I initially wrote this as a joke for my mecophiliac friend to pleasure himself to but I guess I got a bit carried away. I also had crabs, so I had plenty of time to drink as many skinny lattes as I pleased and write away on my new Macbook Pro which cost £1,100 but totally isn't a waste of money because it's way better than a PC for some reason that I'm not willing to explain because I'm an entitled little piss mongrel. Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself here. Anyway, this is only the first chapter and I know exactly what's going to happen subsequently, but I might not be arsed to complete it. Hell, I don't even know if anyone is going to read this. But if there is public outcry and all that nonsense, I'll try. And it's the effort that counts right?

Right?

Anyway, if you're still here then just go ahead and read. You have my blessing.

Joy.

Joy was the only thing Shadow felt as he hauled back yet another shovelful of grit from one of the countless graves strewn across one of the more atmospheric cemeteries he often frequented. No, joy was the only thing that ran through his veins at this hour. No sorrow, no remorse, just pure, unexceptional joy. He took a moment to look up at the headstone that, from this angle, almost looked like it was peering down at him in disgust, as if it knew exactly what he was about to do. It was rather egotistically inscribed 'The Fabulous Hudson Hornet'. Shadow abruptly felt his shovel strike something solid, looked down to see the rusted bodywork of a faded cobalt 1951 Hudson Hornet, and let out a small sigh. As a general rule, Shadow preferred anthropomorphic animals such as himself to, well, anything, but he was always up for some experimentation, and besides, he was also no stranger to a little mecophilia. He thought back to something he had seen a couple of days ago on a nature documentary he couldn't recall the name of. Why he was watching a nature documentary in the first place also escaped his mind, but it was a segment about echidnas and a certain 'anatomical feature' they possessed that, truth be told, would really have come in handy at this moment in time.

Oh, how he envied Knuckles.

Shadow took a moment to compose himself, as he always felt morally obliged to be in his best form whenever he partook in his most common pastime, whether the lucky subject be a car, an animal, a semi-rusted can opener...

Just has he was about to delve into his newest finding, he heard a sickeningly familiar voice in the relative distance. He turned his strikingly ebony head toward the source of interest and once he had found it, let out a relatively tame growl partly in anger, but mainly in sheer disappointment. Directly in front of him, several metres away, sat three individuals he unfortunately recognised all too well. A peppy, energetic and well-mannered young rabbit, a solemn but brutally observant yellow fox and, and...

Shadow could not bear the thought of tainting his unarguably incredible mind with even the mere name of that painfully cocky, uneducated, sickeningly azure blasphemer. The trio, from here at least, appeared to be enjoying a positively sumptuous repast, apparently having gallons of free time in their schedule instead of devoting it all to saving the world or flicking their beans or whatever the hell it was they did these days. He took a moment to focus on the two-tailed, tangerine tinted tactician that was Tails, who appeared to be engaging in a seemingly enthralling conversation with Cream, accompanied as always by her beloved Chao. As he observed the group for several minutes, Shadow began to see how Tails took note of every single meticulous thing that Cream said, only to use them to his advantage whenever the need struck him. Well, Shadow took it back, the Sonic team were capable of employing members who weren't just walking slabs of muscle or cannon fodder. The inevitable faker uttered something to the others and began his long and valiant journey to the other side of the venue. As the blue antagonist to the little story slowly being crafted in Shadow's brain began to move his ironically rather octogenarian legs, Shadow experienced a sudden tinge of brilliance as an idea began to form in his head. He would have sprung up in the air and shouted 'EUREKA!' were it not such a clichéd thing to do. It was an exceptionally deviant plot, a tad precarious, perhaps, but what would life be without a little risk?

Oh, this was going to be fun.

Was there anything better than a sumptuous chilli dog on a bad day. Or a good day. Or a relatively uneventful day. Or, well, any day. A fleck of the hot, burgundy sauce dripped out of Sonic's mouth and onto the already dirty floor as he penetrated the moist bun with his now maroon stained teeth, salvaging the last remnants of flavour from the tender meat. Despite the fact that his thoughts sounded like the climax of a worryingly detailed porno, he somehow snapped out of the chilli-based fantasy in his head he found himself trapped in oh so often, and turned to the counter to collect Tails and Cream's orders. From the balcony at which they had been sat, Sonic heard his two friends engaging in what sounded like an ever so slightly one-sided conversation. It was as if Tails knew only how to speak in technical gibberish neither Sonic nor Cream could understand, but the sheer enthusiasm and passion he poured into every word was admirable, and brought a smile to Sonic's face every time. Slowly, he edged closer to the pair as not to disturb them, hoping to catch a snippet of their conversation.

"Anyway, that's why you don't do your gardening with a pneumatic drill. But back to the topic at hand, I still haven't decided what kind of panelling to fit onto the Tornado. I think it rightly deserves a fresh new coat of paint, figuratively, of course, but the question at hand could pose great importance were it in a certain situation!"

"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll make the right choice!" said Cream in her token enthusiastic tone, despite the fact that she hadn't a clue what Tails was talking about. He didn't seem to notice, though, but then he was usually so wrapped up in his own words that he might as well have been talking to himself.

