Some quick notes:

This is actually a relatively old story, first submitted over at y! Gallery (and DeviantArt, where it was later deleted) back in April-May of 2007. The very fact that I wrote the story was impetus for me actually getting an account here at really not much more to be said about this piece -- it's more or less fairly straightforward. I have to mention that Akamaru and Kiba can actually talk to each other in a regular conversational way -- Kiba, being part-dog (yes, he has a knot and a sheath, I don't care if it grosses people out) can understand Akamaru's barks and yips in English. (Err...Japanese, but in this case English.) Kiba also has the usual heightened senses of smell and hearing...again, like a dog.

I really don't this is my best work, at all...but as I said in the description, I really need feedback on this, so feel free to fire away!

Part I

Dreaming The Day Awake

I can't calm down at all –
Panic is, what panic feels like…

The Radio Dept., "I Don't Like It Like This"

The memory had not left him for two days – dominating his thoughts, haunting his dreams, festering inside his brain – where, like an infected wound, it would swell and abscess over the small moments of enjoyment during his day, that made any attempt at happiness a painful chore.

Talking and laughing with Shino or Hinata – wrestling and playing with Akamaru – whatever he happened to be doing, he would find himself somehow reminded of it, and it would hit him...pummeling into his thoughts violently and ferociously, burning it's way inside his heart. In an instant, every vein in his body instantly set aflame with the exquisite agony of being in love, being entranced by the mere thought of another boy.

It would take but the slightest provocations before the vivid memory would apparate into his head – and then there he would be again…

He was curled up cozily, at the head of his bed, still feeling the cold, residual dampness around his crotch…bunched together with the covers, he'd watch the boy he loathed being in love with, watch him grin and giggle…his eyes would follow the blonde boy as he stretched, flexing sinewy, well-toned muscles – the sculpted back, the strong arms – the pheromone-soaked odor of vulpine that he could smell all over the bed, as his eyes fell heavy and shut again, seeing the boy he wanted more than anything and so hated himself for doing so…smile warmly in the glimmering, evanescent morning sunlight…

If this went on for much longer, he knew, he would be driven literally insane. He had to tell someone – he confided in Akamaru, the only one who knew, the only one he trusted with so painful and deadly a secret. It was something no one else was ever to know – and how could they?

What would his mother do? Kick him out of the house, for certain – disowned and humiliated, publicly, with nowhere to go, no place to live, disgraced by his entire clan and shunned by all of his family.

While he did have friends that would take him in without question, moving in to live with them was cold comfort and paltry merchandise, compared with losing his entire family. As it was, a new life at any of their respective households wasn't an altogether appealing option either...

Shino, his first choice, was like a brother to him, his best human friend, but there was no getting around the fact that his entire house would be literally crawling with millions of those things – he shuddered before he could finish the thought.

No way in Hell – not all those damn bugs…

Hinata he couldn't very well deal with either – he imagined with facetious humour the nights where sleep would be impossible, as the whole house would shake with ceaselessly murderous violence, at the very notion that Neji was nearby.

Family drama aside, he strongly suspected Hinata had been nursing a girlish crush on him – and, embarrassing and inconvenient as that might be, it was an admittedly tremendous improvement over the previous state-of-affairs, when she was so obviously –

No – no! He'd never even bother with her anyway! He loves me!! He loves…me…he has to – he said so, didn't he? Didn't he…?

He felt his heart suddenly heave, blasting out a painful rush of blood that sang with a deep, soundless misery, the nature of which he struggled to classify: he had only ever heard of it before, in songs and in books – a grievously wounded, bleeding heart.

No other words could do the soul-consuming anguish that had swallowed him whole any justice…only a week ago, only two days ago, having a "bleeding" or "broken" heart had meant nothing to him, just another hackneyed cliché about "being in love" – pointless banter the girls would gush about at the academy.

Being in love, having a broken heart – both concepts had been foreign to him, until now…with every breath he took, they marched together, to cleave and maim his emotions into an un-usable mess.

He stared at his ceiling, letting the deliciously painful sensations of being heartbroken, while still being in love, have their way with him. He felt his arm move down from his side, grazing his entirely bare skin, until it fell to his groin.

In spite of himself – in spite of the fact he knew that it would inevitably make the anguish and the agony that much worse – he knew that simply thinking about that night was enough for him to become aroused. It was a natural thing, a vicious cycle: he would become depressed – he would become aroused – he would release – and the depression would return again, worse than before…

He felt his hand, with its long, sharpened nails, graze his rising penis, another image overtaking his senses – the blonde boy's extended tongue, with his fixed gaze of unabashed lechery, sliding slowly down his stomach, to his abdomen, all the way down to –

"Kiiibaaa!"

