Latch
I know you guys (people who reviewed my first hemma fic with comments that said they didn't like the hemma fic) obviously don't like hemma and you guys say that it's so out of character and shit but well I mean that's why this is fanfiction. Cause it is somehow out of character. And plus, Emma an Holly were not any close to being involved with each other so I think it's impossible to write about Holly and Emma as a couple without getting them out of character, so if you don't like hemma, you're probably reading the wrong fanfic. Haha.
Oh yes, and I also wanted to show the soft side of Holly Holliday, on glee, she is more or less described as an independent woman with a strong personality. In glee, it feels like she somehow doesn't feel for herself and only for others, (i.e. when she left Willl for Emma and went back to Lima without getting affected with Will being married to someone else) and now I really want her to do something for herself, because she deserves it.
Sorry for the longest author's note ever, but here we go!
I wasn't really surprised when April Rhodes got in touch with me through facebook and asked me to come back to Lima, Ohio and make an appearance in the William Mckinley Glee club. There's a huge problem and everyone obviously missed me and wanted me to come back. It's been a few years since I left that place and even with the time that has passed, I still can't get over Lima and everything I felt and everything that happened there. It was in Lima, Ohio where I first felt like I wanted to commit to something, where I wanted to really connect, to Will, to the new directions... To Emma.
I'm a pop-up teacher now, it's much easier, emotionally I mean. I don't get too attached, I don't commit, to anything. I commit to the things I know I won't have, I get too attached to people I shouldn't even so much as have a crush on.
She's married to Will now, or so I was told. It's inevitable, them being together is inevitable. They're like couples in the movies you know? No matter what hardship went between them, they would obviously end up together. It's like they are destined for each other and I was just a gap filler. But even if I'd had such a bitter memory of Lima I'm still going back, for a week, I think, cause April says it's a week long celebration. I don't know what's so important and why it's so important that I be there.
Lima hasn't changed a lot. The glee kids definitely changed a lot, there are also a bunch of new ones who seemed really confused as to who I was and why the alumni members of the club were so fond of me. But I think I grew on them, nobody doesn't just not love me.
I soon found out about Emma being pregnant, all of them were talking about it. I was so surprised because last time I was around, Emma hadn't done the nasty. I was too shocked to know whether I was happy or sad about it.
That night, I dreamt about her, us, actually. She was pregnant and I was with her, the identical bands on our ring fingers symbolized the vows we made to one another. In my dream, she was mine, she loved me and I loved her,the baby in her tummy was our baby. I woke up and I still don't know how it was possible that she was pregnant with my baby but dreams are dreams. I don't need much, I don't ask nor want much, she's what I want, the only thing I want. Maybe to be a famous movie star but still, Emma.
It's been a few days and I found out why the new directions was being disbanded and why they needed me around, unfortunately, keeping the glee club from turning into shambles was a hard task. My plans didn't work, I let the kids down. But they've been trying to keep it light, it was still so much fun despite the obstacle we are trying to overtake. I liked getting to talk to them and catching up to them, especially Santana and Brittany. A few years back they were talking to me, asking me for advice because they were confused about how they felt for one another and seeing them here, together, now makes my heart melt.
I have talked to every single one of the members of the glee club, but still, I haven't seen her.
The week was over. Sue had to shut down the glee club, we couldn't do anything to save it. So being the great fake friend I am, I asked Artie to help me make a project for Will. It's for the little one, actually. I was trying to be all funny when it was my part because I knew that if I got too serious I would end up crying and I don't think anybody would want that.
When Will saw the video, April and I were just at the back of the auditorium. I have to admit, the video made me tear up a bit, Artie is amazing at these things. When the video finished, Rachel started singing Don't stop Believing, their song, it was always known as their song. And then I thought, maybe my work here is done, they're a family, just like what they were years ago. I ask April if she wasnts to leave and rob a bank or do something as such and she gladly agrees. We walk away from that school together.
I could finally leave Lima without the burden of not doing everything to help the glee club. But I don't leave yet, I will stay till tomorrow, I tell myself, and also April. She leaves without me saying that she has to do a lot of things outside of Lima. It was fine by me because I don't mind being alone.
I decide to eat out for dinner at no place else but breadstix.
