Author's Note: I wrote this piece in order to cope with the massive feelings of angst I feel every time after reading or watching Vampire Knight (recently rewatched the anime for a fifth time, I am the worst kind of masochist) So while I'm rolling in the angst of my beloved ship, I tried to soothe my own hurt by writing this. How I wish Kaname would stay with Yuuki... forever. I really really can't make peace with the end of the manga, but in this I've tried my very best to accept it... kinda. I hope you enjoy, fellow Kaname/Yuuki lovers.
Through Your Eyes
It was indeed a beautiful night, the night when everything started. Before I reawakened, I thought my existence was over. But there was still a beautiful piece left for me to have.
I still hadn't regained my memories back then. I was a happy child, but my mind was slowly crumbling beneath the weight of the inevitable. I still didn't know that I was living in a stolen body; that I really wasn't her brother, but I think I would have felt that way anyway.
The birth of Yuuki Kuran, my sister in every way but the spiritual, gave me feelings I had not experienced for a very long time. Ten thousand years was enough. I welcomed the change, hesitant at first, then I saw her.
A fresh rose among thorns, a ray of sunlight in my eternal darkness.
A soft voice, like a small bell. Wide open eyes.
She was the one to give me a purpose, a reason to live after the thousands of years that passed since my former companion vanished. Yuuki was born just when I thought the loneliness would suffocate me and my real identity would steal me away.
I was the first one to hold her.
It was a snowy, cold night and the dark sky didn't let any light through. The moon shone upon us through the tall windows. I held the little bundle in my arms those first moments of her fragile life, and I had never seen anything like her before. Big, deep brown eyes looked up at me with wonder. Her skin was so soft, her little head covered with dark locks.
My mother smiled from the bottom of her heart, exhausted after childbirth, while my father stroked her forehead, overjoyed. Although I wasn't a part of their family and I was already back then on my way to realize it, I felt that I belonged there, with them.
"Yuuki," mother mumbled and her arms reached out for her daughter. I gave my sister to her and that was her name, Yuuki. She was descending to me from heaven, just like the snow.
I was overwhelmed by a feeling that I had seen her eyes somewhere before. The complete innocence and trust in them… It lit a warmth inside my heart. The warmth spread, and made a genuine smile appear on my lips. Juuri held out her hand to me while cradling Yuuki to her chest.
Mother's face beamed with kindness. "Isn't she lovely, Kaname?"
A few days after her birth I had the chance to acquaintance myself with her some more. Mother let me hold her, trusting me. Yuuki's small hand clenched my finger with surprising strength and she looked at me with the same, familiar eyes that I knew. She rested in my arms, that tiny child, and I felt that I wanted to protect her. I needed to protect her; it was an instinct, my absolute purpose in life.
All I would do from now on would be for her.
She was born to be my wife. As cruel as it seemed, that I was standing with my future bride in my arms now, it felt just as right. I loved her, yes I did, from the very beginning I loved her. My feelings would grow over time when she grew older; right now there was only pure sibling love between us. No matter if she was my real sister or not, to me, she would always remain my imouto.
How I wished I had been born her real brother.
I could see our parents – her parents – look at us and smile whole-heartedly. I cradled her in my arms, rocking her to sleep. This little pure-blood princess had such a heavy destiny waiting ahead of her, but just as I'd heard our mother express, if only she could live a normal, happy child's life … far away from the twisted destiny of the pure-bloods, the pain and the power struggle – it was worth sacrificing everything for that.
Her existence was held secret, no one knew about this new little life of the Kuran family. I despised the thought of her being kept in this underground mansion, never able to feel or see real snow, rain or sunlight... That's why I had my own plan to make this world safe for her.
In front our parents' watchful but kind eyes I hugged her little body tightly. Nothing had ever felt as right as this. I didn't know why I felt this need, this intense urge to protect her. She was the piece of happiness I had been starving for.
But I also knew that I would not be able to stay with her forever. Those two pieces of myself could never coexist, the one that wanted to realize the plan that would benefit Yuuki and my former companion and the rest of the world, or the one that wanted to live a long, beautiful life with her...
