This story is set in Psychological Warfare, filling in the missing scenes of the team finding Michael and his reaction to seeing Fiona, something I wish they'd shown on the show. Thank you to the lovely people that review my stories, I really do appreciate it. And to the couple of reviewers who have requested me to write a multi chapter Michael and Fi story, I have started! I wasn't sure that I could come up with an idea but I have, so thank you for the suggestion, and it is on its way. Please let me know what you think of this one, I tried to tap into Fiona's inner thoughts rather then Michael's, as something different. Obviously I do not own Burn Notice or anything related to it. I am merely obsessed with giving Michael and Fiona fictional situations.
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"Fi tried talking to him. He took one look at her, started crying, couldn't stop."
They finally found him.
They had been taking turns doing surveillance on the entrance to the island. It only took the remainder of the day before Michael turned up.
Fiona had been watching from her parked car across the street. As soon as the gate opened and Sonya's car drove out, she called Sam.
"Sam, Sonya's coming out. I can't see if Michael's with her but I think I should follow her. How far away are you?"
"Two minutes out." Came the ex-SEAL's reply. "Go with her Fi, Jesse and I'll keep watching the entrance."
She shifted the car into drive and waited a safe distance before following Sonya down the road. They had only been driving for a few minutes when the other driver turned down towards the marina where she and the boys had had boarded Elsa's boat earlier that day. Fi hung back, knowing her car would be spotted if she followed them. From her position she watched Sonya exit the car, pulling Michael from the backseat and letting him drop to the deck below. As quickly as she had exited her vehicle she jumped back in, turning around to drive away from the marina.
Fi's heart jumped into her throat as she took in the sight of Michael's crumpled form from a distance. She checked behind her to make sure Sonya was really gone before jumping from her own car and making her way towards her former lover as fast as she could.
"Michael!" she dropped to his side and her face froze as she took in the sight of him up close. He looked worse than she had possibly ever seen him before. He was drenched in sweat from head to toe, and dark circles hung under his reddened eyes. Fi rolled him onto his back carefully and pressed her fingers to his neck. His pulse throbbed, reassuring her that he was alive.
"Michael." She said loudly, trying to wake him. When he remained unconscious she pressed the speed dial on her Bluetooth set, waiting anxiously as the phone rang.
"Yeah, Fi?"
"Sam, you've gotta get down to the docks near Elsa's boat, quick. They've just dumped Michael here."
"Jeez. Okay, we're on our way now. How is he?"
"It's bad, Sam." She told him, unable to hide her emotions as her voice broke.
"Okay, we're two minutes away. Hang on, Fi."
Ending the call, she turned her attention back to Michael. She cupped his face gently with one hand, running the other through his sweat soaked hair. The intimacy of the situation didn't escape her attention, but her body was acting on autopilot, doing as she had done so many times when he had been hurt before. She remembered all too clearly the way she had comforted him each time he had woken from a nightmare, looking so similar as he did now. Even though his pain back then had hurt her, it was nothing compared to what she was currently feeling.
The sound of tyres squealing against the road brought her attention to Sam and Jesse's approach. She watched as they abandoned their vehicle and ran to her and Michael.
"Oh my god, Mike." Sam stopped in his tracks at the sight of his best friend.
"He's alive, but we need to get him out of here now." Fi told the two men.
Both of them nodded as they bent to lift Michael into their arms, carrying him to the car and spreading him across the backseat.
Fiona barely remembered the drive to Madeline's house, speeding more than usual and making it in record time. She had just enough time to inform the older woman of what had happened before Sam and Jesse turned up.
Madeline's face morphed into one of complete shock as her song was carried into the house. She had seen him in various states throughout his life, but never as he looked now.
The two women had worked as quickly as possible to wash and change Michael, settling him onto the couch in the sunroom. Madeline had then taken Charlie outside to play in an attempt to occupy him while Sam went to the house Michael had been held in to search for answers. Fi and Jesse had remained behind on guard duty.
Fiona had hovered at the entrance to the sunroom, watching Michael as he slept fitfully. The effects of the drugs caused him to continually whimper, shake and shiver in his unconscious state. Eventually, she made her way to his side, perching beside him and combing her fingers through his hair in an attempt to comfort him, as she used to. What did they do to you, Michael? She wondered. What have you gotten yourself in to?
His confession from a few days earlier had torn what little was left of her already broken heart. She didn't know it was possible for him to hurt her any more than he already had, but when he had admitted to sleeping with Sonya, she had felt herself sink to a new low. She had told herself that she shouldn't care, that she was with Carlos now and Michael had every right to move on with his life as she had with hers. Except she hadn't moved on. She had made every attempt to, had buried whatever feelings she still held towards Michael, found a new house and began a new relationship. But no matter how much she lied to herself, she couldn't deny the feelings she still held for the man lying beside her. She hated herself for it, despised the fact that she would still do whatever was necessary to help him.
