Pairings: Little Sesshoumaru/Inuyasha

Warnings: Implied incest, Yaoi, the curiousities of children, not meant to offend

Summary: This is my first Inuyasha story and they are children in this story so if that offends I am sorry. This is sort of therapeutic for me and this little tidbit explores the sexual curiousities of young children and the impact it can later on in life when one just can't forget even when the other has. There is true to this but most is fiction of course. Enjoy it. Review it.

Nothing to see here

You put yourself through the pain...the tears...over and over again

Ever since I could recall up until then, we'd shared a room. He kept away the monsters at night, the demons hiding in the darkness. He absorbed my fear and turned into childish phases. I looked up to him. My savior, my brother. How I love you dearest.

We share a room and bed
brother dear, come and be so kind
brother dear, come touch me
slide closely to me

When I turned the tender age of seven I was granted my own room. A door away from my brothers. The hallway never looked so long, never seemed as scary as when I had to sleep the first night a lone. In my room. With the door half-opened to admit the candle light. I tried to make due but I could feel the prick of little eyes on my skin, watching, the monsters just waiting for me to fall asleep..

In front of the bed, a black hole
and every sheep falls inside
I am already too old, yet still count them
because I cannot sleep

Irrational fear I still feel now. I crept silently out of my room, to his door, slipping quietly inside. The shadows were fewer here, a sanctuary, the beasts slumbered peacefully in there hiding places. Noiselessly as a seven year old could, into his bed I laid beside him. Close. Burrowing into the safe warmth of him. His eyes were open, I could see them through the tiny packet of moonlight that slipped through the curtains. "You are still afraid of the dark?"

Under the navel, in the branches
a white dream is already waiting
brother dear, come hold tightly
and shake the leaves from the tree for me

I don't actually remember the dialog that took place. It was such a long time ago, that I lied in his bed, in his embrace with the innocence of childhood. With the innocense of curiousity. We played games that night, for he wasn't tired neither was I. We touched. Explored each other small bodies. This sickness, knowing no family ties, we were curious of what our bodies could do. We wanted to know what it felt like to kiss like Ma and Daddy.

Play a game with me
give me your hand and
play with me
a game
play with me
a game
play with me
because we are alone
play with me
a game
father, mother, child

And we did, closed mouth kisses. Not even moving our lips just resting, both lying on our sides facing one another. I watched his closed eyelids and wondered what he was feeling. Did he enjoy it too? I admit now, that it wasn't so bad, not entirely "right" feeling but I didn't know enough to know what we were doing was wrong. Immoral. Seven year olds don't know about morality just yet. Parents never take their kids aside and whisper in harsh voices, "You are family. Don't touch, do not touch there."

Dear brother's hand hurts
he turns to the wall again
the brother helps me now and then
so that I can sleep

But it was enjoyed. He stole eagerly, my first kisses, our first kiss. Our first rush of sexual desire and release. Total confusion and a slashing of unfocused fury. I should just forget this you know, but this memory follows me 'till this day. I bet, my brother has forgotton, and maybe that's a good thing. Because I could never truly get really close to him without that picture in my mind. It makes me sick...and...I just had to get it off my mind.

Play a game
with me
give me your hand and
play with me
a game
play with me
a game
play with me
because we are alone
play with me
a game
father, mother, child

Morning. The suns rays peeked slowly into the room. Exorcising the demons. He had his arms around me, his scent smelling of boy and other things. He was speaking, his lips moving against my shoulder, "I kissed you all over." Pulled me closer, "While you were sleeping." My skin ran hot with anger, peeled back revealing its bones, shattered, heart broken. I just laid there in mild awe of it all bathed in the light of a new day. Until my mother got us up for breakfast and all was well and forgotten.