A night of passion

by lostlashes

Rachel and Janet admit their feelings, but will it all end happily? Please take note of the M rating, this story includes explicit and graphic content, there is a warning contained within.

Just a warning that this story does include graphic references and descriptions to and of lesbian sex, hence the M rating, so if this is likely to offend you or you don't like that sort of thing, you'd probably be best off looking for something else to read. Also, if you're not old enough to read this, please find another story.. I don't want to feel responsible for corrupting any minds! For those (if there are any!) who do continue reading this, I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for reading :) xx

A night of passion...

"Rachel?" Janet asked, for a third time, and Rachel finally seemed to come back to reality.

"What?" was the reply, muttered in a rather angry tone, though Janet had no idea why her best friend would be pissed off.

"What's the matter with you?" she enquired, looking at Rachel with a concerned expression.

"Nothing. What did you want?" Rachel was sat on her sofa in the living room, foot tapping restlessly and a face filled with anguish.

"Come on, you know you can tell me!" Janet cajoled, not liking to see her friend look so.. lost.

"Oh yeah, right. Because that's always been a safe option in the past? You kicked up shit when I told you about PNCing Savage's car, when I told you about perjuring myself, about opening up to Nick, about going back to him. That all went real well, sure. And now you expect me to tell you when things go wrong? Nah, you're alright thanks.. mate." The contempt was clear in her voice and it made Janet take an involuntary step back. What the hell was wrong with Rachel?

"Look, I don't know why you're in this shitty mood right now, but don't take it out on me. Yeah I got angry with all that crap you just mentioned, but I think I had every reason to when my job was put on the line because of you." Her anger dissipated as she continued, "I just wanted to say I was going, that's all. Got my stuff packed and so I'm heading off. And I wanted to thank you.. for, well, you know. For letting me stay and being a real friend and... well, for everything. Don't let us end this on an argument. I care about you too much for that."

Rachel seemed to visibly shake herself and when she looked at Janet a smile was firmly in place. It didn't look convincing, but it was the best she could offer right now. "You're right. I'm sorry. Just tired. No need to thank me for letting you stay, it's what friends do for one another, right?" her smile wavered briefly, "Anyway, you should go! The girls and Ade will be wondering where you are!"

"Okay, mate." Janet picked up her bag and headed for the door. "I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" She glanced back at Rachel, not missing the look of angst crossing over the younger woman's face.

"Yep. I'll see you tomorrow, Jan. I hope you have a nice evening." She said, just a touch too formal to be considered normal for Rachel. Janet knew she wouldn't be able to make her best mate talk if she didn't want to, so she let herself out of the flat and headed back to the house.

