Accidents

A/N: I got this sudden inspiration. I don't know. It's pretty late and I rushed a bit with this, and I'm not even sure if it makes any sense. But, eh, go ahead and read.

I don't own Riku or Sora or Roxas or Kairi *sigh* I wish I did though.

It wasn't always like that. In the beginning, everything was as close to perfect as humanly possible. In the beginning, their relationship was like dancing on roses.

Riku had known Sora for who knows how long. When Riku was small, his family had moved to Destiny Islands, and in his new school everyone had shied away from the boy with the weird, silver hair. Sora was the first one to talk to him. He had sat in his table.

"Hello. I'm Sora, what's your name?" The boy had said. Riku would never forget that day. The boy's eyes had shined like stars and since then, he had practically grown with the boy.

His parents and friends had known he would end up together with Sora even before Riku knew he was in love with the bubbly brunette.

They were in high school, when Riku finally dared to ask how Sora really felt about him. They had been together ever since.

They had been the cutest couple of the school. Everyone had thought they fit together perfectly. Everyone had wanted to have a relationship like theirs. Everyone had agreed, that Riku and Sora were lucky to have found their other half.

Later, Riku thought he was the only lucky one.

For a year, everything was great.

Riku had loved tennis. His parents said he was born with a tennis racket in his hand. Riku had been awesome at it, and he succeeded in every tournament he entered.

"You're gonna be a star", his coach had said. "There's nothing that can stop you."

Tennis was the love of Riku's life. At one point, Riku wouldn't have been lying if he said he loved nothing like he loved tennis. The only thing that ever came to rival Riku's love for tennis was his love for Sora.

Riku had always thought that even if he had nothing else but tennis and Sora in his life, he would be the happiest man on planet Earth, maybe even the whole universe.

Riku had a solid ticket to university with his tennis skills. He didn't have to do anything else, but choose the university he wanted to enroll into. His life was guaranteed to be successful.

It was that one evening that ruined it all.

Riku was at a late tennis practice. He was joyful, because that night was going to be the night Sora would give his virginity to the silver haired boy. Sora was going to come meet him after his training and then they were going to go to a movie, then eat, and then to Riku's place, since his parents weren't at home.

When Riku had showered and changed his tennis shorts and shirt to his casual attire, he went outside to wait for Sora.

Sora had been 15 minutes late. It worried Riku, because Sora was never late. It was then that a whimper had caught his ears.

Following the voice, Riku had found his way to a back alley. He found his Sora in the hands of a few boys from their school. Sora had looked awful. His cheek had been swollen, bruising quickly. The boy had been covering his face as the gang rained punches and kicks at him.

"Do you think the tennis fag will save you?" one of the gangers had asked, spitting on the poor brunette.

After that, it was a bit blurry to Riku. He remembered attacking and he remembered the awful pain in his leg. Nothing more.

And when Riku was lying in a hospital bed, with Sora holding his hand, and the doctor had told him he wouldn't be able to play tennis anymore, Riku had cried for the first time since he was a child.

After that, it was all down-hill.

oOo

Riku didn't mean it.

He would say that every time. And every time, the brunette would believe him.

Sora would hold his cheek and stare at him with wide, fearful eyes. It was a look that Riku was so used to seeing.

"I'm sorry", Riku would say, "I didn't mean to."

Sora's expression would soften. When Riku would hold out his hand, Sora would willingly sink into his embrace, just like every other time.

And later, when they were in bed, moving against each other, Sora would mewl his name, saying he loved Riku. He had stopped asking if Riku loved him back, because him not saying anything hurt as much as it would hurt if he said no.

oOo

Riku didn't know why Sora bothered with him anymore. He wouldn't, if he were Sora.

It wasn't that Riku didn't love Sora anymore. Riku knew he did, that was the only thing he was sure about nowadays.

Riku was heart-broken. He had lost a part of him, when the doctor said his leg was so badly damaged, he would be able to walk almost normally, but he wouldn't be able to play.

He blamed Sora.

Riku knew how idiotic and utterly moronic that was. Sora would do the right thing if he left him. But Riku couldn't help the thought as it crept into his mind in the middle of the night, when he couldn't sleep and Sora was sleeping beside him, his quiet snores sounding loud in their spacious apartment. There was a time when Riku would say Sora's snoring was cute. Now it just annoyed him.

