Who doesn't love pirates? Apart from the Navy, of course.

There's just an allure about pirates in the late 17th and early 18th century that makes them so interesting. They've been the subject of movies, books, video games and so forth.

This particular thingamabob draws heavy inspiration from the Pirates of the Caribbean movies (in fact, I actually have it set about a decade after the third move), Sid Meier's Priates and SOLmaster's excellent Capt BlackPants & the Pirate Toonribbean Adventure, which I must demand you read immediately. I'm also trying to add a bit of originality, please tell me if I'm failing.

I hope you enjoy this. The first few chapters a bit old, but I have gone through them, so they should be at least mildly presentable.

I apologise in advance to the people of Western England, and my poor attempt at your accent.

Episode One: The Mutiny

Dockyards,
Bristol, England,
Some Point In The Eighteenth Century…

The ships in the harbour bobbed gently, silhouetted by the setting sun. The city of Bristol was very much alive, a hub port of the British Empire and a way of escaping the crowded and poverty-ridden reality of her cities.

The sea. So expansive. So free. So…uh…wet.

The sponge sat on the pier, looking out to sea. A few seagulls were perched around him, scouting the area for food scraps to fill their stomachs.

My name is Spongebob Squarepants, and me and my friend, Timmy Turner, are on a quest.

Spongebob tried to pet one of the seagulls, but it flew away. Spongebob sighed, and returned to look at the ships in the harbour.

We're gonna find our friends. We lost 'em, years ago, to some evil pirates led by Sheldon Plankton and Denzel Crocker. But now we're gonna sail to the Caribbean and find them!

"Dude, who're you talking to?" asked a boy, walking up behind him.

Spongebob turned to face him.

"The seagulls, Timmy," he shrugged, pointing at the gulls, "I'm telling them our story."

Timmy shook his head.

"Riiiight," he replied, "Well, I got us a place on a ship."

"Which one?" asked Spongebob.

Timmy pointed out a small ship anchored next to a pier close by. She was a worn but charming vessel, with tall sails and a row of cannon to protect her. The Union Jack of the British Navy flew from her hull, next to a red flag with white writing; Dash Baxter Trading Co.

"Wow," gasped Spongebob, "She's beaut-ie-full!"

"She's just a ship," sighed Timmy, "Come on, let's get on."

The two walked across the dockyards, passing a shabby trader on the way.

"Psst, lads," the trader called, "Want te buy some cutlasses? Good to protect yeselves from those on the seas. Those without the flag, y'know."

"Pirates?" asked Timmy.

"Aye, they're the ones, in' ay?" nodded the trader, "Never tell with 'at lot wether they spare yer or chuck yer to Old 'ob's judgement. So, whaddaya say? Accept any proice, gotta put food on the toible, ay?"

"How about a shilling each?" asked Spongebob.

"Now yer talkin'," smiled the trader, "'Ere yer go, you lot. Moike sure yer don't ron into any poirates, rioght?"

"We won't," replied Timmy, taking the cutlasses and handing one to Spongebob.

"Now let's get to the ship!" said Spongebob excitedly, running for the ship. Timmy shrugged and ran after him.

"Their bloody doomed if thoi do ron into any poirates, oil tell ya," sighed the trader, walking away.

Spongebob and Timmy reached the gangplank of their ship, where they met a large officer. He was wearing a green jacket and long tan pants, with unpolished grey boots.

"I'm Kwan, the quartermaster on this ship," Kwan explained, "Names?"

"Spongebob Squarepants and Timmy Turner, sir!" replied Spongebob, saluting.

Kwan looked them over and shook his head.

"Humph. More losers," he observed, "Go the deck and see Captain Baxter."

Spongebob nodded and led Timmy aboard. Spongebob looked around reluctantly.

"You sure this was the only ship?" he asked.

"Yep," replied Timmy, "Only ship going from here to the Caribbean."

They walked up to another large officer. He wore a tricorne hat, a red jacket, long black pants and large brown boots.

"Uh…are you the captain?" asked Spongebob

The captain turned around.