xxx

As Rachel heard the front door close, she sank back into the settee. Her thoughts were racing and she felt like absolute crap. She closed her eyes as her mind went back to that moment.. the one that had occurred four weeks ago. She had been to the pub with Janet after a particularly shit day at work, they'd both been hammered. They'd shared secrets and jokes and woes and fears, all the while drinking copious amounts of red wine. They'd finally fallen into a taxi home and gotten inside. And then, out of nowhere, Janet had kissed her. Full on, passionately, sensually, stomach-flippingly kissed her. And Rachel had panicked. No other word for it. Once she had realized that she was kissing her best friend right back, she'd pulled away rather forcefully, looking at Janet with incredulity. Rachel sighed as she remembered, lowering her head so it was braced by her fists. "What the fuck was that?" she had laughed, a look of shock on her face. And Janet had told her. Told her that she fancied Rachel, that she wanted her, that she laid awake at night dreaming of her. And Rachel had told Janet that she was being ridiculous. Not only that, she had gone off to bed, feeling very strange and wanting to forget what had just happened. She still remembered the look of hurt on Janet's face as she'd basically ridiculed her inner-most secrets. She felt a tear trickle down her cheek but didn't bother to wipe it away. When she'd woken up the next day, she had decided to confront Janet - tell her that she didn't want anything romantic, she just wanted their usual friendship. And so she did. And Janet accepted this. Oh, of course Rachel could see the hurt in her best friend's eyes. Of course she could. But she was so confused, so bewildered, that she thought this was the best thing for all concerned. How wrong could a girl be? As the next two weeks progressed, Rachel found herself obsessing over that passionate encounter with Janet. She found herself thinking of it at random moments throughout each day, hell, she'd even woken up more times than she would care to mention after having a dream about it. Three weeks after it had passed, long after their friendship had left the awkward phase and was now back to normal, Rachel had finally made a decision. She would talk to Janet and tell her what she was feeling. She would explain that she couldn't stop thinking about their shared moment, that she was now seeing Janet in a completely different way, that she wanted more. And that made her happy; her decision was made and only a few hours later she would be able to admit her real feelings. She sighed, wishing these memories would stop, not knowing if she could emotionally cope with any more thoughts about her relationship with Janet. She got up, poured a glass of wine, and returned to the settee, not being able to distract her mind any longer. She remembered getting home late and feeling frustrated that precious time was being wasted when she could be talking to Janet and telling her how she felt. Although three weeks had passed, Rachel didn't think of anything going not to plan. She literally thought that she'd explain her thoughts to Janet and they'd live happily ever after. Wasn't that how it happened in the films? As she walked through the front door, she could sense something wasn't quite right. Nothing was glaringly out of place, but she just knew. She walked through to the kitchen and was greeted by a beaming Janet. And just as she'd been about to spill the beans, Janet had told her. Had told her that Ade had finally forgiven her. That she was going to be moving back home, giving her marriage another chance. That her and Ade were going to gradually get their old life back, starting with a week of seeing each other every day, then moving back in together and then hopefully allowing everything else to fall in place. Rachel had felt winded. Nauseous. Of course, she'd had to put on a happy front for Janet, but inside she honestly thought she felt a part of her wither and die as she heard the so-called happy news. As Rachel remembered this, she downed her wine in one. This was all she'd been able to think about all week. She'd flitted between intense anger towards Janet for going back to someone who hadn't been able to keep her happy in years, and overwhelming warmth because she knew she wouldn't experience it for much longer.

Feeling anger over her apparent inability to stop these memories circling her brain, she stood up abruptly. Without thinking about it, Rachel found herself walking towards the spare room; Janet's old room. Feeling like a bit of a stalker, she walked in and sniffed deeply, still able to smell the unique yet wonderful aroma of the woman she adored. Without a second thought, she marched back to the living room and picked up her phone.

Ur right. I need to talk. Can you come? Please? xx

xxx

Janet rapped on the door, but before she had finished, it had opened and she almost punched Rachel in the face. "What's the matter?" she asked, following Rachel into the living room.

"We- I.. er- sorry." Rachel blushed while clearing her throat nervously. "I need to.. I need to talk to you."

"Um, okay? Well, I'm here, so now is as good a time as any." She joked lightly, immediately regretting it as she sensed that now was probably one of the worst times she could try and bring some light entertainment to a conversation. "What's wrong, Rach?" She said more seriously, settling down on the sofa and looking at Rachel intently.

"I fucked up." Rachel whispered, so softly that Janet had to strain to hear her. "I fucked up bad."

"Oh God, what's happened?" Janet sounded suspicious, probably wondered who Rachel had PNC'd now.

"I don't know how to tell you."

"Just say it, Rach. Get it out, whatever it is." She sat forward, hands on knees, expecting another admission of wrong-doing.

"It's you." Rachel whimpered, feeling like a complete twat for allowing her emotions to show so completely but being unable to help herself.

"Me what?" Janet was seriously confused. She racked her brains to see if she'd done anything wrong in work lately, but nothing came to mind. She'd nipped into KFC on the way back to the station against boss' orders, but she was sure Rachel wouldn't give her shit for that, especially because Rachel had been the one to persuade her to do it.

"I've fucked up." Rachel repeated. "I waited too late." She paused, looking at Janet's blank expression and wishing she could just shut her gob and not mention anything. However, her mouth had other ideas. "I have feeling for you, Jan. Not just platonic feelings, but real, deep, crazy feelings and I don't know what to do." She fell silent, not quite knowing how to proceed.

