"I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition." ~ Castiel

("Lazarus Rising" - Supernatural)

. . .

Ever since Russia, everyday had been hell. It wasn't Oliver, though whenever she thought about him or looked at him or heard his voice...so all of the time...she felt a stabbing pain in her chest. He wasn't the real cause of the hell everyday. Felicity couldn't bear it. She'd been trying to act like nothing was wrong even though she really felt like everything in the world was wrong. She figured that it wouldn't bother her so much if it hadn't have been Isabel and if it hadn't have made so little sense to her. And why was it that men always thought that being intimate with someone could mean nothing?

Felicity had actually thought about calling out, well e-mailing, she was sure that she could get away with at least taking one sick day. Of course, she had a night job too… She really wasn't sure if Oliver or Diggs would check on her to really make sure she was sick, so she'd chickened out and had come into work just the same. So, there she sat at her desk. She pretended to be working, but really was just staring at the computer screen zoning out.

"Felicity? You okay?"

She jumped a little and looked up to see Diggs standing there in front of her desk. She tried to keep calm and put forth a cheery smile for him. "Yeah… Sorry… Spacing… I really am not feeling very well," she rambled on. "I probably should have stayed home…" She really wanted to put that out there. Felicity figured that it was like 'planting a seed'. At least if she called out tomorrow then Diggs would have remembered her acting weird and saying something.

"Well, you let me know if I can make the day easier," Diggs offered.

Felicity tried to smile a bit more, but she didn't think it was really working. She just hoped that he didn't see through her facade. "Thanks," she whispered and then looked down again when she caught Oliver glancing their way out of the corner of her eye.

"Hang in there," he said before disappearing.

So, she went back to staring at her screen. Felicity pondered doing something that looked more like she was working, but she really didn't have the energy for it. She looked at the clock and realized that there really wasn't much more of the day left, so maybe...just maybe, she could make it through the day without being reminded of what had happened in Russia and what apparently was still going on.

Thirty more minutes and then it would be time to leave…

Hope suddenly filled her and a true smile started to lift her lips. It was swiftly dashed when the sound of clicking heels filled her ears. Diggs was exiting Oliver's office just as Isabel entered, to her credit Isabel seemed to be able to act cordial to Diggs. Felicity suddenly wondered if there was hope for the devil woman. Had she just always ended up getting her when she was in a bad mood? But as soon as Diggs left, she turned to her.

"I'm sure that you're probably just waiting to go home...how about I make your life a little easier and tell you to go ahead and head out now?" Isabel asked, her tone a little too sweet for Felicity's liking.

"Uh," Felicity mumbled and then tried to make more sense. Right now she was just shocked that it seemed like Isabel was trying to do something nice for her. Maybe the last week of all the things she'd said about Oliver and the touches she'd witnessed...maybe Isabel really hadn't meant to torture her… "Yeah...but I should probably really make sure that Oliver… I mean, Mr. Queen doesn't need me for-"

"Oh, I can assure you, Mr. Queen is not going to need any of your services," Isabel told her.

There was obvious double meaning in what Isabel was saying. She didn't know why Isabel seemed to be so threatened by her. She and Oliver weren't like that. Felicity had all kinds of thoughts and dreams about it...and heck, she'd even blurted out things she'd never meant to...sometimes on a daily basis...but that was it. It was one sided...or at least that's how it felt. If Oliver really had feelings for her, he'd made it clear that he wouldn't act on them. So, really...she was screwed either way.

Felicity really didn't know what to say in response. She opened her mouth and then closed it again.

Isabel just smiled at her. "You can stay if you want...but Oliver's office really is very visible and I wouldn't want to make things harder for you while we're working on his desk…"

She looked around and noticed that it seemed like everyone else on that floor of Queen Consolidated were gone. She hadn't noticed because she really wasn't paying attention. Felicity had really done a really great job zoning… "I-"

"I think it's cute that you have a crush on him, but let's be honest," Isabel said bluntly. "If he wanted you, he would have had you by now…"

Felicity could barely contain herself any longer. Everything that Isabel had said or done since Russia had spun around her head. She really didn't need to sit at her desk and catch glimpses of Oliver and Isabel using his desk in a non-business-like manner. She really didn't need those images etched into her brain. She grabbed her things and got up quickly. Felicity's gaze turned downward and she tried so hard to keep in the tears.