"That's Captain Dash Baxter to you, sailor!" barked Dash, "Welcome to my ship! If you want a pass, you can sign up to work for six months, twelve months or indefinite."

"What if we don't sign up?" demanded Timmy.

Dash clicked his fingers. Two burly officers grabbed a random crewman and threw him overboard. There was a dull splash.

"Six or twelve?" asked Dash.

"We'll take six," whimpered Timmy.

"Very good," nodded Dash, "Your next six months will be spent under the decks looking after the cargo, I don't like to look at my crew."

"Aye captain," nodded Spongebob, "What happens when we finish looking after the cargo?"

"Then you start again," growled Dash, "You don't come up for six months, understood?"

He raised his hand as if about to click his fingers again.

"Yes sir!" gasped Timmy and Spongebob, quickly.

They were dragged below decks, both nervously glancing at each other.

Timmy was scowling as he sat near the cargo crates, arms crossed.

"Two weeks," he muttered to himself, "Two darn weeks…"

"You OK, Timmy?" asked Spongebob.

"Not talking to you," growled Timmy.

"What did I do?" demanded Spongebob.

"It was your stupid idea to go to the Caribbean and find our friends," replied Timmy.

The ship swayed, and Timmy fell off the crate he was sitting on. Timmy simply lay on the floor, still scowling.

"Still not talking," he noted.

"What's with him?"

Another crewman of the ship, Danny Fenton, walked over to them. He wore a tattered long sleeve shirt and ripped shorts, without any shoes.

"He's still mad at me," replied Spongebob.

"Ignore him," shrugged Danny, "At least he's still his own person."

"What're you talking about?" asked Spongebob.

Another sailor, Jenny Wakeman, came over. She was a robot, with a red bandanna over her head.

"After about three weeks of staying below decks, Dash comes in and offers sailors a chance to come up," she explained, "All we have to do is become one of those creeps."

"The officers," nodded Danny.

Yet another sailor walked over. He had an oddly shaped head, like a football, and wore a small cap over his battered shirt and pants. Again, he was barefoot.

"If you say no, you have to stay down here until Dash feels like letting you out," continued Arnold, "That usually means…well, indefinitely."

Two more sailors came over. One had spiky purple hair, and wore a ragged jacket over his shirt and long pants. The other had large swirly hair and a big head, and wore a labcoat over his t-shirt and pants.

"Six months in the decks," sighed Tommy, "I'm barely lasting two weeks!"

"Scientifically speaking, a guy can probably last about four weeks in under the decks before he goes nuts," added Jimmy.

"Ahem," interrupted Jenny.

"Sorry, I meant person."

"Why don't you just mutiny?" asked Spongebob.

The crewman looked at each other, before laughing their heads off.

"We don't even have any weapons," reminded Jimmy, wiping his eye.

"You're mad," chuckled Danny.

"No he ain't!"

The last sailor walked over. She was a squirrel, wearing a long sleeve shirt and long pants, her tail swaying behind her.

"Not this again," sighed Jenny.

"We can take 'em," she exclaimed, "We just need to get off our butts, get out of these decks and throw Dash off our ship!"

"One, this isn't our ship," Danny began to list on his fingers, "Two, we're unarmed, and we don't have the key to the weapon's storage. Three, even if we did have weapons we'd still have to get out the hatch, which is locked!"

Sandy pulled the hatch keys from her pocket, grinning.

"We're still unarmed," said Arnold.

"No we're not," interrupted Spongebob.

He pulled out his bag, and reached inside. He brought out the cutlasses he and Timmy had bought in Bristol. He then walked over to the crate full of weapons, and tried to cut open the lock. At last, it broke, and the crate opened.

"OK, now we're armed," nodded Tommy, "We're just missing one thing."

"What's that?" asked Jenny.

"It's not our ship," replied Tommy, "We have to fix that."

"What?" gasped Jimmy, "But we can't mutiny…"

"I'm in," nodded Spongebob.

"So am I," replied Sandy.

"I'm in," added Danny.

"Count me in," exclaimed Jenny.

