"Finn I know you really want me to go, and I would love to see the others perform I just don't think…. I just don't think I'm ready to see him yet."
Kurt fidgeted with the hands in his lap as he looked up at Finn through serious eyes. He was back in Lima for a week of well deserved rest and Finn had immediately begged him to go to Sectionals and see what he had prepped for the New Directions. He still couldn't grasp the fact that Finn had taken Mr Schuester's place as leader of the New Directions. Who would have thought that Finn would be happy living life as a Glee club teacher? I guess things really do change.
"Come on little bro you have to come. I know it's been hard with… you know…" He looked awkwardly away from Kurt as he ran his fingers through his hair trying to grasp the right words. "The Blaine situation, but it's been over a month and you can't keep ignoring him. He's broken up real bad Kurt." Finn looked back and saw the pain in his brother's eyes and hastily continued "And I know you're broken up bad too and you don't know what to say to him but… Just come and watch and… you don't even have to speak to him if you don't want to. I just want you to see your friends perform. Think of Tina and Sam. They haven't seen you in ages. Don't you think it would mean a lot to them?" Finn looked hopefully down at Kurt, trying to remind him how important glee club is to him, and how much everyone there misses him.
He looked away from Finn and gazed out the window on his left, into the setting sun. It was nearing winter and the sky outside seemed to pale in comparison to the brightness of the room. He thought about how hard the last few weeks have been. The sleep deprivation was the worst. Falling asleep every night around 4 o'clock had taken his toll on him. His new internship at vogue was going well but his distance from Blaine meant that his sleeping pattern had become more messed up than usual. He rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hands debating with himself whether or not going tomorrow would be worth the pain it caused. He looked back up into Finn's pleading eyes and sighed resignedly.
"Fine, I'll go! Just…Just don't expect me to say anything to Blaine yet I'm not... I'm not ready". He pointedly looked away from Finn but Finn had already whooped and rushed to give him a rough hug.
"Thanks Kurt! You won't regret it." Finn said as he walked away into the kitchen.
He sighed again, not as sure as his step-brother about his lack of regrets. He really hadn't thought he would be spending his time in Lima with anyone apart from his family. He knew that Tina had been missing their long conversations and even Brittany had sent him a text the other day asking him why her little dolphin hadn't come to visit the pet mouse that had somehow found its way into Brittany's gym bag that she was now looking after. He stood up and decided he might as well just go up to bed now and try to get some sleep. Maybe he'd be able to actually fall asleep quickly for once now that he was in his own bed. He climbed the stairs, turned left into his room, walked in, closed the door and collapsed onto bed. He was out within seconds.
"Finn I'll be fine! I'll meet you there okay? I'll be in the audience and then I'll see you after. I'm… I'm not really prepared for a meeting before hand yet, okay?" It was early morning in the Hummel-Hudson household and Finn was just about ready to leave for Sectionals and was begging him to hurry up. It wasn't like him to be late, usually that was Finn, but for obvious reasons, he was dawdling today.
"Can't you just come with me? Everyone would love to hear a good luck from you before the show." Finn said hesitantly. Finn had been nervous around him ever since he went down for breakfast. As if he could feel the debate going on in Kurt's head about whether or not he should still go or not.
"They'll be fine without my good luck Finn. They don't even know I'm here. They'll be okay. I'll see them afterwards. It'll be one big surprise." He put on his best show smile and looked across at Finn, hoping he could get the message and drop it. Finn looked resigned and he sighed.
"All right dude. I'll see you later." Finn clapped a hand onto his shoulder as he passed him on the way to the front door.
As soon as he heard the door shut with a click Kurt groaned. He didn't think he'd be so nervous, but the prospect of seeing Blaine again made his heart ache in both a good and a bad way. He missed him terribly. He knows he shouldn't, and he knows he should be mad, but today, somehow waking up in the same bed that he and Blaine had shared on so many days and nights together, just bought back the memories of the good old days. He didn't feel angry anymore. Just more…alone.
His hands raked through his still messy bed head. He really needed to get his shit together before leaving this house. He didn't want Blaine thinking that this…this fight….or break up, had broken him. He wanted to show him that this wasn't something that was going to bring him down. That he was capable of moving on with his life. He stood up and climbed the stairs with a determined expression on his face, the one he used to walk around McKinley wearing, before Blaine came. I said, you didn't break me, and no one ever will. He then took a quick shower, and dressed immaculately in his best outfit before styling his hair in his trademark quiff. He looked in at his own reflection and put on his best 'I'm okay' look, before turning around and heading out of the house. He dropped into his car took and took a deep breath.