"What?" Janet looked shell-shocked. "What the hell do you mean?"

"I know, Jan. I know how stupid this sounds, okay? But.. fuck. Okay, so remember last week when you cooked lasagna and I got home late cos I was teaching Kevin how to open doors with his head?" Janet nodded, her face looking strained. "I was going to come in and tell you how I felt about you, tell you that I wanted us to try. But then you told me about Ade. And I couldn't. But now I just feel... sick. All the time. Sick at the thought that all we can be is friends. I don't want that. Do you?"

"What?" Janet had suddenly lost all the colour to her face and Rachel noticed that she was clutching the arm of the sofa as if it were a life boat, dragging her to shore. "What are you on about?"

"I'm on about us. I'm on about the fact that for the past month I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. I'm on about how much I feel like I need to be honest with you. That's what I'm on about." Rachel leant back, another glass of wine in her hands, yet she still wished for more.

Janet stared at Rachel with a look of complete shock. She opened her mouth twice, seemingly with the intent of speaking, before closing it again, causing her to resemble a goldfish. After a long few minutes which had Rachel looking like a chastised school girl and Janet looking like she'd just been told Kevin had an IQ of 140, Janet began to speak. "Please.. please tell me this is some kind of joke and I'm being really stupid for not getting it."

"I'm being serious, Janet. I know this is a bad time, but-" Rachel was cut off.

"A bad time?! Are you fucking kidding me? I have just moved back in with my husband and kids and you've decided to tell me that you have feelings for me? You are fucking out of order, Rach. You need to have your head examined." Janet got up and headed for the door.

"Please." The desperation was so clear in Rachel's voice that Janet halted before slowly turning around. "Please don't go yet. Don't do this." Rachel looked like a child, wide-eyed and obviously petrified that Janet was going to walk out. "Please."

Janet leaned against the doorway of the living room, she looked furious. "Please don't do what? Walk out of here and go back to my family? I'm not the one in the wrong here, Rachel. You are. Why are you doing this to me? Now?! You had three fucking weeks, yet you leave it until now? Aside from that, what the fuck are you talking about anyway? You told me that you regretted that.. thing.. that happened. You specifically said that you just wanted to remain friends. So what the fuck is this?"

"I'm sorry, alright?" Rachel replied, sounding upset. "I know that all I seem to do in my whole life is fuck everything up. I know that. I don't know.. I'm just.. I'm not normal. I can't seem to help it. I know it's no excuse and I'm a grown woman, but I couldn't sit back and not say anything about us. I couldn't." She lit up a cigarette, inhaling like her life depended on it.

"Why not? You had your chance! This.. this is just selfish. It's just.. so selfish." She pierced Rachel with her eyes as she spoke. "I would have, you know?" Her voice quietened. "I would have done anything to make it work with you. I thought about it almost every minute of every day. And when you.. when you told me you wanted nothing but friendship from me.. it was horrible. Seriously.. I felt crushed. But I did my best to not let that show. I tried my damnedest to make you feel comfortable around me again. You know why? Because I care about you, because I have a huge amount of respect for you. But then you do this?" She walked further into the room and sat down on the settee, as far away from Rachel as she could.

"Do you still?" Rachel whispered, aching to close the space between her and Janet but knowing it would be wrong of her.

"Do I still what?" The anger in Janet's voice was clear, her nails typing out some sort of morse code on the arm of the sofa and her foot banging against the floor in a rather fierce manner.

"Do you still.. care about me?" Her voice was meek. "Do you still.. I don't know.. feel anything now towards me that you felt a month ago? Do you still.. think about what happened? Is there any chance..?" She trailed off, scared of the answer and hastily poured herself another wine.