When she got into the elevator, she heard Oliver calling her name, but she ignored it. She was sure that he wouldn't be worrying about her in a moment. So, she pressed the 'door close' button and held it down as she pushed the button for the lobby. Once the elevator started to move, she let go. This effectively meant that there would be no stops until she reached the lobby, which was what she wanted. She needed the minute or two it would take in order to try to collect herself. She wiped the tears away and even though sobs bubbled up, she tried to push them back down. She didn't need this right now… Felicity knew that this wasn't the time to break down. And then she realized that Oliver would expect her later…

Once the doors were open, Felicity only looked up enough to make sure she didn't run into anyone. She flew out towards where the exit to the parking garage and then her car. All she wanted to do was to get home. But she didn't know what to do. Did she go to Verdant? Did she act like everything was okay? Did she try to call out sick? Could she do that? Did she really need to?

Her hands shook as she desperately tried to hold herself together for two minutes more. Tears ran down her face and she barely contained the sobs as she held her key to her Mini Cooper. She beeped it to unlock it, got in, pulled the door shut, threw her purse on the passenger seat, and then just lost it. Felicity didn't think that anyone would come looking for her and no one would come to their car and see her since there were no other vehicles around hers currently. So, she let it all out and at the same time she beat herself up for getting so invested in Oliver Queen. It was just a stupid crush, she tried to tell herself. He didn't love her...and even if he did-

. . .

Home had been comforting for about two seconds before her brain started to spin again with fresh thoughts. She had to go to Verdant...she had to go and do her other job… She didn't want Oliver to come looking for her. Though as she stood in the shower, she needed it to help calm herself, she wondered if Oliver would even come to look for her… She'd noticed that he didn't always notice things that she saw so clearly, like Diggle and Carly when they dragged him back from the island.

Oliver was good at being Arrow, but his observation skills in a social setting still left something to be desired. She knew that he'd become far more accustomed to worrying about his life on that island, but sometimes she wished that he'd snap into the reality they were living in and see what was right in front of him. No matter how far Oliver had come since she'd first met him, he had so far to still go… Felicity just wasn't sure if she could be there for him for that part of his journey. It broke her heart to think like that, but sometimes she did need to think about herself instead of just jumping headfirst into whatever Oliver wanted to do. She loved being apart of Team Arrow, but she just didn't know if it was a place where she could stay...where she could stay sane… She was fairly sure that sanity was still something that most people valued.

She turned off the water and opened the shower door. Reluctantly she stepped out of the steamy enclave and wrapped a towel around herself. She didn't care that her hair was still soaking wet as she padded out of the bathroom. Normally, she would towel dry it, but she just wasn't ready to do that yet. Felicity just really wanted to stay home tonight. She wanted to crawl into her bed, wrap herself in blankets, eat a container of Ben & Jerry's, and watch Lifetime.

Felicity knew she couldn't though.

So, instead she went between her dresser and closet and started to pull out an outfit. Normally she had a certain style that she thought was cute. Felicity was fairly sure that sexy was inappropriate at the workplace, unless you were Isabel Rochev. Instead, Felicity got into jeans and a bright blue shirt. She was about to put on a pair of flats when she thought about how maybe it was a bad idea to go to Verdant. They really didn't have to have her that night… Diggle and Oliver had been Team Arrow, well it was Team Hood back then, without her at one time. They could survive a bit without her. And so it went, she talked herself into going in and then talked herself out of going over and over again…

Finally deciding that she could no longer put it off, she slipped on her shoes with a sigh of frustration. She grabbed her purse and her coat and headed out the door. She was going to be late. She hated being the last one there...

. . .