Michael began to move again, but in a different way to the restless slumber he'd been experiencing. He was waking up.
She waited patiently as he struggled to open his eyes. When he finally did, they opened as wide as they could, displaying the whites that were tinged with red. To her surprise, they quickly began to fill with moisture.
"Fi?" He choked out.
Her brow furrowed in concern. "Yeah Michael, I'm here." She reached forward to take his hand in hers but he pulled it away before she could make contact, his eyes somehow widening even further.
"Michael?" she asked, becoming increasingly worried by the second.
He pulled his hands up to cover his face, whimpering "No, no, no, no, no," over and over again. His shoulders began to shake violently as short gasps escaped his mouth.
Fiona's heart raced as she watched the man she still loved completely break down. She had never seen him so broken before, not in all the years she'd known him.
"Jesse, get Madeline!" she called to her friend, before turning back to Michael to try and comfort him.
She gently pried his hands away from his eyes, forcing him to look at her.
"It's ok Michael, you're safe now."
He shook his head furiously; his small gasps becoming violent, gut-wrenching sobs.
"Please, no." He wrenched his hands from her grasp again. "Stop, please."
It was in that moment that Fiona realised, with horror, that it was she he was responding to, trying to get away from. Her presence was hurting him, rather than helping.
She stared at him in shock, watching the tears run down his cheeks. A few seconds later, Madeline entered the room, rushing to Michael's side.
"Baby, what is it?"
Michael continued to sob, grasping at his mother's hands as she whispered soothing words to him.
Fiona shot up from the couch and bolted from the room, feeling as though she was going to be sick. She rushed past the kitchen where Jesse was trying to keep Charlie away from the chaos. She felt her friend's confused look follow her as she ran out into the backyard.
The moment she was free from the claustrophobic walls of the house, she surrendered to the feelings of shock and dismay, breathing raggedly as she stood with her hands on her hips. Within seconds she was sobbing herself, trying to muffle the horrific sounds with the back of her hand.
She gasped, cried and shuddered, the look on Michael's face burned into her memory. She had no idea what had caused him to react to her in such a way, but she knew the man she loved was worse than he had ever been, and this time she couldn't do anything to fix it.
She had no idea how long she stood there, succumbing to the intense feeling of grief. It could have been minutes, could have been hours. Some time later, she felt Jesse's strong hand on her back, attempting to comfort her. It only succeeded in making her cry harder. She hated showing any form of vulnerability, especially crying, but she couldn't find the strength to stop, or to even care.
The tall man pulled his small friend into his arms, holding her as she shook. He had heard the commotion in the sunroom, and even just the sound of his stoic spy friend breaking down was enough to get to him. He couldn't even imagine how Fiona had felt actually witnessing it.
"You know it's not to do with you, Fi." He tried to reassure her. "He's got so many drugs in his system, he probably doesn't realise it's you."
"He knew it was me." Her voice was dull and quiet. "He knew."
"He's still fighting the effects of the drugs." Jesse told her again. "I'm sure once he's rid of them everything will make sense."
Fi nodded wordlessly, his words doing little to help her.
"You should probably go see if Madeline needs any help. I just need a minute." She told him quietly, keeping her gaze averted.
Jesse nodded, knowing that she didn't like to show weakness in front of others, leaving her to herself.
Fi forced herself to take deep breaths, collapsing on the steps to the house and burying her face in her hands.
/
Sam returned some time later, asking if Michael had said anything while he was gone. As Jesse filled him in on the events of the day, Fi turned away from them, staring out the window as they discussed Michael. She couldn't handle thinking about it.
Sam pulled out the camera he taken along on his excursion, showing them the evidence that the house Michael had been held in was now gone. The three friends expressed their confusion, wondering what kind of person this James character was.
Jesse left the room to check on Maddie and Charlie, leaving Sam and Fiona in the kitchen. The older man looked at the woman he regarded as his little sister with concern lining his eyes. She had turned back to stare out the window again.
"You okay, Fi?" He asked carefully.
She turned back to face him and he was shocked to see her eyes filling with tears. She leaned against the counter, brushing the moisture away in frustration.
"What happened?" He asked in confusion.
Fiona sighed, letting her gaze fall to the floor. "He woke up, and lost it when he saw me, Sam. I've never seen him break down like that." She dragged her eyes back up to meet her friend's. "It was like he was afraid of me." She practically whispered.
Sam heart tugged for the Irish woman who had already been through so much in the last year. He knew how strong she was, yet he was still surprised she was standing there, taking it all.
"Hey," he whispered back. "He's not afraid of you. It's just the drugs messing with him."
