Come On, Light My Fire (Unedited Version)
Author's Note: This is a Junato. A Jun and Matt pairing. I've never saw many on FF.net so I thought I'd write one. Please, if you do not support Junato don't write a rude review. All flames will be deemed pointless, stupid, pathetic attempts at critiques! Thanks, and enjoy! ^_~ I'd like to thank the reviwers for reviewing. This is one of my best fics.. I decided to post the unedited version. (More like the somewhat revised version.) This is the version that has not been read before, so all the reviews you have will be new to me. Enjoy it!!
Disclaimer: Digimon is a addictive show belonging to rich people at an undisclosed location. I don't own the songs written in this fic either!! All songs belong to their respective owners. Except the lyrics Matt and Jun actually sing! (Those are mine.. Mwhahaha!!)
Shanni_C
"Hey Matt, you look great today!" I smiled at him, the boy of my dreams. Yamato Ishida. Everything about him I liked. His good looks, his voice, that hair!! What wasn't to like? Apparently he knew what wasn't to like with me, because he always gave me the cold shoulder. It wasn't fair!! Why were the Motomiya's always in bad luck with love? I stared at Matt, as he walked away from me, without even giving me a second look. Why was he so cruel to me? Was I that hateable? I am a nice person right?
It made no sense to wallow in my own self pity. At least my brother was determined to win the heart of Hikari. She used him, and he let her! Just like i let Matt use me.. Pathetic I know.. Personally, I think he could do much better. What was so grand about her? She liked someone else anyway. Why couldn't Daisuke realize she didn't want him? Probably the same reason why I refused to believe Matt hated me. Why couldn't I just be happy? Why were the Motomiya's doomed to a fate of chasing around people that used us, and hated us! Why must Matt be so mean to me! Could I do any better?
I went to my room, and wrote in my journal. I wrote down lyrics to one of my favorite songs. When I wrote song lyrics, it helped me write out my feelings. I took out the ballpoint pen, and studied it. It was dark navy, and embedded with gold letters, the pen was thick, and wide. I loved it. It said Jun Motomiya. I smiled at my name as I began furiously writing. As I continued I heard a song in my head.
Sleepwalker, don't be shy
Now don't open your eyes tonight
You'll be the one that defends my life
While I'm dead asleep dreamin'
Why couldn't Matt see I genuinely cared for him?? I loved him! I tried so hard to please him. I know that I could be pushy at times but it was only because I wanted to please him. I would do anything for him. Sure, he's adored by girls all around the school, but the guys hate him. Especially the jocks! I defend him. I sometimes wish I could tell him, that I had, and have defended his honor. While he was living in the dream world that he was some sort of God. I knew if I didn't clear the air with him, that I'd follow him to the ends of the Earth. To the moon, and back. Normally that would be a good thing, but he didn't care for me, as I cared for him.The moon was out of the question now. We didn't share mutual feelings.
I'll never be your valentine
The sleepwalker in me
And God only knows that I've tried
I would be forever doomed to love Matt Ishida. I never would be free. It wasn't like he hadn't told me either. I guess I was wrong. No guy could ever love me the way I wanted to be loved. Especially not by Matt Ishida. Dammit!! It wasn't fair! I love him!! I'm not giving up that easily either! No one makes a mockery of Jun Motomiya and gets away with it! I wrote furiously in my journal until my hands were raw. I grabbed a kleenex, and continued to write.
I wish I could find a way to get him to like me for who I am. I don't want to be hated by anyone! It wasn't like Matt had anybody else, I mean as his biggest fan I would know. I knew he and that Mimi girl weren't together besides, she was in America I think. That threat was nuetralized. What was not to like about me? I'm pretty, smart, and friendly. One day Matt would realize his fame was temporary. Then he would have no one. It was a sad revelation, but still true. Gone are the cheering girls, and crowds. Then he would need me. Hopefully by then I wouldn't need him. He didn't even give me a chance to show him the real me. He didn't give me a chance to say how I felt. I may have been a bit clingy, but I'm still a person dammit!