And then the inevitable happens. I see her, with Will. She's sitting down, facing me but not looking at me, she was looking at Will, a huge smile spread across her face, she soon started laughing and my heart fluttered. I decided to approach them, it would be rude if I hadn't.
"Holly!" she says, standing up and surprising Will with her actions.
I smile at her, trying to act natural. She gives me a hug and I almost lose it on the inside but maintained to keep a straight face. What was that for? I thought she wasn't into hugs. But I was happy that he hugged me, it felt like it was all I needed, like it was what I was looking for since a long time ago. I felt the baby bump when she hugged me, it was barely noticeable but it was there.
She breaks away from the hug and smiles at me.
"Emma, it's been a long time since we last-" I was able to say before she cut me off.
"It has been, hasn't it. Too long, actually." she nods. It's like she was nervous around me, I didn't get why. "I want to say thank you by the way, Artie told me that you were the one who thought of the idea, the video for the little one, I mean." She continues, nodding and patting her barely there baby bump.
"It was the least I could do." I say. "Will has done so much for these kids and I think his own should know just how much he touched other peoples lives."
She nods, "You're right." she smiles at me and my heart melts for the second time today.
"Would you like to have dinner with us?" Will asks. I nod and sit beside Emma.
Last night was unbelievable, Emma invite me to have dinner with them and I was sitting beside her all night. I swear, I was blushing so hard every single time she commented about me. She's absolutely breath taking, and by the look on Will's face as he looks at his wife tell stories about her day, I think we could both agree on that.
I also noticed how she wasn't so much of a neat freak anymore. She seems better, a lot better than how she was when I was last here. She seems happier too. I bet Will helped her get to this more confident woman she is.
When I woke up, the first thing I did was check my phone. I was planning on going back home today. But the text message changed everything. It was a message from Emma, it said:
"Are you still in Lima? If so can you come over? Will's out and I really enjoyed your company last night. I hate being so lonely, I didn't know maternity leave would suck this much."
I re-read it and tried to make a good reply that didn't make me seem to eager to see her nor made her feel like I didn't want to go because I do, I really do. I decided to try to be funny and answered with:
"Was I drunk last night? I don't remember giving you my number. Emma Pillsbury, you naughty, naughty girl."
She replies in an instant saying:
"Very funny Holly. Will gave it to me, so, will you come over? I know you now Will's place. PLEEEEEEEEEASEEEE?"
I reply in an instant wiht a huge smile on my face.
"Yes."
I almost sprint to the bathroom to get refreshed, I couldn't believe what was happening. I couldn't believe Emma wanted me to come over.
I get there in no more than half an hour. She opens the door for me with a huge grin. I saw her eyeing me up and down as I walked into her and Will's apartment.
"You look... amazing, Holly." she says and I bite my lip, as if it would stop the blush from creeping into my face.
"As to you Emma." I smile, trying to act normal.
She asks me to sit down with her on the couch and I do.
"I'm really happy you're here. Gosh, I've only been in maternity leave for less than a month and now I have absolutely nothing to do here, and you're like my only friend that's here in Lima, and you're leaving sooner if not later." she sighs.
She's so adorable, and I was glad that I had self control because if I didn't, she would be nailed to the closest wall by now.
We fell into conversation easily. She decided that we watch a movie and I agreed, saying that it would be a great idea. I really didn't pay attention to the movie though, I didn't even know the title of it, but I loved watching her react, squealing in joy, sighing in relief or even just widening her eyes in the cutest way known to man. The movie had ended with her crying, I panicked and I was starting to ramble, I told her everything and anything, embarrassing moments, funny stories, anything just to make her stop crying. She laughed a bit but started to cry again. I hate it when people cry, especially when the people I love cry. She hugs me and I continue to comfort her, rubbing her back and soon, hugging her.
"Emma-"
"It's just, it's so sad." she says between sobs. "Why'd she have to die?"
"It's just the way it is." I tell her. I bite my lip and tried not to cry, seeing her so unhappy is making me feel the same.
"She didn't even get to tell him how much she loved him. She died before she got to tell him how she really felt about him."
"Em, I mean, Emma, you're right, it's really sad, but please stop crying. I hate it when people cry.
She looks up at me and what I've been wanting since I first saw her happened.