Fiona shook her head. "That's what Jesse said, but you guys didn't see him. It's like every bad thing we've ever did to each other, he finally realised it."
"Maybe he did." Sam said softly.
Fiona shrugged. "Maybe. But it doesn't change anything. All I know is I'm not the one he needs anymore. I should just go." She began to make a move to collect her things and leave.
"Woah, wait a sec." Sam held his hands out. "Just wait here with us a bit longer. I know you don't think he needs you, but I know he does. Just wait til he wakes up again, Fi. The drugs should have worn off a bit more by then."
She sighed heavily, looking at Sam then towards the sunroom. "Fine." She relented, taking a seat at the table.
Sam made his way into the sunroom to check on his buddy, settling himself into an armchair beside him. He sat watching, like a guard dog on duty.
Sometime later, Michael began to stir as he had hours earlier. Sam sat up immediately, leaning towards his friend.
"Hey, Mike, can you hear me?"
Michael's head rolled and his eyes fluttered slowly before tearing open.
"Sam?"
"Yeah brother, it's me. How're you feeling?"
Michael glanced around the room, taking in his surroundings. When he was satisfied that he was safe in his mother's house, he dropped his head back to the pillow, his eyes sliding shut again.
"Fine." He murmured.
Sam chuckled. "Sure you are. Do you need anything?"
Michael's eyes snapped open at once again. "Is Fi here?"
Sam nodded in understanding. "I'll go get her."
He left the room, and within a minute, Fiona was entering, looking apprehensive and cautious.
Michael turned his head to look at her. "Hey, Fi."
"Hi." She whispered, slowly making her way towards him. She noticed with relief that his eyes were slightly less red than the last time she'd seen him.
The two of them sat in silence for a moment before Michael spoke again.
"I saw you."
Fiona averted her gaze, refusing to make eye contact with him. "Yeah, I was in here before. I didn't think you'd remember."
"No, when they had me." He clarified.
Her eyes shot up at his admission.
"You told me to be strong, told me I had to."
Fiona smiled sadly. "That does sound like me." She quipped.
"You said I didn't need you." The sound of tears returned to Michael's voice. "I told you I needed you and you said no." He closed his eyes, moisture leaking out around from under the lids.
She didn't know how to respond to that. In some ways, she definitely felt like he didn't need her. Especially at the moment, now that he had Sonya.
"You don't, Michael." She said softly. "You're always okay by yourself."
Michael shook his head, his body shuddering along with it. "Yes, I do, Fi. I need you. I've always needed you."
"Michael, I-"
"No, please!" He begged. Tears were now rolling down his face as they had hours ago. "You have to believe me Fi, I do."
"Okay," she said soothingly. "I believe you Michael, I do."
"I've made so many mistakes." He sobbed. "I'm so sorry Fi, I'm so sorry."
"Shh." She leaned her body further down to rest upon him, as if she were trying to shield him from his pain. This time she was his comfort, so different from a few hours earlier. "It's okay Michael, but you need to sleep."
"Please, Fi." He whispered, one hand coming up to tangle in her hair at the back of her skull. "I need you. I didn't mean to hurt you."
She wasn't sure which time he was referring to, but from the distraught sound in his voice he meant all of them.
"I know." She whispered against his chest. "I know."
They laid there together, his hand stroking her hair, with her listening to the beating of his heart under her ear. Eventually, he succumbed to sleep again, his hand falling limp to his side.
Fiona laid on top of him for awhile longer, struggling to control her own tears. There was no denying her feelings for him anymore, but she couldn't just run back to him. Too much had happened for them to move on, years worth of pain and destruction. She had Carlos, and right now she was being incredibly unfair to him. She was a strong woman, but she had always been powerless when it came to Michael Westen.
Slowly and carefully, she pushed herself up from Michael's body. She leaned down to kiss his cheek softly, just as she had the day he'd rescued her from Gamble. She then moved from the room, as silently as possible.
She tore into the kitchen, where Sam was sitting with a beer.
"Fi, are you alright?" He asked.
"No. I can't do this. I have to go." She grabbed her bag from the table, rummaging around for her car keys.
"Hang on, Fi …"
"No! I stayed, and I sat with him but I can't do this anymore. I have nothing left to give, Sam." The tears in her eyes were only overpowered by the haunted look they held.
Sam nodded, realising that she herself was dangerously close to her breaking point. She had been put through so much that he was honestly surprised she was still standing. "Okay. I'll call you later?"
She nodded, hurrying past him to use the back door as her escape route.
Once in the safety of her Hyundai, she allowed herself to break a little more. When her tears had run dry she turned the car on and headed home, her mind still swirling with thoughts of her former lover, and her current boyfriend. She didn't know what to do anymore, but she was done crying about it. She was Fiona Glenanne, and she could get through anything life threw at her.