"Don't be ridiculous. How could we have any chance? Yes, I still care about you. Yes, I still have some.. questionable.. feelings for you. Yes, I still.. think about it. But none of that matters, Rachel. You left it too late. That's the bottom line. I have a husband and two children waiting for me, I can't jeopardize this again, it's not fair on them." She stood up and walked to the kitchen cupboard that contained the glasses. After getting one out, she headed to the fridge and pulled out another bottle of wine. Sitting back down on the sofa she tried to open the bottle, but her hands were shaking too much making it near impossible. Rachel's hand suddenly covered her own, causing her to gasp and wrench her hand back as if she'd just received an electric shock. Her stomach exploded with butterflies as she glared at Rachel. "What do you think you're doing?" she spluttered, figuring that being pissed at Rachel would be much better than giving in to how she really felt.

"Er- opening the bottle for you, actually." She sounded hurt. "I'm not going to fucking jump you, Jan. You don't have to worry about that. I may be a fucking idiot but you don't have to look at me like I'm an animal." Rachel deftly opened the wine bottle and poured Janet a drink, sliding the glass over to her when she'd finished and picking her own glass up as she tried to get comfortable on the sofa.

"Sorry. That wasn't nice of me." Janet apologised, wishing that her body would calm the fuck down, that the butterflies would piss off and leave her alone.

"Janet.." Rachel started, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear before fiddling with the hem of her top. "You're not happy with him. He can't make you happy. You were married for 25 years and by the end of it you were miserable. You didn't even like Andy, not really, yet you had an affair with him. Doesn't that tell you anything? I could make you happy. I know I could."

Without a word, Janet stood up and stormed into the bathroom, allowing the door to slam closed loudly. She stared at herself in the mirror, not liking the person she saw staring back. Lowering her gaze, she turned on the tap and splashed her face with cold water. And to think she'd been worried that Rachel had done something wrong at work. Ha, she would gratefully accept that rather than have to deal with this. What was she going to do? Realistically, she knew that the sole reason for getting back with Ade was for the children, she knew that if she didn't have kids to think about she would have left him a long time ago. But did it matter? Did it matter why she was returning to him? Wasn't it the right thing to do? All these questions raced through her head. When Ade had first told her he wanted her back, Janet had responded with an almost robotic sense of joy. Not in a bad way, she had been pleased, but another part of her, possibly a bigger part of her, had doubted whether this was the right thing. But Janet being Janet - sensible, responsible, cautious and above all, afraid of being alone, afraid of hurting her girls - swept that all away and proceeded to launch herself into the re-construction of her marriage with a forced zestiness. And now Rachel, stupid, thoughtless, selfish, wonderful Rachel had told her this. Ugh, the cold water hadn't helped. She downed the glass of wine she had brought with her and got her phone out.

Rachel's upset... girl problems. Dunno when I'll be back. Sorry. Give girls a kiss for me. Love you. J xx

She shoved her phone back into her pocket and looked back into the mirror, surprised to see her lips turning upwards into a cheeky smile. Taking one last look, she opened the bathroom door and walked quickly into the living room where she saw Rachel sat on the sofa still, head shooting up as she heard Janet enter the room.

With no preamble, Janet stood in front of Rachel, pulling her up by her hands and kissing her forcefully. Her tongue claimed Rachel's mouth as her own and she heard Rachel gasp. Her hands snaked around Rachel's back, pulling her in tight as she felt the muscles deep within her stomach clench in anticipation. Rachel, almost immediately over the shock of the current event, wove one hand through Janet's hair, tugging on it slightly to tilt Janet's head and giving her better access to her mouth. Her other hand desperately searched for an entrance so she could run her hand over Janet's bare skin, finally settling on just ripping the shirt out of Janet's skirt and moving her hand swiftly upward feeling Janet's stomach briefly ripple with pleasure at the skin-on-skin contact. Janet released Rachel's mouth and instead bit lightly on the other woman's bottom lip, nibbling slightly while she watched Rachel's eyes flutter in response. She moved her head down, placing rough, lust-filled kisses along Rachel's jaw, pausing to nip at her ear-lobe before lowering her head further, placing hard kisses down the side of Rachel's neck. In response to this, Rachel mashed her fingers into Janet's hair, her hand twisting into a fist at the excitement of it all, as her other hand lightly ran over Janet's bra covered breast. Both women were panting now, accentuating the silence around them with moans of unadulterated pleasure. They fumbled in a frenzy, eager to feel every inch of each other's body, each frustrated at the clothing that was restricting access.