"I'm up for it," said Arnold.

"Alright," sighed Jimmy, "I'm in."

"I'm not," growled Timmy.

"Timmy," pleaded Spongebob, "If you mutiny, you'll get out of here."

Timmy looked thoughtful.

"Alright, but I'm still not talking to you," he sighed at last.

"Ye-haw!" cheered Sandy, "So, who's gonna be captain?"

There was a long silence.

Then there was chaos, as the crew argued over who would be captain.

"OK, how about we vote?" suggested Spongebob.

"Me," almost the entire crew said in ustion.

"I say Spongebob," said Timmy.

The crew gasped.

"I thought you weren't talking to him," mused Danny.

"Oh, I'm not," replied Timmy, "But out of all of us, Spongebob is the only sea creature. He made me read a whole five-hundred-page book about some sorta pirate code. No one here except fudge head ("Hey!") knows the difference between port and starboard, so that doesn't matter. Spongebob got us the weapons. He's the only guy apart from me and Arnold…"

Arnold nodded.

"…who didn't vote for himself…err…or herself, Jenny."

"I second his vote," nodded Sandy.

"Thirded," added Arnold.

"I dunno…" mused Spongebob.

"I'll start talking to you again," offered Timmy.

Spongebob smiled.

"Just call me captain," he smiled.

"Aye aye, cap'n!" nodded Timmy, "Now, mutiny?"

"MUTINY!" yelled Spongebob.

Sandy unlocked the hatch and the crew ran up.

Dash and Kwan were standing at the bow of the ship in the rain, looking at a nearby city in the far distance.

"Wanna trade in Tortuga?" mused Dash.

He turned when Kwan didn't reply.

Kwan was being held down by Danny, who was now armed with cutlass.

"Mutiny!" gasped Dash, pulling out his sword.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

Spongebob swung from the masts, screaming as he flew through the air. He accidentally kicked an officer and landed on his face.

"He's pathetic," deadpanned Dash.

"He's the captain," shrugged Danny.

"Really?" sighed Dash, sarcastically.

Spongebob climbed to his feet, cutlass drawn. He ran at Dash screaming. Dash sidestepped and tripped him.

"Nice try, 'captain'," growled Dash, preparing to strike with his sword.

Spongebob rolled over as the sword hit the ground, and climbed to his feet. He ducked as Dash tried to swing at him, before blocking another blow.

Dash grabbed a rope and swung away from Spongebob, landing on the middle of the ship. Spongebob jumped after him, fell down the steps and landed on his face again. He jumped to his feet, and ran towards Dash. Dash blocked his attack, and countered, knocking Spongebob backwards.

Dash flinched as a bucket flew at him. Turning, he gasped as Timmy ran at him, making contact with his sword. Timmy knocked him back towards Spongebob, Dash barely blocking the sponge's attack. He swung around to the left, only to find that Sandy had that escape blocked. Turning to the right, he found Jenny was also blocking his way.

"Aw, man," he sighed, dropping his sword.

Dash, Kwan and the other officers were lowered into the sea in a small rowboat, Dash still yelling.

"This ain't over, Squarepants! I'll get the Navy on you! You'll all hang! You hear me? You'll all HANG!" he screeched.

"Good luck with that," chucked Timmy, as the ship turned away.

The small crew gathered around the wheel of the ship, Spongebob grabbing onto it.

"Where to, captain?" asked Jenny.

"We'd better get out of here," warned Jimmy, "Dash will get the navy, they'll send ships after us."

"We could dock in Tortuga," shrugged Arnold, "No one can get us there."

"Except other pirates," mused Tommy.

"So what? We're pirates, what does it matter?" shrugged Danny.

"It's up to you, captain," reminded Sandy.

"What're your orders?" asked Timmy.

Spongebob sniffed the wind.

"Where ever the wind takes us," he shrugged, "Where ever the wind takes us."

"That's a stupid order," mumbled Jimmy, but everyone ignored him.

The ship bobbed and swayed as it sailed towards Tortuga.

This was the beginning of the voyages of the Krusty Krab.