A diminutive white dog bounded into Kiba's room and onto his bed with mortifyingly bad timing – the boy growled in exasperation and despair.

"Oh, what the Hell do you want now?" he groaned.

Akamaru grinned puckishly. "You been up here all day in bed! You need to get up." He crawled on top of Kiba's bare chest to give him an affectionate lick across the face. "So c'mon! We got stuff to do today!"

"No we don't," Kiba muttered as he turned his face to the wall – the nindog slid in tandem with his best friend's movement to the bedding below.

"C'mon now!" Akamaru protested. "You can't be up here like this forever – we've got a busy day now! Go hurry up and go getta bath, or we'llboth smell like dogs." He complimented the witty remark he had hoped would cheer Kiba, even in the slightest, with a short, laughing yip.

"I don't have to," the ninja murmured back tersely, further curling himself into his distinctly canine-like ball position.

Akamaru's good-intentioned joke had, the nindog knew almost immediately by the most subtle of body language – Kiba had let out a soft, barely audible whimper – completely backfired.

He nuzzled his best friend's head, trying to get him to speak up. "Tell me what's wrong, Kiba-kun."

There was a brief silence before Kiba was able to take a deep breath to preface his response: "He said – he said I smelled like a dog, and that he really liked it…"

Akamaru climbed atop the ninja's head. "Aww, don't tell me it's that kid again!"

"I didn't ask you!" Kiba snarled. Despite his hostile tone, he did not move – and neither did Akamaru, who licked at his best friend's ear.

"Don't go yelling at me – I'm trying to help here, Kiba-kun…"

With a harsh sigh, the ninja pushed the nindog off of him as he sat up in bed. Akamaru, on cue, positioned himself in Kiba's lap, smiling encouragingly.

Kiba understood Akamaru as no other human could – he could tell when he was smiling or frowning, frustrated or

Akamaru was the one who kept all of Kiba's secrets – the one who loved him most in the world. It was a certainty that he needed someone to talk to – and the little white dog grinning at him was the most obvious choice. He sighed again, scooping up Akamaru into his arms and cuddling him close against his bare chest.

"I'm sorry, Aka-kun…I guess – well, I guess yer right…"

"Of course I am!" Akamaru rejoined. "I love you more than anybody – when you feel down, I feel down."

"I know, I know…I love you too." He nuzzled the nindog, feeling the relentless tides of depression slowly begin to ebb away. "But what am I going to do? I still – I still…" His voice trailed off.

"It'll just take you awhile to get it over it, Kiba-kun…that's all."

Kiba relinquished his hold on Akamaru, letting the nindog lay on his lap once more. "I'm not going to just get over it, Akamaru…there's just no way."

"Oh c'mon!" retorted the nindog in a scoff. "Don't you have any faith in yourself?! You're way stronger than that, Kiba-kun – we've had bigger problems than this before, and we've come through them just fine."

Kiba shook his head sadly. "It's – it's not that simple, Aka-kun…he took my virginity…I'm not the same person anymore because of him."

"Yeah, you told me all about it…" Akamaru replied with an agitated frown. "You were pretty upset when you came home that night."

Kiba stared into space, before taking a deep breath to continue: "It just hurts – he told me he loved me, it sounded like he meant it – and I – I wanted him to, but – "

" – he tells everybody that," his best friend finished for him.

"I…guess…" the ninja answered sadly, pausing to shut his eyes so that he might recount the painful details once more. "I forgave him for the whole exam-thing, I told you about that and you seemed okay with it – "Akamaru nodded. " – and so did he, see, and I knew he was…y'know, like that, and I – I'd been talkin to him for the past few days, after school, mostly…"

His almond-shaped eyes took on a dreamy, wistful cast. "Then he invited me to his apartment…" He paused again, still staring into a silent beyond, his eyes narrowing in distant resentment. "So the next day Sasuke, conceited little fucking prick he is, goes out of his fucking way to tell me about Gaara, like he's suddenly the expert on the subject..."

"But didn't Sasuke and – "

"Yes," Kiba hissed. "They did, and they did it a lot, because there for awhile he wouldn't shut up about it…" He drew back his lips to bare his fangs and growl. "Every damn boy in the fucking village! Every fucking one of them but me!" He looked down to the nindog at his lap, to be met with a pensively concerned expression on the face of his best friend. "This shit's gonna stop, Akamaru – it's gonna stop right now!"

Akamaru nodded. "So what're you planning to do?"

