It was during the honeymoon phase, when she was playing house with Hunter the first time. She wanted to surprise him with dinner and dessert made from scratch, like a stereotypical wife is supposed to. The only problem was that they were laying low after a mission, and it was really just something she was using to distract herself while he got in touch with some old contacts about getting them out of the country. He was surprised when he returned, but would only focus on the main course (spaghetti with meat sauce) before they got... distracted.
He never even noticed the spice cake she'd spent so much effort on, and she honestly forgot all about it, too.
But it wasn't the spice cake that was important.
Darcy never meant to do anything other than share the memory of her grandmother when she signed up for that recipe website. She shed a few tears as she typed up the ingredients and instructions, remembering all the times when her Gran had mixed up the batter for her, all the times she sat in front of the oven while it was baking. She wanted other people to make good memories of that smell, feel the same amount of love she had when they ate it. Maybe they would and maybe they wouldn't, but making her Gran's recipe free to anyone who wanted it made Darcy feel like she was still around somehow.
It only took two weeks for Darcy to unsubscribe from their annoying daily emails.
Bobbi tried to pretend she wasn't a wreck when Hunter left. Mack's looks were comforting, but he didn't open his mouth. They both knew that the only thing that would have come out would have been something like, "I'm sorry, Bobbi, but you know it's the job. It's just the job."
So Bobbi moped. She worked out. She ran should've-saids and might've-beens through her head over and over.
And then one morning at 4:51 am, she searched the internet again and found that spice cake she'd made but they'd never eaten, and tried not to think about what could have been different if they had.
She made the cake and ate it, allowing its warm cinnamon scent to give her some peace.
Darcy frowned when she saw the email notification. Had that crafty recipe website managed to circumvent her spam filter somehow?
When she checked, she saw it was a comment. Darcy almost deleted it without reading; she didn't mind knowing that there were people who enjoyed her Gran's spice cake, but she didn't care to be told how much better someone else's spice cake recipe was or how they'd altered her Gran's. Raisins were an abomination.
Comment on Gran's Spice Cake
Subject: Thank you
You'll probably never read this, but I just wanted to say thank you. I'm going through some things right now, and this helped: making it, watching it bake, eating it, everything. So thanks.
Reply to Comment on Gran's Spice Cake
Subject: Thank you
You're welcome, person! I'm glad it helped, and Gran would have been, too. It's why I shared the recipe in the first place, so I appreciate that it's being used the way it was meant to be.
If you're still feeling down, you may want to look into a water balloon fight. It's less warm and comforting and more wet and cold, but laughter is good for the soul, and nothing will make you crack up like dousing an unaware friend and/or colleague!
dlew89 turned out to be right: Mack made the most hilarious face when she surprised him with probably the biggest water balloon of all time, but she hadn't mentioned the consequences of your unaware friend and/or colleague discovering your ammo stash. A laughter (and water) soaked twenty minutes followed, which saw the destruction of Bobbi's apartment and all the water balloons she'd secretly readied in the bathroom. Mack even sprayed her with water from the sink.
When it was over, they laughed some more while cleaning up. As she listened to Mack gripe about the damage water could do to a leather couch, Bobbi smiled.
That was twice now that this random person on the internet had helped and comforted her.
Three months later, Darcy had to admit that going out on a limb and giving her email address to an internet rando had been a good decision. She'd deleted the comment immediately after DashDotDotDot had emailed her so that no other internet randos could directly contact her with their feelings about adding unauthorized fruit to her grandmother's spice cake, but they probably wouldn't have been able to find it even if she hadn't; she and Dash had blown up the comments thread with so much chat that the one with her personal email in it was buried under a week and a half of getting-to-know-the-awesome-person-that-you-are blather.
She and Dash were exchanging messages daily, now. They'd moved on from email to Goggle's ChillOuts, which was nice, because Darcy felt weird sending things like "OMGWTF AWESOME" in an email, and the app on her phone made messaging Dash feel more like texting. And they texted a lot.
Darcy told her when she bought a new dress. Dash updated her on where in the world she happened to be. They didn't exchange names or talk about their work or anything important, but they did talk about Darcy's Gran. Dash had lost someone, too. Mostly, they did little details. Things about their day. The most out of the way pub in London that served the best fish and chips. Whether it was raining. How they were feeling. Reminiscing about crazy college nights out. What they thought about when a co-worker went off on a tl;dr ramble.
Anything and everything that came to mind.
Bobbi hadn't ever asked dlew89 anything personal, mostly because she didn't want to be asked those questions in return. She was on the other side of the world from dlew when her friend started to send strange messages about "crazy stuff going down!"
It wasn't until after that Bobbi put two and two together and realized that her comforting internet friend, the one she could talk to about whatever came to mind (except, of course, the really important things) had been front and center for the third Asgardian incursion on earth.
She read the report on the cleanup in Greenwich, which included a tidbit about where the players were now: after several days of resting quietly in a London flat, Thor took his lady friend to New York with him.
His lady friend, and her friend.