Let me in, let me drown or learn how to swim
Just don't leave me at the window
I could be the one to be your next best friend
You may need someone to hold you
I studied the paper of my journal. It was wet with my salted tears. I let them dry. They were the proof of my sad life. Those tears represented the puddles in the rainstorm of my life. With every storm should come a rainbow, but mine never came. The maelstrom still is going though. The tears dropped quickly unto the yellowed paper. I let them dry. The tears blotted the ink, but that was fine. These words were merely symbolic. Sometimes the only way to clear one's head is to write. Tommorow I would confront him. I had no idea what to say exactly, but it was only a matter of time, before I spoke my peice anyway. I closed my eyes, and fell asleep.
Now, sleepwalker, what's my line
It's only a matter of time
Until I learn to open up my eyes..
The Next Day
"Hi Matt. can I talk to you for a moment?"
I asked politely, resisting the urge to touch him.
"Whatever you have to say you can say to all my friends.." He said rudely. I frowned, but pressed on. Was he serious? Did he expect me to pour my heart out in front of all his friends? I gave him a strong smile.
"It's just that.. I don't think I like you anymore. I'm tired of being treated harshly. You know? A girl can only take so much of the cold shoulder treatment."
I looked at Matt's expression, expecting to find him cheering, happy that he was free from me. What I saw surprised me. Matt had a forlorn look upon his face. He wasn't smiling. He was frowning.
"Well what do you think?"
I asked a little annoyed that he wasn't responding to me.
"I um... Well uh.. okay.."
He nodded at me. I nodded back, and turned around. It was over. Or so I thought..
The Next Week..
I couldn't believe it! I had actually managed to stay Matt free for an entire week. I actually felt complete. I didn't need Matt. I was going to celebrate at the dance! His band was playing at the school dance, but it didn't matter screw him! I might as well go. I walked over to my locker. It was jammed. I punched, and kicked at it, hoping it would open, but to avail. I dropped my purse, in the process, and knelt down to pick it up. When I stood back up, I saw Matt at my locker.
"Hi." He said
"Hello, Matt." I said coolly.
"Can I ask you something? I'd like your honest opinion."
"Sure, what is it?" I smiled.
"Since you are um.. free of me.. or whatever, can you listen to one of my songs. Since I know you will be honest with me I'd like your opinion of the new song I wrote."
"Sure I'd like to help. You know anything that inspires." I said quickly.
"Great!! Can you meet me at my house after school?" He asked eagerly.
"Sure I'll be there."
"Bye." I said walking away. I didn't even bother glancing back.
"Goodbye." He replied.
That Afternoon...
I stood nervously at The Ishida's doorstep. I'm actually at his house! I had never been to Matt's house. I hope he wouldn't change his mind when he saw me, and slam the door in my face. I opened my purse and pulled out my pocket mirror. I may not like him anymore, but I still wanted to look presentable. I pushed the doorbell. I heard beautiful music. I could hear a voice, and footsteps. Finally the door opened, and I saw Matt smiling at me.
"Hey, Did you have a hard time getting here?"
He asked me sincerely. Was he actually being this nice to me because he had another motive? What were we doing? Playing games here! My face was flustered with confusion.
"No I didn't have much trouble. So what's the song you wanted me to hear?" I asked, now regretting I had come. This was getting uncomfortable. I stood awkwardly in his doorway. He finally took the hint, and invited me in. I sat down on his couch, and looked at him. He shut the door.
"Okay just tell me what your basic reactions to the song is okay?" He smiled. I nodded.
He picked up the guitar, and began to sing. The old me would have been swooning at his every word, but I just listened intently. I dissected the lyrics. I never really listened to one of his songs before. At least not so closely, trying decipher the true meaning of the song. They were all the same really. This one in particular was about every guy he had ever met being jealous of him. It really had no real feeling. He looked at me during intervals of the chords.
"What did you think Jun?" He asked
"Honestly?"
"Yes, please tell me the truth. that's why I invited you over. I'd like to know what you think."
"The truth is Matt, is that these songs are all the same. I mean you always said that music was your pallette yet all you do is sing songs about guys being jealous of you. It sounds like cheesy pop rock music." I hoped I didn't sound to rough, but he wanted the honest truth.