"Argh. Get your shit together Kurt. You'll be fine," he said to himself as he scowled at his reflection in the side mirror already losing his determined demeanor. He closed his eyes and took one last slow breath before looking up, opening his eyes and letting a single tear fall down his face. He shook his head vigorously, wiping his face with his sleeve before turning on the engine, and driving off to McKinley with a resolute expression on his face. Blaine will not break me.
"Hey Blaine, could you pass the hair spray?" Tina asked him idly. He looked up from where he had his face buried in his hands and groped for the bottle next to him before passing it wordlessly to Tina. She thanked him then turned away hurriedly towards the mirrors to fix her thoroughly unbroken hair. He sighed into his hands again. It had been five weeks since he has last seen Kurt. It had been hundreds of roses, hundreds of texts and missed phone calls and 35 separate letters to Kurt and he still hadn't heard anything. His eyes had taken on a gaunt, haunting look and the shadows under his eyes drooped even further down his face. So much had happened, everything that he'd done, all the loneliness and misery he suffered at home, before he finally moved out and went to live with his Aunt and Uncle who lived just outside of Lima. He stifled a pained cry before dropping his head back in his hands. He'd never before felt so defeated. Not even after the Sadie Hawkins 's as if the internal struggle that was going on in his head had finally snapped. Everything was just…over.
Why hadn't he told Kurt about how after he told his parents he wanted to move to New York to live with Kurt, his mother threw the word fag at him at every opportunity? Why didn't he tell him about the way his father had sneered at him and said 'enough' before leaving him with no place to go? Why didn't he tell Kurt about his parents kicking him out? He sighed. After all the pain Kurt had been through he didn't want to burden him anymore or hurt him anymore than he had already been hurt. He knew that as soon as Kurt landed his internship things would be different. He just didn't fully grasp the concept of being alone, until well, he was actually alone. He never would have imagined ever cheating on Kurt until somehow…it happened. The emptiness that he felt when Kurt left, when nobody looked at him more than twice, when everyone thought he was some strong, courageous guy that didn't feel loneliness and that could take care of himself, it all increased tenfold. They had this image of him as this perfect, poised, and controlled guy that was always so cheerful. They didn't know how utterly wrong they all were. The moment Kurt left, the relationship between his parents and himself worsened exponentially and nobody had even bother to try and talk to him for longer than a minute, and even his own boyfriend had been pulling away. That day when he went to see Eli was a major step on the path of his personal self destruction. He knew it was wrong, and he loved Kurt, but the loneliness was just so unbearable he couldn't take it. He felt invisible. It was as if no one could actually see him. So he went To Eli's house and before the door was even properly opened he was pulled inside and slammed against the closed door as a pair of lips pressed against his own. He shuddered at the memory and as his mind took him back to that terrible day.
"Mhmm. Blaine is it? Nice to meet you, sexy. Why don't we take this up to my bedroom, eh?" Blaine looks up at him in horror, his heart thudding deep in his chest as he grasps at what just happened. He panics as Eli, who has messy black shoulder length hair and a long nose, which looked nothing like his profile picture, grabs his hand and drags him up a flight of stairs. Oh god what is he doing? This is not right, he can't do this. He stops and pushes Eli away.
"Eli stop, just s-stop. Please."
Eli looks at him before moving away and saying "You alright sexy? Hey why don't you go sit on my bed, I'll grab you a glass of water before we get started eh?" He winks at Blaine before leaving him alone in the bedroom. He looks around conflicted, confused, distraught. His mind is racing a million miles an hour. What is he doing? He can't do this to Kurt. Kurt, the love of his life, even though he's been busy, would never do this to him. Ever. Eli walks back into the bedroom holding up a glass of water to give to him.
"You okay?"
A few seconds of silence goes by. "No"
"Is it because I don't look at all like my profile picture?"
Blaine looks around the room in distress, looks anywhere but at Eli before he says "I'm sorry, I gotta go-" He runs out of the room before Eli can say a single word and races down the stairs and out of the house and into the car before hearing a shout " You don't know what you're missing out on kid!"
He turns the engine on, his heart thudding in chest as he backs out of the driveway and speeds home. What did he just do?