A lot of things annoyed him. His old friends asking him if he was okay had annoyed him so much, he had distanced himself from them. His parents had annoyed him with their worrying, so after moving in with Sora, he hadn't called them.

He had turned into a heartless prick. A heartless prick who abused the only person in his life who hadn't given up on him.

Riku didn't go out much. His job as a film critic let him stay at home a lot. Sora whined about that before, always begging him to join Roxas, Kairi and him for lunch, for a movie, for anything. Eventually, since Riku never answered, Sora had stopped trying.

oOo

On Riku's 25th birthday, Sora decided to throw a party.

"Nothing big", Sora said, "Just Roxas and Kairi."

Riku didn't like visitors. Especially if they were Roxas and Kairi. Those two had always known something was up. Riku could see the disbelief in their eyes when Sora told them where he got the bruises.

"Oh, this little bruise? I fell down from bed. It was just an accident."
"It was nothing. I was half asleep and ran into the door. Just an accident."
"Don't worry about it. I'm just clumsy. It was an accident."

It was an accident.

No, it wasn't. It was nowhere near an accident. Sure, Riku might have not meant it, not always, but it sure as hell wasn't an accident. There were times, when Sora's displays of affections, his I-love-yous, his words, his being ticked Riku off, and for a fraction of a second, Riku wanted to hurt him. A fraction of a second was all it needed, really, and then there would a red spot on Sora's body, a spot that would soon turn into a bruise. A bruise that was just the size of Riku's fist.

This time Sora had a black eye. Riku had caught him in the bathroom in the morning, trying to comb his hair so that it hid the bruise. It was no use. Sora's hair was as far from cooperative as Riku was from playing tennis ever again.

And when Roxas and Kairi arrived, they noticed it immediately.

"What's this, Sora?" Roxas asked, and Riku found the way he touched Sora a bit too intimate to his liking.
"It was just –"
"Don't you dare say this was an accident", Roxas growled, glaring at Riku.
"But it was", Sora said, smiling.

They had started drinking early in the evening.

"Soooorraaa, my honey!" Roxas slurred.
"Roxas, please", Sora whispered. "Don't call me that."
"I love you!"
"Stop saying that!"

Roxas and Sora didn't know Riku could hear them. Roxas and Sora thought they were alone.

"Leave him. Come with me and leave him." Roxas clearly wasn't as drunk as he pretended to be.
"I can't. I love him. I won't."
"He's killing you! I'll make you happy."
"I can't, Roxas. I won't."

Riku had always known Roxas liked Sora. The way the blond looked at Sora said it all. That was one of the reasons Roxas wasn't very fond of Riku. Though no one was very fond of Riku nowadays.

And when Roxas and Kairi wished Riku 'happy birthday', it was as halfhearted as halfhearted can be.

But when Sora wished his 'happy birthday's, his voice was filled with love and adoration. It made Riku sick, so he turned around and left the room, the permanent limp in his leg preventing him from moving as fast as he would have wanted.

Sora shouldn't have ran after him, but he did. He always did.

"Riku, did I say something wrong? I'm sorry, Riku", Sora said.

Why? Why are you sorry? Why do you care? Riku wanted to ask.

"I'm sorry for everything. I'm so sorry, it's all my fault. I'll do anything, so please, I want my Riku back. I just wish you would love me again", Sora pleaded.

Love you again?

Riku grabbed Sora and slammed him against the wall. The boy's head made a loud 'thump' as it hit the wall.

"Shut up. Shut up! I wish you had never sat next to me. I wish you had never became my friend. I wish I had never loved you!"

Either Riku's harsh words or the pain made Sora's eyes water. Sora sputtered and grabbed at Riku. The silverette didn't know if Sora wanted to push him away or draw him closer. Sora was holding his head, and when the boy slid to the ground, Riku just stood there and watched him.

"Sora? Sora, oh god, Riku what did you do?" Kairi screamed. Riku just stared at the unconscious body at his feet, not knowing what to do.

oOo

Riku didn't go to the hospital with Sora. He told himself he didn't care. But if he was honest, he just couldn't bear to look at Sora right now. He felt sorry.

Roxas had called him, probably because Kairi had ordered him to. He had shortly said Sora had a mild concussion, but it wasn't serious.