"Really? Well, I guess you may be right. I only write them because that's what people want to hear. If I wrote what I felt inside people wouldn't listen to me."
He said sadly. That was probably why he maintained his popularity. He didn't play what was in his heart. He didn't sing what he felt. It must be sad to have no muse.
"Do you have any suggestions?" He said quietly.
"Well there is this one song that I sing. I made it up. Wanna hear it? It may inpsire you."
"Sure I'm game let's hear it."
"Okay, I must warn you though I'm no singing sensation!!"
"Neither am I!!" He said playfully nudging me. I laughed. Hanging out with Matt was cool. Even if we we were not seeing each other. I was begging to enjoy it.
"Here goes nothing.."
C'mon baby light my fire
Everything you drop is so tired
Music is supposed to inspire
I sang softly. I didn't want to mess up. I looked at Matt he was smiling at me. I smiled back. I sang from my heart, searching inside myself. I found my muse, it was my journal. It help me to write, which in turn helped me to sing that song from my heart. I closed my eyes, listening to my own voice. I felt a surge of inspiration in my heart. I opened my eyes, to find Matt still smiling at me.
Now tell me your philosophy
On exactly what an artist should be
Should they be someone with prosperity
And no concept of reality?
My eyes were closed, and when I opened them every few seconds he would be there. Staring at me. I wanted to pinch myself. Could I be dreaming. Sure I didn't like him romantically, but he'll always be a charmer in my heart. I knew it sounded corny, and lame but it was true. I was getting a bit more comfortable with him watching me.
Who do you know without any flaws?
That lives above us all?
Doing anything they feel just because
There's always someone there who will applaud.
I stopped singing. I looked at Matt. He smiled at me. I didn't know what to expect. He stood up, and clapped his hands. I smiled at his ovations.
"Jun that was beautiful. I didn't know you could sing like that. You have a beautiful voice."
"Thank you Matt." I couldn't believe I did something Matt liked! Today was turning out to be a strange day indeed..
"Wait a minute!" I said a bit annoyed. I hadn't meant to say that aloud. Matt gave me a look of suprise. I leapt from his couch, and walked out the door.
"Wait! Jun, whay are you leaving?!" He yelled, as I ran past him down the sidewalk.
"Sorry, Matt but I can't hang around you. I can't afford to start liking you again! Bye!" I said as tears strolled down my face.
I ran away so quickly, that I missed the last words that he had said. I couldn't make them out but I thought I heard 'Wait Jun.. we were doing so well...' I knew I was just imagining. Matt did not like me. Nor did he want to be my friend. I am so stupid. What the hell was I thinking? By hanging around him, I was making it worse on myself! I ran home wishing I had never even liked him. I suppose my mission was a failure. I still liked Matt. I just wasn't as pushy as before. I went home, and wrote in my journal. It wasn't fair! Even when I try not to like him I still do! Why?! Why must these things be so complicated? After all my efforts, I still like him! Dammit!! I didn't even want to go to school.
The Next Day at The School Dance...
There I stood alone, and bored. I was hoping some guy would ask me to dance, but no one did. Not a single one. I felt only slightly depressed since, I was waiting for Matt to ask me. Actually I was just waiting. I knew he wouldn't ask me, but I was still delusioned Jun. I sat down at a table with some associates of mine. At least I could have an okay time.
Then I heard the music. They were playing now, Matt's band. They first played a familiar song. I would've started dancing, but I was no longer his groupie. The music finally stopped, and Matt spoke into the microphone.
"This song is dedicated someone that showed me the truth. Someone who showed me that the fame will not always be there. She was the one that made me realize that I should sing for me.." Matt said excitedly.
"I'd like to say something before we begin.. A-about music. I was going to play songs you've all heard before, but tonight- Tonight is different. Remember music started out in the heart, now everybody's trying to chart.."
Could he be refering to me? Was Matt talking about me or the other countless girls that hung by his side? It didin't matter. I took a sip of my drink and listened to them play. It was a slow song, I was alone, but hell at least everyone else was happy. Matt began singing.
C'mon baby light my fire
Everything you drop is so tired
Music is supposed to inspire
How come we ain't gettin no higher?