Darcy Lewis.
dlew89: Best ethnic food in manhattan
dlew89: go
DashDotDotDot: I thought you were in London?
dlew89: nah
dlew89: you know how my boss moves around like a gypsy
dlew89: blown by the wind
dlew89: or in this case by a storm
dlew89: kind of literally, which if you knew the situation would be really funny
DashDotDotDot: should I laugh anyway?
dlew89: you're the best
DashDotDotDot: won't you miss london tho?
dlew89: yes and no
dlew89: england is nice
dlew89: but boys are stupid.
DashDotDotDot: :(
dlew89: don't cry for me argentina
DashDotDotDot: rofl
DashDotDotDot: i'm sorry it didn't work out
dlew89: eh, these things happne
dlew89: i'm good.
DashDotDotDot: oh hey i have a thing
DashDotDotDot: msg you l8r
dlew89: k
When Darcy watched the news, those helicarriers crashing into the river in Washington DC, she didn't know what to think. Tony was frantically trying to get ahold of Steve, but was having no luck. Thor had nearly convinced him to fly there to render aid, and she was sure they would eventually, but she knew Bruce wouldn't.
She gave him an out, telling Thor she needed Bruce there to comfort her and worry about Clint and Natasha. She'd messaged Dash, not sure where in the world she was, but irrationally needing to know she was okay, even though she knew that there was no way she had as crazy a life as Darcy did.
But as wild as the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. was, what was more unnerving was that she didn't hear from Dash. Every night for a week (and for most of the days, too), Darcy tried to come up for reasons why. Maybe Dash had some personal thing come up and she was too emotional to talk; maybe she was somewhere making spice cake. Maybe Dash decided that she didn't like Darcy anymore. Or maybe Dash had been caught in the crossfire of the HYDRA vs. S.H.I.E.L.D. battle somewhere in the world, and she was... Darcy couldn't think about it.
Just because Captain America shut down the organization(s) and was recuperating in a hospital bed didn't mean that there weren't other S.H.I.E.L.D. operatives still fighting elsewhere. If HYDRA had been everywhere S.H.I.E.L.D. was, then odds were good that everyone who agreed with the Captain's speech was still working against the bad guys.
Laying awake in the dark ten days after the event, a small thought invaded Darcy's brain: what if... Dash was... involved in the situation somehow?
No.
DashDotDotDot: here i am
dlew89: oh my god
dlew89: where have you been?
dlew89: the world ended plus i sent you like eight million messages and emails
DashDotDotDot: yeah, i saw you even tried to video call!
dlew89: you may have gotten the idea that I was worried about you
dlew89: people usually contact their loved ones after crazy terrorist attacks and stuff
DashDotDotDot: I had a thing for work
DashDotDotDot: my phone got stolen, and we just now got back to the country
DashDotDotDot: kind of touched you were so scared for me
dlew89: wouldn't you have been if it was the other way around?
DashDotDotDot: yeah i would
DashDotDotDot: if i could have gotten in touch sooner, belive me
dlew89: you're one of those people who didn't even call her mom after the BNYC arent you
DashDotDotDot: I'm sorry darcy
dlew89: ...
dlew89: i never
dlew89: how did you know my name
DashDotDotDot: I'm sorry
DashDotDotDot: I've known since after London.
DashDotDotDot: you're using your real name as your handle, so it wasn't that hard
dlew89: are you one of the bad guys?
dlew89: are you hydra, and that's why i couldn't contact you?
DashDotDotDot: I'm not
DashDotDotDot: I'm one of the good guys
DashDotDotDot: you can trust me
dlew89: how?
DashDotDotDot: meet me at the TarBucks on 42nd across the street from Bryant Park and I'll tell you
dlew89: holy shit, NO WAY.
dlew89: I thought I knew you, Dash, and now you're just down the street? how do i know you're not
dlew89: i can't
dlew89: no
dlew89: please don't ever contact me again
DashDotDotDot: Darcy no, please let me talk to you
dlew89: goodbye, whoever you are
dlew89: i'll miss who you were
Bobbi had already ordered a disgustingly sweet caramel macchiato for Darcy, so she finished her coffee and then drank it for her, wandering slowly down the streets of New York, stopping to crane her neck up to catch a glimpse of the pinnacle of Avengers Tower.
Her friend was somewhere up there.
But were they friends anymore?
Bobbi never knew how to explain her job to normal people. When is the best time to say, "hey, I'm a spy!" There was no going back after that. No way for the people who thought they trusted you to trust you again. How many times would she have to learn that the hard way?
Her phone rang, a blocked number.
"Agent Morse? This is Phil Coulson."
Apparently it was time for Bobbi to start the operation. "Coulson?" Bobbi wondered aloud. "Did you die at—"
"The Battle of New York, yes," he interrupted. "Believe it or not, I'm still here fighting the good fight."
"Okay?" she said, sounding as though she wasn't sure if she should hang up on the obvious prank caller.
"Agent Mackenzie tells me that you can be trusted, and that you're eager to make HYDRA pay for what they've done. Are you up for a mission?"
"Hell yes," Bobbi replied immediately, glancing up at the building before her. "I'm in, sir."
Darcy changed her mind five minutes after deleting her email address.
