your family you did.
After that day he understood why it was important for him to be known in such away. It was not because he was the best Humanity had to offer or because he ended the war. It was because everyone needed a symbol, A beacon of hope that would shine in the dark. The Reaper's were theses ancient machines capable of uncountable power.
Yet there stood a man who had killed more than one and who had defied death. Hackett told him that every war has its heroes. These men were not heroes because they were the strongest or killed many. They were called heroes because they inspired those around them. At that defining moment Josh understood now why he was known for what he had done. But when someone would thank him he would simply thank them back one soldier did not win this war it was a united galaxy.
However there was another reason he would remember that soldier and his family. Josh wanted a future with Miranda he said it himself that it would never be easy but he would always want her in his life. Hell he wanted more he wanted a home a family things he had lost once before but would fight tooth and nail for again. Miranda was with Josh that day she saw the couple with their son. He could sence she was looking closely the boy and his mother. They haven't really spoken much of that day although he would like to bring it up to her when the time was right.
Heading back for the Cabin his head began to strain. His vision became blurred and voices were heard. People screaming and shouting echoed through his mind. The pain was excruciating Josh fell to the ground both hands on his head rolling over and over begging for what ever was happening to him to stop. Images of family and friends dead around him spread through his now closed eyes. Blood covered the walls and doors across the scenery resembling hell. Feeling his strength failing Josh dialed his omni-tool with what ever ounce of it he had left.
Deep in thought about the situation that Shepard was in Miranda could not believe how far she and he have come. Three years ago she was one of Cerberus's best operatives, Always keeping to herself and being the professional. Now she was the savior of the galaxy's girlfriend. A title that she was proud of and that many would want. Sitting still waiting in the arm-chair for Josh to return she closed her eyes and listened to the smooth motion of the lake adjacent to their cabin.
Smiling to herself for picking the perfect spot. Josh seemed to like it she remember when they first arrived he picked her up in his arms and kissed her. Which she was all to happy obliged. Snapping from her peace Miranda heard the beeping of her omni-tool from the bedroom. Fetching it she answered.
"Shepard is everything...OH GOD! Josh!...Josh can you hear me." Miranda was in complete panic. "Hold on honey."
Shepard awoke to several voices speaking to one another. He could obviously tell the loudest was Miranda.
"Don't you see he needs help! I can't believe we let it go on this long." Her tone was not a nice one.
"Miranda I know this is difficult but we have to let him do this on his own." Josh recognized the second voice it was Doctor Chawkwas.
"Ms. Lawson he's a soldier. Soldiers have nightmares." The third was an old rugged voice but it was unmistakably Admiral Hackett.
"SOLDIER! he's not a soldier he's a human being. We all know these are not nightmares I found him curled in to a ball shivering! Why do people always make him out to be this superman that can do anything. He just one bloody man. One man who deserves peace for once in his life."
A huge wave of love came over him when he heard the care and concern Miranda had just shared with them. I can't believe she stood up for me like that. What really Damn Shepard you're an Idiot. I should probably let them know I'm awake. "Umm do you mind keeping it down a tad bit." Josh said as he rose from his bed.
The trio all humped a little and looked towards the Captain rising up.
"Hey how are you feeling?" Miranda's tone had instantly switched from ice queen to loving girlfriend. As she came closer to Shepard's side.
"I'm fine but what is the Doc doing in our bedroom? And why is the Admiral on vidcom? Wait Garrus? Seriously what the hells going on."
"I have to get back to the fleets Shepard I will contact you later. I apologies. "
"Yes sir" Yeah nice move. He thought to himself as Hackett's hologram disappeared. "So whats going on?"
"Captain what do you remember about last night?"
"I was returning from my jog when I got this head ache..." As he was saying this he could feel his head ache once more and the voices or tortured soles made their presence known. No not this again! Never! I'm not reliving that again!
"Josh whats wrong?" Miranda ask her tone as soft as ever when she was concerned for him. She could see he was in distress.
Shit think quick Shepard. You don't want her to know what happened.
"I..keep hearing I don't know..these voices." He said trying his best not to lie completely he was hearing voices or rather screams. Both Miranda and the Doctor looked at one another with confusion.
"What do the voices say Shepard?" The doctor asked as Miranda made her way to Josh's side on the bed and held his had for comfort. Garrus just stood in the corner staying silent no one seemed to notice him.
"I..don't know Listen I'm really tired and right now I just want some time to relax. So if you don't mind I like some privacy." Shepard ran his hand through his short dark blonde hair. He would often do this when stressed or anxious a sign Miranda has picked up on.
"Hmm well I will stay close by near the resort as to not disturb you both. However I will be here in a moments notice if you condition changes."
"Thanks Doc but I don't want to ruin your shore leave."
"Ha Shepard I am always on call especially to you and this young woman next to you."
Laughing Miranda got up to escort Doctor Chawkwas out. "Thank you Karin. I appreciate the help. He is being his stubborn self as usual he would never accept help willingly." The pair began to laugh.
"Ughh right here." The two women looked at him. Josh was happy to see Miranda laugh even, if it was at him he was grateful none the less. It made him think she was to distracted to see the mask he had just put up to not concern anyone.
"Well I shouldn't keep you both call me if you begin to understand or recognize any of your dreams Shepard."
"Will do thanks Doc." Dreams yeah right.
Miranda escorted the Doctor out of the main bedroom and through to the living room door Garrus also followed with them.
"Well what do you think caused it? I'm getting very concerned Karin to the point were I believe it's best he knows everything."
"Miranda I know it's difficult but he has to let his mind open up to what ever it is that's doing this to him. As far as I can tell the work we did when we recovered him seems to have helped his healing rate but has increased his brain waves. They seem to be drawn to the recurring event and by the sound of it is not a pleasant one."
"So you believe the enhancements to his cybernetics are what are causing these problems?" Miranda became very worried feeling it was her fault for the pain Josh was in. When retrieving his body he was in very bad shape. His implants he received from Cerberus were almost destroyed. Thinking quickly the Doctors along with Miranda and Chawkwas decided to enhance and fit in new upgrades to help heal and restore him.
Now Shepard is stronger faster and smarter. Pretty much all of his attributes have been upgraded tenfold. All with out his knowledge.
"No I believe the cause of the nightmares or rather past visions are him. In fact I believe he is hiding something, he seemed hesitant to answer our questions earlier." Miranda was thinking the same thing and about to speak up when Chawkwas continued. "All his life he has been on the go. Fighting and helping others for many years. Now that he has time to slow down and take some much-needed rest his past demons so to speak are making their presence known."
"But what could be causing theses reactions? Why would he hide anything from us? I did sense he was dodging are questions and didn't make eye contact with me." With a long sigh and her hand on her forehead Miranda began to pace.
"Miranda getting worked up will not help. Theses experiences are happening because of some form of PTSD. My professional opinion..He is remember a certain event in his life that has been blocked out for so long it is causing him more pain."
"I can't seem to figure out a point in his life where he has been that vulnerable. How can that be? I spent two years learning all about the man!" Miranda's patience was wearing thin. She so desperately wanted to help Josh and give them both some time for one another. Not more pain and distress.
"I think you do know what is causing these reactions. You have seen all his records and personal history. When has Shepard been so defenseless and scared? When in all his life has everything been taken from him." The Doctor said staring straight in to Miranda's eyes. At first she was confused then it became more and more apparent until Garrus spoke up.
"Mindoir"