Rachel pulled away first, the desire she felt very obviously emblazoned on her face. "Bedroom." was all she could say, breathing hard, her voice sounding strangled. She briefly glanced at Janet who nodded her assent quickly and took her hand, pulling her towards the bedroom and the potential pleasures that lay within. Janet stumbled after her blindly, no thoughts in her head beside knowing that right here, in this moment, she needed Rachel desperately. Every nerve in her body was standing to attention, begging for her to continue, craving satisfaction. Craving Rachel.

When they got into the bedroom, Rachel spun around to face Janet, pushing her against the now closed bedroom door. She stared hungrily at the woman before her, taking note of the blonde hair that was falling in strands from the ponytail that was slowly giving way, noticing the piercing blue eyes that must be reflecting her own, the lust all too evident. She felt almost primal in her sexual need, knowing Janet was the only one who could bring her the release she so shamelessly wanted. She moved closer, causing their bodies to be pressed against each other's tightly, and placed her lips on Janet's, pushing her tongue insistently against the closed lips until Janet happily conceded and moaned loudly into Rachel's mouth as their tongues became re-acquainted. At first content with snogging each other's faces off in a lovestruck teenager fashion, they soon wanted more and once again parted briefly to stumble over to the bed. After falling into rather uncomfortable positions onto the bed, they re-arranged themselves swiftly with Rachel sat against the headboard and Janet straddling her.

"This.." Janet moaned, her fingers grappling at the material before her, "Off.." she continued, panting heavily, "Now!" She wrestled with the buttons, fingers fumbling with the intense need she was experiencing and finally settled on pulling it over Rachel's head after she'd managed to undo the two top buttons. As Rachel reached to pull it all of the way off, she felt Janet's hand holding her two wrists. "No." Janet whispered, causing Rachel to still, the top covering her eyes and acting as a restraint against her arms. "Keep it there for now." she heard Janet reiterate and, feeling a thrilling shiver run through her, she complied. For some reason that Rachel didn't know, and frankly didn't care to know at this particular moment in time, the fact that she couldn't see only seemed to heighten her other senses.

Janet tugged Rachel's bra down, causing her breasts to spill out and leaving Janet moaning at the beauty that was in front of her. Rachel's breasts were heavy yet pert, the areola a flushed pink, the nipples distended in obvious arousal. With only a moment's hesitation, Janet lowered her head and blew lightly on the left nipple before shifting her head slightly and doing the same to the right. Rachel arched her back, offered herself to Janet completely, her nipples hardening further as she muttered lustful phrases that Janet couldn't quite hear. She repeated the blowing action, feeling powerful, her stomach twisting and flipping, watching Rachel's reactions.

"Please.." Rachel rasped, wanting to writhe but unable to due to Janet straddling her. "Touch me. I.. ah fuck.. I need you. Now."

Janet planted a deep, passionate kiss on Rachel's lips, feeling her lover respond immediately. Her fingers trailed with teasing slowness down Rachel's neck, down the collarbone, over the top of the breasts and stopped just short of the waiting nipples. Very quickly, so quick that it was almost over before it had began, Janet ran her two fingers over the centre of Rachel's nipples simultaneously, causing Rachel to jerk involuntarily as if she'd been electrified, and moan loudly.

Unable to show restraint any longer, Janet pulled the top fully off of Rachel, undid the restrictive bra and looked at Rachel with a look of pure desire. Rachel stared right back, using her now free hands to rid Janet of the ponytail, watching as the blonde hair flowed effortlessly around Janet's shoulders. After a slight pause, Janet leaned forward, taking one of Rachel's nipples into her mouth, sucking on it tightly while one of her hands rolled the other nipple between it's fingers, leaving Rachel gasping in short, sporadic bursts and arching her back even more, trying to intensify the feelings she was already experiencing.

