CHAPTER ONE

An Evil (But Awesome) Plan! Muahahaha!~

Central was just like any other normal day; many people, noisy, etc. But what wasn't exactly normal was that Envy sat down on one of the benches on a street, dying of boredom. 'When Father doesn't want me to do anything, then there's barely anything to do but sit and think. How boooooring!' He thought. The other homunculus were also doing nothing, but the only one enjoying their rest was Sloth, which wasn't really surprising, seeing that all he wanted to do was sleep. Wrath was too busy with his war stuff, while Lust and Gluttony went off to who-knows-where. Greed was…somewhere and so was Pride. 'At least they're doing SOMETHING.'

After a while of thinking, and thinking some more, Envy thought of the best thought to think of. 'Hmmm…maybe I can do something about that shrimp while I'm free to do anything,' he suddenly wondered. 'Though I don't know anything that would piss him off though…I need some help…sigh.' He didn't know of anyone that would help him ruin Edward's life. After all, Gluttony would ask to eat him, Envy didn't think that Lust would help at all, Wrath won't, Pride won't, and Sloth, especially. Greed…nope. Probably thinking about greed and stuff. But Envy wanted to do something, and that was the only thing he thought of that would be fun. "What's a good way to annoy him…?" he wondered out loud.

"Who's 'him' that you're talking about, Envy?"

Startled by the sudden voice, Envy turned around to see the least expecting face to see; Alphonse Elric. The big suit of armour guy. Ed's brother. What was he doing here? "Well, well," Envy sneered, "if it isn't Al." He didn't know what else to say, seeing that he was so bored and too into a way to annoy Ed, so he kept silent and waited for Al's reply.

"You don't have to act so cool, you know," Al retorted. "Anyways, who did you want to annoy? Bro?"

Envy sighed irritably. He couldn't escape this answer as it was WAAY too late. If only he didn't blurt it out so the whole world could practically hear it. "…yeah." That was all he could say. "When you don't have anything to do, don't you feel like annoying someone you REALLY REALLLY REALLLLY hate, seeing that it's the only thing that intrigues you?"

"Well, sometimes, depending on how bored I am." Al looked down at his suit of armour, and Envy wondered why. Perhaps he was worried it'd rust or something. "Sooo…you hate bro THAT much that you want to annoy him to ruin his life? Wow."

"Aren't you gonna say something like, 'Why do you hate my brother?' or 'That's mean' or something similar to that? Aren't you gonna like, defend him or something? You're really weird if you don't…" Envy was only saying that because Al usually hated it when people said bad things about his brother, but it seems like Al didn't really care now.

Al laughed, as though what Envy said was like a joke out of the blue. "Well…sometimes you would hate your siblings too, right? And just then we got into a small quarrel over…over…" Al went silent, looking faintly embarrassed. Envy was curious now; maybe the 'looking at his metallic body' and the 'weird laugh' meant something about the quarrel.

"Over…what?"

"There was a stray cat cold and hungry in an alleyway!" Al confessed, pulling his fists together as though he couldn't believe that Ed didn't know how cute it was. "I couldn't just abandon it! But bro won't let me keep it! He's so cruel and mean and selfish!" Just at that moment a loud "MEEEOW!~" came from the suit of armour. Envy somehow noticed Al flush with embarrassment and there were "purrs" and "rrrrips" soon after coming from Al's suit of armour.

"…uhh…" Envy didn't know what to say. He knew there was a cat in there. 'Sigh…such a childish act, Alphonse.' "Sooo…what breed is it?"

"It's a grey tabby with blue eyes," Al replied, his eyes shining. "It has dark grey stripes along its flank as well. Here; I'll show you." He opened up his metallic head to reveal the cat. Envy stared at it closely. It looked really ugly, as Envy didn't really take interest in stuff that human's really adored, like that grey tabby. What he didn't like was the fact that the grey tabby kept staring at him in a weird way. Envy felt self-conscious after a while and turned his gaze away from the fluffy grey cat. Al stared at him in a why-did-you-turn-around way. That made Envy feel embarrassed. The fluffy grey thing wouldn't turn its eyes on something else! 'Curse you cat for making me look stupid!'