Felicity was normally always the first one there, but not today. She walked in with her head down and made a beeline for her chair. She removed her coat and hung it over the back of her chair before stowing her purse. Taking her seat, she immediately put her focus on the screens instead of saying anything to Diggle or Oliver. She really just didn't want to be there, but she couldn't let them down either…

"I'm going to go out," Oliver announced.

She briefly looked up and noticed that he was already donning his Arrow wardrobe. Her eyes shifted back to the floor. That was it, he grabbed his bow and headed out. Felicity turned back in her chair and stared at the screen. This was going to be a long night… It was work all over again. At least she didn't have to worry about Isabel here…

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" Diggle asked about thirty seconds after the door had clicked shut behind Oliver.

"I wasn't planning on it," Felicity responded.

"You two have been off ever since we got back from Russia," Diggle said. She could hear that he was coming closer to where she was sitting. "Now, I know what happened up until the point that I left you two to go get arrested and thrown in jail...and I know what happened once we got rescued...so fill me in on the in between stuff…"

"Haven't you asked Oliver?" she asked as she turned a little in her chair in order to look over at him. She really didn't want to put Diggle in the middle of it, but at the same time...she didn't want to be alone in this. She'd felt that way all week long and she felt like she was going to snap...or break…

"Felicity, you and I probably know Oliver better than a lot of people… You know he's good in the field, but as far as observing us…"

"Yeah, he sucks at it…"

"So, he doesn't realize that whatever happened in Russia...that you're still pissed at him for whatever stupid thing he did…"

"He slept with Isabel," Felicity blurted out. She hadn't meant to blurt it out, it just came out. Diggle was right though, she knew that.

"Idiot…" Diggle grumbled.

Felicity looked down and turned back to her screens. "I shouldn't care…"

"I know better."

Sucking in breath, she figured that if she had told him this much then she needed to tell him everything that had happened. "When we got back, I asked him 'why her' and he went on this speech about how because he's the Arrow that he can't really fall in love or be with someone he really could love or something stupid sounding like that…" she rambled and then turned back again.

"I know that you care about him, Felicity."

Damn him.

Felicity turned back. "It's not only Oliver I care about," she countered as she stared at him. And it was true. Oliver and Diggle were who she had right now. They were her family. She liked their little family, she'd even gone as far as jumping out of a plane for their little family.

"You know what I mean…"

"It doesn't matter," she pushed off.

"It must because you've been acting so off… It can't just be just because of that," Diggle said. "There has to be something else…"

"Isabel's been...saying things...and doing things…" she said. Felicity sighed. "I shouldn't let it get to me, but why can't she do...that...with someone else?"

"What kind of things?"

"Well, today the floor was cleared and she let me go home early...apparently she and Oliver...were going to do things...on his desk…" she said slowly.

"Oliver and Isabel?"

"She had her hands all over him the other day…"

Diggle sighed. "I think I've not been doing my job then."

Felicity was confused. She was fairly sure that Diggle had kept Oliver in one piece. She was pretty sure that that meant that he was doing his job. "I'm not following…"

"It's not just keeping him alive," Diggle said. "It's making sure that he doesn't do stupid things, which I thought was getting easier… Obviously I was wrong…"

"Please don't tell him I said anything," she whispered. This was hard enough. She'd been treading eggshells and trying to survive her heart breaking… She didn't think she could take Oliver completely pushing her away. She didn't want to be kicked out of the family that she'd grown so accustomed to being apart of.

Diggle took her hands and pulled her to her feet. Before Felicity realized it, he was hugging her. She just smiled and wrapped her arms around him. It was nice to feel like she wasn't absolutely alone. "Tomorrow," he said. "I'm going to be hanging out with you."

"I think that might be a little obvious," she responded.

"It's going to be fine. I'll make up an excuse… Mine are better than yours and Oliver's."

That was true. She always got so nervous when trying to think of something that sounded good, but then Oliver was just really over the top odd with excuses. She remembered all of the ones that he'd given her when she was still working IT for Queen Consolidated.

