I got bored, so here's some random two in the morning waffle ... Its a oneshot at the moment, but could develop, pending on reviews... ;)

It was Christmas Morning, and all was quiet at Death Eater Mansion. Lord Voldemort was in his office, hurriedly writing some last minute Christmas cards, and the Death Eaters were gathered in the kitchen, attempting to make Christmas lunch.

"For the last time, I am not putting the stuffing up there!" whined Wormtail.

"For Merlin's sake, Wormtail, it's a dead bird, just get on with it," snarled Lucius, wiping his hands on his pink apron.

Wormtail pouted and, his expression full of revulsion, he grabbed a squelchy handful of stuffing and quickly shoved it … where it was supposed to go.

"See, that wasn't too hard, was it?" smiled Bellatrix sweetly, painting her nails.

"Well then, you can do it next time," grumbled Wormtail.

"Enough!" ordered Lucius. "Bella, chop these carrots. Dolohov, peel these potatoes. Rookwood, boil the cabbage. Avery, dice this onion."

"But onions make me cry!" complained Avery.

"So does the Cruciatrus Curse," warned Lucius, waving his wand threateningly.

"Fine," grumbled Avery.

"I'm afraid I'm rather busy, Lucius," said Bellatrix airily, examining her nails to make sure the polish was even.

"That colour doesn't suit you, it clashes with your hair," stated Lucius disapprovingly. "Now get chopping!"

Many tantrums, complaints, and Crucio's later, the Death Eaters had finally managed to concoct a decent Christmas dinner, under the supervision of expert chef Lucius.

"You know, sometimes I think the Dark Lord only keeps you around because you can cook," taunted Bellatrix as she set the table.

"Nonsense, Bella!" snapped Lucius. "You know I'm his stylist as well!"

"Avery, in the name of Merlin is wrong with you?" Snape had just entered, and was gazing at Avery with a mixture of disgust and amusement. Avery was rolling around on the ground, beating the floor with his fists and bawling his eyes out.

"Its – its these – these stupid … onions!" he cried, sobbing into his hands.

"For the love of the Dark Lord, Avery, there's only one!"

"I know, I know, but – but it – it's opened the floodgates! Once I start crying I c - can't stop!" And he burst into hysterical tears.

Snape rolled his eyes. "Crybaby," he muttered.

Suddenly, there was a loud crash from the corner; Crabbe and Goyle had run into each other and sent a large chocolate cake flying through the air.

"MY CAKE!" screeched Lucius in horror, falling to his knees.

"Oh dear," said Snape sardonically.

"The poor cake!" wailed Avery, breaking into fresh sobs.

"You idiots just ruined my new robes!" yelled Bellatrix, her eyes flashing angrily.

"You know what that looks like?" commented Peter conversationally, inspecting large lumps of misshapen brown fudge.

"And what exactly is going on here?"

The Death Eaters whipped around upon hearing the voice of their master and bowed.

"I await an answer," said Lord Voldemort calmly. "What is going on?"

"M – My Lord," stammered Nott. "We were simply trying to make you a beautiful Christmas feast to enjoy –"

"But these idiots ruined my cake!" interrupted Lucius angrily.

"Now, now, Lucius," said Voldemort reprovingly. "Christmas is a time for joy!"

"But – but my lord – the cake, now we have no dessert –"

"Do not fear, Lucius, Lord Voldemort is here!"

"Oh here we go," muttered Snape.

"For when there's trouble around, the Dark Lord will be found! Never fear, Voldemort is here! As long as we stick together, we will make it through this stormy weather! Come on, everybody!"

"And if we help each other out," sang the Death Eaters wearily, "there will be no need to pout."

Voldemort pointed at Lucius with his wand.

"Simply yell out my name," recited Lucius irritably. "And I will save the day,"

"Bella!" cried Voldemort.

"I'll hurry to your side with haste," said Bellatrix through clenched teeth, "for there is no time to waste."

"Excellent, Wormtail!"

"With my wand at the ready!" sang Wormtail eagerly. "I'm here, I'm your buddy!"

"All together again!" cried Voldemort happily.

"For we are the Death Eaters," they sang obediently, "the mighty mighty Death Eaters, we kill and we torture, but with each other, we love and treasure!"

Voldemort, who had been conducting them with his wand, stopped with a sigh and wiped his eyes. "Music to my ears," he said fondly. "I'm going to go and deliver these Christmas cards," he added, sweeping out of the room, humming under his breath.

"Treasure doesn't even rhyme with torture," said Yaxley irritably.

"I'll hurry to your side with haste, for there is no time to waste …"

"Wormtail, put a sock in it!" yelled Lucius.

"With my wand at the ready, I'm here, I'm your buddy …"

"Wormtail!"

"We are the Death Eaters, the mighty might Death Eaters …"

"Wormtail if you don't shut up I'm going to stuff you instead of the turkey!"

… Silence.

Let me know what you think!