Matt was singing my song!! He was singing it for me!! I couldn't believe it. I looked at him, his gold locks hung from his face,and he looked at me! He stared directly into my eyes!! Was he singing it for me!! I squealed with delight. I stopped my squealing when I noticed people giving me weird looks.
Now tell me your philosophy
On exactly what an artist should be
Should they be someone with prosperity
And no concept of reality?
His voice was so sweet. It was sincere. It was if I could feel his voice singing in my heart. Had he found his muse? Even though it was my song, he sung it as if it were his own. As if he had dissected every word. As if he knew he was meant to sing those words. It was almost as if he were trying to tell me something.
I know you think that you've got it all
And by making other people feel small
makes you think you're unable to fall
But when you do, who you gonna call?
He even added lyrics to my song. He had combined them. I knew he was refering to me. I was sure he knew what I was thinking all those times he pushed me aside. All those times he had wronged me! I think he was realizing how I must have felt. How deeply he had hurt me. He finally realized that if he treated everyone so cruelly there would be no one left! I had gotten through to him!
Just as Christ was a Superstar, you stupid, Star
They hail you then nail you, no matter who you are
They'll make you now then take you down, and make you face it
If you slit the bag open, put your pinky in it and taste it
His words striked me. He knew it. Even the greatest were stoned, and ridiculed. Sure he was revered now, but later, what would he have? The fame, the popularity would all be gone. He would be yesterday's news. He would be an old flavor in a parlor shop of new dishes. He was right though, he should write the music because that was what he felt inside.
Who do you know without any flaws?
That lives above us all?
Doing anything they feel just because
There's always someone there who'll applaud.
That reference was obviously to himself. Maybe he was apologizing to me for being mean. Sometimes I really thought he didn't mean to be so rude, maybe his friends egged him on. Those talentless jerks! He knew.. It was a relief. I'd hate to see him later on in lafe.. Sometimes to make a person realize that they were being ignorant, or stupid, disaster has to strike. The loss of a loved one, and admirer.
What you give is just what you get
I know it hasn't hit you yet
Now I don't mean to get you upset
Every cause has an effect
Every cause has an effect. He hurt me, I left. He came back, but I left anyway. He knew I would be listening. He knew that I was going to dissect every word that he sang. It's funny how music changes situations. Miscommunication leads to complications. We've certaintly had our share.
As the song ended I stood, and gave him a standing ovation. He deserved it. "Did you like the song?" Matt asked me hopefully.
"I loved the song. I'm sorry I ran way from you yesterday, but what I said earlier still stands. I can't hang around you because I still like you. I understand if you don't li-" I spoke before I was silenced by Matt's lips.
He kissed me, and I melted in his arms. "Thank you, Jun. If it weren't for you I would still feel as if I weren't real." He grinned at me.
"N-no problem Matt." I checked my watch. "I gotta go, Matt. Seeya!" I said eager to get as quickly away from Matt as possible befoe I went insane. How could he kiss me when he knew I'd melt away? Damn his soft lips!
"WAIT!!" He yelled. "Do you mind if I see you again?" He said asking me. I looked into his eyes. They were pleading, and begging me.
"You mean like on a date?" I asked him, shocked. "Yea.. like on a date." He said semi-sarcastically.
"Okay I guess." I said nonchalantly. If there was one thing I learned form Matt Ishida it was that I could be in control of my emotions. I walked off before my arm was pulled. I turned around about to protest, but Matt had caught me in another kiss. After we withdrew, he smiled at me.
"Don't forget okay?" He said like a little boy. I nodded, and walked home.
Okay so I was wrong, sometimes all people need are wake up calls to realize that people care about them. All it takes is the truth to get them to undestand that the people they push away are the ones that love them the most. I grinned as I walked into my room, and opened my journal. There was nothing like music that inspires literature. Tonight he did light my fire.
The End
Well that was it.. What did you think of it? Please, please, if you hate Junato don't be rude in the review.. I want to know how I did writing it, not whether or not if you hate Jun!! How was it for a my first Junato fic? ^_^;; Bad? Good? Great ne? You know you liked it!! ^_^
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