Blaine shuddered and suddenly he was back in the present with his head still in his hands. A sob racked up at the back of his throat. He can't do this any longer. His parents hate him, his Aunt and Uncle barely know him but took him in anyway because he literally had nowhere else to go, half the glee club was mad at him for cheating on Kurt, and Kurt, Kurt wasn't talking to him and he had no one to talk to. No way to let out what's been bottling up in his head and his heart for months. A hand landed on his shoulder, pulling him out of his retched thoughts, and he looked up to see it was Finn's hand resting there.
"You okay man?" Finn said worriedly. He looked into Finn's eyes and asked himself if there's even any point in denying it? He just shook his head and places his head back into his hands. The sudden scraping a chair being pushed in front of him got him to look back up to see Finn sitting down in a chair opposite him.
"Look man. I know that you think that I don't care, or don't worry about you 'cause Kurt is my little brother, but I do care. You look like crap dude. You have for weeks. Talk to me." Finn looked at him, intense worry covering his face. Blaine felt his lip tremble and before he knew it he'd let out a choked sob. "Finn I can't go out there and sing. I just can't."
"What's wrong dude? What's going on?" He looks up into Finn's worried face one last time before his resolve finally broke.
"My parent's kicked me out."
Finn just stared at him in shock. "What?! Dude when did this happen are you okay? Where have you been staying?!"
He looked down at the floor before saying, "Five weeks ago."
"5 week- wait hold on a minute this has been going on since you and Kurt broke up?" He looked horrified.
"As soon as I got back from New York I- My parents they… Well it wasn't going well before then either but, as soon as I got back a-and I thought I'd never see Kurt again I burst into tears in front of them and told them what happened. They looked a-at me and laughed and said 'you deserve it for liking him Blaine, he's a just a faggot like you'. My dad kicked me out fifteen minutes later saying he'd had enough of my 'gayness'. I couldn't…I still can't really breathe properly. I was broken, Finn. From the moment Kurt left, because my parents were always making those c-comments, and then Kurt was ignoring me, and everyone at school seemed to think I was okay and then I couldn't even tell Kurt, my own boyfriend what was going on before it got t-too far." He was trembling now, the tears streaming freely down his face. "I went to my Aunt and U-Uncle's house just outside of Lima and a-asked them if I could st-stay with them which they happily agreed to even though they hadn't seen me in years. I'm so grateful for what they've d-done for me b-but I can't even th-think straight anymore because my wh-whole world is cr-crumbling around me." He buried his head back in his hands and waited for Finn to reply, to say anything, and when he finally spoke Blaine realized his voice was filled with horror and worry.
"Blaine I-I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I can't even… I can't even imagine what you've been going through bro." There was a pause, Blaine couldn't move. "Look at me Blaine". Blaine took a deep breath and lifted his face to look through tear streaked eyes to see that the entire of the New Directions were staring at him, horror struck. They had heard it all. His lips quivered again and his eyes blurred with fresh tears and Finn said "Blaine, you know you're not alone mate. You have to know this. You shouldn't have been going through this alone. This is Glee club, we're always there for each other, and you should have told us what was going on sooner. We could have helped you." Tina came to sit beside him, tears sliding down her face, and placed her hand in his.
"Blaine I'm so sorry we weren't there for you. I can't imagine what you must be going through, what with everything at home and without Kurt, and us blaming you for everything. We didn't realize that you were hurting so badly. I'm so s-sorry B-Blaine." She said, with a tremble in her voice as a fresh wave of tears streaked through her makeup. Blaine screwed up his courage and turned to look at them properly, his teammates, his friends.
"I-I know I screwed u-up. I know what I did was wrong. But I don't know how to fix this; I don't even think I can f-fix this. I've tried everything I c-can to not fall apart. I g-guess today is the f-final straw." Blaine chuckles as if there is something funny about all of this. New Directions gazed at him with tearful and sorry eyes and he couldn't take it any longer. His chest heaved before loud sobs came out of his mouth, before he knew it arms were all around him muttering words of comfort at him and saying that he wasn't alone. He blinked his eyes shut hard as he clung onto the nearest arm, taking comfort in the first warm body which he'd touched since Kurt left to go to New York. He blinked away his tears as the arms pulled away from him as one by one they started to get up and pat him on the back before carrying on to give him some space and finish doing their hair and makeup for the performance. Tina and Finn were still sitting next to him; Tina's hand in his, Finn's still grasping his shoulder. He put his head on Tina's shoulder and expelled a sigh of contentment and longing he hadn't known he needed to express. He glanced at Finn who was now looking down at him with a thoughtful expression, not unusual but always a little funny. Finn usually had to think really hard about something before it made sense.