But even so, no matter which way I chose, I would make sure that I made the world a safe place for her before I departed.
"Sleep, Yuuki," I whispered to her, "One day this world will be yours."
...
The seventeen-year-old Yuuki let her fangs departure from Kaname's neck, stopping the flow of memories that he shared with her.
"Kaname…" Her eyes were deep and sorrowful, her voice trembling with emotion. She had seen so much of what he held inside. This man, who filled her with so much happiness and sadness, whom she never would be able to tear her heart away from. This man, who had taken the place of her dead brother...
His burden was ten thousands of years old, his desire to end pain and wars, the cursed purebloods, and finally be able to rest in peace. She had never understood him before, and maybe she still couldn't. But her love would not ever change. She could feel it so strongly, that even if he were to betray her, it would still be an utmost pleasure.
He carefully wrapped his arms around her waist and they rested their foreheads together for a moment.
In his eyes, she had been a naive little child for so long. But now… now she was who she was born to become. She was a part of him now, and they belonged to the same race. They had shared their blood, there were no limits between them. They were essentially one at soul and heart, sharing each other's life essence.
She looked into his dark, kind eyes and felt that she was trapped in his love; she would never be able to get away from this blood-soaked destiny that he was a part of. She had been in love with him for such a long time, and even though she at first was shocked and scared when she found out, that didn't matter anymore.
He hugged her tightly and nuzzled her hair. "My dear girl…" he whispered. "I have waited for so long…" Still she couldn't keep her cheeks from reddening, but her dream of someday becoming his equal was strong in her heart. She was bound to him, and even though a part of her was still attached to Zero, Kaname had always been her Onii-sama, her love.
All the wondering and sorrow they had carried these years, his endless centuries of suffering, it was all over now. The future didn't matter anymore as long as he was there.
Strands of brown hair mixing, their eyes sparkling with the same colors as their parents had, soft lips whispering to each other. Kaname gently lifted his hand and stroked some of her hair out of the way, before he bit into his hand. She watched him save the blood in his mouth with slight hunger rising in her eyes. With fluttering eyelids she closed her eyes and received his blood by his soft lips.
They kissed deeply, his hands slowly caressing her body as she arched upwards into his touch. She was just as breathless as any time he touched her, and there was nothing to fear, not ever. Onii-sama was here and she loved him infinitely, just as he loved her.
Yuuki wrapped his arms tightly around his neck. "Don't leave me," she whispered.
He looked into her eyes. In order to protect you, I cannot stay. "Yuuki, I wish to always stay with you. But I have to make this world safe for you first, so you will never have to experience what your parents, and all other purebloods did."
Why …. can't you stay with me forever?
She held onto him, quietly, as her tears slowly ran down her face. "I don't want to live without you!"
He cupped her face gently, before slowly leaning forward to kiss her. "I know." He laid down on the ground beside the furnace and pulled her down beside him, her head resting in the nape of his neck. She was trembling slightly, intertwining their hands.
"The time won't come yet. We still have time..."
Yuuki closed her eyes. So little time...
A gentle touch against her cheek, a pair of warm, brown-red eyes gazing down at her... such kindness, such love and sadness in them. As she felt herself drifting off to a light slumber, her hands grazing her stomach, thoughts clouded her mind. Strange thoughts that wouldn't occur to her for many centuries.
I cannot be apart from you. I need to always be together with you. That's why... I won't let you disappear, Kaname. Right now I will live, but later... I will give this world to you, my beloved, the world I saw as a human.
Even if I can't be there to witness it myself, I know someone who will enjoy that world together with you when time has come. I wish you will be able to hold our daughter. Because when you are gone, and Zero is gone, I will have no purpose anymore. I will give you my life so you can live through me and I through you.
Just like I have seen me through your eyes, it's your turn to look through mine.
Kaname's hand gently placed over her own, and the tears welled out of Yuuki's eyes.
Fin.
Feedback is very welcome.