"I'm going to keep you safe from Isabel...and I'm going to keep Oliver safe from himself… The last thing we need is for him to screw up and for Isabel to take over Queen Consolidated… Then we'll be out of our day jobs…"

She finally released him because she'd held on for a little bit longer. She'd needed it. She really had. Felicity smiled up at him. "You're the best, John," she whispered. She already knew that she would sleep so much better knowing that he'd be there with her tomorrow. "I'll bring the coffee…"

He grinned at her. "Do I need to bring a book?"

"Bring a tablet," she told him. "We can play games…"

"I see what you really do…"

Felicity laughed. "If only it were that easy…"

"We just have to act normal… For Oliver and Isabel… They probably won't even notice."

"Oh, she'll notice," Felicity argued. "She'll have to chase us both out of the office if she has anything more than putting her hands on him…"

Diggle sighed and shook his head. "Maybe she thinks that you're a threat or something… Jealous?"

Felicity shook her head as she sat back down in her chair. She leaned back before responding. "I'm pretty sure that Oliver made it really clear who he'd rather sleep with…even if he said it meant nothing… How can it mean nothing?"

"Some people don't think of things that should be intimate as intimate," Diggle tried to explain. "I really don't get it either...but I've guarded a lot of people… A lot of boys that never grew up and all they did was chase skirts and add names to their black books. Oliver needs to grow up and realize that she's probably the one using him."

"You think so?"

"Does she seem like she's in love with him?"

"No."

"I'm pretty sure we can just agree to not like her at this point."

"That's for sure," Felicity said. "I haven't liked her since I saw her picture… She's like those mean girls in school…"

"Don't worry, Felicity… I'll protect you," he told her with a sweet smile. She was looking forward to him protecting her. It was the first thing that she had looked forward to since Oliver had crushed her heart.

. . .

Nightmares of Isabel harassing her at the office had vanished and she'd slept soundly through the night for the first time since they'd returned from Russia. Nightmares about Oliver getting hurt wasn't uncommon, especially ever since his mother had shot him and he'd gotten into the back of her car. That had been their first meeting in which she knew his alter ego. That was the first time that she'd peeked into that world…

She'd arrived first to the office, before Oliver, Diggle, and thankfully Isabel. Felicity had picked up coffees, even one for Oliver, and snacks. So, she busied herself to make sure that everything was ready for when people finally arrived. She pulled out her Lysol wipes and went into Oliver's office and was determined to disinfect the desk and his chair. She wasn't going to set coffee on a desk where Isabel and Oliver had done God knew what… She cringed as she tried not to have a mental image. She really really didn't need that.

"What are you doing?" Oliver asked.

Felicity froze and then turned around. "Just...cleaning…"

"I think we have a whole crew for cleaning…"

"But they didn't do a good job in here… There was dust all over your desk," Felicity lied.

"Okay," Oliver said slowly. "Did you bring me coffee?" he asked as he motioned back to her desk.

"I figured you had a long night," she said. In all honesty she just didn't want him to see that she'd brought one for Diggle and think that she was mad at him because she and Diggle had agreed to act normal. Plus, she didn't need him pouting. "Though," she said quickly. "Don't get used to it… This wasn't the job I had applied for… Getting coffee for you wasn't in my job description." She noticed that he almost looked confused, but that was okay. She dropped the used wipes into his transbin before exiting his office. She brought him in a coffee and a donut and set them down. "I figured you could use sugar too… It won't kill you, not with how you work out," she said as she started to ramble. She suddenly missed watching him on the salmon ladder… She so enjoyed those times… "And if you don't like sprinkles, then I might just not be able to talk to you anymore because they're like bits of happiness…" And she was rambling again. She didn't even know what was she was saying, she just couldn't stop. So, she turned to leave.

"Felicity," he said and his hand was on her arm and traveling downward to her wrist and then wrapping around her hand.

She stopped. Felicity turned to him, her gaze still downward. She missed these little touches. She knew it was stupid. Felicity knew that she'd probably picked the worst person in the world for her to have a crush on, but why did Isabel have to ruin it all? Why did Isabel have to torture her everyday with what she'd had and what Felicity would never have? She tried to hard to keep back the tears that wanted to shed. Felicity just wanted things to how they'd been before Russia.