Sonic left the food on an unoccupied table and wandered over to the establishment's neighbouring balcony, leaning his arms over the steel railings. He rose his head to a myriad of stars, one by one deepening the impact of the bulbous ivory ball that they so unflawlessly surrounded, like disciples bowing down to their god.

It almost looked like a rabbit's belly.

The moonlight cascaded upon the desolate, crumbling husk of what was once a graveyard that sat directly opposite the restaurant. Sonic always thought it seemed out of place for somewhere like this, a rotting corpse buried amongst the midst of an otherwise thriving community. Sonic picked up their meals and was about to return to Tails and Cream when out of the corner of his eye he saw a lone grave, savagely torn apart by the muddied shovel that lay next to it. The murder weapon found in the immediate vicinity of the body, if you will. A trail of scarce, barely visible footprints emerged from the grave, leading out of what remained of the archway that they once called the exit, and coming closer and closer to...

"TAILS!"

Sonic immediately ran toward Creams' cry of distress, dropping, smashing the plates in the process. Heart pumping, adrenaline burning and animalistic instinct to protect those he loved fuelling him, he reached Cream in mere seconds, who was overtly overwhelmed with fear and confusion. Their table had been flipped, debris from the smashed plates and ornaments littering the oakwood floor.

"What happened? Where's Tails?" Sonic demanded, albeit in as calm a tone as possible.

"He, he just came out of nowhere and..." Her eyes began to tear up. "He took him!"

Sonic knelt down next to Cream and gently put his hand upon her shoulder. "This 'he', what did he look like?"

"I don't know!" Cream shouted, a subtle hint of anger evident in her voice, as if she was having to point out the obvious, the tear streaks upon her cheeks still visible. "He climbed over the rail and pulled him down." She slumped down onto the wet floor. "He didn't fight back." She raised her head, and along with it a face plagued with guilt. "I didn't fight back"

Without thinking, Sonic hurtled toward the gunmetal banister and jumped, clearing it with ease. He was so high on his own sense of determination that he didn't think to check how large the jump was.

It didn't look too far.

He landed heavily on the damp grass and an unforgiving pain surged throughout his legs. In a hideously ungainly manner, he composed himself and scurried into the vague direction Cream had gestured toward, quickly becoming consumed by the darkness around him. He surveyed the immediate area for minutes on end to no avail, constantly telling himself there was a chance to find him, to teach him a lesson, but deep down, he knew.

He was gone.

"Little girls, this seems to say,"

Tails raised his head to complete darkness, save for a table lamp with a dimly lit bulb on the floor, looking more out of place than he ever thought possible.

"Never stop upon your way"

He heard a calm albeit theatrical voice from the left corner of the room, his vision too blurry to make out the source of the noise.

"Never trust a stranger friend"

It was moving closer now. He looked over his shoulder to see his hands tied to a metal girder with a used coil of rope.

"No-one knows how it will end"

Just shy of the faint ring of light, he spied a jagged shard of glass, shimmering in bold contrast to the dark floor.

"As you're pretty, so be wise"

He inched his foot as close as he could, prohibited by his ragged constraints, just shy of the tip.

"Wolves may lurk in every guise"

He struggled hopelessly against his bindings to no avail, knowing full well that no benefit would come from embracing his impulses, just waste of his precious energy.

"Now, as then, tis simple truth."

He had to calm down. He had to focus. That was his only hope of getting out of here. He slowed his breath as he composed himself and turned his efforts to the shard of glass once again. Remaining as collected as possible, he moved his foot toward the glass, the urge to let his stress overwhelm him barely dissipating. Just as he neared the rough fragment, an onyx hand emerged from the black and a familiar face looked up at him.

"Sweetest tongue has sharpest tooth."

Shadow waltzed back into the blanket of darkness, once again out of sight.

"Sorry for that little monologue there but, well, you know me, I love to make an entrance. Anyway, how are you Tails? I can't even remember the last time we spoke. Gosh, doesn't time just fly?

Tails looked at Shadow with a flat, almost bored expression, masking the overwhelming fear he truly felt

"If you wish to recite poetry about little girls, I'd appreciate if you did it in your own time."

"Ooh, burn!" he light-heartedly chuckled, gesturing to himself. "I think we better call the fire brigade!"

He brought out a rustic, poorly maintained fold-out chair and sat it opposite Tails.

"You see, that's why I like you Tails. You're not afraid to give a hearty 'fuck you' in the face of evil. You plan anything and everything before you do it. You know exactly what to do, exactly what to say in any given situation."

"You say that like you've known me my whole life."

"Well, I do tend to have that effect on people."

"Charming."

Shadow turned his back to Tails and strolled to the rim of the light. He blended into the darkness before him, but he was still somewhat visible, even if just barely. He stared into nothingness.

"I have a plan, Tails, and it's a good one. But I'm going to need your help."

"And you expect me to comply?"

"Oh God no." Shadow said, cocking his head towards Tails. "I'm not stupid. I respect your loyalties."

He turned his head back to the void of emptiness. "But you'll come round. I know you will, eventually."

"What do you mean by eventually?" Tails murmured, letting both his confusion and dismay show through.

"Oh you'll see. You'll definitely see."