The declaration of force did not benefit from any solid ideas or plans to back it up – so Kiba himself realised to his intense chagrin. The boy thought a moment, reaching down to scratch behind his best friend's ears…his gaze shifted away from the little nindog to the floor below his bed – as if looking down at it, for however long, would yield all the answers he needed.

"I…hmm…well – "

Akamaru shook his head briskly to temporarily banish Kiba's hand, letting his best friend concentrate in suspended silence. Kiba's eyes moved back from the floor to address the nindog directly.

"I – I have to talk to him – I have to – to tell him how I feel, what kinda shit he's puttin me through – he has ta hear it, Akamaru, and he has ta hear it from me!" His words were decisive and confident, but his voice dripped with an anxiety that lethally undermined them. "I – " He closed his eyes with a deeply depressed frown. "I…have to…"

Akamaru crawled closer to him, gently nuzzling his chest. "Are you sure, Kiba-kun? There's no telling what could happen – "

"No," Kiba cut him off. "I have to do it…it's the only way." He sighed, clutching his best friend close. "But…I can't do it alone, I'll fall apart – I need you there with me."

The nindog frowned. "So you can beat up two-headed demons and face down ninja that could have easily killed us both, but you can't handle a crush on another boy?" He yipped, burrowing his muzzle into Kiba's side.

The facetious remark finally broke the emotionally-charged tension – Kiba chuckled mirthlessly to himself. "Well – heh, guess yer right…"

Akamaru's head re-emerged. "See? It won't be that bad – if telling him how you feel is what you think will get us out of this problem – then do it!"

The ninja sat in a brief, tense silence before frowning dubiously. "Yeah, but whattya think he'll say? He's still – I mean, um, I heard he's still – " He swallowed back another rising wave of sudden anguish at the very thought of what he was about to say. "…still…Gaara's boyfriend…"

"So?"

"That's gonna cause huge problems, Akamaru! Don't you – "

"But does he love Gaara?"

"Huh?"

"Just because two people are together doesn't mean they're in love – c'mon, everybody knows that!"

It was as if the sound had been turned off in the room – the question gave Kiba startled pause. The thought had somehow failed to cross his mind…how feasible it was, that neither one of them could love anyone but themselves!

Kiba had heard the words "I Love You," and readily opened up an access-way straight to his heart, as he had never permitted before…only very recently did it occur to him that the boy who took his virginity had probably said that – "I Love You" – to anyone boy he met, if only so he could have sex with them…

It was a horrifying realisation, but one Kiba knew to be almost essentially true – he was filled with a sudden, stark terror, that the one he had been sure actually loved him, had instead taken advantage of his virginal naïveté for a quick fuck…and nothing more.

"F-fuck…" he stammered softly."I – I never thought of it that way…"

"Okay, let's say he doesn't," Akamaru continued. "That'd make him basically single, right? And so are you – do you see what I'm getting at?"

Kiba raised an eyebrow. "I can't justask him out like it's nothing, Akamaru!" His deep sigh announced another return to silent, brooding despair – but only a moment passed before he was smirking again: "…but he did tell me he loved me…and if he doesn't love Gaara – do you see whereI'm getting at?"

Akamaru paced to the foot of the bed. "But you sure that'd work? He might not react the way you want him to…"

Kiba shrugged. "I've gotta take that chance, Aka-kun…" He leaned forward to stretch his back-muscles, taut and uncomfortable from the restless sleep of the night before – he opened his eyes to see his best friend sitting back on his haunches, a worried frown affixed to his muzzle.

"Kiba-kun…"

The boy gave an anemic smile. "I know…but I'll have you along, won't I?" Akamaru barked back in affirmation – Kiba nodded with satisfaction. "Okay…"

He shifted to sit up at the edge of his bed to stretch once more – making soft, dog-like whimpering noises as he felt his body shift and reset from it's twisted, post-slumber state. As his arms fell back into place, Akamaru moved to nuzzle his shoulder.

"So you're still not gonna take a bath?"

Kiba shook his head, managing to make a genuine laugh emerge from his omnipresent, miserable lethargy. "Nah – didn't you hear me? Naru-kun likes the way we smell."

The nindog moved back to Kiba's lap – the two of them sat quietly for sometime, before Kiba, patting his best friend's behind gently, signalled it was time to go.

As Akamaru bounded off the bed and Kiba stood up to search for his clothes, he felt his heart convulse with an exhilarated feeling of soaring optimism – poisoned with near-paralysing fear. He glanced down to his best friend waiting for him at the door – and smiled in spite of himself. The fear melted away with Akamaru's expectant grin.

I have to do this…Naruto loves me, I know he does – and he's going to be mine!