"Y'know…" Envy said after a while. "I kind of agree with the shrimp now. That cat is…just not exactly what I'm fond of."

"?" Al looked hurt. "B-b-but this cat is s-sooooooooo cute!" He carried the cat with his hand and started stroking it. Envy was disgusted. What the hell was Al doing? He thought that the suit of armour was more mature than that! Now cats were on the bottom of Envy's 'favourite to non-favourite' list.

"We went off topic," Envy said after a while. He was eager to get to a new topic. Who'd want to talk about cats now, when Envy hated them sooooooooo much? "Now let's get back to my evil plan to annoy that brother of yours! Muahahaha!" He laughed uncontrollably as though it was very funny.

"Umm…Envy? Are you…alright? Because I just think you went a LITTLE bit over the top just then. Perhaps you should just talk about your plan without adding the 'muahahaha' in it." Al released the cat reluctantly and watched it disappear back in the alleyway. Envy grimaced when he noticed Al staring at the cat with 'love' in his eyes. He was about to say something when Al turned his attention back to Envy. "What do you want to say?"

"So, do you have any ideas on how to annoy Ed?" Envy asked. "You can help if you want to, armour guy."

"Well" - Al thought for a moment - "Let me see…he doesn't like milk, he hates to be called shrimp, short, and all those small stuff…"

"Let's focus on the stuff he likes," Envy suggested. "So we can make it what he doesn't like from then on. Get what I mean?"

"Sort of, but I kind of get the point." Al walked back and forth continuously. Envy rolled his eyes impatiently, and ten minutes passed until Al exclaimed, "That's IT!"

"What's 'it'?"

"Bro is fond of Winry! So, if you do something about that, wouldn't Winry dump bro? Then I can tell him to say sorry for not letting me keep the cat and I'll let bro take the blame on me because he'd tell Winry anyway after he knew…right?"

"I like the dumping Ed part, but why say the truth? Just keep it a secret." Envy didn't understand why Al was too soft-hearted. Seriously! Al had good ideas, but then sometimes he adds stuff he shouldn't be adding to the plans as well. Plus, cats were disgusting! Who the heck would ask someone to forgive them because they kept a cat in. Al needed to be strong on feelings, not those if-you-forgive-me-I-forgive-you people. Those people were stupid! "I mean, if you did, then wouldn't Ed get really mad at you? Then you'd still be mean, rude and other stuff to each other. AND you'd get into trouble because Ed would take the blame on you and Winry would hit you with a spanner or something."

Al hesitated, and then said slowly, "You have a point there, Envy. I guess I'll be quiet about the plan, otherwise I'd get into huge trouble." Al didn't look like he liked the idea at all, but it was to make Al not to get into trouble. And Envy was glad that one of the 'good-guys' was helping him with his 'evil' plan.

"So, anything else to add or remove to that plan?" asked Envy.

Al nodded. "I have just the thing to ruin their relationship. Okay…you just have to *whisper whisper whisper*…"

I hope the story met your expectations! Please review!

Extras:

"Okay…you just have to go up to Ed as Winry and punch him in the face," said Al.

"Is THAT your 'awesome' plan?" Envy shrieked. "That's the WORST plan I've EVER heard in my LIFE!"

Al looked hurt…again. "Seriously? You don't like my plan?"

Envy snorted. "That's the WORST plan I've EVER heard in my LIFE!"

"Uhh…you just repeated exactly what you said last time, including the caps," Author (aka Kit-Kat Kitten [aka ME]) pointed out scornfully.

"Like hell I care if I repeated it or not!" Envy snarled, glaring at Al. "Plus Author, YOU'RE not part of it, so stay out!"

"I'M the one who created this story, Envy," Author pointed out. "So I command you to shut up and listen to Al and his awesome plan."

But Al had already run away, crying because Envy did not like his plan to run up to Ed as Winry and punch him in the face.

THE END