After a short while Janet pulled away, not wanting Rachel to orgasm just yet. She lifted her mouth to Rachel's ear. "I really want to fuck you." she whispered, causing Rachel to shudder in anticipation. As Janet leaned back, Rachel grappled with the other woman's clothing, pulling and tearing at the top; her need making her clumsy. Finally the shirt came off and Rachel eagerly reached around to undo Janet's bra. When she finally released her of any upper clothing, Rachel rested against the headboard, looking slightly awed and more than a little bit hungrily at Janet's gorgeous breasts and waist. As she reached to explore her lover, Janet once again moved to stop her. Rachel looked aghast, a pout forming on her face which made Janet laugh briefly. "Not yet. In a minute." Her voice was low and intense, laced with lust. As Rachel looked in horror, Janet shifted and rolled over on to her back so that Rachel was no longer straddled.

"What did you do that for?!" Rachel asked, wide-eyed, not sure she could uphold her earlier promise of not jumping on Janet.

"To do this.." Janet replied, moving her hands to Rachel's trousers and trying to manoveur them down, quickly helped by Rachel.

"Oh. Well.. that's okay then." her response was throaty. Soon her trousers and lacy underwear were removed, leaving her naked on the bed, the cold air causing even more excitement against her bare skin. As soon as she was rid of her clothes, she turned on Janet, yanking on her skirt, only stopping when it flew off, along with the tights and french knickers.

For one long moment, they merely gazed at each other, eyes moving wildly trying to memorize all the wonder that lay before them, trying to etch the view of the other's body into their brain. However, as much as they would have loved to stare in awe at each other for hours, lust soon kicked in with a heady intensity and Janet slid down until she was lying on the bed with Rachel following suit. Rachel reached out quickly to fondle Janet's breasts, causing Janet to bite into Rachel's shoulder while releasing a moan of desire. The chocolate-brown hair tickled Janet's face, but instead of finding it amusing, it only fuelled her lust further. She moved her hand down Rachel's body, from her breasts, past her stomach, further down, until she reached the top of her thighs. She felt Rachel tremble beneath her while she opened her legs, eager for Janet's touch. Janet's head was still buried in Rachel's shoulder and Rachel's hands were still fondling and exploring Janet's rather gorgeous breasts as Janet moved her hand further, only stopping once she had found the wetness of arousal she seeked. . Her head pressed harder into Rachel's shoulder, her mouth forming long hard kisses, her fingers working miracles.

Rachel writhed on the bed, trying to push herself further against Janet's hands, moaning incoherently. "Fuck! Jan.. please.. oh God! Fuck me.. please. Please. Ah..." she mumbled, the need in her voice clear. As Janet pressed her fingers further against her lover's sensitive skin, Rachel bucked, shouting profanities at the pleasure of it. Janet kept her finger in place, alternating between soft strokes and more insistent rubbing, grinning as Rachel got even more aroused. With her other hand, Janet found Rachel's entrance and hovered two fingers there, as if waiting for Rachel's assent. She didn't have to wait long. "Janet! I need you! Fuck me!" Rachel spluttered, knowing she was oh so close to the release she desperately needed. Waiting no longer, Janet pushed her two fingers forcefully deep inside Rachel, relishing in the way Rachel seemed to clamp down on her fingers, loving the sounds of bliss that were emanating from her, unaware of the deep, gutteral sounds of desire she was making herself. She continued thrusting deeply into Rachel, increasing the speed as Rachel rocked her pelvis to meet every movement, knowing that her lover would soon orgasm. As she did this, Janet moved her face away from Rachel's shoulder, wanting to watch Rachel's face as she brought her over the edge. God, she looked beautiful, Janet thought to herself, as she realized that she herself was wet with desire. Rachel could feel her orgasm building, her body jerking and bucking as she got closer. "Oh God.. Oh Janet.. oh my God.. fuck.. ah.." she said, her voice increasing in volume as the feelings threatened to overwhelm her. "Ah... fuck.. fuck fuck fuck.. I'm... oh.. I'm.." her face was scrunched up as she continued to moan incoherently. "Yes.. yes.. oh God.. oh.. yes.. fuck.. Jan.. Janet.. oh.. FUCK!" She screamed as she finally came, her orgasm seeming to go on and on as she trembled, twisted, writhed beneath Janet in ecstasy, moaning loudly, biting her lip, her back fully arched. Janet watched her face, mesmerized knowing that she would never, ever forget this perfect moment, marveling at the beauty of Rachel, marveling at how she'd made Rachel come and how aroused she was feeling in herself.

