Well, that's it. He's gone.
I never really expected him to leave like he did. Shuichi's had his emotional moments, but it's always been up to me to leave – whether it's to my father's temple or to fucking New York again. He seemed like an entirely different person – almost like me, scarily enough.
Most of our troubles started when that brother of mine kissed Shuichi on television. I really don't know what he was thinking. After that, I was pretty much outed along with Shuichi, and in a moment of complete and utter stupidity, I told everyone that he was my lover when I wasn't even sure of it myself.
I don't believe in all that shit. I don't believe in love at first sight, or together forever, or any of the crap I pour into my books. Women lap that stuff up like you wouldn't believe, make me out to be some kind of Prince Charming, but it's all bullshit.
I just thought he, of all people, would know me better than that. Wasn't Shuichi the one who said he wanted to know me? Tohma assumes he knows everything; plays the protector, even when I don't want or need one. Heh. Sometimes I wonder if he's married to me or my sister, and even then, would I be the wife?
Everything seemed to go to hell at once. Shuichi started yelling, and I just lit a cigarette and tried to ignore him like I always do when he's in his loud mode (which is most of the time).
"Fine." I said. "If you're unhappy with it, brat, leave." I exhaled smoke in his direction and looked over at him.
He was crying. No surprise there.
Then he did something that really surprised me. He left.
He didn't say good-bye, he just left.
My headaches started getting worse after he left, and before I knew it, I ended up in the hospital.
Tohma was, of course, having a conniption fit and telling me to get out of Japan to relax. Where else would I go? I could stay in Japan and think about Shuichi, or I could go to New York to think about Yuki.
Either way, it didn't seem like I was supposed to be happy.
It was hours in that drab little hospital room before the nurses managed to get Tohma to leave. Being Tohma, he threatened them, flashed his position at them, and used me as a bargaining chip, telling them he was helping me get better.
I just wanted a fucking cigarette.
One of the nurses came by and turned out the lights in my room, and when I heard footsteps, I assumed it was that same candystriper from before. The one who loved my books and was so honored that I was in her ward. I wonder if I ended up in the morgue, if the person who did my autopsy would ask me for an autograph. Before she revealed to the world that Eiri Yuki, romance novelist, was somehow born without a heart.
".. Are you awake?"
I turned my head and looked over at Shuichi. How long he'd been there, I didn't know. He was crying again. No surprise there.
Before I knew it, he'd kissed me and apologized for leaving and putting me in the hospital. I groaned.
"You really don't have a spine, do you? I like you better when you're sticking up for yourself. "
".. Are you going to New York?"
I sighed and leaned my head against the pillow. "No."
He smiled at me, and I turned away so he wouldn't see me smile. "Now fuck off. I'm recovering from you."
"Yuki! That's a horrible thing to say! I just came because I love you!"
"Ugh, then stay. I don't care."
Across the room, I heard him drag a chair over to beside my bed and the sigh as he sat down. It wasn't long, but he fell asleep, and I ran my fingers through his hair, sighing.
I love you.
… I just want a fucking cigarette. Is that too much to ask for?