"Blaine, I…I'm going to tell you something right now, and Tina if you tell the other's I'll knock you over with a broom, but," Finn looked at him hesitantly before sneaking a quick glance at Tina. He sighed and said in a low voice that he hoped wouldn't carry, "Kurt's in the audience."
Blaine stopped breathing. He knows that because suddenly his heart was pounding a millions miles a minute and his mouth was closed in shock. Tina gave out a small squeal before putting her hand across her mouth and glancing round to check that no-one had heard her.
"What?! How come he didn't tell me- oh my god he is so going to get so pummeled-"she stops mid sentence at the look Finn gives her. She pointedly shuts her mouth as Finn turns to look at him. "Blaine, breathe" With a great effort Blaine slowly opened his mouth and lets in a rush of air, he felt it glide through his body gradually slowing his heart rate down. After a while he noticed he was shaking.
"K-Kurt's here?" he says in a strangled whisper.
"Yes. And you're going to go out there and sing to him," Blaine feels his heart rate go back up. "We've got thirty minutes left to work out harmonies and dance moves so you better decide on something good you want to sing to him," Finn continues as he stands up to tell the rest of the glee club the new plan, muttering quietly, "If this fails I am so going to regret this." Blaine just sat there in shock with Tina breathing deeply next to him.
"Just sing from your heart Blaine. What words do you want him to hear? This might be your only shot."
He turned to looks into Tina's eyes, which were looking into his reassuringly before he says "I know what I want to sing to him." She smiled at him encouragingly before grabbing his hand and pulling him up to join the quick discussion between the New Directions as they hasten to rearrange their set list. The seniors take it in their stride, New Directions having often changed the set list (or finished the set list) minutes before the curtains went up, the younger one's however, look scared, but Blaine know's none of them can possibly be as frightened as him.
Kurt was sitting in the furthest possible seat from the stage, fidgeting nervously, surrounded by proud parents and friends who were waiting for their loved ones to perform. He looked around anxiously hoping to God that Blaine wouldn't see him till at least after the show. Turning back to the stage he forced himself to concentrate on The Academy of Fairlane's performance. It was a Madonna tribute where the lead vocals were being sung particularly badly by a tone deaf guy that didn't get near to fitting the style of Madonna. The New Directions were up next, taking the last performance spot. His hands were twitching restlessly in his lap as he heard the final notes of the awful medley and the school left the stage. Kurt bit his lip and glanced anxiously around him. He didn't know whether he was ready for this. He knew that Blaine had been trying to talk to him, what with all the flowers sent to his work and the calls and text messages but it…he just didn't feel as though anything could excuse what Blaine did. After all he said about loving him…he had never thought Blaine would do something like that to him. His head jerked up as the host introduced the New Directions to the stage. He swallowed down some air into his lungs as his heart started to beat too fast. He saw his friends and a couple new students take the stage, before his eyes fell on the one person he had been dying to see, but also dying to ignore. He gasped. He knew he was far away and the lighting could be all wrong but even then… Blaine looked terrible. His hair was actually out, in messy curls, free from gel, his eyes were filled with shadows and he looked like he had lost plenty of weight. In his chest he could feel his heart thudding like the beat of a thousand marching bands. What had happened to him? Was this all because of what happened between them? The group started to sing a classic song but all Kurt could see was Blaine. He seemed to be staring anxiously around the audience as if nervous about someone watching. Their next song was Cher Lloyd's I Want You Back sung by a new girl whom he didn't know, and still Kurt couldn't bear to keep his eyes away from Blaine. Blaine's body, which was always so strong and sturdy, looked about ready to break into pieces, and his eyes didn't stop glancing around uncertainly as he sung back up. Blaine looked like a ghost. Kurt heaved a deep breath as his heart constricted at the pain in Blaine's eyes and he suddenly couldn't hold onto the silent tears that started sliding down his cheeks. The music stopped and a new song started to play. As soon as he heard the first few notes, Kurt's blinked in surprise at Blaine who took centre stage looking into the audience as though they were the only thing keeping him from falling apart. The whole world paused as Blaine started to sing. Kurt stopped breathing.