I kiss her, or maybe we kissed each other cause I swear I saw her leaning in. She wants this as much as I do. It was like a dream come true, her lips are as soft as I imagined it would be. My hands went to her ginger hair and hers went to my sides. I continue to kiss her, deepening it, my hands go down and soon it was all over her back. As I continued to kiss her, my hands found her tiny bump, her baby bump. I opened my eyes and immediately pulled away even before she could protest.
This was wrong, so very wrong. I look up and I see her looking at me, mouth agape, she touches her lips as if she couldn't believe what just happened, what we just did.
"Holly," she closes her eyes and leans in, expecting that I'd kiss her again.
I don't. She looks at me, confused. "Wh-what, did- did I do something wrong? Was I a bad kisser? Oh god." she looks at me, her eyes wide with fear.
"Emma," I finally speak up. I take a deep breathe, "You're having a baby, with Will."
"But," I close my eyes and shake my head, giving her the signal to stop talking.
"What do you want from me, Emma? You're happily married to Will, you're having a baby... Why would you want me?" I ask her, doing my best to keep the tears that are welling up from falling.
"It's just, there's something so great, so, so enchanting about you. The way you move or talk, I don't know. This feeling, it went away when you left Lima a few years ago and seeing you in the video you made, it's like the spark, the enchantment was back." Emma says.
"It doesn't change the fact that this is wrong, what we did was wrong." I tell her, against my will. I loved every second of it.
"You enchant me, Holly. I've been wanting to tell you that. And now that you're here, now that you're near me I want tell you just how much you do." she continues.
"Emma..." I say, it wouldn't take her long to get me on her side, I always fell for her.
"Can you please, for one second think about yourself and what you want? Don't think about anything else but about what you want, what will make you very happy at this very moment."
"You." I blurt out, my eyes closed, scared. "I want you. I've wanted you since the day I saw you. And now that I have you here, I don't ever want to let go of you."
She looks into my eyes and I just melt. She's the one who initiates the kiss this time. It's soft and caring, and there's so much love in it.
I sigh as we mutually pull away. "But I can't not think of the rest of the things Emma, you're married, going to have a baby. And going to be an amazing mother."
She nods. "But it's unfair." she looks at her lap. "You're an amazing woman, and you can't have what you want, what makes you happy. I want to try us out, but I know we can't, our circumstances would never allow us to. I thought it would go away you know? I thought the spark would go away once I felt how it was like to kiss you, but no, all I wanted was to do it again and again. It felt like it's what I've been looking for, you're what I've been looking for."
I smile at her. I'm happy, I'm actually contented with just knowing that this wasn't one sided, that she felt the same way I did.
"I never thought I'd fall for a woman." I tell her, "But how can I not, when someone as beautiful and as kind and as loving as you are is right in front of me."
She closes her eyes and a tear escapes. I wipe it away with the pad of my thumb. "Emma," I say. "please stop crying."
"But you're going to leave, if not today then the next day or the day after that. You would be leaving and I wouldn't see you for who knows how long, and I'll miss you so much, every day." she says, her lower lip trembling.
I give her a tight embrace and the tears I've been willing not to fall, fall. "I'll miss you too. Every single day Em."
Holly,
Holly Jane was born three months ago, and I have to say, she is one of the most beautiful human being I ever laid eyes on. I named her after you, and Will liked the name and had no doubts as to why I named her Holly. She reminds me of you, though she's just three months of age, everything she does resembles you, somehow. Maybe that's because you're one of the most beautiful human beings I've laid eyes on as well, and she makes me happy, like you make me happy. I miss you Hol, why didn't you keep in touch? It's been five months since we last talked to each other. We used to talk to each other so much well that was before the "incident" as I call it, happened. I thought we were okay. If I did something wrong, can't we just talk about it? Can't we try to fix it and go back to how we were? I miss you to the moon and back.
Along with this is a picture of Holly Jane at three months. And my cellphone number, I got a new one, in case you want to contact me... Introduce yourself, please.
All my love,
Emma
It's been a month since I last read her letter. And I couldn't stand not seeing her. She seemed so sad, so desperate, I don't want that for her. I hate seeing her sad and me being the reason for it is so much worst.
I text her, the first time I attempted to since the "incident" as she calls it.
"Emma, I'm in Lima."
And follow it up with a:
"You know who I am."