The first time Kagura saw Okita after five years she kicked him in the crotch.
It wasn't her fault, honestly. He did have the ingenious idea of dashing toward her like a madman and from behind, at that. Inevitably her instinct took over and swiftly sent him and his golden balls to Hell, or rather in an intense hold-my-dick seance on the streets of Edo. It was a very memorable.
Twenty-minutes later, Okita finally ended his pitiful scene and decided to invite Kagura to a tea shop, after all the two of them had missed five years together and a lot happened. She had gone to space, becoming a famous Alien Hunter- famous for beauty and strength alike while he stayed as the first division captain of the Shinsengumi with the extra of having long, flowing Kenshin-like hair.
(But Kagura rather disliked them: why did he, a lowly man, have nicer hair than her? Unforgivable.)
Five minutes and they arrived at a famous tea shop in the market street of Edo, of course Okita had to pay for the dangos and tea and it was one of these days he reminded himself how his job was nice, Hijikata-san or not.
"You look like a girl." Kagura slipped a whole skewer down her throat while staring blankly at him.
"Wow, you almost looked erotic if you weren't a female gorilla."
"Female gorilla?! Let me tell you, I've been classed as the most beautiful alien hunter, I even did magazine covers!" Kagura proudly crossed her arms, "And a shit-ton men want me."
"Even with your dirty mouth? Wow, they really must be desperate like Glasses."
"As if you didn't stare at B1 and B2 when I came, and A1. And A2."
"What are these?"
Kagura shamelessly caressed her chest and lower back with a grin, leading some male customers to drool and females to mutter about her indecency. As for Okita he kept his expressionless face as ever, even feigned to be bored.
"These must be fake."
Flat rejection.
"It's impossible for you who was flatter than Boss Lady, to have these. Even by getting pregnant Kondo-san said she was still an A-cup," Okita sighed and sipped his tea. "Besides surgeries are popular nowadays, Danna had raised you: you must have gotten these to win more money."
"You really think lowly of me, don't you?" Kagura frowned. How did the man dare to even call her a fake when this nice body had been given to her by her mother? Training, chasing and kicking Aliens' arses helped in toning her body too, and she had to thank her job for the wonderful flat iron stomach she had.
"Women are sows."
"Men are scum."
Flash of red and blue eyes.
"Women uses makeup to mislead innocent men."
"Only because men don't look beyond appearance."
"Because women are scary inside."
"If we weren't scary humanity would disappear, men are useless."
"Fake girl."
"Fake girl, you too."
"These can't be real," Okita violently crashed his glass on the table. "You were flat! Flatter than the landing strip! Flatter than Boss' wallet! Flatter than the brains of people who think Earth is flat!"
"THAT'S TOO MUCH FLAT! THE ONLY THING FLAT HERE IS YOUR DICK!"
"So you know, Little Sougo is a very much grown boy, thank you."
"Yes, yes, Gin-chan said the one who speaks the most are the ones who are the least well-endowed."
"My magnum is bigger than your brain, idiot."
"Did you just change the surname? Because it doesn't work."
"I don't know what you mean, my Bazooka is a fine weapon." At this point, all customers already left the store, weirded out by two grown adults still obsessed by their size. Some stayed; entertained by the conversation and perhaps the liveliness of it.
"Hah." Kagura shook her head, "Cherry boys are the most desperate."
"Me? A Cherry boy? You wanna see?" Okita got up.
"Let's go, I'll show whether I'm fake or not! Kagura-sama is 100% real beauty!" Kagura also had gotten up, angrily grabbing the man's wrist.
"I'll be the one laughing at the end, made-in-China girl."
"No, I'll be the one laughing at your micro-penis. Let's go to a love hotel. NOW!"
"Wow, feisty much, China? But fine. I'll show you my sword techniques." The innuendo, of course, was probably as bad as their kid-like mentality whenever 'Sadist' and 'China' matched.
"My legs (kicks) are much better!"
"You missed the point." Okita sighed, before grinning at her, "You didn't change."
"You either, Sadist."
It was the first time the duo honestly talked until now.
"Welcome home."
"I'm back, idiot."
They happily made their way to a love hotel, broad daylight and shame to be damned, they were two healthy lovers that had missed a lot together and there were also a lot to catch up.
In love hotels, that's it.
END