Now I know I messed up bad
You were the best I ever had
I let you down in the worst way
It hurts me every single day
I'm dying to let you know
When he couldn't keep it in anymore Kurt gasped a great breath and his eyes glistened in tears as he saw Blaine was also crying.
Now I'm here to say I'm sorry
And ask for a second chance
Cause when it all comes down to the end
I could sure use a friend
The New Direction's started to harmonize behind the crying boy and began moving through simple choreography. But Kurt's eyes were still locked on the lone figure in the middle of the stage who was looking out into the audience, singing with the purest most sincere look on his face, as tears slowly trailed down his cheeks.
So many things I would take back
You were the best I ever had
I don't blame you for hating me
I didn't mean to make you leave
Blaine's eyes were forced shut as the emotion and pain behind the words which sliced daggers into his heart.
You and I were living like a love song
I feel so bad, I feel so bad that you're gone
Now I know you're the only one that I want
I want you back, I want you
Blaine sung those lines with so much force that Kurt thought his heart was going to burst out of his chest. The sincere apology to Kurt, who Blaine obviously somehow knew he was there, was written all over his face as he sang the chorus again.
Now I'm here to say I'm sorry
And ask for a second chance
Cause when it all comes down to the end
I could sure use a friend
Now I'm here to say I'm sorry
And ask for a second chance
All I want to do is make it up to you
Cause when it all comes down to the end
You were the best I ever had
Kurt tried to wipe away the tears that were blurring his vision but the tears kept falling as he finally truly listened to Blaine's most sincere apology.
We fell in love for a reason
Now you're leaving
And I just want you back
So many things we believed in
Now you're leaving and words won't bring you back
I'll never let go of the heart I broke
He couldn't stop his body shaking and he was about to burst into embarrassingly loud sobs and then Blaine sang the last few lines.
I feel so bad, I feel so bad
You were,
You were the best I ever had
Blaine sang those last notes by himself, no harmony, just pure emotion in his voice as he croaked out the word 'best' before the song finished. There was utter silence in the auditorium and it was all Kurt could do not to scream. Then a huge wave of applause erupted from the crowd. They cheered louder than anything New Directions had ever heard, some mother's were holding handkerchiefs in their hands and most people wear wiping their eyes as discreetly as they could manage. Looking up at Blaine with tears still streaming down his face, Kurt he saw Blaine breathing heavily as the rest of the New Directions bowed to the audience, and saw Tina grab him before walking off the stage. Kurt didn't move, couldn't move. His heart ached and it wasn't in the painful, broken, kind of way that had overwhelmed him since that horrible night in New York, but it ached in a longing kind of way. He missed Blaine so much he couldn't even breathe. Before he knew what he was doing, he ran out of the auditorium and burst into violent sobs out in the corridor, away from anyone's eyes.
Blaine was still shaking. He fumbled off the stage with Tina pulling him into the shadows as the New Directions enveloped him in a massive hug.
"Great job Blaine! That was some intense shit going on back there." Jake said emphatically as he patted his shoulder.
Blaine smiled weakly at him before excusing himself to the bathroom. He walked idly towards the choir room, not even caring enough to stay for the awarding of the trophy. Before he even left backstage however, he was stopped by none other than his own parents. He looked up at them blinking rapidly, trying to tell if he was hallucinating. They looked at him, repulsion obvious in their expressions, and Blaine fidgeted under their stone cold gaze, not sure he could take any more pain today.
"Well. I guess Margaret and Benjamin were playing us where they said that Blaine wanted us to come to his football game" His father said stonily.
"Who would have thought my own sister would trick me into coming to watch you doo wop on stage" His mother scowled.
He looked up at them through blurry eyes and wished that he could just disappear.
"I guess things never change. Our son is still prancing around like a princess, putting our family to shame." His father spat.
"It was a mistake listening to Margaret. We should have known you would still be the faggot that you are," His mother shook her head, "diseased and unable to fix."
His lips quivered. "M-mum, d-dad please-" He was stopped short by his parents scowls.
"Don't whine Blaine, it's not a good look. I think it's obviously best if you stay with your Aunt and Uncle. We don't want to be anywhere near you. At least not until you come back to your senses and stop being such a faggot and disgracing our name."
