Disclaimer: Unfortunately, these lovely boys do not belong to me, they belong to the almighty JKR. I just love playing with them.
"I'm not heartless, you know," I heard myself say. "I do feel more emotions than simply lust and anger..." I was squeezing his hand harder then, without realizing it.
"Sirius, I'd appreciate it if you didn't break every bone in my hand, just yet," he told me quietly. We'd been walking for about a half hour and I realized suddenly that if Remus wasn't unnaturally strong, I probably would have crushed his hand by then.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled, dropping his hand, and shoved both of mine deep into my pockets. I grinned inwardly at the satisfying 'clank' of the tin can I kicked into oblivion, but showed nothing on my face. While I was perfectly capable of emotion, it didn't mean that I always wanted to display it to the world. I had been terribly moody the past couple weeks, for a number of reasons; and there was Moony, being his incredibly infuriating, understanding self. I know I'm the most frustrating person he's ever met. He's told me so on countless occasions. But I can't change, not even for him.
After the nearly-crushed-hand incident we came closer to a park we often frequented during the summer. Usually, though, we came by at night when we couldn't corrupt the children playing there. Their mothers had often thrown rather heavy objects at us if we so much as looked at each other in a way that would invite snogging. Quite humorous, actually, and on more occasion than one we had often tested the waters to see how far we could actually go before the authorities were involved... Brilliant stuff. I think I'd barely got my shirt off that one time...
Remus had his finger hooked through my belt-loop. I'd just noticed. My eyes had been drawn to the swings, and a feeling that I would never admit aloud possessed me: empathy, pity even. There, alone on one of the squeakiest swings was a small boy, probably no older than seven or eight. He looked absolutely dreadful, like it was his birthday and his dog had just been run over. I grimaced at the thought. I'd been hit by a car before... but don't tell Moony, he doesn't know... It was only a scratch, and I blamed the limp on James. That was logical enough.
I noticed the boy was... crying. He had shaggy black hair, his pants were too short, and his shoes looked as though their very soles were about to fall right off at any moment, without warning. Without a second thought, I had unhooked Remus' finger from my trousers, and walked determinedly over behind a tree. He followed me, though I don't believe he knew what was going on, exactly. "Sirius?..." he began, but I didn't hear the rest. I transformed at that moment, and after the few seconds I felt free again. Free of all my burdensome emotions. Now it was my turn to be understanding.
I turned my back to Remus and trotted meekly over toward the boy on the swing. Even though I couldn't see him, I knew Remus was picking up my clothes and probably even folding them... he was a nutter, but I loved him for it. Or in spite of it. I focused on the boy, who had just noticed me. I could tell because his entire body had gone rigid, even though he hadn't raised his head from his hands. I spread out my front legs in front of me, and knelt down, emitting a high-pitched whimper. I didn't want him to be afraid of me... Though, considering Padfoot's size, I probably should have taken that into consideration. Then, he lifted up his head to look at me, and I saw the tears roll down his cheek-bones. He had deep grey eyes.
I started to thump my tail gently behind me, and a smile, or the closest thing I could imitate of it, spread across my muzzle. Then the boy made a couple choked clucking noises, but I waited for him to say, "C'mere boy," before I advanced. No sooner had I laid my head in his lap than his arms were around my neck and he was sobbing madly into my shoulders. I continued to wag my tail, and just let the boy ride it out. I could feel Moony's eyes on me, but decided not to dwell on it.
After a couple minutes the boy sat up again, and released me long enough to wipe the tears from his face, along with a clump of my fur that had attached itself to his lip. I licked the hand closest to me, and a smile spread across his face. Mission accomplished I thought giddily, and felt the happiness run like a tremor through me, all the way 'til it could be released through my wagging tail.
"Reggie!" a shrill voice rang out from nowhere, and I was immediately on edge. The voice was too familiar, yet not who I had originally thought, Thank GOD... The boy stiffened, but smiled widely and ran toward the woman who had appeared from around the corner. I barked after him in goodbye, and he looked back long enough to wave. Then his mother pushed him along and started checking all over him for bite marks and saliva. I laughed, and the sounds came out as a high-pitched bark. I saw Remus jump out of the corner of my eye.
To my great luck, the park was currently deserted. So, I transformed back to my human self in all my mortal glory. Remus didn't even blush as he handed me back my clothes. Wouldn't expect him too. He'd seen me naked more than all of my nurses combined had. I walked back behind the tree, and had barely zipped up my trousers when he attacked me. His hands were on either side of my face, and my head knocked back against the tree trunk when his lips crashed messily onto mine. For a moment I was paralyzed by shock, but as soon as I had adjusted to being crushed between him and the tree, I kissed him back. His hands were on either side of my head, bracing him against the tree trunk, and my hands were tangled irreversibly in his hair. Our mouths were colliding noisily and almost frantically as we kissed.
When he pulled away from me he had the aggravating, all-knowing look on his face.
"What are you on about, Moony?" I inquired irritably.
"As though I'd be able to resist you after that stunt you just pulled?" he countered, a smirk growing on his features, even in his stance.
I laughed a real laugh this time.
"You think it's all about you, don't you?" I threw back in jest.
It was his turn to laugh. "If I didn't know better I'd say you were pregnant, Pads. You've been one hell of a pain in the ass these past couple weeks, in more ways that one."
For that, he earned my combat boot. It connected squarely with his jaw, and I had only a fraction of a second to yelp my victory before we were off, running down the grassy hill. He was gaining on me, and I knew that at any moment I would lose my balance and tumble to my death at the hands of a werewolf. I decided that there were far less noble ways to go, and at least this one would make a good story for him to tell. He could even mount my head on his wall, if he so desired.
"Oh, DAMN, Moony! I think you broke my ankle!" I shrieked, sounding very much like a girl. I blushed. Again, like a girl. There would be no surviving this.
He laughed again. "Payback for my hand," he said, raising it to view.
I fell backwards and splayed myself across the grass.
"Alright, you horny werewolf, just have your way with me and let's try to make it back in time for supper, I'm starving..."
"Oh no, no... you are far too willing. I shall consider your elegant display here my reward for now..." he chuckled, standing up. He offered me his hand, and though I didn't quite trust him, I took it. With unnatural ease he hoisted me back to my feet. I didn't let go of his hand. Not until two hours later when I had to let go so he could take off his shirt did I let go of his hand.
In the following moments, I realized one thing: that you didn't have to be completely open for someone to know you inside and out. It was in the little things that you show your true self. Even though for the past couple weeks I'd been a miserable bitch of a human being, Remus forgave me. He loved me unconditionally, and believe me I gave him plenty of conditions.
It's a remarkable feeling, being forgiven. It's like being reborn, starting all over, being given a blank book to begin writing your story again without the blood and coffee stains and the little scraps of eraser. That was what summer was supposed to be: the year's time of forgiveness; the few months where the world could take a break and be reborn. Summer belonged to me and Moony. And as long as I promised not to drool on his copy of War and Peace, he would always keep on forgiving me.