She easily manipulated Thor into taking a walk with her, but couldn't keep up the pretense of strolling through Bryant Park and ended up making a beeline for the TarBucks. Once inside, she looked at every single person inside much more curiously than she would have normally in New York, but what if one of them was Dash?
She went so far as to announce "I'm here!" loudly as she got to the front of the line, but the barista just said, "That's nice; what can I get for you?" She ordered a caramel macchiato and got Thor some tea, but he was busy taking selfies with the fans that had spontaneously assembled at his presence.
So Darcy emailed Dash with her SI email address (no point in pretending Dash didn't know who she was, anyway), but it bounced back in seconds, a mailer daemon. Dash had deleted her email address, too.
When they got back to the Tower, she told Jane everything. Jane stopped sciencing to listen, and convinced her to tell Tony, who said he would check with Maria Hill to see if she knew anything about Darcy's friend.
And then Darcy cried herself to sleep.
Bobbi wondered about Darcy sometimes.
She wondered what it would have been like if they had ever met. If Bobbi had told her about her job from the start, like she had never done with Hunter. If they had been able to spend time together.
Bobbi missed Darcy like she'd never missed anyone else.
She didn't know if it was because she didn't have anybody to distract her from her sadness with baked goods or suggest juvenile acts to make her laugh.
Mack picked up on her mood after she rejoined the team, but Bobbi was pretty sure he wouldn't dig any deeper into the reason for it than the obvious: Hunter's presence. Bobbi let him think what he wanted; it was no time for a water balloon fight anyway.
Darcy had never needed to talk to Dash more than after Ultron. She wanted to tell her that she'd never been happier to miss one of Tony's parties. She wanted to tell her how scared she was for Bruce. And more than anything else, she wanted to apologize for not meeting her when she had the chance, not giving her the opportunity to explain.
But Darcy couldn't do those things.
So she settled in at the compound upstate, helping Jane as usual, but also lending a hand to one of Tony's other recruits who was tracking the pattern of several strange incidents that were starting to pop up and their connection to fish oil.
Bobbi fought off cabin fever other ways than donning a lab coat.
She wrote long emails to Darcy.
They were full of apologies, of lonely admissions, of the truth: Bobbi wished things had happened differently.
But she knew now that her life would never change. Her life was S.H.I.E.L.D.: secrets and concealment. She was important to the cause in more ways than one, and she'd do everything she needed to do to keep contributing.
Even if it meant that Darcy would never get to read the emails she never sent.
Darcy hadn't been in a TarBucks since her final caramel macchiato across the street from Bryant Park. But she stepped into the one in the nearest town a good forty minutes after getting the email from bmorse4real gogglemail. Sam, Natasha, and Wanda were already in position if she needed extraction.
She bought a muffin and sat down, unable to resist the urge to scan the place nervously. What if it was just a prank? Or worse, what if it was real?
What would she say?
A tall blonde woman set a venti something on her table and smilingly asked, "Mind if I join you?"
"Actually, I'm waiting for... a friend," Darcy replied.
The look on the woman's face changed, her smile clouded away by the threat of tears. "Is that really what I am? After all this time?" she asked.
"Dash?" Darcy breathed.
Dash nodded. "It's Bobbi, actually. Bobbi Morse." She blinked, pushing the emotion out of her eyes with the palm of her right hand.
Darcy stared at her. "Why now?"
Bobbi shrugged. "It's amazing what being disavowed can do for your personal life," she said.
"Disa-what?"
Bobbi smiled. "I can tell you everything now, if you want me to."
Darcy nodded.
"And then, maybe… if or when you feel like you can trust me again, we can…"
Darcy looked at her, and could almost see the hope and yearning rolling off of her. She held out a hand. "Nice to meet you, Bobbi Morse."
Bobbi took it and shook. "Nice to meet you too, Darcy Lewis."
Darcy gestured to the seat across from her, and Bobbi sat down.
"Sit rep?" Steve requested over the comm as Thor stood nearby trying to cuddle nervousness out of Jane.
"Uh…" came Sam's voice. "You could stand to send Thor in," he reported.
"What?! Why? What's happening?!" Jane cried.
"Please clarify," Steve said calmly.
"He might have to give this girl the shovel talk," Sam elaborated.
Jane looked wildly between the Asgardian and the super soldier.
"They're holding hands," Wanda spelled out.
"Thought you might want to ask about her intentions," Sam continued, a smile coming through in his voice.
The group back at the base relaxed.
"Okay, let's give them some privacy, then," Natasha said, proceeding to give orders to the others to pull out and fall back to base. "I've got eyes on the door, so stop by her table to make sure she's okay. Discreetly. Vision and I can stay on them just in case."
Bobbi paused in her recital and eyed the two separate people who suddenly stood to leave, though they were on opposite sides of the room.
"Are those Avengers?" she couldn't help but wonder aloud.
Darcy nodded.
"Looks like I'm not the only one with an interesting story to tell."
Darcy agreed by raising both eyebrows, waved at the Scarlet Witch as she exited the coffee shop, and then let go of Bobbi's hand to apply herself to the baked goods in front of her.
Bobbi let a little silence fall over them.
"What kind of muffin is that?" she asked.
Darcy smiled. "Spice cake."