His mother broke in, "Why can't you be more like Cooper? He's a lawyer with a perfectly lovely girlfriend. Why can't you be more like him? I do wonder where we went wrong with you"
He released the sob he'd been holding in ever since he saw they were there. He'd never felt more vulnerable in his life. After these last few weeks he didn't know what else to do. Kurt was somewhere out in the audience, or maybe even gone from the building, far away from him, and his parents…. His parents didn't want him and he didn't really have anyone who understood him. His eyes streamed tears like waterfalls and was about to ask his parents to leave before he heard someone calling his name.
"Blaine!" Suddenly there came a strangled cry. Blaine jerked around, eyes zooming about, looking for the owner of that voice, the one he hadn't heard in over a month. His eyes zeroed in on a figure behind his parents who were turning around to look at the sudden footsteps. Kurt stopped in his tracks a few paces behind Blaine's pitiful excuse for parents. He stopped breathing, he just stared. Kurt glanced between him and parents with watery confused eyes before a harsh laugh left his father's mouth.
"Oh so this little faggot is back in your life is he? Well now there is definitely no way I'm letting you back into our house Blaine. You can be with your faggy boyfriend but you will never see us again. Got that?" Kurt let out a gasp and Blaine stepped forward with his arm up towards his mother.
"M-mum please don-"
"Don't touch me! I don't want to be near you Blaine. I want you to stay away from us! Live with Margaret if they still let you, we don't care! Just go back to them. We didn't want you a month and half ago and we don't want you now."
His lips trembled as the tears fell down his cheeks. Kurt let out a strangled sob, and Blaine looked towards him seeing the horrified expression on his face. He couldn't take it any longer. He backed away before turning on his heels and running out of the auditorium, away from the school, faintly hearing the sound of someone calling his name behind him. He burst out the front doors and staggered to a halt. He could feel rain pounding down on him but he didn't care. He stumbled towards his car.
"Blaine! Blaine, stop!" He heard the choked shout from behind him as he tumbled into his car door.
"Blaine! Please!" The tortured cry coming from Kurt's mouth finally stopped him, breaking him into pieces. He turned around slowly blinking his eyes as the pouring rain pounded around them like knives.
He looked at Kurt, at the agonizing way he was looking back at him, choking on the sobs still coming out of his mouth.
"Why didn't you tell me Blaine! Why didn't you tell me what was going on with your parents!" Kurt screamed through his sobs and the rain.
His lips trembled and his heart constricted as he looked at the pain and hurt behind Kurt's beautiful, always so beautiful, but right now, red and puffy eyes. He couldn't bear it, he looked away
"I didn't want to worry you!" He choked back.
"Worry me?! I'm your boyfriend Blaine! I worry every single day about you anyway! What makes you think I wouldn't be worried, even without this?!" Kurt screamed.
He stumbled away from his car and shut his eyes as he heard the words 'I'm your boyfriend'. Boyfriend. Was he still Kurt's boyfriend?
"You should have told me Blaine!" Kurt yelled angrily through his sobs. Blaine's eyes burned behind his lids as the tears mingled in with the rain on his face.
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME BLAINE AND WHY DID YOU CHE-"
"YOU WERE GONE!" He finally choked back in a shout, interrupting him. He opened his eyes to see Kurt looking at him with shock. "YOU WERE IN NEW YORK, LIVING YOUR BEAUTIFUL NEW LIFE AND I DIDN'T WANT TO RUIN THAT!" He screamed through the rain.
"You had gotten your dream job! Living in your dream city! Making all your dreams come true! I didn't want you to come back just because m-my parent's didn't w-want me anymore!" Blaine stared at Kurt, trying to make him understand. "I was so alone Kurt, you don't get it! I tried to tell you in other ways how much I needed you here, without telling you directly, because I KNEW! I KNEW YOU WOULD COME BACK FOR ME IF I ASKED YOU TOO." He was breathing so hard now and he saw in Kurt's eyes longing and anger and hurt all in one.
"I told you how much I missed you every day Kurt. But you were busy. Always busy with work or with your new life, which somehow suddenly didn't have me in it! I didn't tell you how much that hurt me because I knew you would come straight back home for me cause I knew how much you loved me! But after telling you I loved you for the 16th time and hearing the slap of a dial phone I couldn't do it anymore! Nobody in McKinley was sharing more than two glances with me! Everyone just assumed I was okay, an-and this strong independent person who wasn't hurt, but I was hurt, Kurt!" He yelled, his voice raw.