"But I guess you wouldn't care even if it was", the blond had huffed before hanging up.

And when Sora came home, Riku pretended to be asleep. He heard Sora enter the bathroom and close the door.

Riku listened to him cry the whole night. The boy would throw up because he cried too much, and cry, because he threw up so much, and Riku couldn't listen to it anymore so he covered his ears and curled up.

In the morning Sora looked like a ghost. He didn't say anything when he passed Riku who was writing on his laptop. He just made the normal coffee and toast, setting Riku's share on the table beside the silverette.

oOo

Riku wasn't at home that day, because he had a meeting with his boss. He wished he hadn't came home at all.

Everything seemed normal when Riku opened the door to their apartment. He picked up the mail, went through it. He took off his shoes and stepped inside the living room.

He wished he wouldn't have come home.

Riku didn't think Sora ever let voices like that out of his mouth when he had sex with Riku. He didn't arch his back that way, he didn't claw at Riku's back like that. He didn't have that euphoric expression on his face when Riku made him come.

But he did all of those while Riku watched him have sex with Roxas on their couch.

Riku couldn't move. He wanted to turn around and never come back. He wanted to go over there and rip the blonde off his Sora.

His Sora?

Sora hadn't been his for a long time. Riku wanted him to be again. Riku loved him. Roxas would never love Sora the way Riku loved him.

Riku loved him too much sometimes. Most of the time.

Riku had suspected something was going on between Sora and Roxas. He had known for quite some time. He just never wanted to believe it. He just told the nagging voice in the back of his head to shut up.

It took Sora a while to notice Riku was standing there. Riku had forgotten that Sora used to zone out for minutes after coming. That hadn't happened for years.

Riku stood there and watched, even as Sora, cursing, threw Roxas' clothes at the blond, put his own clothes on, and ushered the blond out. He didn't move when Sora came to stand in front of him. He didn't move when Sora touched him. He didn't protest when Sora pulled him to sit on the couch.

The same one on which he had just been having sex with Roxas.

"I'm sorry."

Riku flinched at that. Sora shouldn't be sorry. Riku should be sorry. Riku was sorry.

"It's all my fault."

Another flinch. It wasn't Sora's fault. It was Riku's.

"He made me feel good."

Because you don't, was the unfinished reply.

"I needed someone to love me."

I do love you.

"I know this is too much to ask, but I hope you can forgive me."

There's nothing to forgive.

"I just love you so much."

I love you even more.

"I don't want to lose you."

I've been losing you for years now.

"I love you."

I love you.

"I love you, Riku. Please… I know you blame me for what happened. And you should. It's all my fault. I accept that. So when you hurt me, I don't mind it. But then Roxas told me he loved me, and I wanted someone to show me they loved me. Because you wouldn't. He'd make me feel good."

"But I make love to you", Riku said quietly.

"No, you don't! You fuck me. You don't care if I come or not. I can't feel you. You're not with me when we do it, you're just not there…"

And when Sora started crying, Riku actually saw how much he had hurt the boy. Sora's eyes weren't like the shiny stars they used to be. His once tan skin was pale. He had lost so much weight. He had lost his bubbly personality. He had lost Sora.

Sora deserved so much better than him, about that Riku was sure. But Riku couldn't give him up. Riku wouldn't. Riku loved Sora. Sora hadn't done anything wrong.

Riku didn't blame Sora.

The sudden realization made Riku gasp.

Riku had wanted to blame Sora. It was easy to blame Sora.

"I'm so sorry, Riku. If I hadn't been so stupid to trust those guys, you wouldn't…we wouldn't…"

For the first time in years, Riku gathered Sora into a loving embrace.

"Don't be sorry. I don't blame you. It was an accident."

oOo

Riku wasn't stupid. He didn't think things would get magically better after that. He didn't think they would suddenly return to how they used to be.

But Riku was going to try. He wanted the old Sora back. He wanted back the bubbly brunette, with shiny eyes and innocent smile. He wanted his best friend back. He wanted his lover back.

And in turn, Riku would find the old Riku again. Because he owed that to Sora.

No.

Because he loved Sora.

A/N: So, please tell me what you think :)

26 Jan 2011 - Edit: Went it through again and fixed it a bit. I know I didn't get them all, but at least it's a bit better :)