"Thank you," he whispered. "I know you hate your new position and the idea of getting me coffee… But thank you…"

His quiet words warmed her soul and she wished that everything that had happened hadn't. She also wished that they weren't in Oliver's glass walled office...she desperately wanted to hug him, but that really wasn't appropriate in their current settings. She looked up at him and she could tell that he really meant it.

"Hey...you okay?" he asked gently.

"Just...tired," she lied. "And-and...I just finished this book...my favorite character died… I wasn't prepared for it… So, I'm still a little emotional…" It was the best lie she could come up with. Plus, it wasn't like it wasn't something that she'd done before.

"Okay," he said slowly.

"I better get back to my desk…"

"Felicity, who's the other coffee for?" he asked, still not releasing her hand.

"Digg."

"I didn't think he was coming in so early."

"Oh...I thought he was…"

"You know you can talk to me...about how we spend our nights…"

Felicity smiled at him. If it was only that easy. "I know," she whispered back and it only made her sadder. She lifted their entwined hands. "Can I have my hand back?"

"Right," he said and released her.

. . .

Felicity waited at her desk, slowly sipping her coffee and occasionally looking over at the empty chair she'd stolen from another office for Diggle. She was just about to call him when out of the corner of her eye she caught a familiar person. "Crap," she muttered.

Isabel Rochev.

Diggle had promised to be there and to protect her…

She put on her annoyed face, she really didn't care if Isabel owned almost half of the company, Felicity still was firmly decided that she hated the woman. "Can I help you?" she asked, her tone telling Isabel exactly how excited she was to see her.

"You know I've been thinking," Isabel said as she leaned against Felicity's desk. Felicity really hated her, Isabel and her dark hair...and her legs...and her way too tight fitting dress...and all the power that she knew she possessed. "There really must be something wrong with you if Oliver hasn't done anything with you more than have you follow him around with a notepad and pen." Isabel's voice and face were cheery, but her words were horrible.

Felicity really wanted to throw something at her face...like hot coffee… Her coffee wasn't enough to do any damage right now… She was trying to think of a come back when Diggle came into view and the moment he noticed Isabel, he picked up his speed.

"Isabel! Just who I was looking for!" Diggle announced upon entering.

She breathed a sigh of relief. She really wasn't sure if she was going to be able to remain calm and anywhere near composed. Felicity tried to relax in her seat and acted like she was busy doing something, which she actually was because she was checking e-mail and facebook. She was certain that she could justify reasons for that.

"I wanted to talk to you about a security issue," Diggle went on. "I'm not sure if you're aware of this or not...but there was a threat on Oliver's life this morning… I'm sure it's nothing, but I'm going to be here keeping an eye on things just to make sure…"

"Should he really be in the building?" Isabel questioned.

"He really wanted to be here and really didn't want to talk about it," Diggle covered. "I know you might not think highly of him as far as this company goes, but he really does care…"

"Well, I was going to see his opinion on scheduling a meeting for later, but maybe another day would be better," Isabel said.

Diggle just nodded. "I think you might be right… Thank you so much for understanding. If you could just keep it quiet though? I didn't want people to panic. The police don't think it's anything and I've already upped security throughout the building."

"You're right, today is still a work day. Panic would lead to chaos which lead to no productivity...and we need people to be productive."

"Of course."

Felicity watched Isabel left the office and then turned to see what Oliver was doing. He was looking quite busy and was enthralled in whatever he was reading. That was good, he obviously hadn't noticed Isabel coming in. Maybe keeping Oliver's office door shut was a good plan after all, especially with Diggle there. She just wished that his office wasn't all glass…

Diggle turned to her. "I should probably go in and talk to him for a minute."

"I was wondering if you'd left me here to suffer through her on my own," Felicity admitted. "You were awesome by the way."

He smiled at her before heading into Oliver's office.

Felicity just watched and hoped that with Diggle there that the day would be a bit better.

. . .

TBC...