"I moved schools to be with you and I knew this year was going to be difficult, but I never anticipated feeling so alone. You were gone! My parent's didn't care! Every friend I have didn't even know something was wrong and I got depressed and…and numb! I needed to feel something!" he screeched toward Kurt who was holding his hand to his mouth sobbing into it looking at him with tearful eyes.
"So I found Eli on facebook and he started flirting with me. And that was the most attention I got from someone in weeks. The only attention I got in weeks! You were ignoring my calls and ignoring me. You didn't even know I won Class president! I joined every club just to feel something, and have something to do but my heart still felt like a gaping hole was left in it." He jabbed at his chest in a gesture that was reminiscent of someone drilling a hole in his heart.
"So I went to Eli's house because I thought it would make me feel something. But as soon as I got there, and as soon as that door opened, I knew that where I was, and what I was about to do, was going to be the biggest mistake of my life. Because I knew that even though I was lonely, I still loved you!" He choked out.
"I loved you and I knew that what I was about to do was wrong. But as soon as that door opened Eli kissed me! And all I could think about was how much I wished that it was you! He slammed me against the door and my heart exploded from the guilt and so I stopped him! I stopped him and ran out never looking back, because I loved you!" He heaved out the rest of his sobs as he saw Kurt reaching out toward him slowly. The rain fell around them like a waterfall enveloping their drenched skin and clothes with suffocating water.
"You…y-you loved me, Blaine? You mean you…" Kurt choked back a sob before calling out "You mean you d-don't anymore?" Kurt's eyes turned, if it were possible, even redder as his eyes shone with even more tears.
Blaine jolted at the question, the impossible question, and looked towards the man he could never stop loving even if he wanted to, his heart clenching painfully in his chest. He looked at him with all the longing and the love that he wished he could've conveyed to Kurt to in the last month.
"No!" He shouted. "Of course I still love you! And I will always love you Kurt, and I'll spend the rest of my dammed life making you believe that I mean it!" He heaved in shallow breaths before adding "Starting now!" and with that he surged towards Kurt, put his hands around his waist and pulled him close, slamming their mouths together.
The moment their lips touched, it was as if a fire had started to burn out from his chest, cleansing him of the ache he had long gotten used to. He wrapped his arms around Kurt's torso pulling him closer, feeling him, needing to be pressed as close to him as possible. His lips parted against Kurt's in a rush, and Kurt responded by wrapping his legs around his hips and flinging his arms around his neck. Their lips glided against each other in a rushed, and yet divinely familiar way, the heat from their bodies surrounding them with love through the storm thundering and crashing around them. He opened his mouth and let his tongue slide across Kurt's bottom lip, as he felt rather than heard Kurt moan into his open mouth. Their teeth clashed, and their tongue's swooped in enveloping each other's as their breath's started getting rapid and erratic. After another full minute they both pulled away. Kurt resting his forehead against his own as they both breathed in each other with open mouths, their eyes still closed. The rain carried on around them, and Blaine decided he could open his eyes without falling over. Kurt was already looking at him through a tear streaked pair of his own and he was smiling softly at him.
"You should know… That I still love you too." Kurt whispered, just loud enough to hear over the rain, his forehead still resting against Blaine's own. Kurt smiled again, his eyes closing as splashes of rain fell down his eyelashes.
He smiled back, feeling a weight lift off his shoulder's before he whispered back "I'm so sorry my love. I'm so sorry. I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you so, so much." He said while kissing him through each breath. Kurt opened his eyes and smiled down at him.
"I know baby…And I'm sorry too. I wish you would have told me sooner though…We could have avoided all of this." Kurt said with a resigned sigh.
"I know. I'm so sorry. So, so, so sorry. I promise never to do anything like that again. I promise you I'll be the best boyfriend, even with the distance." He said nuzzling his head into the crook of Kurt's neck
Kurt hummed contently in response. "You already are the best boyfriend. I've just been a little blind lately. I should have answered your calls. I should have listened to you. This is as much my fault as it is yours. And I'm so sorry about your parent's sweetheart." Kurt whispered into his ear, softly brushing through the hair on the back of Blaine's head.
Blaine's lifted his head up, his smiled dropping a bit, and said "It's not your fault love. I'll be happy as long as I have you."
Kurt smiled softly looking into his eyes softly before saying "oh Baby, I'll always be yours. Always."
Blaine looked into Kurt's shining blue eyes as the rain softened around them. He smiled before pulling Kurt's mouth back onto his own, kissing him softly as the rain slowly died out around them.