Rachel fell back against the bed, panting heavily, a big smile on her face. She looked at Janet, and used a hand to pull her in close, kissing her wildly. When they separated, Janet was smiling broadly, her whole body throbbing with a need to be satisfied.

Rachel looked up from beneath her eyelashes with a seductive smile. "I.. am going to do very naughty things to do," she whispered, causing Janet to shiver at the excitement of that very thought. "You're fucking beautiful." she added, trailing her hand lower.. and lower...

xxx

Janet and Rachel laid on the bed, both well and truly sated. It had been a rather unbelievable few hours, and neither of them were entirely sure that this wasn't just an amazing dream. As they lay there, reality slowly started to set in. Rachel was unconcerned, not even thinking beyond the here and now, her brain doing a very good job at protecting her from the array of problems she now most-likely faced.

Janet wasn't so lucky. Her brain didn't give a shit about protecting her, apparently, or thought she deserved to feel like shit, which she felt was probably more accurate. She did deserve this. What had she been thinking? Ade had only just forgiven her for what happened with Andy and less than two hours after moving back into their house, she'd been.. doing.. this.. with Rachel. Oh God, she was a horrible, shitty, despicable bitch. What was she going to do? There was no way on earth Ade was going to forgive this. He could never find out. Surprisingly she smiled as she recalled what had just happened with Rachel, unable to stop herself from remembering how amazing it was, how whole she'd felt.. probably more whole than she'd ever felt in her entire life. Nope. She wasn't going to think about it. She wasn't going to listen to her heart. She couldn't. She stood up, gathered her clothes, smiled briefly at Rachel and walked into the bathroom. She gave herself a quick wash and dressed quickly, checking her phone and seeing it was nearly midnight. Holy shit, she'd been here for 4 hours. When she'd tied her hair back up, she walked back out into the bedroom.

"I'm going." Janet said simply.

"What?" Rachel asked, not paying attention when Janet had taken her clothes into the bathroom just now.

"I've got to go. The girls will wonder where I am.. Ade will wonder where I am." Janet willed herself not to get emotional. She wouldn't show Rachel how much she didn't want to leave, it wouldn't be fair on her.

"What are you talking about?" Rachel's forehead crinkled in confusion. "Surely you're not.." Her voice trailed off as she realized that she was right before she'd even finished the sentence. "Why?"

"Because.. I have to, Rach. I shouldn't.. we shouldn't.. I shouldn't have let what happened happen. I'm sorry. It wasn't fair to you." Janet felt her heart literally ache as she said those words, as she watched immeasurable hurt colour Rachel's expression. "I'm sorry, Rach.. I.. I've got to go."

Rachel felt the tears starting and willed them away angrily. This was humiliating enough without crying like a fucking child. She grabbed the duvet and wrapped it tighter around herself as if wanting more protection. "But.." she said, her voice small, timid even. "But.. didn't you like it?"

Janet felt her deepest muscles clench again and she briefly closed her eyes as once more she was rendered silent and highly aroused by the memory. She couldn't tell Rachel how she felt, it would be even more cruel. Like delivering a final blow. No, she couldn't do that. She'd pretend. "I don't want to talk about it. I.. I'll see you tomorrow." Not able to look at Rachel any more, not able to lie to her best friend again, she swiftly left the bedroom. By the time she closed the front door behind her, Janet had tears streaking down her cheeks.